Author Notes: So, here's another Chalant story. This one is set some time after "Fix." Considering that the new episode was today, it felt like a gppd time to upload it. I hope you enjoy and please review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. It belongs to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.
Lie to My Face Not to My Heart
"You lied. To the Team. To the League. To me," Zatanna emphasized.
"I'm sorry," Nightwing said, trying to defend himself, "I had to."
The Team had found out about the Artemis and Kaldur earlier. Everyone had reacted differently. Some had been shocked, others concerned, and still others angry. Zatanna though, had simply glared a Nightwing as he related the story, and then stalked out of the room the moment he finished. Nightwing had raced after her, and had finally caught her in some secluded corner of the Watchtower.
"Why?" she asked.
"I didn't want to drag you into this. I wanted to keep you out of all of it. I had to keep you safe."
"I'm not some helpless little girl anymore, Dick," Zatanna replied angrily, "I don't need you to look after me. I can take care of my self."
"I know," he answered, "But this was too dangerous. The fewer people who knew, the better."
"You don't decide that!" she replied, "We decide that. You and me. The Team. Everyone. Not you!"
"I had to, Zee."
"So," she said quietly, glaring at him, "After sending Kaldur undercover for months without letting anyone else know, you decide he needs some back up. And, instead of recruiting an actual member of your Team, like Megan or Conner or absolutely anyone else that could make sense, you drag your best friend's girlfriend of five years out of retirement. Then you throw her into a mission that was way more dangerous than it needed to be. And then you use me to help hide her. You didn't even tell me, and I was part of the plan."
"It wasn't like that!"
"You used me," she whispered.
"Zee..." he reached out and tried to touch her arm. It was a small gesture, something personal. It always calmed her down when they were fighting. Simple human contact could be very powerful.
She flinched when he got close. She took a step back. She wouldn't let him get any closer.
"Dick," she said, looking away from his eyes, "You're not Robin anymore."
"What?" he asked, confused.
She looked up from the ground, straight at him. Past the mask, past the costume and lies, straight into his eyes.
"You're not Robin anymore," she repeated each word slowly and clearly.
"Of course I'm not," Nightwing exclaimed, "I grew up! I'm not a sidekick anymore. You can't honestly tell me you're the same person now that you were when you first joined the Team."
"I know I've changed. That's a fact of life. But I haven't changed as much as you think. I'm still me."
"Five years ago, you never would have done half the things you do today. Back then, you wouldn't have joined the Justice League; you wouldn't have been caught dead a corset; you wouldn't have done so many things. Back when we were kids, you still cried about Doctor Fate."
"Dick," she spoke as though she was explaining something to a small child, "I was fourteen. Joining the Justice League wasn't really an option back then. And I can't believe you're bringing up the whole corset thing. That's a costume choice. It's what I wear. It doesn't reflect me. It's just a symbol. Like the bat or the 'S' or even your mask. It's my way of hiding.
"And Doctor Fate? I still cry about him. About my father. Are you saying you don't still think about your Flying Grayson days? Your parents? You don't cry anymore?"
His fist clenched. His jaw tightened. He had to struggle to keep looking at her. Years and years of trying to forget, but he never could. No matter how hard you tried, you could never forget how it felt to fly.
"Of course I still cry, Zee," he said staring at the wall just over her shoulder, "If I didn't cry I wouldn't be human. But I hide it. I stay strong."
"No," Zatanna retorted emphatically, "That's not strength. You're not staying strong; you're staying alone. You used to hold me when I cried. You used to tell me everything was gonna be okay. You used to say you were there for me. You used to tell me about your parents and how you weren't allowed to talk about them. You broke the rules – Batman's rules – just so you could actually talk to someone. So you could talk to me. You'd cry. And I didn't see you as weak. I saw you as strong. As so, so strong. Because you were real. You were real and raw and true. And I'd hug you, because that's what you needed. And I'd be there for you, like were always there for me. And when you cried, you were real, even with the mask.
"But now, even when it's just you and me. Even when we don't have the costumes and the masks, I don;t know who you are. Because you're not Robin anymore. And sometimes, I'm not sure you're Dick Grayson."
"What did I do?" he asked, almost pleadingly, "What did I do that was so terrible?"
