A/N I'm supposed to be studying for my exam tomorrow and for the next two weeks, but I decided, why not procrastinate because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life anyway. And also, this kind of happened to me today during my English exam, in which I am Albus

Warnings: Swearing (lots of it)

Inappropriate Behaviours

I'm fucked.

Maybe I should have listened in class for the past... I don't know, two years, then maybe I wouldn't be in the situation that I am in at the moment.

Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

I don't even know what I was thinking when I chose my subjects for NEWTs. Seriously, potions?

But then, how do they expect 15 year olds to choose what they want to study for NEWTs, which basically decides what they want to be for the rest of their lives. So, way back then, I wanted to be an Auror, but I don't suppose that's the case anymore, not when I'm failing potions, at least. Besides, I don't think it's really my thing, I much prefer Quidditch anyway, and since I'm captain of the Slytherin team, I think I stand a pretty good chance to play professional. For now though, well done, school system, you royally fucked up my life. Especially when my mother's going to kill me for the Troll that Professor Atkinson has already predicted me.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. The name's Al, Al Potter, and yes, I am Harry Potter's son, in case you were living under a rock for the past 18 years, and yes, I'll tell him you said hi. Now, you would think that having the unfortunate name of Albus Severus, I would possess some sort of academic prowess in me, like the two ex-professors, who then became headmasters, that I was named after. Well, my last name is also Potter, meaning that I inherited my dad's lack of talent in Potions, but at least he had Snape's little guide to help him along. Me? Not so much.

Well, I suppose I have Rose, who is a living, breathing textbook. Seriously, she's mental. She can literally recite an entire passage, word for word, from 'Hogwarts: A History, The Revised Version'. Trust me, I've seen it.

Then I have my super talented Slytherin best friend, Scorpius. Malfoy, you ask? Yes, the Scorpius Malfoy. Merlin, it's been like 7 years or something, but somehow the press still thinks we're just being rebellious to spite our fathers. It all started in the first welcoming feast, unlike what my father had told me about being able to choose my house, the Hat immediately screamed, "Slytherin!" before I could even begin my argument. So that was that, I turned towards my stunned table and plopped down in the closest seat near the front and it was like fate, Scorp was right next to me! At that moment, I knew we were destined to be best friends (strictly platonic, of course, I don't think that my admirers will be pleased to hear otherwise).

The problem that I had then was Rose. To say that she hated Scorpius is the understatement of the century and her hatred for him only seems to grow over the years. I guess they are just complete opposites that can't mix. It's like oil and water for them. Firstly, Rose is tiny, like Aunt Hermione, and Scorpius is fucking tall. She absolutely hates Quidditch, and Quidditch is the only thing that he really tries in (well, too bad I got captain, eh? Fine, he did get the Head Boy badge, but let's face it, McGonagall wasn't going to give it to me anyway, I cause too much trouble). She prefers to sit in the library all day (shocker!), and he likes three things apart from Quidditch: Pranks, girls and mm.. girls (ok, so I just used the whole three things for dramatic effect, but Scorp really isn't into that many things). Speaking of girls though, Rose is prudish (don't kill me!) and scoffs every time she sees Scorp and I in the hallways with a girl in our arms. What can I say, we're just charming, you see.

Even now in our seventh and final year, about to graduate, Rose and I are still best friends, she's still my favourite cousin, but that doesn't mean that she tolerates my choice in mates, just as Scorp isn't exactly tolerant of my lack-of-choice in cousins. Though, this year, they're appointed Head Boy and Girl, meaning that they have to share a common room between them in their own private Head Dorms (the only perk that I can see from being Head), and they're arguing less. I guess that's what happens when you're forced to spend time with someone. That's not to say that they like each other or anything, but they're fighting less, at least I think they're fighting less. I'm pretty much out in the Quidditch pitch all day and Scorp never seems to show up, apart from mandatory practices and Rose, I assume she's in the library because of NEWTs, but the point is, I don't see them as often as I used to anymore, and when I do see them together, they're almost civil. Almost, being the key word there.

