A/N: Okay, so this story is totally AU and a lot of it is meant to have an edge of humor to it. But it's also will have its deep moments. Just a warning it is not going to be all light and fluffy.

Also super special awesome thanks to The-Vampire-Act, who was the first to read this and made me think it might be worth posting. And giving Spencer/Roxie the sexy nickname Spoxie. Also to Muffins Taste Good, for convincing me to go back to this and finally publish it! And for reading it and bouncing ideas back and forth with me. Both of you rock! :)

Starring

Spencer Reid as Roxie Goldenrod, Singer, Musician, and 'The Star'

Derek Morgan, Drums

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, Bass

Emily Prentiss, Guitar

David Rossi, Manager and Asshole

Penelope Garcia, Stylist and Make-up Artist

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Media Consultant

Derek Morgan was only a studio musician and an occasional substitute at concerts, and even though he was the best at what he did, he was still surprised when he got the chance to be a permanent member of an up-and-coming band that was supposed to be the biggest thing since The Beatles.

He had never had a manager, preferring to book jobs himself. That was probably why he had never made it big. That being said, he made a solid living and loved what he did. But one day after playing a gig in the place of a famous drummer who had broken his ribs jumping off the stage all that changed.

Backstage after the show a suave looking man in a suit jacket and jeans approached him. "I'm David Rossi. Manager of Roxie Goldenrod. Sound familiar?"

"Heard the name, not the music. What's your point?"

"Halfway through recording the album, the drummer backs out. She's freaking out saying the stress is too much for her, or something. I think she just got her heart broken. Either way, she's not cut out for this business," Rossi said.

Morgan smiled. "You're looking for someone to record the rest of the album?"

"No, I'm looking for a permanent replacement," Rossi said.

"What's in it for me?" Morgan asked. He had scarcely thought about holding down a permanent job in years. Much less in a band he had never listened to. What if they were total crap?

Rossi smiled. He looked confident that he would win. "A good amount from the album, and any future ones. Concert revenue. You'll get the same as the rest of the band. Well, not the same as Roxie. He's a lot more important than you."

"Roxie's a he?" Morgan asked, amused.

"That's right. It seems like you don't know much about the band, so I'm going to lay it out for you. Roxie is the next thing. His music is going to change the face of the world forever. And we are going to be raking in the dough. I can easily find someone else for this job, but you'd regret it as long as you lived. Now do I make myself clear?"

Morgan wondered if that was really true. He had heard that they were supposed to be huge. But who could really predict these things? "I'll do the studio gig, and we'll see where it ends up."

"No. We're supposed to be touring next month. You'll do the tour and the studio, or nothing. What'll it be, Derek Morgan?"

"Fine, I'll do it. When do I start?" Morgan asked.

Rossi put on a pair of shades despite the dark. "We'll pick you up tomorrow at 8 sharp. Where are you staying?"

"The Super 8," Morgan replied, slightly embarrassed.

Rossi laughed. "Not for much longer. Take this, study it." He handed Morgan a piece of folded up paper.

"What is it?" Morgan asked.

"Just a bit of friendly advice." And with that Rossi was gone.

Morgan pulled out the paper and read it with a look of awe on his face.

Guidelines for Harmonious Living:

1) Do not mention the drummer you replaced to Roxie. Ever.

2) Do not say anything insulting, demeaning, or otherwise offensive to Roxie. Try to keep everything you say positive and life-affirming. Failing this, it would be best not to say anything to him at all.

3) If you must piss off other members of the band, don't do it in front of Roxie. In fact, don't yell or say anything negative to anyone in his presence.

4) Never cheer Roxie up when he's songwriting.

5) If you notice Roxie starting to get too fucked up, cut him off. No matter how pissy he is about it.

6) Don't let Roxie dwell in his own self-pity and depression. (Unless he's songwriting.)

7) Don't ask Roxie about his personal life, sex life, or past.

8) Pretend to agree with Roxie, no matter how stupid what he's saying is, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines.

9) Do whatever Roxie says, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines.

10) Never mention the Guidelines for Harmonious Living to him.

Failure to comply with any of these rules is not in your best interest. Do so at your own discretion. You've been warned.

Was it some kind of joke? Or were these actual rules? Morgan was wondering what he had gotten himself into, and hating Roxie Goldenrod before he had even met the man. After all, for what kind of person would such a list be necessary?