"You used me!" she shouted back, suddenly angry, "How many times do I have to say it? You used me. You never would have done that before. You're not you anymore."
"Then who am I!?"
"You're Batman," she said simply but with strength in her voice.
"What?" he asked quietly, his voice sounding unintentionally heartbroken.
"You're becoming Batman," Zee replied, "You never wanted to be him. You said you's never be like him. Never be that focused on the plan or the goal that you'd put the people you care about in more danger than was necessary. You always said family came before the mission. And you always said that the Team was a family."
She blinked away tears, and continued, "But you've forgotten that. You've changed. You risked Kaldur's life. You dragged Artemis back into your war. You're becoming him."
"Zee…"
"No," she cut him off, "Don't just try to say my name, and expect me to melt. You're right. I did grow up. Into a woman who that won't let you control her."
"Zee, I've never been able to control you," Nightwing insisted, "Not now. Not when we were dating. Not even when we were kids."
"But you tried."
"What?" he asked, genuinely confused, "When – When we were younger?"
"No. Not when we were thirteen and flirting and acting like nothing bad could ever touch us. Not then. You never tried then. You cared about me. You respected me. There were a lot of times when you tried to stop me. Tried to protect me or convince me that a mission was too dangerous. But you never tried to trick me into anything. I had the final say on what I did with my life."
"You still do!"
"Says the man who manipulated me into giving him exactly what he needed for a suicide mission."
"Zee, I had to," Nightwing insisted for what felt like the millionth time, "You have to understand."
He took a step closer, and she didn't pull away. She didn't even flinch. Instead, she stood strong. She furrowed her brow and looked up at him.
"Dick… I never thought I'd look at you and see Bruce," she said, "I never wanted to. But there it is."
"Zee, I'm not him. I'm me. I'm Dick Grayson. Richard John Grayson. No one else, but me."
"You know about Bruce and Selina, right?"" she asked suddenly.
"What?" Nightwing asked, caught off guard by the change in subject.
"You know that Batman is dating Catwoman. That they're together. You know that, right?" she reiterated.
"Yeah," he replied, still confused about how this fit into their conversation, "Of course I know that."
"This is how he treats her. At least, this is how he treats he when he needs something."
"What are you talking about?"
"I've met Selina Kyle before. At dinner parties and the like at the Manor. When you used to take me as your plus one," she mentioned their past almost teasingly, "So, I've seen her with Bruce when their just them. When they're just two people who care about each other. But once they put on the masks, it's different.
"I saw them once, when they were in costume. I was in Gotham – fighting something – stopping someone – I don't remember. But, I saw them for a second. It was quick, but he was acting like you are now.
Any of the heroes who've caught a glimpse of them say the exact same thing. Bruce loves her, that's obvious. And he knows she can take care of herself, so he doesn't have to worry too much about her. And he trusts her enough to let her know his secret identity, which… is a big step."
She faltered for a moment, thinking of how much names mattered when you where a super hero.
"Their relationship is real," she continued, "It is. But sometimes, when he's focused on a mission or a case or whatever it is you guys do in Gotham, he forgets how real it is and how much she matters to him. And when he forgets, he manipulates her. He gets information or whatever it is he needs. And then he disappears."
"I didn't disappear," Nightwing insisted.
"No," Zatanna agreed, "You stuck around and got more than you bargained for."
She smiled. Sly, sassy, and seductive. Ans so casual, almost like she was joking.
He was never able to focus when she looked at him like that. Never. How in the world could she call him manipulative when she would just smile at him like that? She was doing it on purpose. To prove a point. To mess with his head. To throw him off guard. And he knew it.
Be he also couldn't help how he felt. He couldn't stop caring about her, he just couldn't. She was his weakness, his Achilles heel.
He reached out slowly, his arm moving independently of his mind. He shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't. Every time they got close again, it put her in more danger. That's why he held back. Why he stayed away. Why he broke it off in the first place.
But right now he didn't care. He reached out and brushed a lock of her hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. His hand lingered on her cheek as he looked into her eyes. To both his surprise and pleasure, she didn't flinch or pull away. She almost relaxed into his touch. Almost.
"What do I have to do?" Nightwing asked in a whisper, "What do I have to do to make you understand?"