I think we're really growing up. Great, I sound like a ponce. But, really, we're maturing, I think, becoming more independent. Scorp kind of stopped hanging around girls now, he's mostly by himself, strangely enough, so I suppose I should probably take that out of his list of interests and frankly Rose has always been very mature. And me? Well, at least I have a slightly direction in life. At least I know now that I'm not Auror material and that I don't need to be an Auror just to prove anything to the world. This year has changed us, maybe Scorp and Rose will finally stop fighting against each other by the end of it and realise that they're actually... wait, haha that will never happen (I was going to say, 'perfect for each other', but I'm 300% certain that it won't happen).

Oh crap, I just blanked out for 15 minutes. Come on, Al, you can do this, there's 30 minutes left and you're not even halfway through. The only silver lining here is that... okay, there is no silver lining here. I'm screwed. My mum is going to bat-boogey hex me. I squint my eyes and push my hair out of my face.

What are the ingre-ingredie-die-die-die-ntsfdklkasjieorupw de la poción de la primera pregunta?

Alright, so the paper isn't actually in Spanish, but it might as well be! They weren't kidding when they said that NEWTs were Nastily Exhausting. Argh, I give up!

Hmm... interesting, I look around, the tables are arranged in 5 columns... rows? Whatever, 5 lines in alphabetical order. With the A's in the first line and the Z's in the last. I'm a Potter, so I'm right in the middle of the room. Perfect view of everyone. At this moment, nearly everyone is bent over, heads down, tongues out and scribbling (read: bullshitting) something onto their paper, even Professor Atkinson at the front, who is probably writing some complaint letter to some parent about some student (prayer circle he's not writing to mine).

Of course, everyone looks nastily exhausted. Everyone apart for my darling cousin, Rose and my best friend, Scorp. They are sitting somewhere diagonally behind me, one to my left and one to my right. Rose has her quill down, clearly finished and currently checking through her paper for what probably is the twentieth time. Scorp, on the other hand, has his hands behind his head, in a very laid back position. I wish I could do the same, but in my current situation, I have no right to relax. He must be really bored because he's now turning his head to watch Rose.

I look back at Rose and I see her grabbing her quill and frantically crossing something out. Back at Scorp: he's smiling at her. Wait, what? That rare smile on Scorp's face widens as Rose accidentally breaks her quill. I would have laughed, but I'm pretty sure that Professor Atkinson will have my head on a skewer if I made any noise. Anyway, the weird thing here is that Scorp isn't smirking. Usually, I would expect him to give her a mocking lopsided sneer, but not today, he's actually smiling. An actual... Dare I say, friendly smile? Whatthefuck!

Rose blushes a little and picks up another quill from her table, seriously, she has like ten extras. She continues to finish off her corrections and slams her quill down, suggesting that she's plenty satisfied with her exam and also to intimidate the other students, no doubt, and to let them know that yes, Rose Weasley has finished, have you? Didn't think so.

Maybe I should start doing some work... Haha who am I kidding. I hate potions. Besides, I'm pretty sure that I can get around 30% in this exam, give or take 10%, most likely take. Hey, I deserve some points for trying... A little.

So ya, I figure watching my two best friends eye fucking each other may actually be more interesting. Wait, did I just think that? Ew, I did not just use the F-bomb and my cousin in the same sentence. Ew. That's not right.

But are my eyes deceiving me? Was that a wink directed from Scorp to Rose? A wink? A wink? Do people still wink nowadays? And is Rose smiling back? She should be disgusted, she's always disgusted by Scorp. What is going on here. I have this sudden urge to leave my seat and demand the truth. Enemies don't wink at each other! Enemies don't ever smile at each other, unless it's a I-hate-you-so-much-and-I-am-currently-plotting-your-demise evil smile! Oh, great, now she's sticking her tongue out at him, real mature, Rose, real mature. This is absolutely inappropriate, they're in an exam hall and they're supposed to hate each other! They should be scowling at each other! How is this happening?

A few minutes of confusion passes when I hear, "Put your quills down, children," a voice shakes me out of my disbelief, " and make sure your name is written neatly on the first page of the paper." Does he want us to put our quills down or write our names neatly?

