Author's note: on account of the fact that this has been sitting finished in my drive for a handful of months as I obsess and fuss over the details, I think I've procrastinated long enough. I'm sorry it takes so long for me to churn these out, you guys. Hopefully I'll get more done in the brief window of winter break I have spread before me. Work through the tears, Kat, work through the tears.

Consider this an early holiday present from me to ya'll. MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA FILTHY ANIMALS.

-x-

Shuuhei feels like shit, though not strictly in the physical sense.

A brief inspection in the Fourth Division confirms what Shuuhei had already assumed- the experience in the Rukongai had left him with a few various cuts from the stampede of monsters, though they were mere papercuts compared to some more memorable wounds he had aquired in the past. The worst was the gash on his forehead from when he had heroically smacked his skull against the ground, but overall it was nothing the healers couldn't fix up good as new.

Within moments of his healer's first visit, Shuuhei watches the scrapes on his skin repair themselves, new membrane stretching across open wounds. Only stripes of slight paleness against the darker tones of his skin give any indication he had been injured at all. So in the physical sense he's doing just fine.

Ikkaku will probably be taking longer before he'll be discharged, given that he was missing a chunk of his flesh when he was last seen. The exact timeframe of your average healer's ability to repair wounds like that id lost to Shuuhei, though he had a feeling that Ikkaku being a poor patient overall would be a contributing factor. With any luck, which the third-seat was inclined to believe he had, Shuuhei would see Ikkaku out of the Fourth before Iba, who was suffering from a serious concussion and a handful of broken ribs.

Rukia and Renji, after the Fourth determined they did not require intensive medical attention, were separated from the test of the party. And as much as Shuuhei likes Rukia and appreciates that she's not going to cause bodily harm to him for secretly dating her best friend, his primary goal is to locate Renji.

As it happens this is the easiest task he's had all day, because as soon as he exits the Fourth's infirmary into the visitor's center who does he happen to stumble upon?

Renji, still splattered with dry blood all over his face and chest, coated in dust and dirt, is seated at a chair with his face propped up on his elbow and quite clearly sound asleep. His snoring breaks the silence of the room like a buzz-saw shredding through 2x4. He looks disgusting. Given how much crap is all over him he probably smells awful. He's the absolute sweetest thing Shuuhei has ever seen. Shuuhei wants to take him home and give him a bath.

"Hey, big guy." Shuuhei gently shakes Renji's shoulder, causing him to sway in his chair. Renji grunts as he came to a half-conscious, mostly still dazed state.

His eyes crack open and he yawns the way big cats yawn, lips peeling back over gums flashing his teeth. He stretches his arms behind his head and looks up at Shuuhei expectantly as if it's the most natural thing in the world for him to take a quick powernap while waiting for Shuuhei to appear.

Renji looks up and down at Shuuhei fresh out of the infirmary. "You look better." He says approvingly.

"You look like you could use some rest." Shuuhei counters, wondering how long it took Renji to fall asleep here, exactly.

Renji pushes himself out of the chair, arching his back and stretching his spine. "What are you, my mother? Ha, geddit? It's funny because we're orphans. Nah, I'm fine. Rukia got abducted, though. Captain Kuchiki and Captain Ukitake came in and swooped her away. I guess the powers that be are still talking about whether or not they want to bring Ichigo in, and they want her to play diplomat or something."

Huh. That's a reasonable course of action, Shuuhei supposes. After all, now that they know there are more fully-formed monsters in the Rukongai than they priginally thought, it's obvious that a simple quarantine isn't the solution. It still doesn't sound very… well, progressive. And the substitute shinigami is not famous for handling matters delicately. But Shuuhei has more present matters to attend to right now.

"I guess everyone's still working on the infestation right now, then." Shuuhei suggests, and is relieved when Renji shakes his head in the negative.

"Nah, I think at this point we're back to the drawing boards so everyone went home to conserve their strength and lick their wounds or whatever. Apparently we weren't the only ones to stumble across one of our new neighbors in the districts." Renji notices Shuuhei perk up at this news and tacks on, "From what I could tell from lurking around the Fourth for a bit, casualty reports are still coming in. No confirmed deaths, but I think a bunch were reported missing. Nothing we can do about right now at any rate."

