Chapter 10: Reading

A/N: I think this is the soonest I've ever updated. It's a pretty good feeling actually.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed. You are wonderful people. I especially love reading the reviews~.

Also, to anyone who is interested, I Can't Remember, an earlier fanfiction I wrote, is now available in Chinese, much thanks to Key to my Soul.

Disclaimer: Death Note is not my property.

Warnings: eventual LxLight pairing

Length: 2095 words (5 pages)

"History is written by the victors," Light told Morozov, he surveyed the therapist haughtily, "I am well aware that my legacy will be that I lost. Regardless, I have not been entirely defeated."

"What do you mean?" Morozov asked him, regarding him through black-rimmed glasses, searchingly.

"Human beings all need to act the same façade. If asked, 'Is it all right to kill someone evil?' everyone will act falsely virtuous and say, 'No. It's wrong to kill anybody.' No other response is acceptable. But Kira was not without support, Doctor. Even at the beginning, whispers lived on the Internet, where people could speak their true thoughts anonymously. People were glad of Kira. These whispers will continue, even if they can only be spoken in shadow. Even if I am defeated, even if I am dead, my influence never will be."

"You say you lost, Yagami, but who was your war against? L?"

Light's expression darkened at mention of L. "Not who. What. L was an opponent, but my battle was not against him. The power to change the world fell from the sky, Doctor, and it fell into my hands. To make it a better place. No one but myself would have the guts."

"And what was your battle against?"

"Evil. I wanted to rid the world of it and create a utopia."

"What exactly do you believe evil to be?" Morozov asked him, glancing at the bruise over Light's right eye. The inmates were not particularly welcoming. They feared him and his power and responded in the only way their stupid brains could imagine. Violently. Light had been at Saint Joseph Penitentiary for over a year now and was still spending more time in the infirmary than anywhere else.

"Isn't evil self-evident? The world is rotten, Doctor. There are those who obviously deserve to be punished. The first people I killed were the world's most vicious criminals. People who commit atrocious crimes are evil. Immoral people and people who harass others are evil. These are the people I punished as Kira."

"And what of the government agents you killed? Were they evil as well?"

"I am the savior of mankind. I was liberating people from fear, I was making a perfect world, anyone who would oppose that, who would oppose me, is evil."

"And yet, you yourself committed murder as Kira. Is that not a crime? Is it not evil?"

Light's eyes flashed angrily and he responded harshly. They had discussed this before. "I am justice. I am righteous. Certain sacrifices had to be made."

Morozov was silent, briefly. "You consider yourself an exception to your own rules then?"

"I have only ever done what was necessary for the greater good of the world. No matter what the cost."

"You seem to have a very black and white view of the world, Yagami," Morozov commented. Light didn't reply. Morozov continued, "Would you say it's true that you believe in absolute good and absolute evil?"

"Absolute? There are degrees certainly. That does not mean that lesser evils should be overlooked."

"Do you not believe in redemption?"

"I don't believe in excusing evil," Light replied superciliously.

"What a cold view."

"You cannot enforce a standard if you are always making exceptions," Light replied.

"People are not infallible though. They make mistakes. Sometimes they make mistakes that could be called evil. But if they regret, if they repent, should they not be allowed a second chance?"

"A perfect world doesn't need second chances."

"A world over which you reign?"

"Obviously."

"Yagami, you are not God."

"There is no God. I, however, have the power to pass righteous judgment on evil. I alone can save the world. I am as like a god as there is."

"You do not have the power to kill anyone anymore. The power to kill does not give you the right to judge. Your aspirations are delusions of grandeur."

Light laughed. "I am not delusional, Doctor. I am defeated, but not delusional. I am perfectly sane. There is nothing clouding my thinking. In fact, I am remarkably intelligent. All evil must die for a perfect world."

Morozov spoke almost as though to himself, "You are not a savior, Kira."

That had been the first time Morozov had called him Kira. Light lay curled on his side, half under the covers, thinking in circles. Light looked at the digital clock on the bedside table. It read 8:53. When it read 9:30, Ryuzaki would be there. Light would be seeing Ryuzaki in less than an hour and was trying desperately not to think about it; he had been nervous since breakfast that morning. Light had been in his new quarters for a little over a week now. After the strain of the initial adjustment, he found the new arrangement to be quite peaceful. Really, it was peaceful to be anywhere other than Saint Joseph though. He had had two sessions with Dr. Dubrovsky since coming. Usually he would only have one every week, but Dubrovsky wanted to help him adjust. Guards came in at about the same times everyday to bring him food and to free him from the straightjacket so he could use the bathroom. It was the beginning of a routine. Light spent most of the time looking out the window.

In his last session with her, Dubrovsky had told him Ryuzaki would come and read to him. Light didn't know what to make of this.

"…Why?" He asked her.

"Just a bit of activity to keep you occupied. Since we can't remove the straightjacket right now, your activity is somewhat limited." He heard what she didn't say. That even when he had mobility, he wasn't engaging. At Saint Joseph, before his failed suicide attempts, Dubrovsky had been concerned that he did not seek or respond to any kind of interaction. He didn't participate in craft. He didn't read books he was given. He didn't interact with the other inmates at all. He didn't exercise. He would barely respond to her direct addresses in sessions. He would perform the basic necessities to function, and nothing beyond that. As a therapist, Dubrovsky considered this concerning behavior.

