AU. Loosely based upon Six Weeks, an unfinished fic by Batman Lamp-Writer (formerly ELPHIE). But kudos to her for getting the gears turning.

Also, I'm borrowing last names from 'fanon' because as far as I know, there aren't really official surnames for the A-listers. Please let me know if I'm wrong on that one.

Misfits

January 22, 2013

"Alright, people. I know that none of us want to be here, but the Powers That Be have mandated that we have to be here and we have to do…" The overweight man picked up the clipboard from the desk at the front of the room and began to flip through it. "Do… the things listed here on this page by the time our course is complete."

Groans.

"That's enough." His tone had gone from genial but bored to firm and businesslike in just a few seconds.

Everyone became quiet, startled by the abrupt change. They had thought that this might be an easy-going guy who would let them do as they pleased so that this would actually be a bearable waste of time. But no, first impressions were altered immediately.

Marine boot camp it was. Sir, yes, sir!

Lancer looked around the circle, locking eyes with every teenager until he had made his point known.

"Alright then. If there are no objections…" His eyes swerved to the left to land on a buff blond. "Mr. Baxter, you will start the first exercise. Name and reason for your imprisonment in this group."

Instead of the person he had addressed, however, it was the oriental boy next to him who spoke up. "Flunking eleventh grade."

Dash jabbed him in the ribs. "Shut up, Kwan." Then, turning to the group, "Dash Baxter. Drug possession."

"Not like we even had a chance to do anything with it anyway…" the first boy muttered again.

"And now it's your turn, Mr. Li."

"Kwan Li. Ditto."

Lancer looked at the next person in line, a pretty Hispanic girl in pink who looked like she had spent several hours getting dressed for the meeting.

"Paulina Sanchez." She rolled her tongue across the inside of her cheek and looked down at her perfect nails before speaking again. "Shoplifting."

"Dude, shoplifting? Really, Paulina?" Kwan and Dash looked flabbergasted as they turned to their friend.

"Hey, it's not my fault that mi padre decided to put a limit on his card for purchases over five hundred dollars at a time. And there was no way I was leaving the store without those shoes."

Lancer cleared his throat. The group was silent again.

"Moving on."

The next person in line grimaced as the attention focused on her. "Sam Manson."

"Sam?" Kwan's eyes went wide in confusion. "Dude, you've got a dude's name!"

Sam rolled her eyes.

"As always, the jock has shown himself to have come from the top of the gene pool with his brilliance. My full name's Samantha, but if you dare call me that…" she peered around the circle, "I will shove these boots where the sun don't shine."

Dash whistled and nudged Kwan in the side. "Man, she got you good, man!"

Tucker looked over appreciatively at her spunk. "So what, you're in here for assault?" he guessed.

Sam snorted. "Oh please. I'm here because I exercised my right of free speech," she maintained, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat.

"You did a little more than that, Miss Manson."

Everyone looked at her expectantly until she put her hands up and exclaimed, "Fine! Sheesh, ya got me. So I did a little more than talk. I organized a protest."

"What did you protest?"

"The zoo."

"What? You're one of those crazy Pita weirdoes who protest at the zoo and ruin the afternoon for little kiddies?"

"It's PETA, I'm not crazy, and I don't care about little kiddies and their afternoons; I care about animals and their rights. That's why I let them out."

"You… what?"

"I opened the cages," she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"You… you're kidding, right?" Tucker gulped, suddenly scared to be sitting next to the girl. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Nope." She smirked at him as he backed away.

"I'm sure you will all recall the incident last month where the purple-backed gorilla was let loose and then proceeded to pound down the fence to the gazelle pasture?" Lancer took over the burden to explain. "That was courtesy of Miss Manson." Every head turned to look at the seemingly innocuous girl dressed in dark purple and black. "But we'll be moving along as there is still much to do."

The next person in line had to take a few seconds to recover what he had heard and close his jaw, which had been hanging open in a mixture of horror and astonishment.

"Uh… yeah!" he soon recovered his suavity. "That's Tucker Foley, or TF, TF as in too fine."

"Oh please…"

"And I'm here for hacking. You ever need to get past any security any time, I'm your man!"

"Heh. You think you can get into City Hall records to erase this rap, loser?" Dash asked from the other side of the circle.

"Hey!" Tucker leaned forward in his chair to pin the blond with a glare. "Nobody with my skills is a loser, okay, man? And yeah, City Hall records would be a breeze. I could do that while I was asleep."

"Right," Dash drawled unconvinced. "You sound like you think you could break into the CIA database or something."