Reported "missing". What an ominous way to phrase it.

That doesn't seem like a very appropriate tie-in for asking Renji to come home with him, but Shuuhei doubts that he's going to have a good opportunity for that as of now. It's also a much better alternative than walking away, because Shuuhei just as an urge to keep Renji near him right now. The wanting makes Shuuhei feel selfish and maybe a little pathetic, but there it is.

"You want to come back to the Ninth's barracks with me?" Shuuhei asks, shoving his thumb at the door behind his shoulder.

Renji scratches his chin and crusty pieces of black blood flake off. "Sixth's is closer."

-x-

The first thing Shuuhei does when he gets to Renji's quarters is make a beeline for the bathroom because almighty powers from above love him but Renji truly does smell rank. Renji has no objections, as evidence by him sniffing the front of his shihakusho, grimacing as if he's just inhaled the odor of death itself, and beginning to peel off his clothes.

"Shower?" Renji guesses, peeking into the bathroom to watch Shuuhei warming the tap.

"Bath." Shuuhei corrects, running his hand under until it's warm.

Renji leaves his uniform hanging around the obi at his waist to slip his tabi off. "Shower." He says with more conviction. "You know how much I like to saturate myself in my own disgustingness, but I think I've had enough of being gross for today."

Fair point to Renji. Shuuhei turns turns the showerhead on, letting the spray hit the palm of his hand to test it. The water is lukewarm, quickly heating up. Shuuhei is a little tempted to hop in, clothes and all, and curl up on the bottom of the tub. Maybe it would clear his head a bit, or maybe he'd just doze off and wake up with pneumonia.

Renji dropkicks his shihakusho and fundoshi to somewhere in the depths of the mess of his living quarters. They will likely never be recovered. He's more careful with his bandana and hairpin, which get carefully set on the counter next to the bathroom sink before slipping past Shuuhei into the shower.

Shuuhei thinks about giving Renji some privacy, as if the two of them had any concept of that left to preserve, but stops, perhaps a little entranced by the audible sigh of pleasure Renji produced as the hot water washes over his skin. Renji opens his mouth to the spray above, sticking out his tongue and Shuuhei almost voices how unhygienic that is before Renji spits out a mucky mixture of black blood and water.

Sickly brownish-black filth slides off Renji's body and disappears down the drain, and Shuuhei tries to send some of his lingering anxieties away with it. They're in a safe place now. It's just the two of them and Shuuhei is perfectly fine with that. Steam rolls out of the shower and covers the bathroom like a blanket of heat, and Shuuhei lets himself get comfortable sitting on the floor and basking in the warmth. It also provides Shuuhei with a front-row view of something far more pleasant than just hot steam.

Shuuhei had noticed Renji's secretive self-consciousness before. Shuuhei caught the way he hesitated, when Shuuhei slipped out of his yukata and for a split second Renji got this look on his face like he was going to dive out the window. Shuuhei has a difficult time trying to decide whether he should be insulted or flattered at this. But admittedly he isn't the best around and deciphering other people's emotions, so perhaps a more introspective look into the matter was required.

At first it seemed peculiar to Shuuhei for one of the most infamously brash and expressive lieutenants in recollectable history to be shy, but the more he thought about it the more he could understand the reluctance. A huge part Renji's life was built on a struggle for power, a reputation built from the presence of strength and the absence of gentleness. From that perspective, to willingly show vulnerability to someone you wanted affection and respect from seems entirely petrifying. And Renji and Shuuhei have changed since beginning their relationship, they've acknowledged their feelings and laid them out in the open, but Renji has made it very clear that he wants to slow down. Keep some of his defenses up, perhaps, and keep a clear head just to make sure that admission of love won't come back to bite him in the ass.

And it's not like Shuuhei was jumping up and down for commitment at the start of their relationship with promises that he was going to love and cherish Renji unconditionally. Things more just sort of spiraled out of his control and he had to ride the wave. Shit, now he's guilty. Time to think of something else.

