Wow! I've never actually done any formal warning on my stories, but I think this fic might required some. ^_^;;

Warnings: Alcohol is mentioned quite a lot. I mean, this is drunk!Shinichi x Kaito, after all. Also, the omake contains some implied [yaoi] sex, although nothing explicit in the least. This makes it seem a lot worse than it actually is.

Let me put it this way: If you have survived through Junjou Romantica/Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi/any yaoi anime, this will be absolutely nothing. Like, for real.

Enjoy, my darlings! (Wait, since when have I called people 'darling'?)

Kuroba Kaito was not stalking Kudou Shinichi.

He wasn't.

He really wasn't, despite that he was walking through the doors of the Beika police department headquarters disguised as some random officer – Kajimoto, was it? – in hopes of attending the annual New Year's party.

It didn't have anything to do with the fact that Kudou Shinichi would also be attending the aforementioned party.

Really.

And it didn't have anything to do with the fact that it was a New Year's party, and he had heard from Aoko's father that the Beika police department practiced the western tradition of kissing somebody at the midnight of a new year with religious consistency. No. Nothing to do with that at all.

Well, Kaito, this is probably going to be your hardest heist, Kaito thought to himself as he nodded and greeted a passing officer in Kajimoto's voice. Stealing a kiss from the great Kudou Shinichi himself.

He pushed open the doors to the metropolitan police's first division headquarters, where the party was being held. Takagi Wataru and his girlfriend Satou Miwako were hanging around, as well as Inspector Megure Juuzo and his wife Megure Midori. A couple of other officers were milling around, uninterestedly drinking drinks that were quite surprisingly made by Officer Chiba, who was manning a makeshift bar with unexpected skill.

"Ah! Kajimoto-kun, we weren't expecting you!"

Kaito's head snapped around as Satou blinked at him.

"Didn't you say you had some kind of date with your girlfriend?" Takagi wondered. Though the words sounded suspicious, the tan officer didn't seem to be worried. After all, who would expect the Kaitou Kid to crash a New Year's party at a police station? He was known to be eccentric, after all, but not insane.

"Cancelled. She said she wanted to hang out with her family," Kaito replied, careful to reconstruct Kajimoto's speech pattern and slur certain syllables in the words, the same ones Kajimoto did, with perfect regularity.

"Ah, I see," Satou nodded. "Well, enjoy yourself. Be sure to find someone before the midnight kiss!" Winking, she and Takagi strolled away.

Two and a half hours passed, and more and more officers were streaming in. Kaito stood off to the side, nursing a cup of water he convinced everyone was vodka. He saw a couple of surprising faces – was that Hakuba he saw? with Aoko? – but still, Kudou Shinichi was absent.

Kaito sighed and quickly shot an inoffensive smile at a passing officer, who asked in a wasted tone, "Ev'rythin' awrigh', Kaj'modo?"

"Yeah, yeah, man, everything's great," he replied, although he was thinking the absolute opposite.

The officer moved off to hit on a traffic cop with pigtails (and get glared at by Chiba from across the room), and Kaito returned his gaze to the door, which was suddenly opening.

Kaito's heart jumped to his throat and stayed there as his detective walked in, looking calm and quite attractive in a white button-up, blood red tie, and crisp dark-wash jeans. His hair was styled as it usually was – partially neat and partially not – and even from across the room, Kaito could feel the confidence the detective exuded.

He felt his heart fall back down as Mouri Ran followed the detective, holding his arm. He looked back at her and grinned, a splash of white teeth on a porcelain face. She smiled back and laughed.

Kaito fell against the wall, feeling defeated. Somewhere to his left, he heard a loud crash and an equally loud apology, but he ignored it. What did the Mouri girl have that he didn't have? Sure, she was unmistakably gorgeous, in her little cocktail red dress that matched Shinichi's tie, and she was brave, and kind, and gentle, and totally in love with Shinichi...

Stop it, Kaito, the magician forced himself. You're just going to depress yourself. Further.

But as Kaito watched Ran giggle and blush and cling to Shinichi's toned arm, he couldn't help but silently bemoan all that was wrong with him and right with Ran.

She knows Shinichi. She knows him well. She's patient and waited for him for over a year. She loves him...

A thought suddenly struck him as Ran blushed especially hard and pretended to pummel a carefree Shinichi as the two ordered drinks from an amused Chiba.

