Short update on what I'd like to believe is going on in KT's thoughts.

Why does it have to be this way? WHY? I get that they dated. I get that she still likes him. But does that mean he has to take her back? After she broke his heart?

I know I'm jealous. I know that's why I feel this way. No, I don't hate Patricia. She can be a real piece of work sometimes, but she's not half bad, once she stops pouring breakfast liquids all over you. She can be loud, and annoying, and rude, but she's not a bad person. She's stood by me. She wouldn't stand by me if she could read my thoughts, though. I like him, OK? I LIKE EDDIE MILLER.

But nothing will happen. That has not changed. Even less of nothing can happen, now that they've kissed and now that their relationship is on the road to recovery. And my heart breaks, silently, because it is allowed to tell no one that it is breaking. It screams a million silent questions. What were you going to tell me the day of the eclipse? Why did you hold my hand? Were you just playing games with the new, susceptible, American girl? I was reconsidering my decision to stay away from you, and then you went and ruined it all and went crawling back to her.

When Patricia asked me if I liked him, I lied again. I wonder how many times I'll have to lie before I become a bad person. I didn't even really help her. I'm not stupid. I knew he didn't think I was asking about how he felt about Patricia; I was asking about how he felt about me. Which he made very clear.

It's not happening.

Ever.

I just don't understand why it couldn't have.