I want to cry though I have no more tears, I want to die but I still have fears, I want to scream though I have no voice, I want to leave, but do I really have a choice? I'm choking faster I'm dying everyday no one ever cared or shed a tear for me, or even looked my way. I'm alone in the dark and no one cares. What do I do?
Jason twirled his dagger in his hand, the steel knife glinted eerily in Gotham's dim city lights. The razor-edged blade showed him his reflection.
Raven hair with a snow-white streak. Green eyes that were-right this moment- filled with pain. A frown that marked Jason's face.
His hand curled around the knife handle tightly, making his knuckles scream in protest. His teeth clenched, his jaw set.
And then- a glossy,salty tear ran down his face.
I know what your thinking-
Why the heck is Jason crying? He's Jason for goodness sakes! The Red Hood! The Scourge of the Underworld!
Well sometimes, people like Jason have hard times...maybe a certain memory still haunts them, maybe someones death in the family causes them grief and pain.
Or maybe, they are just going through a hard time.
Well, a hard time it is for Jason.
His death date is a week away and having vivid nightmares where you can actually feel the pain a certain someone inflicting it doesn't help.
Maybe having your older brother over might give you some comfort...
Jason growled at himself. No he would-could-not have Dick over...he can care for himself.
But-knowing Dick- his brother would come over anyways and comfort him, because no one else will.
Jason let out a gusty sigh as he swung his legs back over the building ledge. They dangled limply there, dozens or stories below Gotham's streets.
He wasn't going to jump, if that's what you were thinking.
A sharp, cold wind whipped across his face and Jason snorted at the stinging pain if left there.
Pain.
It was everywhere and anywhere.
Dreams, love, beatings...whatever pain it was, it was there.
He tilted his head towards the night sky, stars shone dimly-dimly because of the stupid chemicals this city has-and he looked back down. The sky wouldn't comfort him Dick would thoug-
No. You can care for yourself Todd...you don't need him. Some part of him snapped.
But maybe...maybe I do... A soft voice whispered.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts when-
"Jason, what are you doing up here? It's cold out." Dick.
"Hey Goldie...hows life?" He mumbled. It sounded like a statement more than a question.
"You didn't answer me."
Jason shrugged. " Wanted to spend time up here. Can't a guy do that? "
"Not a week from their death." Dick stated.
Jason winced visibly. Dang it...
" Jason..." Dick murmured, " If you need me..I'm here..."
" I don't need you. I'm fine alone." Jason's voice cracked. Damn...that was weak.
" Jason. Come home with me. I don't want to leave you alone here."
" You don't but I do."
" Com'on Jay..."
" Damn it Grayson! I don't want to go with you!" I don't want you to hear me scream... He added quietly in his head.
" Fine. I'll stay here with you then."
" Please Dick. Just go away." Jason just about begged, flinching away when Dick sat next to him, blue eyes full of concern.
" Jason...we both know very well you have nightmares...I can't leave you here alone."
Jason exhaled slowly, pinching the bridge on his nose.
" Dick I want to be alone."
Dick sighed.
" Jay-Little Wing- let me stay with you."
" No."
" Jason...please"
" No!"
"Ja-"
" Dick I'll scar you for life if you stay!"
" If that's the risk, I'll take it."
Jason shook his head.
" Were you always this stubborn?"
Dick gave a slight grin.
" Whatever you do, whether it's impaling me to a wall with your knives, or slowly torturing me, I'm staying."
Jason turned his head to the side and gazed at his older brother.
" You know...that's not such a bad idea."
" Go get some rest Jay." Dick ordered gently.
Jason shook his head stubbornly.
" Nope. Sorry Dick I'm not going to sleep while your awake."
" Who said I wasn't going to sleep too?"
Jason rolled his eyes and snorted.
" Like you were going to bed."
" I was. Woke up and two in the morning, stayed with the team for a few hours and then patrolled Bludhaven. I'm exhausted,"
Dick replied looking at Jason, concern in his sapphire eyes, " Jay, I know the real reason why you don't want to sleep. I know, I have nightmares too."
Jason visibly tensed at this but sighed gruffly.
" Yeah. I just don't want to see it...see him again."
" I'll be right next to you. I'll wake you up if you start having nightmares. I promise."
Jason huffed, rubbing his eyes with his left hand, the other stroking Alto-his cat.(AN: Alto is NOT my character, nor a character to DC he belongs to Broken Bird Nightingale one of my good friends and if you have the time to...you should check her out...she's awesome :D )
" Look Dick, I'm not sleeping."
" Jason you need to rest. I can tell you haven't slept in days, and by the looks of how tidy your house it, you haven't eaten either."
