Hey guys! Been awhile. I lost my job in April because of the pandemic, and haven't even really felt like writing because shit has been so meh. BUT, I am happy to announce that my third novel is available for purchase on Amazon. So if you checked out my first two, and you like lesbian vampires (I promise there is more to it than that but I mean we all need a hook) you should definitely check out my third. Or the first one if you haven't started yet!

Now FF doesn't allow links or anything. SO, you're going to search for "C.M. Sipes Amazon author" in Google and BOOM, I'll pop up and you can check out the novels. The first is Darkness Is Rising, second is Chaos, and the third is Kingdom Come.

If you check any of them out PLEASE leave a review! It's essential for sales and honestly I could use the extra income right now. Especially since after July things will be real uncertain income wise. I also have a Redbubble page that you can check out to see my designs and if you're able to purchase anything there too, please do. Just search for Chesip14 on Redbubble and my page will come up. My avatar is Harley Quinn from her DC Universe show.

Lastly! I am starting a podcast where I talk about strange histories (I'm a historian if you don't know this) and the podcast is called Strange Histories and Coffee. I just submitted the first episode, so I'm not sure how long it will take for it to appear on all the platforms, BUT it will be available on Spotify first and then wherever else you listen to podcasts. If you have any questions you can send me a PM, or you can head to my tumblr (love-order-chaos-repeat) and send me a message there. The link for the podcast can be found on my Tumblr, but again if you have any issues locating just shoot me a message.

Now, as for this fanfic…yay pandemic lol. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I found it rather funny as I read through it after so I hope that y'all do too. Don't forget to drop a review as they are always welcomed and encouraged. Thanks for sticking with this story and the random updates that drop here and there!

Emma stretched as she sat up in the bed. She gave a wide yawn and rubbed the remaining sleep from her eyes and glanced around the bedroom. Regina was still sleeping peacefully next to her, an arm thrown over her face as she slumbered on her back. Her hair was mused, and there was a tiny little drool drop hanging from the edge of her mouth.

She glanced over at her phone, squinting at the lit up notification that graced her screen. She picked it up, eyes narrowing and then widening slightly as she read the headline.

Emma gave a heavy sigh and glanced at Regina. Her wife was going to have to handle this the second she woke up. So, that meant she needed to make sure she sent her off to work in the best mood possible. She carefully crawled out of bed and crept out of the room, quietly descending the stairs two at a time before rushing into the kitchen. She quickly put the coffee pot on the timer and readied it before setting to work on some pancake batter and setting out all of her cooking utensils.

Once she finished, she raced back up the stairs and peeked into their room. Regina was still fast asleep.

Emma released a breath and carefully crawled back into the bed before slowly lifting the covers and sighing happily at the sight of her wife's naked body.

She peppered kisses on her abdomen, smiling against the smooth skin as her wife shifted with a small moan. As expected, her legs spread just enough for Emma to carefully wiggle between them.

Her wife was going to have a hell of a day at work, and she was determined to make sure she was in the best mood possible during it. If she had to stop by the office to fuck her during the day to keep her stress level low—well damnit that's what she would do.

She interrupted her own train of thought by slowly sliding her tongue through Regina's folds, moaning softly at her taste. She was always a little saltier first thing in the morning. She started slow and soft, not wanting to wake her just yet. As time passed, Regina's legs spread wider and Emma's chin quickly became soaked.

Just as Regina was about to cum, Emma glanced up and saw her wife's eyes fly open, make contact with her, and then roll back in her head with a breathy 'Emma' falling from her lips.

She eased her down slowly and gently kissed the insides of her thighs before sliding back up her body and wrapping her up in her arms.

"Mmm, good morning to me," Regina hummed, pulling her head back slightly to regard her wife. "That was quite the wake up call." She turned her head to the side and smelled the air. "And coffee brewing too?"

"You betcha!" Emma replied with a grin. She kissed her quickly on the nose and smiled. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning, my love." Regina snuggled in closer before glancing up at her wife. "So what's the occasion? Did my mother destroy something in the middle of the night?"

Emma sighed and kissed the top of Regina's head. "Why don't you grab your robe and come downstairs and have some coffee and then we can talk."

