This is something I wanted to write for a while. Nightwings thoughts after episode fix. Fair warning of angst all over the place also a bit of a drop down hope you all like it

Rated T because I'm paranoid.

You know you never really notice what you have till you lose it. Everyone's trust. I became what I never wanted to be. I'm just like him. I didn't mean it to go that far. I didn't know I would lose them. My friends… I sighed as I looked up towards the ceiling. It was cracked and had wet spots this place really is a dump.

How could things have gone so wrong so fast. Kaldur he's not even there anymore he just like the krolotean by now. He was a true leader a good friend he gave up everything for this team. I got up from the couch as my hands clenched in anger. How come I didn't count these variables in. I punched the wall in frustration leaving an indent. Great I'll have to fix that later. Artemis having to lie everyday by becoming something she didn't want to turn into. She never wanted to be like her family to become like him. And yet that's exactly the role I gave her. She pretended to die. Our team, her family mourned her, built a statue.

M'gann she was out of control, and I never stopped her. Never thought she would find out. Rip Kaldur's mind like that.

"agh!" the chair that I once sat on is now in bits next to that indent.

Her emotions are probably killing her from the inside out and it's all my fault. She attacked her friend that I asked to go undercover. That's why she was reluctant to even use her powers after saving blue. She doubts herself, and now she has to restore the mind that she broke. Then knowing everything she must be the most disappointed in me her leader, her friend. I kept so many secrets from her she found out and never told me expecting me to say something AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

I started pacing I needed to calm myself down. Counting each breath I let out. What about La'gann? His girlfriend is down in a ship risking her life. He's worried sick about her and here I am pacing back in forth when I should be devising a plan instead. I pushed my hair out of my face. What am I going to say to Conner he had my back but like he said I really don't know what my secrets have done to him. I never realized that it would just become a ball of lies.

The team they think Artemis is dead Kaldur a traitor. I walked over to the wall sliding down on it. How did everything change. Why did everyone go? Why can't it be 5 years back? When things were simpler. I looked at the digital screen looking for that one picture that could cheer me up.

"We'll laugh about this someday." I whispered but I couldn't feel myself smile because all I've felt was regret. Artemis understood the consequences Kaldur understood Wally is ripping himself apart.

I banged my head on the wall a little harder each time. I closed my eyes forcefully this is all my fault it's just like failsafe.

I'm sending everyone to their death. Wally was right for everything. He left it when he should. Then I brought everyone that I cared for into it. My 2nd family , my new beginning and now it's gone. A lump formed in my throat I couldn't swallow it. We're all dead and it's all because of secrets.