Chapter 32 ~ A Sort Of Victory

"When we first came here, we were cold and we were clear
With no colors in our skin, we were light and paper thin
And when we first came here, we were cold and we were clear
With no colors in our skin, 'til we let the spectrum in
Say my name, and every color illuminates
We are shining, and we will never be afraid again"
~ Spectrum by Florence and the Machine

When they awoke the next morning, they could feel the troubled outside world though they were safe in Shell Cottage. Hermione's face was buried in Draco's chest, her hands clenched on his shoulders just so she could have a grasp of him. She feared if she let go of him, he would disappear for some noble reason. Draco's head was nuzzled in her neck under her hair, and he pressed a light kiss there as soon as he had woken up. They lay there for quite a long while, and neither of them dared to say anything. They just basked in that by some miracle, they were here. By some miracle, they were alive.

He was the first to speak, and he did so after he finished pressing urgent kisses against her lips. He was tracing absent-minded patterns on her cheekbones, and his forehead was rested against hers. "Are you alright, after yesterday?"

They did not want to talk about it. Neither of them did. But it was inevitable that they did, and that it would come up at some point during that day. He thought it was better to get it over with.

"How could I be?" she replied with a sad, forlorn smile. "I lost my best friend yesterday, and Pansy. Pansy and I had a strong friendship and she finally got a chance to redeem herself and then... but it could have been you. I'd rather have anyone gone than you".

"At least Weaslette got her retribution. She had it coming to her... I only wish that I got her before she got Potter" he grimaced at the mention of Harry, who had become one of the people he cared about, somehow. "I only hope that the battle's not too long after this".

"It's over" said the voice of Bill Weasley, who had apparently been standing in the kitchen the whole time. "We've won, at least for now. It'll never really be over. I wonder if we really won at all, we have to live with all the memories of it".

"No survivors on their side?" asked Draco, arching an eyebrow.

"None" replied Bill. His eyes trailed downward to the bright red scar on his arm where his mark had been, and then they trailed back up to meet Draco's grey gaze. "How does it feel to be a free man?"

"I'm not free. Not really. I was still one of them, wasn't I?"

"Was" murmured Hermione, grabbing hold of her lover's hand. "Was, Draco. It's past tense, it's not true anymore. You're an amazingly good man now. You always were, you just didn't have the chance to show it".

He shook his head and pressed his lips against her cheek, but said nothing in reply to that statement.

"How's Fleur?" questioned Hermione nervously.

"Dead" Bill supplied. There was no light in his eyes anymore, and he looked more worn than ever. Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek, and she knew it wasn't for Fleur, she had barely known her. It was for Bill. She couldn't scarcely imagine how it would feel to lose Draco. "One of the new recruits got to her. I didn't know his name".

"I'm sorry" Draco apologized earnestly, meeting the other man's eyes with a soft, pitiful look. Both sets of eyes in the room fixed themselves on him. "I just.. If I lost Hermione... I don't want to picture it".

Bill grinned a small grin despite himself. "So it's true, then, what everyone's been telling me?"

"Depends what everyone's been telling you" replied Draco, shrugging.

"You and Hermione. Huh. Can't say I would've seen that coming. You two used to wake up the whole camp with your arguments, and of course I left with Fleur before you two became erh... better acquainted" Bill mumbled. "I... You love her, do you?"

He gazed at Hermione meaningfully before returning his eyes to the red haired man in front of him. "I love her, yeah. But I feel like the word's underwhelming things entirely. It's so overused and... It's deeper than that. It always has been".

Hermione smiled. "I once referred to him as my soulmate to Ginny".

"Soulmate?" Draco groaned. "That's even worse. I hate that word".

"It's true, Draco" Hermione murmured. "I know it is. I... I've known for a long time. Ever since we first started up whatever this is".

"I didn't say it wasn't true" his lips twitched upward at the corners. "I know it is, Granger. It's just too cliche for my liking... and so fucking fluffy and gushy. 'Course you bleeding heart Gryffindors don't mind that".