But why Ryuzaki? Why should Ryuzaki read to him? It had to be Ryuzaki's own decision to read to him. Whether Ryuzaki had suggested it or Dubrovsky had, he did not believe that Ryuzaki would do anything he did not want to do. So why would Ryuzaki want to read to him? For that matter, why had Ryuzaki agreed to have Light here in the first place? Light was at a loss.

A bird landed on the branch which hung in front of his window. Light welcomed any kind of distraction. Thinking about Ryuzaki was overwhelming. It was an ordinary sparrow. It chirped and groomed itself. Light gazed fixedly at it. It didn't take much to occupy him these days. More and more, Light found everything overwhelming.

Light looked at the clock again. Twelve minutes until Ryuzaki came. Another sparrow came to join the first and they twittered happily together. Nine minutes until Ryuzaki came. Both the sparrows flew away in opposite directions and Light stared at the empty branch where they had sat. Presently, Light heard the door open. He startled. Was Ryuzaki early? It was still three minutes until 9:30. Light hadn't considered that Ryuzaki might be early.

"Light-kun?" Came a voice from the doorway.

Light recognized Ryuzaki's voice. There was the sound of shuffling across the carpet and Light was staring at a pair of blue jean covered knees. "Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked again, suddenly dropping into a crouch to look unblinkingly at Light's face. His face suddenly right in front of Light's. "Are you awake?" Ryuzaki asked, speaking in Japanese again.

Light startled, jolting slightly at Ryuzaki's unexpected proximity. For half a second that almost seemed to freeze, Light and Ryuzaki looked at each other. Then Light quickly dropped his gaze. With Ryuzaki's face so close, he couldn't exactly look away, and settled for looked at Ryuzaki's mouth. Ryuzaki was biting his thumb, which, Light suddenly remembered, was a customary habit for him.

"Ah, good morning then." Ryuzaki said, satisfied that Light was indeed awake. Light didn't reply. Ryuzaki did not seem to expect him to, instead he held up a book. "I have brought this. I have been told that Pride and Prejudice is the best of Jane Austin. Therefore, this is the one that we will read, unless you have any objection." Ryuzaki spoke evenly and without inflection. It was always impossible to tell what he was thinking.

Since Light didn't say anything, Ryuzaki seemed to conclude that he had no objection and continued, "Would you like to stay in bed or move to sit at the table?" Ryuzaki asked.

Again, Light didn't respond, but this time it seemed Ryuzaki expected an answer. "Light-kun?" Ryuzaki poked him lightly in the shoulder.

"H-here…is fine." Light said softly, slightly startled by the gesture.

"Very well. If you could sit up, I will unfasten the straightjacket. It is not necessary for it to be fastened while I am in the room. Will you need any help sitting up?"

Light shook his head, still staring at Ryuzaki's lips. He didn't recall ever noticing before, but Ryuzaki had rather nice teeth. While Light shuffled into an upright position, Ryuzaki walked over to the other side of the bed and plopped down on his left. Once Light seemed settled, Ryuzaki began calmly unfastening his straightjacket. As Ryuzaki worked free all the fastenings, Light stared at his shoulder, feeling oddly self-conscious. He felt hyper-aware of himself, his unkempt hair, his frailty, and his inadequacy.

After Ryuzaki had freed his arms, he settled cross-legged next to Light, and picked up the book.

"Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice before?" Ryuzaki asked him. He had, but a very long time ago. He could barely remember what it was about. Light nodded.

"Would you like to read something else instead?" Ryuzaki asked.

Light shook his head, staring down at his hands. He laced his fingers together.

"I will start reading then," Ryuzaki decided, opening the book.

As Ryuzaki began reading, Light was barely able to listen; the words seemed to flow over him. Ryuzaki was not bad at reading out loud, but Light simply could not concentrate. He wondered if Ryuzaki had ever read this book before. Since he had said he had been told that Pride and Prejudice was the best of Jane Austin, Light guessed not. That suggested that L had not read it himself.

Light tuned in a minute before tuning out again, still observing his fingers. Suddenly, it occurred to him that if Ryuzaki was reading he would not be looking at him. Light looked fugitively to the side to confirm. Ryuzaki had the book spread open on his lap and was leaned over it. Confident now that Ryuzaki would not look his way, Light studied his face. Again, Light was struck by how familiar looking Ryuzaki's face was. Perhaps his cheekbones had gotten a bit more pronounced, but he largely looked exactly the same as five years ago. His hair was still longish, falling a bit into his face. The same straight nose, the same dark circles under his eyes, the same long lashes. He tuned into Ryuzaki's words again and realized he'd reached the second chapter. The longer Ryuzaki read the easier Light found it to keep up with what he was saying. Ryuzaki read until he finished the fifth chapter. Light gazed at his face the entire time, drinking him in. When Ryuzaki closed the book, Light quickly dropped his gaze.

After that Ryuzaki asked him if he would like to use the restroom or would he like a glass of water. He shook his head and Ryuzaki refastened his straightjacket. Ryuzaki set the book on his bedside table and turned to leave.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki," Light said quietly.

"I will come back to read the rest of the book with you," Ryuzaki replied, and then left.

Light stared at the book left on the nightstand and thought about Ryuzaki coming back to read the rest of it with him. The thought popped unbidden into his head, that he would be able to watch Ryuzaki's face while he read. He wondered why he wanted to see Ryuzaki's face. He looked blankly out the window and noticed that two sparrows sat on the branch. He wondered if they were the same ones as earlier.

A/N: I wonder why Light likes looking at L's face? Hmm. It's been way too long since these two interacted. What do you guys think about that flashback?

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