Maybe it's because she's... a girl.

Kaito knew that he would never act like Ran. He wouldn't cry when they broke up, and he wouldn't giggle or (God forbid) blush or cling. He wouldn't fawn over an engagement ring or tell Shinichi he loves him every day. He wouldn't buy him fashionable designer clothes and pout when Shinichi refused to wear them. He wouldn't...

He wouldn't be a girl.

Maybe it's for the best, thought Kaito as Shinichi drained a cup of amber liquid and Ran watched before consuming her own (girly) cocktail.

Kaito vaguely remembered that three years had passed since Shinichi's shrink, and that he was, in fact, now legally able to drink at the age of twenty. But mostly, he was focused on watching the detective, whose fluid movements, loosened by the little alcohol he had ingested, were the most attractive things Kaito could think of.

Ran watched him in the same way, Kaito noticed. The thought pulled him back to reality, and Kaito looked away from the couple, feeling a disturbing pain eat away at the bottom of the stomach.

The Mouri girl leaned up on her tip toes and whispered something in Shinichi's ear, which made the detective scowl slightly and say something back at her. From across the room, Kaito guessed it was a small couple's fight.

Trouble in paradise, hm? Kaito thought. He immediately felt a pang of satisfaction followed by one of guilt. How can I be happy, he reprimanded himself as the fight escalated, when they fight? Don't I want the best for them? Whatever makes Shinichi happy should make me happy, after all, and if Shinichi's not happy, then how can I be?

Kaito rubbed his forehead, though the feeling was mostly that of the rubber mask grating against his skin as he did so. He had never thought of himself as a selfish person, but now...

The couple's fight ended abruptly as Ran huffed and stomped away. Shinichi observed her leave, turning and saying something to a sympathetic Chiba.

Ran stood alone, cheeks a flaming red and staring furiously at all who passed by. Her arms were crossed defensively, and she tapped her red stiletto with a sort of suppressed anger. Her lips were pulled taut in a fiercely forced closed-mouth smile.

Though her body language was anything and everything but inviting, Kaito strolled over and stopped beside the karate champion. "Hello there," he whispered in Kajimoto's voice, making the girl jump slightly before turning to look at him.

Recognition bloomed across her face, replacing and dissolving her pent-up anger. "Oh, aren't you Officer Kajimoto? I've heard about you from Officer Satou and Officer Takagi."

"Hopefully they've said only good things," Kaito grinned smoothly. Ran laughed, and Kaito grudgingly admitted that he could see why Shinichi would be in love with her. Even her laugh was pretty.

"Of course they have." Her gaze was suddenly distracted as Shinichi walked, almost stumbling, to where Inspector Megure stood with his wife. She let out a low growl before remembering she was trying to converse with Kaito. Whipped around, Ran apologized with an, "Oh, I'm sorry!" as her cheeks heated and she gave a little half-laugh. "I got a bit distracted."

A perfect specimen of a perfect princess, Kaito thought.

Nodding over at Shinichi, he asked, "He's your boyfriend?"

Ran frowned. "Well, in a way..." she replied vaguely.

The two were quiet for some time as they both watched Shinichi laugh with the inspector, who didn't seem disturbed by the fact that the usual somber detective looked somewhat drunk. Even from forty feet away, Kaito had to swallow hard at the way Shinichi was looking. The detective had loosened his tie a bit and his sleeves had been rolled up, exposing leanly muscled arms.

"You're so lucky," Kaito let out inadvertently.

Puzzled now, Ran looked at the person she thought was a twenty-something male police officer. "Officer Kajimoto?"

"Your boyfriend would be a great officer, wouldn't he? He could do my job a thousand percent better than I can. Don't ya think?" Kaito quickly saved, smiling embarrassedly and quickly taking a sip from the cup of not-vodka he had forgotten he was still holding.

Ran continued to look at him suspiciously. "I see what you mean, Officer Kajimoto, but..."

Kaito was rescued from making another desperate comment when the inspector suddenly began shouting. "Everyone! One minute to the new year! Get to your partner!"

Gasping, Ran bid Kaito farewell with a, "Excuse me, Officer Kajimoto!" and darted off to where Shinichi stood, glancing around for his girlfriend. She reached him in a matter of seconds, despite the waves of people frantically running about, and they were suddenly smiling at each other, like there hadn't even been a fight.

