I wasn't satisfied with just Dick/Damian anymore so I decided to whore Dick to the world. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. This is a sort of fusion between the YJ cartoon and the comics. For those who haven't read Goodness Has Nothing To Do With It, Mr. Grayson was introduce in my collection of one shots ch.2 and ch.3. You don't have to read it, just know that Dick is a teacher and has never been a Robin, and he is of Russian/American nationality and Romani descent.

Chapter 1: Boys will do Boys

"We are all sick, twisted individuals who deserve to get punished."

"Shut up, Tim," Jaime snaps, who looks just as miserable and guilty. End the virgin's self pity, the scarab hisses at him, so that we can take the one with the firm buttocks as ours! "Shut up!" Jaime shouts again. Tim glares at him. Jaime glares back. Only harder.

"Look on the bright side! Not only did we satisfy our teenage hormones, we also helped him cool down significantly and prevented the possibility of him dying from heat exhaustion. He might even be thankful! So thankful that we might get sexy times! And groping privileges!" Bart theorizes optimistically. He drools at the thought.

Both his teammates look ready to throttle him.

"That's it? That's the excuse you're going with?" Bart's face drops. He 'humphs' and looks away in defiance. Tim groans, unconvinced. "I knew I shouldn't have listen to you guys! 'It's just a harmless little prank!' you said. 'He won't even find out!' you told me. 'Besides, you're an honor student, Tim! You're the last person he would suspect' my ass! This is the last time I'm letting you pick our activity of the day."

Jaime sneers at him, "Hey, we were not the ones calculating the best angle to attack for optimum nipple coverage. That was all you, Drake."

"And me," Bart admits sheepishly.

"And Bart," Jaime corrects.

Bart shrugs the two of them off like flies. He stretches leisurely and yawns. Tim fights back the urge to smack him for his lax attitude while he himself is freaking out. "How are you so calm?"

"Well, it's not like we're really getting in trouble for it..." Bart trails off when he notices how Tim's eyes practically bulges out at his statement.

"Not getting in trouble? Not getting in trouble? We're in Gotham's Police Station waiting for Bruce to pick us up because we decided to attack our teacher!"

Bart coughs, "Uh, he's your teacher, not ours."

Tim grabs on to his spare batarang that he carries for emergencies. Jaime quickly holds him back while Bart goes on the defense. Tim is so, so not crash.

Their fight is cut short when Commissioner Gordon comes out to get them. He raises an eyebrow at Tim, much more used to seeing Tim's younger sibling, Damian, but nonetheless gestures them inside. The three teenagers follow begrudgingly.

"So I read the report from the officer who arrested you," Commissioner Gordon tells them. He always gets to the point. It's one of the things Tim likes about him. "And I must say, it's a bit disappointing to see three intelligent young men get caught so easily. I'm really disappointed in you, Tim."

His tone is serious, but there's a light hearted glint in his eyes that tells them it isn't a big deal. For all they knew, this was a common occurrence.

Tim sighs in relief. Bart is the first to respond, "Does that mean you're letting us off the hook?"

Commissioner Gordon chuckles, "Not on your life."

Their dismal moods returns. "Mr. Grayson is currently being informed who the culprits behind his situation were and will be here shortly. He will determine your punishment. Mr. Wayne says he's on his way."

Shit. Bruce is coming. He knew it was going to happen. But hearing it being said was so much worst. He is so dead. Dead enough to start making a will, dead. Or dead enough to dig up his own grave, dead.

It took a whole ten minutes for Bruce to arrive. The longest ten minutes of Tim's life. Damian follows behind him with a smug look on his face. He did not know why Tim is in trouble, but for once in his life, Tim is in trouble. Ha! Goody-two shoes virgin. Unlike his son, Bruce looks furious, and Tim can feel his disappointment radiating throughout the room. Jaime appears ready to piss his pants. Bart is freaking out in the presence of a pre-Batman fit.

"Do any of you three care to explain to me what happened?"

