[AN] It really helps if you read Summer Between the Pages: Insight and SBtP:Ponderance together, as there is quite a lot of overlap and things that are revealed in one may be skimmed over in the other. Just in case you're interested. In this chapter, Insight picks up just after Ponderance. As these are both works in progress, it's likely to be a while before I can get the next chapters up, so my apologies in advance.

No, it is not your imagination; there is significant overlap between the stories here. [/AN]

Summer Between the Pages: Ponderance

Part II

"Do not forget to eat breakfast," Aoshi said simply as he left the room.

Moments later, having established that Yahiko was only moving in his sleep and that neither of her patients were waking up, she picked up the warm bowl and sniffed. ~Impressive. I wonder who made this?~ Shrugging, she moved to a chair and sat down to savor the soup and the few quiet moments she was apparently being permitted.

He had always had a keen sense of timing; he returned just as she was finishing her meal. Wordlessly he accepted the bowl from her as she thanked him again. As he turned to leave, however, she stopped him.

"Shinomorisan. You are also wounded."

He stopped, turned back to her from the doorway. "I am."

"Let me see your wounds."

Aoshi shook his head. "They are healing well."

"Are you a doctor?"

"No."

"Then allow me to determine how well your wounds are healing. It's what I do." She glanced back towards Kenshin briefly, softening slightly. "It's my purpose."

"More than that," Aoshi said, although his tone conveyed more understanding than his expression allowed. "Very well. I too have made promises." He set down the bowl and loosened his kimono to reveal his chest.

~So very many scars!~ Megumi nearly flinched, but the consummate professional in her rose to the surface before the expression could flourish. "This injury…" She brushed the still purple-black welt that covered a good part of Aoshi's chest. "Then you did fight Kensan." He had said things earlier, claimed responsibility, but the mark left by the sakabattou left no room for doubt, only raising more questions in her mind.

"Aa."

"I don't suppose you care to tell me how THAT came about," she said, her tone slipping back towards bitter defensiveness. It came as no surprise that he didn't respond, although she heard the sharp intake of breath as she prodded the bruise, still slightly swollen and warm to the touch. "Sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. It doesn't seem that anything is broken, although that's nothing short of a miracle. Any other man would have killed with such a blow, even with such a sword as Kensan's. For some reason, he wanted even you to live, despite everything."

"No one could blame you for hating me," he said calmly.

"I… I don't hate you, Shinomorisan." She turned away and busied herself in the medicine chest, looking for the right herbs. "I hate what you did, what you allowed to happen to me. I hate that you let that man live… Sometimes I hate that you let me live." She turned back to face him, grinding something in a mortar and pestle. "But you were never truly cruel to me. And I do understand what it's like, holding someone or something in such esteem that you can never do enough for them. The title of 'strongest' was to you as my family was to me. A dream that I must have, no matter the cost… Until the cost became my soul. Even so, I would have given even that… until he came along."

For a brief moment, she let her guard down. She lifted her eyes to him, letting him see how much she loved Kenshin – and the price she paid. She wasn't entirely sure she could ever feel worthy of forgiveness, but he had forgiven her, and so she could do no less than her best to deserve his trust. His faith defined her world… And though she was special to him, it was no more so than any other of his friends. She would never have pride of place in his heart, but she loved him no less. Her eyes closed with the weight of what she had revealed, and then the moment was past, and she was simply a doctor mixing herbs for a poultice to apply to the soft tissue injury her patient had incurred in a fight, and he saw that too.

"You and I are very much alike," Megumi said after a moment, her tone casual. "Sometimes we forget that the ends do not justify the means. There is more to living than not being dead."

"That is true," Aoshi said slowly. He watched as Megumi poured water from the kettle that was being kept heated in the room into the mortar, making a thick mush with the ground herbs. A strong scent rose from the bowl, not wholly unpleasant.

"For all that, I don't actually like you very much."

He raised an eyebrow partway, as much a sign of surprise as he would evince. "You seemed to feel differently back then," he said blithely.

The look she gave him spoke eloquently enough. "Next to Kanryuu, anyone would look good."

She thought she saw a trace of emotion, but the stoic veneer remained firm. "That might hurt, if I didn't agree with you."

"Take it off," Megumi said abruptly, testing the paste she had made with her fingers.

"How seductive you are." There was no hiding the sarcasm in his reply even as he reopened the top of his kimono.