Zatanna slowly reached up and touched his cheek. She gently ran her thumb along his jaw line. And then, just as carefully, she started to take his mask off.
His hand snapped up and grabbed her wrist impulsively.
"Don't," he insisted.
"Let me in," she replied.
He looked at her. At the girl he'd fallen for the minute she walked into the Cave. The girl who had told him to be as chalant as he liked, before he even thought of the word. The girl who knew him better than anyone else. The girl that got to see behind the mask.
He released her hand, and she slowly peeled the mask from his face. Their blue eyes locked.
She casually tossed the mask into the middle of the hallway. Then she returned her right hand to its place on his cheek. The entire time, she never looked away.
"What do I have to do?" he repeated.
"Just be honest," she whispered, "For once, be honest with me."
"What do you wanna know?"
"Everything."
"A little more specific."
"Absolutely everything," she replied, a bit playfully.
"One question at a time," he said with a smile.
"Then, let's start at the beginning. Why'd we break up?"
"Because I was scared."
"Explain," Zatanna said, sounding a bit cautious.
She pushed some of his hair back from his face before returning her hand to his cheek.
"I was scared. It's as simple as that," Nightwing began, "When we were together, it was great. It was amazing. But, deep down, I was terrified."
"Why?" she insisted. She wanted an answer. There had to be a reason for fear.
"Because every time we kissed, it was perfect. You were perfect. And it was like we were the only two people in the world. Like we were the only two people that mattered. Everything else was dark, but together we were an explosion of light. We were life in a sea of death. In this world – in our world – our line of work, people die everyday. They die right in front of us. But when you and I connected… we were alive… and nothing else mattered."
Zatanna smiled sadly.
"I know that feeling," she said, "I remember loving that feeling. So how was it terrifying?"
"Because every kiss has to end," he answered, "And every time it ended, every time we pulled away, every time I smiled at you when I opened my eyes – I was reminded of everything I could lose. There was always a split second where it all fell apart. I'd look at you, and I'd be happy. But in the back of my mind, there was this clawing fear that I'd lose you. I just wanted to forget everything. But I can't. Because I every time I closed my eyes, whether I asleep or kissing you, I would dream. But, when I opened my eyes, when we pulled away from each other, that dream broke.
"Stuff like this. Stuff like you and me and this," he said, gesturing to both of them, "It's so fragile. So easily broken. Because what we had was real. Like Bruce and Selina. Because I cared about you. We were made of glass. So brilliant, so bright, and so breakable.
Zatanna smiled gently and pushed a bit of Nightwing's hair out of his eyes as she said, "I'm not glass. I'm right here. I won't break."
He smiled slightly in return before saying, "I know. I know you're smart and strong and have magic. I know all of that."
His smile fell away as he continued, "But I also know my enemies. They're strong, Zee. Stronger than you can imagine."
"My Father is Doctor Fate," she said dryly, "I understand power."
"But do you understand insanity?" he countered, "Half the villains in Gotham are mentally disturbed, clinically insane. That's why we have Arkham Asylum. And it's not just ridiculous schemes and crazy costumes. They're not just playing around. They're dangerous. You know what happened to Jason. You know what the Joker did to him."
Zatanna closed her eyes and bit down on her lip for a moment, flinching at the mention of the second Robin. Everyone knew that tragic story. Everyone knew what had happened to Jason.
"You don't have to remind me," she said, her eyes still shut tightly, "I remember as well as you do. I was there at the funeral. I know what happened to Jason."
"I know," he said simply.
She opened her eyes and looked back up at him.
"I know that you understand what happened to him," Nightwing continued, "But you don't understand why."
"Because the Joker is insane," she interrupted, "He is sick and twisted. There's no other reason."
"Yes. And that makes him unpredictable. When Jason died, we were all scared. Bruce was afraid for Selina. He thought they'd target her, since she's already in the line of fire as Catwoman, and because some of them think she spends a little too much time getting caught by the Dark Knight of Gotham. Everyone on the Team started worrying about their families, because a lot of them were really vulnerable already. No one felt safe. Me? I was terrified that I'd lose you."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because you mattered. Because you still matter. You've always mattered to me, even when we were kids."
"Then why'd we break up? You haven't answered that yet. You said you were scared, and I understand that. But why'd we break up? How did that fix anything?"