"Don't just think so. I did. Twice." Now it was the black teen's turn to sit back with a self-satisfied smirk.

Lancer shook his head and resisted the urge to put it in his hands.

This wasn't supposed to be advertising. The whole exercise was a move calculated to shame the students into admitting that what they had done was incredibly and utterly stupid. Obviously, that tactic wasn't quite working as well as he had planned.

"Next, please," Lancer commanded wearily.

The next girl was worryingly aloof and curt in her carrying out of the teacher's orders. It seemed almost militaristic in its execution, something that made sense when the rest of the group heard her story.

"Valerie Grey. Illegal possession of weaponry on school property."

She sounded and looked like she was done with this assignment until one of the jocks goaded her with, "What, forgot to take your pocket-knife out of your backpack?"

"You idiot," she hissed at him. "I don't do knives. I do guns."

Dash began to laugh and Valerie's eyes became steel.

"Care to continue?" she asked, but he didn't get the hint and began laughing even harder at the thought that a girl thought they could challenge the star footballer of Casper High. His mistake was in thinking that she wouldn't hesitate to do exactly what she threatened.

In a flash, Valerie was out of her chair and had Dash in a headlock. The boy started choking out something about 'stupid girls' and it 'not being fair' that 'stars weren't given proper protection' from 'crazy chicks with guns'.

The group looked on in various stages of interest. Kwan stared back and forth at Dash and the girl attacking his buddy, but was too shocked to make a move. Sam smirked at the kid's predicament. The two teenagers who hadn't introduced themselves didn't even look over at the scene for more than a moment. Tucker gulped and gripped his chair until his knuckles turned white.

Lancer was over to the couple and had no difficulty breaking through the black belt's hold with his massive bearing.

"That's enough, people!" he said as he separated the seething girl and the speechless footballer. Valerie continued glaring at Dash until Lancer spoke again in a voice that brooked no nonsense. "To your seat, Miss Grey."

She sat back down.

Tucker gulped and scooted backwards in his chair, only to bump into the person beside him and realize to his horror that it was the animal loving Goth girl. He moved away quickly, muttering some half coherent apology and wiping his hands as if they had touched the contaminated.

His concentration moved to the next person in line as Lancer got the situation under control. This introduction seemed a bit underwhelming compared to what had just happened.

"Danny Fenton," the black haired kid said without raising his head. He sighed. "You can think of it, I've been accused of it."

Nobody said anything to him. The kid had quite the reputation and even though the jocks at least wanted some things explained, they couldn't very well get them with Lancer hovering over them all with his piercing eyes. The man wanted this to continue moving and so they continued moving without further commentary on the most troubled kid in their midst.

The last person in the group, a slender red-headed girl, seemed completely oblivious to the fact that it was her turn to introduce herself, but was instead assiduously writing, writing, writing.

Could it actually be that she was… taking notes? Did that make her a goody-goody teacher's pet, an OCD obsessive, or just plain weird?

After a moment, she recognized the silence and looked up with a small wave. "Hey! I'm Jazz."

And then she went back to writing.

Everyone gaped.

Dash was the one who actually put voice to the question everyone was thinking. "And… what are you in here for?"

She looked startled at being addressed and it took a moment to register as she was finishing jotting down a sentence.

"Oh, hmm? Me? Oh, I'm just here to observe, take a couple notes for my college thesis. Don't mind me." And she was back to writing again.

"College thesis? You don't look like you're ready to be writing a college thesis."

This time, she was ready to reply to any questions. "Oh, well, I'm actually heading off to college in the fall, but you can never be too prepared, right?"

Okay… this girl was the most messed-up out of the entire bunch.

This group is so dysfunctional. X'D

Well, this marks my two year anniversary on Fanfiction. I honestly don't know how the time has gone so quickly. Or how I have so thoroughly become addicted to this site and talking to all of the amazing people here. It's awesome, though. You guys have gotten me through one of the hardest years of my life to date. There are still days when I find it hard to function like a normal human being and that's most likely why I haven't been replying to reviews or conversations as much as I'd like to. But I'm trying to work on that. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know how thankful I am that you guys have stuck around reading my stuff for this long and been so supportive and nice and gaflarflaba! Because I'm a sucker for nostalgic fluffiness, I wanted to do something special today, so I've posted a list of stories and you can vote on which one(s) you want to see next either on my profile poll or DA journal. And everything I've written is up for adoption. If you want it, just come talk to me and I'll help you out as I can.