Now Renji is occupied with a washcloth and soap, and concepts of humility seem completely cast from his mind. Shuuhei is allowed to study Renji without the barrier of his insecurities to act a buffer. Shuuhei can just playing the role of the simple documentarian, not involving himself with the natural methods of his subject.

While the opportunity for observation still presents itself, Shuuhei notes that Renji is not "classically" handsome. His features are too angular, too sharp. Everything about his face from the curve of his nose to the shape of his eyes carries a straight, wolfish edge, the kind of look that Shuuhei can imagine instinctively startles small prey. When he's distracted, Renji's brows have a tendency to knit together, giving him a sort of perpetually angry expression that certainly isn't contradicted by the thick, jagged patterns of the tattoos across his forehead. It isn't the kind of face one would cast as the heartthrob in a drama or slap on the cover of a romance novel.

Shuuhei admits that doesn't mean Renji isn't attractive. It's just that his allure is less on the obviously appealing side and more… hmm, what's the most fitting word? "Striking", perhaps? Renji is strikingly attractive, charming in an intense sort of way.

Renji's body compliments his face by having the same functional beauty about it, made to be more practical than pretty. Years upon years of training has sculpted Renji's body into a prime killing machine, which Shuuhei admits privately to himself is pretty hot. He's more built than Shuuhei is, with bigger and more developed muscles, toned sinews that bulge and ripple under his skin with every motion. Renji's bulk is matched only by his lankiness, as if Renji never really grew out of that teenagery phase where his arms and legs were too long for his body.

Shuuhei likes this about Renji. Likes all the awkward little imperfections about him, really. This tangible proof that Renji is an actual, real, complicated person, with flaws and quirks about him that one wouldn't notice unless one spent time with him and spotted them out of the corner of one's eye.

It's kind of funny, though, that with Shuuhei sitting on the bathroom floor watching Renji as if he's the best soft-core porn in production, he no longer finds himself even slightly put off by the fact that Renji is very obviously male. At first, Shuuhei wasn't too disturbed by his emotional attachment to his favorite redhead, but his growing physical attraction to Renji had been downright alarming. Now it's all sort of melded together, become one part of the full Renji Experience.

Shuuhei is jarred out of his leering when Renji casts a slightly concerned look down his way. "Do I want to know what you're thinking?"

"Who, me?" Shuuhei says, as if there's someone else in the bathroom for Renji to be addressing. Okay, so Shuuhei might be a little bit emotionally drained and a tad spacey. Quick as he can, he tries to end with a smooth quip. "Just admiring the view is all."

To Shuuhei's disappointment, Renji is not immediantly overcome by fits of swooning or a sudden case of the vapors. He does flush slightly at the very least, all splotchy-red from his face down his neck, but maybe that's the hot water."You comin' in here or what? And don't give me that look."

"What look?" Shuuhei isn't aware he has a look.

"That look." Renji emphasizes, wringing shampoo out of his hair. "That look that tells me you're gonna be annoyingly stubborn about something stupid."

"I'm comfortable where I am." Shuuhei admits, leaning back against the wall. Hell, he could roll into bed right now and be perfectly happy. Perhaps its obvious by now, but sleep is a coveted for Shuuhei, it balances out his various all-nighters. Or he could push the futon inside the bathroom so he can curl up under the covers while keeping an eye on the free Renji Show.

…

Okay, Shuuhei's beginning to creep himself out.

Renji gives him a look suspiciously like a pout, clearly unsatisfied with that reasoning. But his words are rich with affection when he commands, "Get in here."

And alright, Shuuhei's not actually lazy. He diligently stands up and strips and doesn't bother too long with folding up his clothes and accessories and what-have-you because it's all Renji's mess anyways and he's just living in it.

Shuuhei slips into the shower behind Renji and sweet holy fuck the water is hot. It certainly wakes him up at the very least, and after a few seconds it's more a gentle scalding sensation against his skin and less like the rain of hellfire. He makes a half-hearted attempt at running soap over his skin and only then does he realize that he was pretty due for a shower too, watching the collective dirt and dust run off his body.