"I guess it didn't," Nightwing said, with an almost undetectable smile, "But I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I couldn't put you in more danger. So I did what I could to save you. I ran. I decreased the risk. It took a few months after Tim had become Robin, because, well… I didn't wanna give you up. I didn't wanna leave. But I knew had to. So, after months of trying to let go and hold on at the same time, I broke it off between the two of us.
"I wasn't happy, but I thought that if I got far enough, then he would never come after you. That none of them would go after you. Bruce and I, and Tim and Barbara… and even Selina, we're all used to lunatics threatening our lives. That's just another day in the life of the Bat-Family. But you… I know you're strong enough and smart enough and powerful enough to take care of yourself, but… I couldn't risk you. I couldn't let you hurt because of me. So I ran. And I hoped they'd never find you."
"You weren't the only one who was afraid," she said, a slight film of tears threatening to spill over, "I was scared, too. I was so worried that the Joker would go after you next. That he would try kill you, because… you were the next logical option on a Robin killing spree. You're in the line of fire everyday of your life.
"And if you're villains didn't track you down, mine would. You say that the people who menace Gotham are dangerous, and that's true, but I fight dark sorcerers, evil magic users, and demons. You think I wasn't afraid they'd go after you if they ever found out how much you meant to me?"
"I never thought of it like that," Nightwing answered, feeling like an idiot for not considering the sacrifices she'd made and the things she'd gone through to get where she was in life.
"Well maybe you should have," she said, as the tears started to spill over, "I was scared then. I am terrified now. For Artemis. For Kaldur. And for you. I'm not going to lose you. Not again."
She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.
"We broke up, because we didn't want to risk each others lives," Zatanna stated simply, "But every cape and cowl on the planet is in more danger these days than ever before. And it's not because of you or me or any one person. But we have to stick together. The Team, the League, and every independent hero. We all have to stand by each other."
"And what about us?" Nightwing asked tentatively.
She looked down at her feet awkwardly. Her curtain of black hair obscured her face, so Nightwing couldn't tell what she was thinking. But then she looked up at him and smiled.
She said, "Maybe – Maybe we can try again."
Nightwing smiled in relief. He'd keep her safe. He wasn't going to let her go this time.
Zatanna grew serious again, after seeing his smile.
"No more lies, though," she replied, "No more tricks, no more using me. If you need something, you ask. And we make decisions together. I'm not saying you have consult with me on everything you do. But if it involves me, you talk me. You don't make my choices for me. We decide together."
"Of course," Nightwing agreed, "I'm still gonna worry about you. I'm still going to protect you. That's just who I am. But I won't lie to you. I promise."
She smiled at him again. He loved when she smiled. It always reached her eyes, and made them shine even brighter.
"Mostly, though…" she continued, "I want you to let me back in. I just want you be honest. I just want you to be you. Okay?"
"Okay," he agreed with a smile, "And I'm sorry. For everything I did."
"I'm sorry for yelling."
"I kind of deserved it."
"Just a little," she said teasingly.
He laughed at her comment. She joined in. Maybe they were acting childish, but that's what they really were. Two nineteen-year-olds trying to flirt with each other and survive their generally crazy lives. This was their normal.
Zatanna reached out and took his hand.
"I think we should go and explain to the others why you faked Artemis' death," she said, "And then we can all come up with a plan to get her and Aqualad out of there alive."
Nightwing squeezed her hand to reassure himself.
"Okay," he replied, "I can do this. We can do this."
"We'll get them out. You should have told us about it from the beginning. But all of us are going to make it through this. Together."
They walked back down the hall together. Nightwing clung to Zatanna's hand. She let him, because she understood. She understood that he needed something – someone – to hold onto. Someone to anchor him.
As they walked, he could feel her heartbeat. It was steady, rhythmic. Hearing her heart beat so evenly calmed him somehow. And after a few minutes, their hearts began to beat in unison. Her heart rate elevated and his slowed, and they met somewhere in the middle.
Author Notes: As a side note, in my mind, Batman and Catwoman are together in Young Justice. I'm probably wrong, but I love them. So, sometimes they end up in my stories, even though Selina's never actually been on the show. Sorry if it annoyed you. So, what did you think? Don't forget to tell me! Reviews are, as always, very much appreciated.