Kaito's grip loosened around his cup of water, and it dropped to the ground, rolling and spilling its contents over the floor. He didn't bother to clean it up.

"Hurry!" The inspector ordered as mayhem exploded across the room. Chiba was desperately looking for the pigtailed traffic cop, Officers Satou and Takagi were holding each other in a valiant attempt to not get swept away, Hakuba and Aoko (Kaito had been right!) were standing awkwardly side by side, trying not to look at each other...

And in the center of it all, Shinichi and Ran stood side by side. Ran was blushing, and Shinichi was grinning…

"Ten!" Megure shouted from somewhere in the room, causing the panic to further intensify.

Shinichi pushed Ran's bangs out of her face, his grin turning into something soft.

Belatedly, Kaito remembered that he was supposed to be the one receiving a kiss from the detective. What had his plan been, again?

"Nine!"

Ran's lips were shaking as they curled into a tiny smile.

Well, it was too late now, wasn't it?

"Eight!"

Shinichi bit his lip contemplatively, then stepped closer.

After all, Ran was over there with Shinichi. Not him.

"Seven!"

The toned arms wrapped around Ran's slim shoulders.

Not the Kaitou Kid.

"Six!"

Hers crept around him, resting atop his shoulders casually.

Not Kuroba Kaito.

"Five!"

She knitted her fingers together behind his neck and pulled him close.

A girl.

"Four!"

The smile was growing once more on Shinichi's face.

A pretty girl at that.

"Three!"

He leaned down.

One who would act like a girl.

"Two!"

She got on her tiptoes.

One who would blush and giggle and cling.

Kaito couldn't watch it anymore. As Megure called "One!" he turned and pushed the door open and stormed out. Behind him, he could hear shouts of jubilance and loud laughter, but he stood outside in the hallway, listening to the sounds of happiness and just managing to hear the laugh that belong to a detective and the politely quite twitter of his girlfriend.

He could also hear the sound of his own heart breaking.

Kaito didn't know how long he was standing in the hall, but he knew it was a pretty long time, if the trickling of officers from the door was any indication. He looked up, surprised, as Chiba and the pigtailed traffic cop left, giggling in the way only people who were completely wasted could. They were followed by Megure and his wife and then a few minutes later, a flushed but smiling Aoko and a grinning Hakuba.

One by one, the couples that made up the metropolitan police force slowly left the dying party. Soon Kaito was fairly certain that only twenty or so people were still inside the room. He remained outside, by the door, unmoving. He was allowed to be depressed, wasn't he?

"Ah! Kajimoto-kun!"

Startled, Kaito turned to see Satou exiting the room. She smiled at him.

"Ah, hello, Satou-san," he greeted, slightly confused.

"Hey, I need your help. Ran-chan – you know her, right? I thought so – doesn't drink, but her boyfriend Kudou-kun is too drunk to drive, so Takagi-kun and I are taking her home. Unfortunately, my car only seats four and we're taking Yumi – the one from the traffic department, you know? – as well, so we need someone to take Kudou-kun home, since you can't take Yumi or Ran-chan for obvious reasons." She paused and grinned. "Even if you don't seem like the type to take advantage of girls. But anyway, you're the only one who's sober enough to drive him. Is that okay?" finished Satou, looking imploringly up at Kaito's disguised face.

Are you kidding me? I can't face Shinichi, not even a drunk one! Kaito thought. But his mouth was too fast, acting on what Kajimoto would say. He was too good of an actor. "Oh, yeah, that'll be no problem."

Dammit! Kaito inwardly shouted as Satou nodded thankfully and reentered the room to grab her boyfriend, her drunk friend, the pretty detective's daughter, and the incredibly sexy and incredibly intimidating boyfriend of the aforementioned detective's daughter.

Takagi and Satou strolled out, Ran by Takagi's side and Yumi by Satou's. A little behind them, a staggering detective ambled.

Kaito felt his breath catch in his throat. Shinichi's eyes were underscored with pink, probably from his alcohol consumption, and he had lost his tie somewhere. His shirt had come untucked, and the top few buttons were open, exposing just a hint of the pale white expanse of skin underneath.