It was not the first time she had seen him bare-chested, but every time she was surprised at how deeply scarred the man's body was. More vicious even than Kenshin's wounds, his told a story she did not want to read but could not avoid. She kept her focus on the extremely nasty welt Kenshin's sakabatou had raised on Aoshi's torso. It was healing slowly.

Her touch was gentle, almost tender, as she spread the salve on the welt and the surrounding skin. Her focus was narrowed; he watched her as she worked.

"Why are you being so gentle?"

"I'm sorry?" Startled, she looked up at him.

"You just said you don't like me very much, and yet your touch is as gentle as if you were treating him." He did not mention a name or even look in Kenshin's direction. There was no need.

"Idiot. You're no more or less a patient in need than he is."

"Aa."

The man she treated sank into silence, and Megumi allowed her thoughts to wander briefly. Despite the frightening scars, some of which were relatively fresh, Aoshi's physique was impressive. ~Not surprising, I suppose, given that his entire life has been dedicated to winning and holding the title of "strongest". Still, I wonder what will become of him now? Without that to work for, in what direction will he turn?~

Then again, she remembered, the inn, Aoiya, was supposedly his to run. Perhaps he would hand it over to someone else, but perhaps it would be exactly what he needed. The simple, quiet life – relatively speaking, of course.

Still, she found it hard to imagine Shinomori Aoshi greeting guests and serving soup. Another thought occurred: Had he been the one to make her breakfast? If so, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to imagine him as an innkeeper after all.

It seemed to her that in no time, the herbal concoction was applied to the injured swath, and she began to apply the bandages she'd had soaking in hot water. The entire time, Aoshi seemed deep in thought, and she did not disturb him until she was done.

"Lie down."

"There is no need."

"There is plenty need. Lie down or I'll tie you down." She gave him a look; he knew better than to be so intractable!

"So much for gentle."

"Idiot. If you move around, the poultice will be disturbed and not work properly."

"Do stop calling me an idiot."

Did he look annoyed? "Then stop acting like one. I'd expect such stupidity from the likes of Sanosuke. Not from you." If so, it served him right!

They both heard the loud sneeze that foreshadowed Sanosuke's arrival.

"You're awake," he said as he looked into the room. "What's with old Stoneface over there?" Aoshi had deigned to lie down as Sanosuke had approached.

"I've just treated the wound he received from Kensan, and now it's your turn."

"Kenshin didn't wound me," Sano said with a flippant grin.

"Idiot."

He expected it from Megumi, but not the masculine voice that spoke at the same instant.

"From her I'm used to it," he growled, "But what the hell are YOU callin' me an idiot for?" Sano glared at the unruffled Aoshi.

"She does seem to be very fond of the term today."

"That's because you're all fond of acting like idiots today. If you'd all shut up and let me treat your wounds properly, without any of this 'I deserve to suffer' nonsense…" Not, Megumi mused, that she was one to talk! None of them deserved to suffer as much as she did. Not even Aoshi, though she'd never admit it aloud.

Still grumbling, Sano removed his shirt in turn and began unwinding the bandages from his shoulder and torso. As he did, Megumi removed the one around his head. "Not that I expect much damage below the surface of that thick skull," she muttered, "but an oath is an oath."

Occasionally he would try to start a conversation, but Megumi was having none of it. "Ow! What're you bein' so rough for?" he griped at one point.

"I wouldn't have to be so rough if you would stop squirming around! Besides, a little pain might do you some good, though I doubt it."

"Do you expect him to learn a lesson from it?"

"I'd be a fool if I did," she replied without looking at Aoshi.

"Oiy!" Sanosuke protested.

Kenshin stirred slightly in his sleep. Megumi dropped what she was doing without a second thought and was at his side in no more time than it took her conscious patient to blink in consternation. Kenshin didn't stir again as she monitored him

She was so aware of him. Every time he breathed, she felt a silent prayer of thanks in her heart. Each inhalation eased some of the tightness in her own chest; every moment he lived she had to believe brought him closer to recovery. Not for herself alone did she fret over him, but she would not deny her heart this indulgence… ~Just for a little longer,~ she told herself. ~This man… I always knew he was bad for my heart.~

Finally she returned to her more active and disgruntled patient. "How's he doin'?" Sano finally asked, his outrage outweighed by his concern for the sleeping redhead.

"He's resting. There's no change. It will take some time for him to regain consciousness." She kept her tone curt; it was easier to deal with the pain that way.