Morgan was ready promptly at 8. He knew how much being on time was important. Rossi had arrived in a limo to the shit motel, which only served to embarrass Morgan more. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and jumped in.

Besides a smug looking Rossi there was a man of about thirty in a t-shirt and jeans looking bored. A goth woman with dark make-up and hair along with black fishnets and boots under a very short skirt. She was eyeing Morgan with mild curiosity. A guy that couldn't be much older than twenty and had Mick Jagger's skinniness, James Dean's beauty, and the combined star power of both. The last had a Red Bull in one hand and a book in the other. He didn't look up from his book, but it didn't even appear he was reading it. He was turning the pages too quickly to be absorbing anything.

Bitch, Morgan thought. He must be Roxie.

"Morgan! So good of you to come. We're recording later today. It should take us about a week and a half to do the last five tracks on the album," Rossi said. He seemed to be a lot nicer than the night before. Maybe it was his idea of being 'positive and life affirming.' "Guys, this is Derek Morgan, your new drummer."

"Nice to meet you," the goth woman said, shaking a pale hand with obsidian nails. "I'm Emily."

The bored looking man nodded. "Aaron Hotchner. People call me Hotch." Morgan smiled.

"Hi," the kid said, still not looking up from his book. He took a deep swig of Red Bull.

"That's Roxie. He sometimes forgets his manners, but he's alright," Emily said. Morgan found himself liking her. If it weren't for her attire she would seem normal.

Roxie put his book down and chugged the rest of his energy drink. "Yes, well it's nice to meet you, but we don't need a drummer. We have one already."

"Spencer-" Emily started.

"-Roxie," Rossi interrupted.

"I'll call him whatever I like, thank you very much. Spencer, Elle's not coming back, you know that," Emily said. Her voice was almost maternal. Morgan had no idea what to make of the situation.

Roxie (Spencer?) laughed. "Do I? I don't believe you have any right to tell me what I do and don't know. It's not even possible to know the future in the loosest definition of knowledge." He played with his hands nervously in his lap. "Besides, she's just sulking; she'll be back in a day or two."

That's when it dawned on Morgan. Roxie was just a child. Admittedly, a very, very beautiful child, but still he had all the personality of one. And everyone just put up with him because he was so, well because everyone wanted to use him. For money, or sex, or whatever. Naturally, when he got whatever he wanted. All those stupid rules were to keep him happy. Because he was used to getting whatever he wanted.

"Spencer, I know it's hard, but you just have to let it go. I know you cared about Elle and she cared about you, but whether you like it or not, she's no longer a part of this band," Hotch said. If Emily was the mother figure, then Hotch was clearly the father figure.

"It's true, Roxie. Her lawyers made a deal with ours. She's legally out of her contract. She didn't want to be in the band anymore. Why don't you call her?" Rossi said, handing him a phone.

Roxie took the phone and dialed without looking. "Hey, Elle! What's shaking, baby?" Silence. "Yeah? What's that?" Another pause. "You know that's not true, I care plenty!" Another pause in the conversation. Morgan wondered who this Elle was and what she was saying. "I know, and I'm sorry. But that doesn't have to change anything." It didn't seem like Roxie was winning. "I never did anything wrong! You're overreacting." One final pause. Morgan imagined Elle was ripping him a new one. "I see. Well if you really feel that way, it's your loss. I'm going to go. Call me if you change your mind." He handed the phone back to Rossi.

Hotch and Emily looked concerned. Rossi looked merely satisfied. Roxie yawned and stretched, pretending not to care. Morgan couldn't help but notice how his bare stomach was exposed when he stretched. He could see why everyone was so fond of him. He cursed himself, wishing he hadn't been susceptible to the pure sexual energy the man possessed. It wasn't like he hadn't seen other rock stars or celebrities before. And many of them possessed that same aura of inhuman perfection. But this was different. Morgan had never found himself... so affected by it. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

It didn't matter though. He was just a kid. Not to mention he was clearly caught up on whoever this Elle chick was. Clearly she had defied the Guidelines for Harmonious Living. Or maybe they were invented as a reaction against her. Regardless, the list was starting to make a bit more sense.

A/N: Does everyone know who James Dean is? Well he's the only person I can think of that mildly comes to the same level of sexiness that Matthew Gray Gubler does.

Oh, and I'll introduce the other CM characters in later chapters. Even Gideon eventually.

Please review?