Before Tim or Jaime could salvage the situation, Bart open his big mouth and the verbal diarrhea flowed like a flood in Malaysia.

"We were horny! Everyday, since we got here, we've been subjugated to the torture of Mr. Grayson's perfect ass! Do you know how it moves? Of course you don't because it doesn't move. It bounces. It goes 'ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.' It plagues my dreams every night! I put myself asleep listening to the imaginary rhythms of his moving cheeks! One time, when he jogged pass me, I bounced a quarter off his bubble butt and it sprung back to my hand. That's not normal! Then, there was his nipples. Those perky little cherries that were begging to be squeezed. Sometimes, I fantasize about him nursing me and saying 'hey, Bart, why don't you have a little sucky time?' Then, his hair! His skin! They sparkle. It's his sweat. He sweats sparkles! And I have to watch him, gleaming in the sun as he runs past me in that tight outfit with his pert nipples and his bouncy behind. And he's smiling when he does it! You know why? Because he's mocking us, that whore! So should you blame me for suggesting we steal his clothes? Should you blame Tim for throwing cold water balloons at him? Should you even blame Jaime, who return the clothes I stole after cutting holes in them? No! We are not to blame, Commissioner, Mr. Wayne! We are merely victims of Mr. Grayson's sexy!"

When Bart finishes, he looks to his friends for support. His friends stare at him in horror.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"You are dead, idiot!"

"How dare you molest my Dick?"

Before anyone can stop them, Impulse's teammates launch at Bart in fury, and Damian tackles all three of them in rage. They manage to catch the unsuspecting speedster off guard and wrestle him to the ground. Damian is trying to beat them all at the same time. Soon, the four boys were in an all out brawl. Hastily, Bruce attempts to drag his two proteges out of the pile, Commissioner Gordon does the same with Jaime and Bart.

"It's your fault I'm here!" cries Tim in anger. He throws a punch at Bart which accidentally lands on Jaime.

"I didn't make you do anything! I just wanted to steal his shirt! It was your idea to throw water balloons at him so that we could see his nipples erect!" Bart retorts, he tries to kick one of them, and both of them are sure it's Damian that got hit. "Besides, what about Jaime?"

"What about the beetle?" Damian hisses, as he socks Tim in the groin. Bart winces. That's got to hurt.

"He the one who decided to watch Mean Girls and cut holes into Mr. Grayson's shirt and shorts! Pervert!" Bart comments.

Jaime headbutts the smart mouth. "Chupa mi pito, asshole! I have a scarab telepathically telling me, and my raging hormones, to tap that ass! What's your excuse?"

"I live with Bruce!"

"I'm from the future!"

Bruce spares a glance at Commissioner Gordon, who seems more focus on getting the boys out alive than listening to their actual conversation. Thank God for small miracles.

"Dobriy den! Is it too late to join the party because even if it is, I can make it more fun!" purrs Dick from the doorway. Almost instantaneously, the four boys pick themselves up and correct their stance to what they felt was 'cool.' Bruce is about to apologize before the Commissioner pushes him out of the way.

"Good to see you again, Mr. Grayson. I don't know if you remember me but I'm..."

"Gordon! The man in charge!" Dick cheerfully answers as he swaggers inside. He gives the older man two full kisses on the cheeks. "I never forget a man in power. It always turns me on. A lot."

Dick runs a light finger down his chest before winking. It takes a while for Commissioner Gordon to get back to his senses, and Bruce's uses the opportunity to pull Mr. Grayson away. Hopefully distract him long enough before Commissioner Gordon remembers that he is single. "I want to deeply apologize for Tim and his friends' behavior. It was completely inappropriate and I can understand and respect it if you want to press charges, though I would like to talk alternative options instead."

Dick is aghast. "Nyet! I would never dream of doing such a thing! Boys will do boys, as they say. As long as they never do it again, I have no problems. Why, it was even a bit refreshing, getting all wet and dirty."