Regina sighed heavily. "God it must be bad."

Regina slid from the bed and grabbed her robe before following Emma downstairs. She took a seat at the kitchen island and hummed happily when her wife placed a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

"So, what is so horrible that it warrants waking up to an orgasm, coffee, and pancakes?" Regina asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

Emma grimaced and pulled up the news article before handing it to Regina.

Her wife sighed and pulled a pair of readers from the island drawer, placing them deftly on her face and peering at the screen.

"Well…fuck," Regina mumbled as she scrolled through. "So we have a pandemic occurring officially now. To be honest I assumed it was going to get to this point, it was just a matter of when."

"You're awfully calm about this," Emma commented as she flipped the pancake one final time. She loaded it onto a plate and buttered it with another before placing it in front of Regina with a container of maple syrup.

Regina sighed. "Well, when you are as accustomed to my mother's near-life-ending shenanigans, one tends to be prepared for the worst on a daily basis."

Emma cracked a smile as she loaded her own plate with pancakes. "That's fair. So, are you going to give a statement?"

"I will have to," Regina replied before taking a bite. She chewed a moment and swallowed before continuing, "I will have to issue some statement and assure everyone that I am taking precautions. I think that placing a magical barrier over the town again would be beneficial. Allow no one to come in or out of Storybrooke until this passes. It's not like we get visitors anyway."

Emma nodded. "That's true. I'll make sure to keep the narrative in line with whatever you decide," Emma assured with a smile, before shoving a large wad of pancake in her mouth.

They ate in comfortable silence until finished, and Emma quickly cleaned up the plates before kissing her wife on the cheek. They headed upstairs to ready themselves for the day, making sure that Henry was up and on his way to school, and gathering Lily to take to her grandparents for a day of babysitting.

"I'll stop over after I drop Lily off and you can give me your statement?" Emma questioned as she high-fived Henry with one hand, Lily in her other arm, before Henry took off down the street for school.

"Sounds wonderful," Regina replied with a smile before kissing her wife soundly on the lips, then Lily's head, and sliding into her benz.

Emma made quick work of dropping Lily off at her parents' place, and then headed off toward the Sheriff station, whistling a tune. She stopped in her tracks when a flash of something caught her off guard.

"Cora?" Emma questioned as she watched the older woman dragging a flat bed cart down the road—loaded with toilet paper. "Are you having some serious tummy issues? There's enough rolls here for you to shit like a hundred times a day for months!

Cora narrowed her eyes at her daughter-in-law. "There's a pandemic, Emma."

Emma nodded slowly. "Uh huh. Last I saw about this thing though it doesn't make you shit your brains out."

"Emma," Cora huffed as she continued to pull her cart down the street. "People are going to get quarantined and what will they do then?"

"Um, shit like normal humans?" Emma replied uncertainly as they approached the mansion.

"Toilet paper is worth more than gold in these times!" Cora retorted as she lugged the cart up the driveway. "I won't have to leave for months!"

"Uh huh," Emma deadpanned. "So tell me then, Ms. Genius, what're you going to eat?"

Cora froze in her tracks and eyed the toilet paper uncertainly.

"Well you're stocked on toilet paper and won't have to leave the house for months. Great. So where's your food supply?" Emma asked with a smug smile.

Cora's eyes darted back and forth across the cart. "Fuck."

"Take some of this toilet paper back and get some food instead. That's an order."

"Who do you think you are? The law?" Cora sneered.

Emma tilted her head and eyed her mother-in-law like she had three heads. "Bish what the fuck does this say?" She gestured to her badge. "Also you know I'm the law!"

"Whatever, pig," Cora huffed as she grabbed a few packs of the toilet paper and waddled her way back down the street. "Who the fuck she is telling ME what I can and can't buy."

Cora struggled to hold onto the toilet paper. "Fuck."

One fell.

"Fuckity."

Another.

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!"

"You need some help there, lass?" Hook asked as approached his captain.

"Oh, Hook!" Cora exclaimed happily. "Lovely to see you, pick up those packs would you?"

"What's with all the toilet paper, love? You having some tummy issues?"

Cora rolled her eyes. "No. We are in the midst of a pandemic and therefore I must hoard the toilet paper."