Ran kept turning to look at her boyfriend concernedly, mumbling something about how he should've listened to her and not have drunken so much. Shinichi ignored her, rolling his still marvelously blue eyes with charm he still managed to have despite being completely sloshed.

Kaito cleared his throat, and Shinichi turned his striking blue gaze onto him. Kaito flinched. "Uh, hey, you're Kudou Shinichi-kun, right?"

Shinichi nodded gracefully. Satou stopped to pat him on the shoulder. "Go ahead with Kajimoto-kun, okay, Shinichi?" Shinichi nodded.

Takagi smiled at him and picked up his girlfriend's hand.

"Byyyyyyyye, Kuuuuudooou-kuuuun!" Yumi slurred as she stumbled down the hall.

Ran grabbed the cop's elbow to steady her and looked over her shoulder, calling back a, "Bye, Shinichi! See you tomorrow, right?" Shinichi shrugged, which seemed to infuriate the karate champion, but she held her tongue and continued walking Yumi down the hall.

Soon it was just Kaito and Shinichi standing in the hall.

"Well, shall we go?" Shinichi asked, and Kaito was slightly startled at his almost normal speech. He only managed a nod, and Shinichi started down the hall. Kaito followed, feeling his stomach coil up into knots.

"Which car is yours?" Shinichi's voice broke Kaito from his thoughts. The magician looked around to find that they were into the underground parking structure.

"Oh, uh, I… that one," Kaito mumbled, motioning at the car he'd borrowed from Jii. He had figured the chances of anyone seeing that "Kajimoto's" car was not, in fact, Kajimoto's car had been slim to none, so he'd just brought his own.

Shinichi didn't comment as he waited for Kaito to open the passenger door. There was an awkward silence as Kaito scrambled to find the keys and open the door. Finally, he did, and Shinichi opened the door, sliding in with way too much poise for a drunk person.

Kaito half-fell into the driver's seat, his mind a complete jumble, his heart hammering in his chest. How was he supposed to handle this kind of situation? It was at least a fifteen minute drive to the Kudou mansion. He started the car and pulled out of the parking spot.

Dammit, he could feel Shinichi sitting at his right. He could hear Shinichi breathing almost imperceptibly and he could hear the little sounds his jeans made against the leather interior of the car whenever he moved. He could smell Shinichi's smell, something like mint and chocolate and forests all subdued under the harsh, grating smell of alcohol.

It was just too much. He had never, as in ever, been this close to Shinichi. Maybe he had with Conan, but never with the full grown and fully attractive version.

It took Kaito a few seconds to form words. "Y-Your house is…?"

"Turn left here," Shinichi replied, the words a little slurred and a little sloppy, motioning at the intersection they had just reached. "And then go straight, and then turn right. After that, I'll tell you what to do, okay?"

His voice. Despite the intoxicated quality, it was…

Kaito squirmed slightly as he twisted in his seat. It was the worst, trying not to jump Kudou Shinichi right then and there, inside a moving vehicle that was being piloted by him.

Twenty excruciating minutes later, only filled by the occasional "Turn right here," by Shinichi and a muted nod from Kaito, the two arrived at the Kudou mansion.

Kaito parked expertly and walked over to the other side of the car. He opened the door rather chivalrously for Shinichi, who gave him a small, completely smashed smile and fell unceremoniously out of the car.

Gasping, Kaito leaned over and grasped the man by the forearm, hoisting him up. Somehow, Shinichi had managed to land himself in a puddle (more like a miniature lake) situated five feet away, a memory of last night's rain storm. The drunk detective was now sopping wet from head to toe, and the fact that his shirt was white did not exactly help Kaito's imagination.

"Thanks," Shinichi thanked, grinning and unaware of what exactly he was doing to Kaito.

Kaito went radioactive red as he muttered, "It's nothing," and followed the detective to his front door. Shinichi dug through his jeans pocket for a few minutes, finally extracting a house key. He smirked and opened his door, stumbling inside. Looking over his shoulder, he waved a hand in a strange, vague hand motion that made Kaito frown.

"Hey now, you're getting everything wet," Kaito remarked, watching as his weird hand motion caused droplets of dirty rain water to spatter around the front entry.

The detective looked around pensively, then back at Kaito. "Yeah, I am, aren't I?" He made the strange motion again before finally saying, "That means come in."