"Well... you two should return to camp and gather your things. Luna sent a Patronus this morning. Everyone's parting their ways tonight after a bonfire".

"Are you going, Bill?" inquired Hermione, though she knew the answer.

The redhead shook his head solemnly and began to head up the stairs. He turned back halfway up the small wooden staircase, freezing completely and turning his head slightly to say, "Good luck".

Hermione ran up to give her friend a firm hug, and Draco followed, but he was unsure of what to do. What was there to say to a man he had just met that had just about saved the life of the woman he loved? He nodded curtly in acknowledgement, but Bill Weasley pulled him into a hug and patted his back. "You deserve her, you know" Bill mumbled into Draco's ear. "Ginny always said you didn't but... you're a brave man, Draco. You earned your redemption completely. You earned everything you have".

He smiled to show his gratitude, because words would not be enough to express his thanks at this simple statement.

He turned away and grabbed Hermione's hand, Apparating them both to the Order's campsite.

:::::::::::::

The campsite was a wreck. The tents, which had a special charm cast upon them, were mostly intact, but the campsite was a scorched mess. The tall grass near the water had been burned, the birch tree he and Granger often sat under and talked had collapsed, and there was a pile of bodies in the corner of the camp. George Weasley was the first person he saw once he arrived, and Hermione ran over to Luna, so he stopped to speak with him.

"Erh - thanks, Weasley" Draco offered awkwardly. But the thanks to this man was indescribable. If it wasn't for him, Hermione would've died; and if Hermione had died, he would've died as well. "I couldn't describe how grateful I am if I tried".

George shrugged, and he smiled, but it only made him look more exhausted and miserable than he already was. "I figured someone deserved a little bit of happiness through all this".

Draco nodded stiffly. "You'll find some too. We've got lives ahead of us now".

"How do we even continue now? All we know is war" George sighed.

"We don't continue" replied Draco. "We start again".

Draco averted his eyes from George and began scanning the pile of bodies for Blaise Zabini. George seemed to catch on to what he was looking for.

"He's alright, mate. Blaise is fine. He's just recovering in headquarters from some wounds he got from a curse" George said calmly. "You're probably one of the bravest men I've known. You won this war for us. We couldn't have done it without your help... ever".

"Just wanted to do my time, make up for my past faults" he replied impassively. "I wanted to redeem myself, put the honor back in my name".

"You did. You'll go down in history books".

Draco nodded. "You're not so bad, Weasley. I always thought you were rather amusing in school, really".

"I thought you were funny in a smug bastard sort of way" George grinned. "Sorry I beat you up in my seventh year. Well, actually not really, but it a pretty fond memory now when I look back on it. You were a smug bastard in all, I think. Wasn't just your humor".

"I'll always be a smug bastard" Draco smirked. "Some things never change".

::::::::::::::

Hermione and Draco sat in her room at the edge of her bed. She was smiling to herself for a few minutes before Draco pointed it out. Draco arched an eyebrow, meeting her honey colored gaze. "What are you smiling about, Granger? You look as if Christmas has come early".

She laughed airily and shook her head. "It's nothing I just... We fell in love here, Draco. I still remember. I told you to take my virginity. I remember every detail. I could tell you that it was cloudy outside, and that you popped a button on your shirt and... It feels like it was years ago, doesn't it? We've come so far since then.. Everything's changed now".

He kissed her for a few brief, cherished moments before his lips parted and he sucked in a breath hesitantly. "Granger... where are you going now? You know, now that the war is over?"

"It depends" she smiled, exposing the dimples he had grown so fond of. "Where are you going?"

"You choose" he suggested, grinning. He had been dwelling on the matter for a long time, wondering if he and Granger would go separate ways after the war, and it relieved him that that was not her intention at all. "Just don't have it be in Britain, I'm about done with this damned place".

Hermione chuckled. "We all are. We should go to Italy, you know, like you said?"

"I'm rather fond of Paris" Draco shrugged his shoulders.