He thinks of asking Renji if he could kick down the temperature a notch or if being touched by water any temperature under boiling point will cause him to melt, when he looks at Renji and something catches his eye. He feels a heavy weight drop into his stomach.

Shuuhei shuffles closer to Renji, pressing his chest against Renji's back and wrapping his one arm around Renji's side. Renji relaxes into the touch and Shuuhei watches rivets of water shine metallic against the tones of their skin in the light of the room, gold on Renji's and bronze on Shuuhei's. Shuuhei brings up his hand to thumb the thick curtain of red hair away from Renji's neck. Renji makes a noise of inquiry but Shuuhei's attention is completely encompassed by the purpling ring of bruised flesh around Renji's neck from where he was choked.

"You didn't see the healers about this?" Shuuhei asks, tracing his index finger around the darkened skin.

"Huh?" Renji puts a hand up to tenderly rub at his neck. "Oh, this? Nah, it's just a bruise, my reiatsu will take care of it in no time."

It's true- the mark is already fading around the edges, coming to a sickly-looking yellow that signals the final stages of the healing process. By tomorrow the bruise will be a faded pink mark at the worst, gone by evening. Who knows what will replace it in that time.

Shuuhei kisses the back of Renji's neck, breathing in the smell of freshly applied shampoo and soap. "I wish you wouldn't get hurt in front of me. I mean, I'm not crazy about you getting hurt at all-"

"But I'm so good at it!" Renji interrupts, and Shuuhei squeezes his midsection in retribution.

"-But watching you in a situation like that where I can't help makes me feel especially useless." Shuuhei finishes.

"I don't know what to tell you. I wish I could say I'll try to be more careful in the future but, uh, I think we'd both know that would be a huge lie. Just trust me, I'll take care of myself. Now shoosh, no more angsty talk." Renji says decisively. He reaches around Shuuhei's embrace to shut off the water, and when Shuuhei releases him to grab the towels off the wall Renji shakes water out of his hair like a huge sheepdog sending water droplets flying in every direction.

"Use a towel, you ridiculous creature." Shuuhei commands, tossing Renji a towel that smacks him in the face.

"Don't try to change me, baby." Renji quips, giving Shuuhei a playful punch and a kiss on the cheek. A kiss on the cheek rather impulsively turns into a kiss on the lips. Renji's hand slides up Shuuhei's hip, gliding easily over warm, wet skin.

The corners of Shuuhei's mouth curl upwards into the kiss. It was now glaringly obvious that he and Renji are both still feeling rather high-strung after a stressful, unsuccessful mission, and Shuuhei can empathize with the desire to work off some of that anxiety and have a good distraction.

Still, they couldn't have been home for more than half an hour at the most. Renji is a precious, gluttonous brat.

Shuuhei's hand moves to cup Renji's jaw and when they part, he takes the opportunity to brush heavy bangs out of Renji's face. Strange, to think that with them always being pinned back with that ponytail, he suddenly looks so much younger and more natural with his bangs down. Looks more care-free, like a proper young adult living a normal life with a normal boyfriend and a normal job, and who doesn't kill hollows and arrancars and everything else that goes bump in the night for a living.

"When do you decide to cut your hair?" Shuuhei asks, more than slightly distracted.

"Hng?" Renji looks bewildered by the sudden topic change. He runs a hand through his hair thoughtfully, combing his fingers through the bangs and longer strands alike, and asks a little defensively, "Why, what's wrong with it?"

Shuuhei slips his own fingers into Renji's hair and strokes his neck reassuringly. "Nothing, I was just wondering. You have so much of it, how can you tell when it's time to cut some off?"

"Split ends, usually." Renji answers. What a charmer. "Or it starts to get in the way, but I'd usually rather just leave it alone. I like it long"

This time it's Shuuhei who pulls Renji into a kiss. "Me too." He mumbles between pressing their lips together.