Jason shrugged. " Haven't been hungry lately. "
Dick's eyes narrowed. " Jason...that isn't good for your body. You'll grow weak."
Jason's eyes narrowed and he stopped stroking Alto, hand halting in a arch motion over Alto's back.
" If I eat, I end up in the bathroom, getting rid of what I just ate...
Dick frowned.
" Are the nightmares really that bad?"
Jason's hands clenched into fists and he nodded.
" Yes...You just don't understand how powerful and vivid my dreams are...Dick I..." He hesitated.
" You can tell me Jay. It's okay."
" I...feel the pain again. I feel the crowbar slam against me, feel it leaving gashes in my skin...feel the blood seep through my shirt...that's why I don't sleep during this time..."
Dick's eyes widened. " Jason, why didn't you tell anybody?"
" Because I...I thought I could c-care for myself..." Ouch...Dick hit a soft spot.
" Little Wing I'm sorry..." Dick murmured, moving next to his little brother and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
Jason stiffened for a moment, but accepted Dick's affection and leaned onto his brothers chest.
" That's why I don't sleep..." He whispered after a moment.
Dick rubbed Jason's back soothingly.
" At least try to sleep...I'll wake you up if anything happens." He promised.
" Aaallltoo. " The pale colored cat agreed, rubbing his head against Jason's hand.
Jason smiled a bit and swatted the cat gently.
" Go away you overgrown furball."
" Nyow."
Dick slowly rested Jason on his bed. His little brother had fallen asleep a few minutes ago,lying his head between Dick's shoulder and neck, Alto snuggled in the crook of Jason's arm, purring loudly before falling asleep as well.
He sighed and jerked the blanket over Jason's body, lifting it a little as Alto leaped upon the bed, curling up next to Jason.
" Who knew Jason would take in a cat." Dick murmured to himself, stroking the gray-white cat's pale ears.
" Murr..." Alto mewed, curling into a tighter ball.
Dick smiled softly and slid out of the room, making no sound as he did.
He grabbed a blanket from the closet in the hallway and snuggled up in it, closing his eyes.
In a few minutes, he was asleep, raven hair falling into his face, making him looks years younger.
Jason's eyes shot open green eyes wild with panic, claws reach their way up to his heart and clutch it. He let out a scratchy scream that he didn't hear. He sat up, trying to suck in a breath but his chest was closing up, cutting off his airway.
His body was burning,smoldering. His hands shook terribly at his side,making his shoulders tremble as well. His heart slammed in his chest.
Make it stop make it STOP! He begs in his head, Please!
His door was thrown open, Dick immediately by him.
" Head between you knees now." Dick ordered.
Jason-for once- did what he was told. Bringing his knees out from under the covers and sticking his head between them.
" Nightmare?" Dick murmured, rubbing Jason's back.
Jason nodded, taking in a shaky in inhale, trying to ignore Dick's affection.
Eventually, his heart slowed down, his breaths evening out.
" Damn panic attack..." He managed to gasp out, hands still trembling slightly.
" Are you alright?" Dick murmured,lifting his hand.
Jason shook his head, exhaling slowly.
" I saw it again...felt it again..." He muttered, casing a sideways glance as his older brother.
Dick's face creased. " Jason, I'm sorry..."
Jason glared at the ground, green eyes sharp with fear.
" Not you're fault."
There was awkward silence for a while till-
" Jason, want to talk about it?"
Jason snorted.
" Not on you're life."
Dick set down the glass of water on the coffee table in front of him.
" Here Jay."
Jason glanced at the water, then looked back up at the T.V.
" Hm."
Dick sat next to him, the couch making a creaking sound in reply.
" What, no thank you?"
Silence.
" Jay, I know that dream was vivid. Trust me I do, but you can't stay silent forever."
" It's not like that." Jason muttered.
" You have been quiet for at least four hours now."
" I've just been lost in thought."
" About the dream?"
Jason's face hardened.
"...Yes."
" I'm sorry Jason..." Dick murmured, moving over to wrap his arms around Jason.
Jason gave him a hard glare and stood up.
" I'm fine. No need for hugs."
" Jason, you're about to break I can tell."
Jason swallowed uncomfortably.
" You're wrong. I'm fine."
" Jason, I know-"
" Dammit Dick I'm fine!" Jason snapped, whipping around, heading for his room.
" Jason wait-"
But the slam of a door replied to him and Dick sighed.
Jason's taking this harder than I thought...
AN: Stopping here for a little while. LEAVE A REVIEW AND GET A ALFRED COOKIE :D If you don't, let me go sulk in a corner and throw away you're special Alfred cookie...