"The city of love?" inquired Hermione, her grin only widening. "Are you a closet romantic, Draco?"

He frowned. "Please never say my name along with romantic in the same phrase. I'm just used to France. I used to visit all the time in the summer during my childhood. I don't speak French very well, though, so I guess that's an issue that gets in the way of it".

"I speak fluently" she supplied. "I could teach you".

"Of course you do" he shook his head, laughing.

They sat in silence for a few moments, and Draco smirked to himself when he noticed Hermione swinging her feet like a child. But he had a serious matter on his hands, that he had to consider bringing up at all. It would be so out of character for him, but it was so necessary to him. He opened his mouth to speak, swallowing nervously. Smoothly, Draco, his brain prompted him.

"Marry me, Granger" he blurted. He groaned. It was certainly not the smooth situation he had been planning for weeks, but then again, everything had changed in weeks. "This is probably the most shit proposal you could ever dream of. I haven't even got a ring, and I'm not down on one knee with roses or throwing an engagement party, and my words didn't even come out as a question. Just... I don't know if I could survive without you anymore and I don't want you to leave and this is it I guess. I think you're intelligent, and beautiful, and caring, and this is a one off, I'm telling you, I'm not some bleeding heart, heart-on-my-sleeve Gryffindor, so just take in the words now. I love you, Hermione. I'm yours".

"I-I love you too Draco. And... I'll marry you".

"I want it to be private, with only a couple people there" he stated. "Our relationship has been witnessed enough by our mates and... I don't know".

"We should leave for Australia tomorrow... to find my parents. I'll revoke their memory charms. I really want them to meet you I think that they'd like you" she mused.

"They'd like the Draco Malfoy that picked on their daughter for years in school?"

Hermione laughed. "You've changed now, Draco. You were just a kid then. They'll know that... they'll understand. I'd say that you've made up for all that anyways. You've saved my life directly three times and indirectly even more times, and emotionally even more. I had forgotten how to live but you... you made me remember".

There was a knock on the door before Luna Lovegood entered, who was in her usual dream-like state, but she was smiling. "Pansy left a note for you in your room, Draco... I think it was supposed to be private, though. Hermione, there's one for you too... it's under your pillow. I've got to talk to you, by the way, about Harry's will and all that. You should go read your letter, Draco".

::::::::::::::

Draco entered his room and immediately walked to his bed, which sure enough had an envelope on it addressed to him in Pansy's fancy cursive handwriting. He ripped it open and unfolded the letter, which was typed on the typewriter that George had inherited from his father. So they had been something indeed, though briefly.

Dear Draco,
If you're reading this, I've either left to lead on my life because the war is over, or the war has killed me. Either way, I just wanted to say goodbye properly. I never really fell out of love with you, though you know that. If anything I fell deeper in love with you when I saw the man that you've become. You were the one that made me reconsider my views on things, and if you hadn't have left the Death Eaters I would have remained the same ignorant little child that I knew in school. I don't

know how I can express my thanks to you for changing me.
You and Hermione... I know you probably don't want to hear about this from your ex-girlfriend, and that you've probably already heard about your relationship with her quite enough since it began, but I have to talk about it. You and her have the kind of love that most people never get to experience, and I think that it changed her just as much as it changed you. Don't leave her, Draco. I know the man you are now will want to run simply because you don't believe yourself worthy, but you are more than worthy. You complete her, and she completes you. Marry her, start a family, lead peaceful lives (or as peaceful as your life with her can be, anyways). Don't be afraid of having children, Draco, because I know you will. You don't want them to be ashamed of their father, you told me once in sixth year, I remember. They'll be proud of their father, and they'll have no reason to be ashamed simply because of the bad choices of your past family members.