It feels good to have kissing Renji down to a familiar rhythm, chasing each other back and forth with practiced ease. Renji catches Shuuhei's lower lip between his teeth, worrying and teasing it gently. Shuuhei feels a rush of heat from the dig of Renji's teeth course through his body and drags his feet forward, guiding Renji backwards until his back hits the wall.

Shuuhei slides a hand up Renji's chest, suddenly eager to feel the body he had been admiring so intently earlier. He runs his fingers up and down Renji's torso, reveling in the feeling of hot skin beneath the pads of his fingers. He can feel Renji breathing, the expanding and contracting of his abdomen to match the hot, ragged breath in Shuuhei's ear.

Shuuhei thinks, in the part of his mind that is not entirely honed in on Renji which is a very difficult thing to avoid doing right now, that this must be why people like them to stupid things like this. In the past he had questioned why anyone in their line of work would choose to burden themselves with commitment, with love, when it was so likely that they could lose everything the next day without so much as a warning. All that it would leave behind were loose ends, broken hearts, and a most likely mangled corpse.

Renji slides down against the wall, dragging Shuuhei to the floor with him. Shuuhei shimmies into Renji's lap until he straddling his hips and presses his body against Renji, and they move against each other, building an ecstatic kind of friction between the two of them wrapped in each other's arms.

Shuuhei looks at Renji's face as they move together, unable to restrain his own curiosity to see if he sees a hint of that same self-consciousness even now, that need to protect himself. Renji's eyes flutter as his body rubs against Shuuhei, but the moment their gazes happen to meet his composure begins to falter. His brown eyes blow up wide, as if he's just woken up from a dream and doesn't realize where he is. His movements go from smooth rolls and thrusts to jerky, mechanical motions like a spring coiled too tight. The sudden shift disappoints Shuuhei a little, but it mostly makes him more determined than ever to prove that he can be trusted.

After all, frotting against the wall like horny teenagers should definitely be a thing they have down now already, if nothing else. They can work their way up to more serious stuff later.

Shuuhei asks, keeping his voice blunt despite the vibrations in his stomach that threaten to lose his words in waves of shakes and stammers. "Do you want this? Because I do, I want this a lot-" The physical sensations happening inside his body is making it the slightest bit difficult for Shuuhei to stay on topic. Speaking is a little troublesome right now, admittedly."-I want you a lot."

Renji's eyes lock onto his, and for a moment Shuuhei is feeling like the one who's vulnerable. Scanned, suspected. It goes both ways, after all, and Shuuhei was probably too proud to first realize that anyways. He wants Renji to want him as much as he wants Renji.

Then Renji seems to find whatever he's looking for, some answer that Shuuhei must have expressed in some unaware, nonverbal way. "Yeah." His body relaxes, he spreads his fingers across Shuuhei's body like he wants to touch as much of him as possible. "Yeah, I want this."

Shuuhei does the only thing he can think to do, which is to lean in and kiss Renji, fiercely and insistently. He kisses Renji until those eyes are fluttering again and low-lidded with an overload of sensation, and his body relaxes back into smoother, natural movements. Shuuhei strokes Renji's hair, and Renji leans in to kiss Shuuhei's neck.

And then the rest of Shuuhei's mind goes blank-white except for the thought that maybe this is why. That maybe this is really all it's cracked up to be, and maybe this is worth all the risks and penalties that come with it. Maybe thats why everyone works so hard for love.

-x-

Cuddling on the bathroom floor while awash in a sea of post-coital hormones is all well and good until it starts to get cold. Shuuhei weighs the merits of just piling blankets over themselves as they are and announcing that as the end of that when his stomach chimes in with a loud reminder that the night is still young and Shuuhei hasn't eaten anything since this morning.

Shuuhei reluctantly disentangles himself from Renji, to the latter's reluctance. "No, no more sex, Renji. It's food time now."

"Food. Frottage. Both are good. Would highly recommend." Renji mutters pushing himself off the floor and rubbing the base of his spine where he was planted on the floor with a hiss. "Woah. Damn, that hurts! We are never doing sexy things on the floor ever again, you motherfucker."