"I told you," Bart smirks. His friends glower at him and Damian makes a cutting motion.

Dick takes off his coat, revealing his toned body and luscious curves. He gets up so close to them that they can smell his freshly washed shampoo and body lotion. "So boys, are you getting wood?"

"What?" The three ask simultaneously. Dick grins.

"I said: do you promise to be good?"

"Yes!" Tim exclaims with a frightening amount of passion. There's a heavy blush on his cheeks that is mirrored by every male in the room. "We will be good-great boys from now on. I won't let you down."

"I doubt anything goes down when it comes to Dick," Damian mutters maliciously. Tim is so close to maiming the kid. He knows it.

Mr. Grayson giggles, and pats all of them on the head, even Damian, who had nothing to do with the incident. "With this matter settled, I will be off! I need some new clothes to replace my cut ones! Mr. Wayne, you will pay my bills, nyet?"

If Batman could jump in shock, that little reaction would be it. Dick is giving out that saucy smirk, and Bruce has to admit that he is impressed by his forwardness. Of course, he would have paid for them regardless, but the fact that Dick openly acknowledge it was...sexy.

"Of course, may I buy you a drink for your trouble?"

Commissioner Gordon chooses to regain his alertness at that moment, and steps in. "I don't think that will be appropriate, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce chuckles, "Nonsense! I need to thank him for his generosity, and, of course, apologize for what happened."

Dick laughs, "Your credit card will do that. Besides, you know my policy on going out with my student's parents, Mr. Wayne. Don't be such a naughty boy. And no worries about your boys! They have good heads on their shoulders. When I was their age, all I worried about was giving head."

The adults stare at him blankly. Behind them, the boys are having a sexual meltdown.

"...I don't think you meant what you said," The Commissioner suggests cautiously.

Dick looks surprised, "Oh, my English is not that good, even now. I mean minet, blowjob. I was very good in my youth, I still am!"

Bart's comeback is thwarted when Jaime elbows him roughly in the ribs, and cutting off his air supply.

"...Is that so?" Bruce notes slowly.

"Yes, I have great skill. Lots of practice. No gag reflex, it all goes down and I swallow. Always. That's the secret. Always swallow."

Tim chokes in the background. The scarab makes another nasty comment about dying virgin sacrifices, and Bart has a look on his face that no one wants to decipher. Damian seems to be choking air. Commissioner Gordon moves behind his desk. Bruce is alone.

Dick does not notice the discomfort, "But I really must get going, I have appointment at store. Very high class, use to work in Amsterdam in a special district. Do svidaniya."

When he left, no one made a sound for a few minutes. Finally, Commissioner Gordon coughs, "Well, with that being said and done, you boys," he addresses the three, heavily humiliated individuals, "reign in your hormones by the end of the summer. I know two of your returning to back your hometowns but Tim, you are a Gothamite and under my watch."

Tim nods, grateful that he is getting off scot-free.

They walk out of the police station, choosing not to acknowledge the heaps of zombie like police officers who were probably victims of the sex shark known as Dick Grayson. They wonder how he could do so much damage in so little time, but choose not to dwell on the force that is Dick Grayson.

They get into the black limo, with Alfred judging them with his all knowing eyes in the rear-view mirror. His anger is delicate, posh. The three boys lean back in relief. It was all over.

"Oh, and don't think I'm letting any of you get away with this. I called your parents, Jaime, and the Garricks. Tim, you are all mine."

Shit.

When I write Dick's dialogue, I say it out loud in a Russian accent. It so much more fun to read when you do that. There's going to be a lot of rivalries. Father against son. Friend against friend. Redhead against brunette. They are all gunning for Dick Grayson's ass. Think of it like a shounen manga. Everybody is after the same thing but there's one person that really ticks another off and soon there's a series of battles. That's probably how I'm going to write it. So far, I've written Bruce vs. Damian, Bart vs. Jaime vs. Tim vs. Damian. What will be in the next chapter? Ooh...