I didn't write to Hermione, I didn't have the time, and I didn't know what to say to her, but tell her that I care about her a lot, and that she became one of the best friends I've had in years. She confided in me, and she let me confide in her. She listened to me and believed that I had changed when no one else would. Tell her that I wish you and her the best, and that I hope she has a wonderful life. Tell her that I'm sorry I picked on her at school; I was always so jealous of her, and that's why I hated her really. I hated myself for wanting to be like a Mudblood. It got worse after I saw the way you looked at her at the Yule Ball, too. She looked beautiful that day; even you knew it.

I hope that you believe you're a good man now, and I hope that you and Hermione are both alive and well. It would pain me so much to know that you two were torn apart that way, because I don't think you guys would ever be torn apart in any other way. I wish you two the best of luck. And Draco, I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I'm so sorry for selling out Hermione, because I know that you're still angry for that. I just didn't want to see you with her. But once I saw more of you two together, I regretted it. I'm still guilty. Please, do my memory a favor, and forgive me.

If I am alive, please write to me on occasion, and keep me posted on things. If not, well... I don't know where I'll be, but if I went to Heaven or wherever, I guess I'll just check in every once in a while.

Lots of love to you both,

Pansy

"I forgive you" he mumbled pointlessly. "I forgave you before I read this".

And somehow, he missed her. He did not want to, because it was a pointless act to miss someone that had died, but still, he did. And he cried, because she was only one of the many that had passed on.

He thought Bill Weasley had a point about winning.

Hermione came in silently after hearing his sobs and just held him until they stopped. But they didn't really stop, not really. They were just kept inside.

They had won the war, but it was no victory.

::::::::::::::

The members of the Order said their goodbyes over the coming weeks in April. It was a bittersweet sort of time, because they knew they were going to have a shot at happiness now, but they also knew that it would probably be the last time that they ever thought about it. There were tears, and laughs, and a lot of peace made. They said goodbye officially over a bonfire on the last night of April, and in the morning, Hermione and Draco met in front of their tent. Both of them dropped their luggage to embrace each other in a bone-crushing hug.

"Are you ready?" he asked, pressing a light kiss on her temple.

"Not really" she answered, grinning nervously and twisting out of his arms, grabbing his hand instead so she could pick up her things. "I don't think anyone's really ready, though".

Draco looked around the campsite. The tents were taken down, and there was no sign that it had been a campsite at all. He couldn't help but feel fond of the place, though there were so many negative memories there. "We'll manage" he shrugged, smirking. "As long as you put a silencing spell on the bathroom, anyways. Your singing in the shower this morning was dreadful. I was afraid I would go deaf. Don't know if my ears will ever be the same".

She swatted at his arm, but she was laughing. "You're an incorrigible prat".

"You're an irritating know-it-all. Maybe that's why we get on so well; only we can bear the burden of each others company. I'm also too attractive for most women to handle".

"Prat" she mumbled.

He stroked her thumb with his own, intertwining their fingers even tighter. She rested her head on his shoulder and hummed. "We'll make it out, Granger. Don't be so tense. We made it out of this war. Starting a new life shouldn't be any more difficult than that".

"So, to Australia?"

She nodded. "To Australia".

And then he kissed her like he needed to, because he did. And just like every kiss prior to that one, it took her breath away.

fin

Author's Note

I finished my baby ;-; crying inside, a little on the outside. I had originally intended to put another chapter, but I thought this was the ending.

UGH I DON'T WANT TO STOP WRITING THIS HELP MY BABIES :(((((( WOEIFJOWIEJFOI ALL THE FUCKING FEELS... :::::::(((((((( HELP HELP HELP. I love all your love and support and like everything UGH HELP DON't WANT TO STOP EDITING THIS DOCUMENT IT MEANS IT'S OVER OKAY WAOIEJFOAIWJEOFIJWOIEJFOI

I LOVE YOU I HOPE YOU LOVED READING THIS AS MUCH AS I LOVED WRITING IT.

(there will be most likely be an epilogue but i'm still putting it as complete because technically it is ya)

xoxoxo yay

Ill continue writing Hardest of Hearts, so this isn't the last fic. I also have a few even after that one (which i just started) that are planned and ready to write. Yay! Well, I'll see you all later.