"Poor baby." Shuuhei teases, fondly running a hand through Renji's still damp and somewhat disheveled hair.

He makes his way out the bathroom to Renji's closet, picking a random yukata to slip into. After putting it on, Shuuhei realizes it's a rather garish shade of lavender with green floral print. Shuuhei nearly voices his opinion on Renji having such a… vibrant (tacky) garment in his collection before he spots the pink yukata with the cherry blossoms. Okay.

"But, y'know." Renji interjects rather suddenly from the bathroom, just out of view. "Locations aside, we could buy lube at the next opportunity. Like, lube for us to use. During the sex things. Because using my ex-girlfriend's lubricant with my current-boyfriend is a little weird and I don't actually know how long its been there."

Shuuhei sighs, hoping Renji can't hear the smile in his voice. "That would have been a great point for you to bring up before using it on me. Thanks."

-x-

Mere moments later and in the kitchen-y corner of Renji's living quarters, Renji unearths his hotplate that Shuuhei recognizes from that time Renji snuck into his home with it.

"It wasn't sneaking." Renji hisses defensively when Shuuhei brings it up. "There were no armed guards. There was not a 'no hotplates allowed past this point' sign on your door. I walked in. I brought my hotplate. Everything fell into place after that point."

"You picked my lock." Shuuhei points out, rooting through Renji's fridge. Some of the groceries are still in here but Shuuhei isn't in the mood to cook tonight anyways, so it's the armfuls of plain-white cartoons it is. At this rate they're both going to get heart attacks and Shuuhei does not give one tiny molecular shit about it.

"I don't see your point."

"I can give you my spare key." Shuuhei offers, putting effort into sounding more exasperated than he really is.

Renji gives him a pointed look as he reheats an entire huge carton of prawn stir-fry. That is too much stir-fry. He sighs dramatically, with the most disappointed look on his face. "Sometimes I feel like you just don't get me."

While eating, between topics when the conversation wavers and Shuuhei has time to be distracted, his thoughts take a turn for the dark just a little. It's as if something is stuck in Shuuhei's throat, a dry, indeterminable lump he can't quite swallow down. It stays with him through Renji pretending he knows that a proper meal is and through sitting on his futon. It sours the taste of his food on his tongue, makes it feel like the soy sauce is turning to acid in his mouth.

The problem is, well, complicated. Or maybe its not, and he's just overthinking it. Hard to be sure. For this reason, he doesn't exactly want to bring it up. But he doesn't want to ignore it either. The thought just sort of dangles there, taunting Shuuhei with its constant floating in the forefront of his mind.

Eventually, Shuuhei gives in, thinking that maybe it'll be like getting into cold water- better to submerge yourself all at once and get it over with. He twists his chopstick in his hands, "Can I tell you something you're not going to like?"

At that cryptic interjection, Renji's brow twitches in equal parts concern and irritation at Shuuhei's vagueness. "Yes? No? What's the correct answer here?"

"When you got attacked by the creature earlier, I knew you were going to be okay. You're always okay, obviously. But when you were attacked and I couldn't do anything to prevent it-" Shuuhei begins to fumble with his words, feeling inexplicably guilty. "I felt bad that I wasn't able to protect you."

Renji's mouth sets into a thin line at this news, eyes narrowing like he's trying to size Shuuhei up. "That's stupid."

"I knew you'd say something like that." Shuuhei mutters. He already knows it was a mistake to bring it up, but it's too late for regrets now. It's out there and it's set Renji off.

"No, don't say that like you're apologizing and we can just forget about it, 'cuz now I want to talk about it. What in fresh hell made you think I want to be protected by you?" Renji points out, a slight growl catching his voice. "Maybe you were confused, Shuuhei, but I'm also a lieutenant. And you may disagree, but I was under the impression that I'm a pretty damn good one too. I've done just fine for the past forty-plus years in some of the most dangerous places in all of the known worlds without you trying to 'protect' me, so why would I need it now?"