"I should've done more. I should've fought harder. I should've—"

"Shut up!" Even Aoshi looked up at Megumi, who was all but shaking with barely suppressed fury. She wanted to slap him. She wanted to wrap his bandages around his neck and pull so very tightly… But that would not do. "Do you think you should have died fighting that man? You almost died yourself!

"Kensan sets great value on life. Any life. Do you think that getting yourself killed by his side would have accomplished anything?"

"But that cop –"

"No buts!" She took a deep breath, then resumed wrapping Sanosuke's head wound. "I'd better not make this too tight or it'll finish the job of choking your brain. What there is of it."

"Oiy," Sanosuke protested again, rather halfheartedly.

"Kensan doesn't know what happened to Saitousan," she reminded him. They'd brought her up to speed on some of the essentials on her arrival, as she prepared to treat the wounds Kenshin and Yahiko had received. "And do you think it will do any good when he does learn? Kensan fights to protect those who need it." Her tone changed. "I will never say this again, and if you tell anyone I said it, I will make both of your lives miserable. He trusts you to fight at his side. He knows you don't need much protecting… Unlike some of us." Her expression was unreadable. "But it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that he's… that everyone is okay." She looked up suddenly, remembering her audience. "Even you," she said, looking at Aoshi but giving a sharp tug to the knot with which she had been tying the bandage around Sano's head.

Sano flinched but said nothing.

~For a wonder,~ Megumi thought. "You may as well send the next person in and get out." Her gaze was already back on Kenshin, watching his chest rise and fall slowly beneath the white swaths of bandage.

"How come he gets to lie down?" Sanosuke rose even as he growled the question.

"Because he is wearing a poultice that can't be disturbed."

"What about my hand?"

"What about it?"

"What do you mean, what about it?" Offended, he held up the limb in question. "It's a mess!"

"It's your own stupid fault." Megumi crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Ain't ya gonna look at it?"

Megumi gave him a look that spoke volumes. She made a point of staring at the shattered hand in its bedraggled bandages which Sano had been holding up. "There, I've looked. Now go get the next person." He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. "That's going to require extensive amounts of work. Let me tend to everyone else's injuries first, and tomorrow I can spend all day trying to put that hand back together." She sighed. "It won't be pleasant for either of us."

Sanosuke stared at the doctor for long moments before he sighed heavily and left without another word.

"That doesn't seem to be in keeping with your oaths as a doctor," Aoshi observed.

"It's splinted well enough for now. I doubt there's much I can do, as badly damaged as it is." She sighed, troubled.

Kenshin and Yahiko slept on.

After she had examined Okina, she sent everyone back to the party that they had started to some degree the morning after Kenshin and the others had returned to the Aoiya. She even kicked Aoshi out, saying that the poultice was certainly set enough for him to resume his activities for an hour or two. Sighing tiredly, she moved a chair to sit between Kenshin and Yahiko's beds, checking their temperatures with a hand on each forehead.

Megumi studied Kenshin's unconscious form for several minutes, not entirely aware of the fact that she was stroking his hair. "Sometimes, Kensan, I think you are the biggest idiot of all…" She closed her eyes against the tears that had sprung up suddenly, unbidden, but could not hold them back any longer. She slipped off the stool, resting her head on her arms as she sobbed, silently but without control.

That was how Kaoru found her nearly an hour later, having fallen asleep in an uncomfortable-looking sprawl against the side of Kenshin's bed, her sleeve still damp with her own tears.

The young swordswoman's first instinct was to fret about Megumi's proximity to Kenshin, until she realized that the doctor had cried herself to sleep. A sudden wave of something that felt a little like regret washed over her, and she moved closer, intending to put a blanket over the sleeping doctor where she had succumbed.

"Kaorudono." His voice was so faint, so weak to her ears that even a statement sounded like a question.

"Kenshin! You're awake!" Now her eyes filled with tears and she rushed to his side, clasping her hands in the sudden realization of her impulsive movement.

"So it seems."

"Kenshin…" Relief and joy welled up in her heart and threatened to spill from her eyes. "How do you feel?"

It looked as though he tried to smile but didn't get very far. "Tired. Hurts," he added, almost apologetically. His eyes were so heavy…

"You just keep resting. Megumisan is here."

"Aa." He couldn't stay awake anymore.

"She'll take care of you. We'll all take care of you, Kenshin. You just rest." Kaoru smiled at him through her tears, although he didn't really hear her as he returned to the healing sleep.

Kaoru watched him for several more minutes, then took an extra blanket and draped it over Megumi's sleeping form before quietly slipping from the room.

Megumi never stirred.