Kaito's eyebrows shot up and his face relit. "W-What?" he said, completely unprepared. And just when I was getting used to being around him…

Shinichi tilted his head to one side, almost quizzically. "Yeah. Isn't that okay?"

"Uh, er, but why…?" Kaito asked, though he found himself stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

"I don't know if I can change my clothes, so I might need your help. Isn't that okay?" Shinichi performed the same head-slant.

Blinking at Shinichi's amazing drunk logic, Kaito got out a, "But – I – er –" as Shinichi moved to walk up the stairs.

Once he was halfway up them, he looked back down at Kaito. "Coming?"

Kaito let out an unmanly, undignified squeak as words refused to form and hurried after Shinichi. What the hell am I doing? he bemoaned as the detective pushed open his bedroom door and walked in.

The room was fairly clean, sparsely furnished with a bookshelf overflowing with mysteries, a desk covered in manila files Kaito supposed held crime scene notes, and a neatly-made bed. It was fairly large, too… Just the right size for…

Kaito. Get. Your. Head. Out. Of. The. Gutter.

Kaito coughed, blushing as Shinichi began to fumble with the buttons on the front of his shirt. "Damn – it – to – hell," he cursed as his fingers clumsily worked at them.

"D-Do you need help?" offered Kaito reluctantly, praying he would say no.

Shinichi looked up with grateful eyes. "Yeah, thanks."

Damn.

Clearing his throat, Kaito moved over and began to deftly unbutton Shinichi's shirt, fingers hovering mere inches above the detective's defined chest. It was the worst, to be so close yet so far away…

"Hey."

"Yeah?" Kaito cleared his throat again, trying to focus on the buttons instead of Shinichi's chest and/or his voice. "Is there… anything else?"

There was a low laugh. "Well, I just wanted to say that I never would've guessed that the New Year's party would end with me being stripped by the Kaitou Kid."

Kaito's head snapped up, and in that instant Shinichi leaned down, capturing him in a kiss. It felt incredibly weird, because Kaito could feel the pressure of Shinichi's lips, but not the actual thing, due to his mask.

Shinichi pulled back, smiling. He reached up – Kaito was frozen – and gently pulled off the mask, exposing Kaito's face to the air for the first time in hours. "There. Isn't that much better?" He discarded the mask at his feet, leaned back down, and kissed him again. This time, it felt more natural, the feeling of Shinichi's lips pressed against his. He could taste the alcohol in Shinichi's lips, the strength of the flavor taste masking the softer, fainter notes of chocolate and mint.

Kaito pulled back, gasping, and backed away. "You – you – you knew?" he gasped, choking.

Shinichi nodded nonchalantly. "Yeah. Ran told me."

"Wh – Ran?!" There was a note of disbelief in his voice. That girly girl had figured out that he was Kid?

"Hey now, don't underestimate Ran. She's a good detective, in her own right," Shinichi countered, seeming to sense the disbelief. He rolled his eyes. "And she's been watching a lot of this weird show called 'Junjou Romantica' or something recently and started applying all these weird scenarios to Kid and me."

"Oh. Ran."

Shinichi arced an eyebrow, sensing the disappointment that flattened Kaito's voice. "What are you on about now, Kid?"

"Well, you know. You and Ran – you're an item. This is just because you're drunk."

"Hah? What the hell are you talking about?" Shinichi scoffed.

"You know. For the New Year's kiss. You guys kissed. Not to mention the matching tie and dress combination and the couple's fight," Kaito explained, dejected. His head fell, his chin touching his chest.

"No, actually, we didn't kiss," Shinichi objected. "In a sense, at least. I kissed her on the forehead. She kissed me on the cheek."

Frowning, Kaito looked up. "What?"

"Yeah, weren't you there?"

"But you guys were hugging and embracing and all… that!" Kaito half-shrieked.

Shinichi chuckled. "Oh, that. She was trying to make Eisuke jealous. Didn't you see him? He kept knocking over tables. Bespectacled kid, a little short?"

Come to think of it, there was the huge crash when they first walked in. Could that have been…? "But still, the matching tie and dress thing and the couple's fight…"

"Quite simply, I couldn't find my green tie, and I only had the red one Ran gave to me a few years ago. Ran thinks she looks best in red, so that's why she wore that red dress. Also, that 'couple's fight' was because she thought I was drinking too much. It was more of a sisterly concern, if you know what I mean." There was a twinkle in Shinichi's eyes. "Is that all, Kid?"