Hook was silent as they walked. "Does the disease make you shit yerself?"

Cora huffed. "No."

"So then why the toilet paper?"

"JUST BECAUSE OKAY!"

Hook shrugged and continued on in silence.

"So what about food?"

"What about it?"

"Do you have enough? You won't be needing much toilet paper if there's nothing going in to come out."

Cora eyed him angrily. One lone eye twitched.

"Apologies, love, just trying to understand your reasoning."

They arrived at the grocery store and entered, immediately heading to a cashier to return the toilet paper.

"Perhaps you and the pig are right, Hook, I do not in fact need that much toilet paper."

"Pig?" Hook asked.

"Emma. Damn sheriff, thinking she's above the law," Cora grumbled as she grabbed a cart and began walking through the aisles.

"Okkkayyy," Hook drawled, allowing Cora to grumble about…whatever that was exactly.

"Perhaps I was being a bit hasty in my panic buying. I do have magic after all," Cora reasoned aloud.

Hook nodded enthusiastically. "It'll be fine, love. Your daughter's the mayor and whipped up this little place for the most part. I'm sure she will have a plan in place."

Cora sighed heavily. "I believe you're right, Hook."

They passed through the aisles and grabbed produce. As they turned down an aisle, they heard a commotion spring up from an aisle over. They shared a look before hurrying down the aisle and turning into the next.

It was the toilet paper aisle.

"Rachel fucking Tice," Cora growled as she watched the fairy rip a pack of toilet paper out of Mother Goose's hands.

Blue turned and eyed her nemesis, tucking the toilet paper under her arm. "What do you want?" she sneered.

Cora's eye twitched. "I wanna know why you think mauling a town treasure like Mother Goose is acceptable."

"We are about to be in the midst of a pandemic," Blue argued.

"Believe me I had the same idea, but upon more reflection I realized how absolutely idiotic I was being. Regina has a handle on this, I'm sure. Our town is secluded and we don't have visitors anyway. It will be fine. There's no need for this response," Cora said calmly.

"I think that may have been the calmest I've ever heard you speak to her, love," Hook commented with surprise.

Cora eyed him and shrugged. "You're probably right. This requires a delicate handling."

Suddenly Cora was smacked upside the head with the pack of toilet paper that Blue was clutching onto.

"You don't ever tell me what to do you saggy titted old bird!" Blue yelled as she winded up to smack Cora again.

"The fuck!" Cora yelled as she lunged forward and tackled Blue to the ground, landing some blows to her and ripping the toilet paper out of her hands. "You can shit in the woods and wipe your ass with leaves since you wanna act like an animal!"

Blue struggled and they began wrestling, attempting to dominate the other.

"You suck!" Blue screeched as she sunk her fingers into Cora's hair and pulled. "You crazy old bat. You think you can do whatever you want because your daughter is the mayor and your daughter-in-law is the sheriff?" She released a puff of air as Cora broke free and punched her in the nose.

"I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I CAN BECAUSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME YOU FAIRY IMBECILE!" Cora roared.

"LUCIFER'S MISTRESS!"

"MISTRESS?!" Cora screeched, offended. "I'M THE MOTHERFUCKIN QUEEN BITCH!" Cora swung her right arm upward, and connected squarely with Blue's jaw—sending her flying through the air and into the shelves.

Cora's eyes widened.

"Uh oh."

The shelf that Blue hit began to rock, and then slowly—as if time itself had ceased—began to fall backwards and into the next shelf which created a domino effect.

"That's…not good," Hook muttered as other civilians screamed and ran out of the way of the collapsing shelves.

"Oh man, Regina is going to be pissed," Cora said with a wince as a shelf landed just short of crushing one of the dwarves.

"Maybe she won't have time to deal with it…what with a pandemic brewing and all," Hook chimed in hopefully.

Cora nodded enthusiastically. "You're right. Perhaps she won't even notice and all will be—"

A cloud of purple smoke appeared behind Cora and Hook offered a sheepish grin.

"She's standing right behind me isn't she?" Cora asked with a wince.

Hook nodded and Cora turned around to meet her daughter's irritated gaze.

