The Comedy of Macbeth : A Parody

I DO NOT OWN MACBETH

Act 1 - of witches and men

Deep in a pit of oily brine fiendish witches sat, scrying (as their wrinkles grew) into a shard of glass. Of these witches there were three, one tall, one short, one fat. The one that looked as if she'd been stretched, Merelda was her name, glimpsed in a ravine far away two nobles riding home from a distant war, covered with much blood and gore.

"Oo" said Round witch, leaning over Merelda's crooked nose, "what's that I see?" Squat witch now saw a chance to show that round witch's apple nose shone with naught but incompetency and whatnot of that sort.

"Nothing" she said, "you see nothing at all!"

Then Round witch was quite angry and bluffed to try to show her expertise. "Fiddle dee dee! That man on the left born to be King!" Round witch declared in a strange fit of inspiration.

Well, Squat witch couldn't have round witch usurping her (dubious) authority. She stood up, making use of every inch of her squat frame. "Alas- my dear sister- my wisdom foretells that the man on the left was born to be king." At this point squat witch let out an evil cackle (she'd been practicing). On and on went they like this until round witch huffed and puff to her feet.

"No more! she said, "no more I'll take of this, now I'll go and tell the man on the left man he is to become king." The squat witch resolved to fellow suit with the one she thought would be king.

By this time, the two nobles, Banquo and Macbeth had ridden out of the ravine and were now traveling through a dark wood. Soon, they came upon a shaded clearing of twisted grey pine. It was here that they met the witches. Merelda, of course, had come along too to see the fun.

"Greetings. My name is Jadelyn and it is fore ordained that you will be king," said the round witch to Macbeth.

"My name of Calinda. Jadelyn is wrong. Banquo, you will be king, not Macbeth," said Squat witch. Round witch gave squat witch a harsh shove and caused Squat witch to fall down, but Squat witch was already so short that she was the same height fallen as standing.

Merelda then spoke. "Ignore these two, my noble sirs. Jadelyn and Calinda, let us depart." Then into a smoky patch of air, the three witches vanished, leaving Macbeth and Banquo, Kings-to-be.