"I didn't say you did! You think I don't know anything about you at all?" Shuuhei bites back, he props his face up on his hand, digging his knuckle into his cheek to relieve some nervous tension. "I know you don't need to be coddled, okay? I wasn't implying you couldn't handle yourself. This is entirely my own baggage. Shit, can we pretend that not everything is about what you want for a minute?"

That puts a cold look in Renji's eyes, like the burn of frostbite and it shocks Shuuhei to see that look directed at him. His mouth is twisted into a scowl that could turn honey bitter. Shuuhei does his best to real in his own temper, smoothing out his voice. "I know you don't need me to take care of you. I'm just saying that if you did need me, I want to be able to help. You might get mad at me, but I would want to anyways."

Renji considers this seriously, shoving a wad of rice into his mouth and chewing on it in his cheek thoughtfully. "I probably won't, though. Just sayin'."

"Okay fine, but that's not the point I'm trying to make." Shuuhei insists with a sigh.

Renji's gaze drops a little, so he's glaring holes into the wall next to Shuuhei's head. "Just we're clear on this, I'm not selfish for getting hurt while trying to help my friends. That's not what I 'want'. Since that was obviously what you were getting at."

"Fine. Sorry, that was a dick thing of me to say. I didn't mean it." Shuuhei says as he tries to remain gentle, but instead he may perhaps just sound defensive.

"You implied it." Renji counters sourly. "I told you about this already. I told you to trust me because I can take care of myself. Warriors don't need help on the battlefield."

Shuuhei makes himself swallow and he kind of wishes this was one of those things that he and Renji could just spar it out over, walk into the training arena with zanpakuto armed and bristling with anger over something meaningless that quickly dissipated and they would both come out bruised and grinning and walk away in better moods for it.

But even if they could go back to that, there would be things Shuuhei would miss too much. So he wriggles over until he's close enough and repositions himself into a kneeling position so he can kiss Renji's forehead. He buries his nose in red hair and inhales the smell of soap and a distinct, comforting Renji-smell like dirt after a rainstorm.

"I know. But sometimes I think that you forget how much you matter to people, like, y'know, me. I'm kind of one of those people that you matter to." Shuuhei explains, bumping Renji's forehead lightly with his own. "And these people-again, we'll use me as an example- think that you're strong and gorgeous and funny and sweet. That you're the shit, basically. So of course they want to protect you sometimes. How could they not?"

"Do not think for one minute that you can get out of me being irritated with you by being cute." Renji grumbles, though it doesn't sound like he means it. Score one for Shuuhei. Renji's arms wrap around Shuuhei's waist and he presses his face into Shuuhei's chest. "For fuck's sake, you're such an asshole."

"Me?" Shuuhei demands, half teasing and half incredulous.

Renji glares at him, pouting dangerously. "You've been turning me into such an emotional wreck, you fucker. I swear first thing tomorrow I'm going to the eleventh division and hitting something really, really hard."

"I didn't 'turn' you into anything, this is exactly the way I found you." Shuuhei argues with a slight smirk. "And I don't think hitting is a permanent solution to your problems."

"Spoken like a true person who's never been in the eleventh. Hitting stuff is a solution for everything, and if it doesn't work you're not trying hard enough." Renji chides. He presses himself against Shuuhei with more force, and it takes Shuuhei a moment to realize Renji is nuzzling him."Look, it's been a long day. Can we just forget about the possibility of bodily harm tonight?"

Shuuhei hums in agreement, curling his fingers in the long strands of Renji's hair. "I think we can do that."

-x-

The night ends with Shuuhei and Renji exactly where they want to be, curled around each other with tomorrow's problems forgotten momentarily. They needed this night, Shuuhei thinks. A good purge of their emotions and their personal issues. A breath of fresh air to clear the senses for the next day. For this reason, Shuuhei sleeps better than he has in a while, and he drifts off to the steady rhythm of what he thinks is the beating of his own heart.

Actually the sound is of a pair of boots striking the stone tiles as he paces up and down the catacomb corridors in an unfamiliar state of nerves. See, for all that this story revolves around two very specific shinigami, someone else has their side of the story to tell, too.