"Mother, I do not have time to come running everytime you destroy something so please keep the destruction to a minimum."

Cora cocked her head. "How DID you know? This literally just happened."

Regina gestured over her shoulder to the nervous cashier. "Half of the town has installed panic buttons that alert my office directly whenever you see fit to destroy something in MY town."

Cora's mouth opened in an 'O' before closing with a pop. "I see."

Regina glanced over to Blue who was still clinging to a pack of toilet paper like a feral animal guarding it's last scrap of food.

"As…frustrating as Blue can be, play nice for the time being. I am rather busy," Regina urged. Then she waved her hand and fixed the shelves before disappearing in a cloud of smoke again.

"Well that…that went rather well, love." Hook smiled.

Cora hummed thoughtfully. "Since my daughter has so much on her hands, we should do what we can to help out, Hook."

"How do you mean?"

"We will make sure that people don't unnecessarily stress her out. If we see them doing something stupid we will handle it."

Hook beamed. "Ohhh we get to be the Plague Squad!"

"Indeed!" Cora waved her hand and suddenly they were encased in dark clothing.

Hook tilted his head and lifted up the mask that was covering his face and removed it. "Aren't these plague doctor masks?"

"Yes," Cora said beneath the mask, enthusiastically nodding. "I've always wanted to wear one of these babies. Also, if people want to act like lunatics then we will unsettle them with our presence!"

She waved her hand again and badges appeared on their robes.

"Now we are official," Cora proudly stated.

A beeping noise went off and Hook pulled out his phone and eyed the alert. "Your daughter has outlined the measures for this pandemic. The borders of Storybrooke are reinstated and the town is going to be invisible again. She's confident that no one in the town would be infected and that there is no cause for concern but urges everyone to continue practicing good hygiene and wash their hands, not to touch their faces, cover their coughs, and to stay home if they aren't feeling well."

Cora nooded. "That's completely reasonable."

"WE ARE IN LOCKDOWN! BUY ALL THE CLEANER AND TOILET PAPER AND SOAP!"

Cora and Hook turned to see patrons begin flipping out and rushing to the shelves and grabbing what they could. Within minutes all toilet paper, soap, and disinfectant wipes were gone from the shelves.

Cora lifted her plague mask. "Holy shit…they cleaned this out faster than dermestid beetles on a carcass."

Hook eyed her curiously.

"I watch a lot of animal planet," Cora replied with a shrug.

"I think we may have a harder time keeping people from from acting like idiots than we thought, love," Hook stated.

Cora waved him on to follow her out of the store. They stepped out into the street and heard a commotion coming from Granny's diner. They ran as fast as they could, when wearing long robes and a mask that didn't allow for the easiest viewing, and arrived on the scene.

People were rioting outside of Granny's, demanding that they be allowed in.

"We demand service!" someone screamed.

Granny nodded with understanding. "And you will be, but we are requiring every patron to wear masks for our protection just like we are going to wear masks for yours."

"This is infringing on my rights!"

"Oh shut up you didn't even have rights under the monarchy until we got magicked here you soggy potato," Cora retorted as she reached Granny's side. She waved her hand and magicked masks onto everyone. "There now stop acting like fucking barbarians."

The crowd grumbled but dispersed.

"Captain," Granny greeted with a sigh. "I'm glad you came when you did. I thought I was going to have to pull out my crossbow and start firing."

"I doubt Regina would have been happy with that but I'm sure she would have completely understood," Cora replied and lifted her mask. "Hook and I have formed the Plague Squad. Would you like to join?"

"What do you do?"

"We wear plague doctor outfits and show up at disturbances like this and disperse the crowd. Try to keep it off Regina's plate."

"That's very kind of you," Granny commented, surprised. "Actually trying to keep things from being destroyed."

"Well no one can destroy things like I can. So I won't allow half-assery."

"That's very true, Captain. I would love to be part of your Plague Squad," Granny pledged.

Cora waved her hand and magicked an outfit onto Granny.

She slung her crossbow over her shoulder and nodded to Cora.

"Ah, love, is the crossbow necessary?" Hook asked as he eyed the weapon.

Even beneath the plague mask he could tell that she was dead serious about keeping the weapon on her. "You're goddamn right it is. You've seen how these lunatics are acting."

