I was on a roll when writing this (being the first thing I've written in a while), I hope you like it. Please read and review.

Tony knows that it is not Steve's fault. When he went down he has no idea that Howard would spend the rest of his life searching for him and he had no reason to believe that it would happen, and no way to do anything about it.

But there is a pain in his heart when he thinks of Howard, because it is always Howard, never dad. Howard never gave himself a chance to be dad, or even to be a father. More often than not he wasn't there, hunting around the Arctic Circle in search of Steve, and when he was there he was more like a drill sergeant. He had Tony trained in the art of firing a gun, with the excuse that if they were going to sell them, he had to know how to use them.

No, Howard had never been dad.

But still, that wasn't Steve's fault, and he's gotten to know Steve over the last few months and he knew that the soldier would be taking this very personally.

It's not Steve's fault, but he doesn't know how to tell him that, doesn't know if he can say the words.

Because every time he tries the words get stuck in his throat and he thinks and he does blame Steve because when he was a kid he convinced himself it was Steve's fault because then it wasn't his fault, his fault for being so unlovable that even his father couldn't be bothered to stick around.

But he can't let Steve carry this around forever, because this is Tony's fault not Steve's. If he's been good enough then Howard would have look for Steve but still had time to tell Tony that he was good, that he was brilliant. It wasn't like he was never home. It's just that nothing Tony did when he was he was good enough for Howard Stark.

So he tells JARVIS to ask Steve to come to his floor, where he knows that the super spies aren't lurking in the vents or the shadows of the fridge and he knows that Thor isn't going to come barging in and breaking the furniture.

It takes Steve ten minutes to get there, but it feels like a lifetime. He can feel his heart pounding, because he knows that Steve has to know the truth of him and then he won't want to stick around either.

No one else ever has.

But he has to do this because he's a superhero now, and that's what this is all about, doing the right thing and saving those weaker than themselves and in this Steve is weaker, Steve and his bleeding heart.

Tony doesn't have a heart, no matter what Pepper thinks to the contrary. His heart is made up of poison and metal and light, powered by the creations of pain and desperation.

When Steve enters he looks at Tony like a wounded puppy, waiting to be struck, and he flinches at the thought that even Steve, America's sweetheart, thinks he's heartless enough to kick a man when he's down.

Steve sees the flinch and something like agony flares in his eyes, but Tony doesn't understand.

No one has ever cared about his feelings before.

There's only Pepper and she's always been an exception and even then he paid he for over ten years before they got anyway near a normal relationship. Rhodey was his friend went it suited him, when he had the air force on his back asking about Tony's suits.

He didn't even want to start on Natasha. He split his secrets to her and she repaid him with a syringe to the neck and a catsuit and a badge that said SHIELD but meant betrayal.

And then there was Obie.

Obie who was the only one that he could ever call dad, who was arrived for his MIT graduation, who watched science fairs and helped him with his projects, who ripped out the closest thing Tony has to a heart and left him bleeding and exposed.

He knows not to let people in, not to let them see the real him because then they see what Howard saw, how useless he really is.

But Steve sees that already. Tony knows he does, remembering the helicarrier the first time they met, and Steve's disdainful looks that he's learnt to hide since then and 'what are who without the suit?'

He's nothing without the suit.

And he knows that already, he doesn't need Steve to tell him that.

But it looks like he has to remind Steve that first impressions count, that he's still the worthless billionaire in a metal suit, even if Steve has forgotten that.

A single tear trickles down his face, but he doesn't notice.

Steve does and his heart shatters further. Tony doesn't cry. He didn't cry when Agent Coulson died, even though he knows the two were friends.

He really doesn't want to have this conversation, but he knows that he has to – not for him but for Tony. Because he's gotten to know Tony over the last few months and he knows that nothing the tabloids say can be worse that what Tony tells himself.

Only he doesn't know what he can say, because how do you say sorry for something like this?

Sorry is for coffee spills and arguments and (in the Avengers case) eating the last pop tart.

There are no words for this.