"You… you're drunk."

"Not as drunk as you might think," Shinichi breathed, moving closer. "Most of that was faked to get away from the officers."

"You don't love me," blurted out Kaito. "I won't… I'm not a girl, you know."

"You don't know that I don't love you," Shinichi whispered, a smile spreading across his lips. "And who said my preferences lie with girls, anyway?"

"You still haven't said you love me!" Kaito insisted, feeling lightheaded as Shinichi moved towards him with a predatory smirk. "And… I… I'm the Kaitou freaking Kid! You don't even know who I really am!"

"Really, you need me to say it? After I did all that and kissed you twice?" Shinichi laughed. "Kaitou Kid, Kuroba Kaito –" (Kaito's heart nearly stopped) "– I love you. Happy now?" Without waiting for a response, Shinichi leaned down and kissed him. Hard.

And this time, Kaito didn't resist.

OMAKE:

Kaito woke up in an unfamiliar bed, covered in sheets that appeared to have been arranged around him with the utmost care. He looked down and blushed upon discovering his lack of clothing.

He looked around. Memories of the night before came flooding back, only further darkening his blush. Shinichi… said he loved me?

Kaito glanced around and redressed himself in the stiff disguise of Kajimoto's clothes. Suddenly catching a faint whiff of coffee, he trudged out of the room and down the stairs, finding Shinichi sitting serenely in the kitchen, drinking from a cup of coffee and reading a book. Probably a Sherlock Holmes one, knowing him.

"Morning, Kaito," he greeted casually, sipping.

"Same to you," Kaito replied awkwardly, after some deliberation. He had never been in this situation before, thus this "morning after" thing was completely new.

"Coffee's in the pot," Shinichi added, motioning at the coffeemaker behind him. Thanking him, Kaito rose, poured himself a cup, sat down across from the detective, and was taking a drink of coffee when the detective spoke again.

"Sore?"

Kaito choked and began hacking, spitting out a large amount of coffee as his face went a violent shade of bright red. "You – What?"

Shinichi set his book down to look at Kaito concernedly. "Yeah. It's a perfectly valid question. Are you sore from –" (he caught the horrified look on Kaito's face and appeared to rephrase the rest of the question) "– last night?"

"W-What the actual hell? No!" screeched Kaito. He had never thought he would have this conversation with Shinichi of all people.

The detective eyed him warily. "Last night was your first time, wasn't it?"

"What are you implying?! Of course it was! And it better have been yours too!" shrieked Kaito.

"Oh. Good." Shinichi went back to drinking his coffee.

The two sat in a few minutes of silence before Kaito asked, "Oh, by the way, I was just wondering… How did you know I was Kuroba Kaito?"

It was Shinichi's turn to choke. Coughing, he expelled the fluid from his lungs and looked up at Kaito, blushing slightly as he panted. "Er…"

"Shinichi?"

"I was… er… monitoring you," Shinichi half-whispered, going redder. "I… uh… went to a few of the same places as you, maybe… looked through a few windows."

Monitoring me?

Went to a few of the same places I did?

Looked through a few windows?

It took a few seconds for Shinichi's words to sink in. Gaping, Kaito stared at his detective, astonished.

"You were stalking me?"

"Says the person who disguised as a random police officer to infiltrate a police force's New Year's party!" shouted Shinichi, face going incredibly red.

Grinning, Kaito stood up and sauntered over to wrap his arms around the blushing detective. "Well, I never said it was a bad thing, now did I?" he whispered into his ear.

Shinichi blinked for a second before smirking himself. "No, actually, you didn't."

Yay! And there ends my extremely overdue and extremely late New Year's oneshot!

Damn, I've never written anything like that omake. The worst part was that it wasn't even that uncomfortable for me. Clearly I've been watching too much yaoi anime. T_T

Anyway, that was a long oneshot. For me. It took me a good number of days to write it, which is rare because I usually write all my chapters, oneshots, drabbles, etc. in an hour or less. And this is incredibly late, too. Sorry about that. But anyway, I hoped you liked that pointless fluff and drunk!Shinichi. Apologies for the shit ending/omake.

- Luna