It turns out that time passes real quick when you're in shock. Needless to say, my paper is still half empty. I should start planning my own funeral. Gulp.

"I will dismiss you row by row," Mr Atkinson, "please leave in silence and use the side stairs and return to your dormitories at once. There are still classes outs-" Blah, blah, blah, Merlin, give us a break, we've heard the same speech for 7 years, there's no need for you to keep banging on about it.

Regardless, I am twitchy and impatient to get out of the hall this instant and confront my friends about this... situation.

"Rows 1 and 5, please make your way out," I looked around. Damn, Rose is getting up, come on Professor, pick my row, pick my damn row.

"Rows 2 and 4, please make your way out," Karma is a bitch. Great, now Scorp's gone too. I swear Professor Atkinson has something against me. LET ME OUT OF HERE!

"Finally, Row 3, please make your way out," I grab my stuff and sprint out of the left doorway and into the corridors, "No running, Mr. Potter," I hear Atkinson shout behind me. I ignore him and run even faster.

So here I am, standing in the middle of the corridor, like a lost puppy looking for my two annoying best friends. I catch something platinum blonde over the mass of heads and begin my way towards it.

The crowd starts to dissipate as they head towards their dorms. I'm left with a clear view of my target and I stride towards them, but neither of them seem to notice me. I feel like I'm in some sort of muggle movie and I'm this gangster mafia guy heading for my victims.

Scorp and Rose are standing close to each other and this wouldn't normally surprise me, seeing as they have a very touchy feely, yet full of hate, relationship and they like to shove each other around, but this time, it's different. Firstly, they're not shoving each other and in fact, they don't even look angry. Secondly, he's leaning closer and closer and yes, you guessed it, they're kissing. I stop in my confident stride, maybe I shouldn't disturb them...

Who am I kidding, I'm Al Potter, it's in my nature to make my cousins feel uncomfortable. Anyway, this isn't even a chaste kiss, you see, they're all over each other in the hallway. Again, inappropriate for two people who are supposed to be role models for ickle first years. I flinch. I'm not upset or anything, I'm actually glad they're... not tearing each other apart, but she's my COUSIN and he's like my brother, and that's a little bit weird. Speaking of tearing things apart though, I should probably make myself known before they start... ahem, tearing each other's clothes off.

"Well," I interrupt, "this is new."

They literally push each other off and spring towards the opposite sides of the corridor. Both of them try to straighten their clothes, as if that gave it away.

"Al!" Rose squeaks.

"What are you doing here? I thought you went back to the dorm?" Scorp asks, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I should probably say the same thing about the two of you. Now, would you like to inform me what is going on here?" They both blanch and glance at each other. I'm trying to act pissed just to scare the two of them, and apparently I'm succeeding.

"You see," Rose starts, "Scorp and I," when did he become Scorp?

"We're dating," Scorp blurts out.

"WHAT?" Okay, I did not expect that. Dating? Really? "Since when?"

"Since January," Rose explains.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" It's been 5 months, now I'm sad... Mental note: STOP POUTING, AL.

"I'm sorry, Al. We didn't want anyone to know until we graduate," Scorp adds, "We didn't want anyone to tell our parents about it. We want to tell them ourselves and since we stayed here to revise for NEWTs over Easter, we never actually got to see them, so we're waiting until graduation,"

"We were going to tell you first, I promise, Al," Rose looks apologetic.

I stay silent for a couple of minutes and I can actually feel the tension around us, "You know what," I finally say, "I'm not mad. I'm glad you guys don't hate each other, but I'm just a little hurt that you didn't tell me before, but I understand."

Then, two things happen at the same time. One, Rose runs towards me and throws her arms around my neck. Two, I cast a Stunning hex which hits Scorp straight in the chest. Bullseye!

"AL!" Rose shouted, pulling away to check on Scorp.

"As your slightly older cousin, I felt like I had the responsibility to..." I trail off as Rose starts to look absolutely furious, "Okay, gotta go, have fun, bye! And, don't do anything that I wouldn't do!"

I run.

2 months later

"ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET A TROLL IN YOUR POTIONS EXAM?" Ladies and gentlemen, my mother.

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