A commotion could be heard up the street and Cora gestured they move—albeit somewhat awkwardly because of the masks adorning their bodies.

They reached a mob of a dozen or so people harassing the local baker.

"WE NEED YEAST! I WANT TO MAKE BREAD SINCE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE!" a woman screamed from the crowd.

"Blind witch?" Cora inquired as she eyed the messy haired woman. "When the fuck did you cook anything up other than children? Get the fuck outta here." Cora began shooing the crowd away but encountered resistance.

Granny gripped her crossbow tightly and took aim. "I'll start firing if you idiots don't disperse right now. You're acting like a pack of rabid dogs!"

"We want to bake bread!" someone yelled from the crowd.

"And I want George Clooney to fuck me senseless but you don't see me staking out his fucking mansion for the hope of that happening." Granny waved her crossbow in the air.

Cora cleared her throat. "That and the fact that he has a restraining order against you."

Granny turned her plague mask on Cora. "You're the one that magicked us there! You said that it would be fine and we got dumped in the middle of the mansion!"

"Hey hat teleporting is finicky sometimes. I aimed a little too far. It happens," Cora defended adamantly.

"You fuck my granddaughter and I ask for one thing from you, to get me to meet Clooney, and instead I get a restraining order."

Cora bristled. "Listen here you mangey wolf, you got to meet him. You're the one that tore off your clothes and pounced on the poor man. No fucking wonder there is a restraining order. You fucking groupie. And as for your granddaughter, she is her own person and has every right to fuck who she damn well pleases and that just so happens to be me. So don't act like you have any control or say over her body."

Granny stared at Cora a moment before shrugging and looking back at the crowd that was staring at them with a look that said that THEY were the crazy ones.

"Go on clear off you vultures," Hook yelled as he shooed the crowd away like one would a pack of seagulls.

"Thank you so much," the baker said with a grateful smile. "I thought they would destroy my store."

"Anything for a citizen," Cora waved it off. "That and I need to keep Regina happy so that I can hold this over her head later. I don't see her wife handling any of this shit, and she's the sheriff!"

Hook peered around Cora and pointed down the street. "Um, I think that may be why."

The trio sped off toward the scene. Emma's cruiser was getting the shit beat out of it while Emma was attempting to pull citizens away.

"I WANT FREEDOM!" someone yelled as they threw a rock at the car.

"HOW THE FUCK IS THIS HELPFUL?" Emma yelled as she dodged another throw.

"YOUR WIFE IS THE MAYOR. TELL HER TO LIFT THE LOCKDOWN."

"IT'S BEEN LESS THAN A FUCKING HOUR YOU PIECE OF FUNGUS!" Emma yelled again as she dove behind a garbage can.

Hook ran forward and tackled a large man that was about to throw another garbage can at the car, and knocked him to the ground.

Granny readied her crossbow and Cora magicked herself a bat.

"Alright leave the pig alone!" Cora yelled as she took a batting stance. "Get lost all of you."

"Or what?" one of them taunted.

"Or I'm going to start swinging at some kneecaps," Cora retorted.

The crowd grumbled but dispersed. Emma peeked out from behind the garbage can to check and make sure it was clear.

"Cora, thank god." Emma stood. She eyed the outfits and shrugged, not even trying to question it. "These people are going fucking nuts. It's been like forty minutes! I've gotten multiple calls of mobs forming. I was on my way to the bakery when they fucking ambushed me."

"The grocery store is totally cleaned out of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, Granny had a mob on her doorstep because people didn't want to wear masks, and we dispersed the mob at the bakery," Hook explained.

Emma nodded her thanks and then gestured to the outfits. "So what's all this."

"We are the Plague Squad," Cora declared proudly and puffed her chest out.

Emma eyed her a moment. "Okay! We should probably go and check on Regina. If there are mobs forming here, who knows what is happening there."

The group all hopped into Emma's cruiser, which Cora immediately magicked to be in working condition again—and they sped off toward City Hall.

They could see the large crowd amassing as they approached. Emma sped up and slid the cruiser to a halt right in front of the steps to keep the crowd from inching closer.

"Here," Cora waved her hand and magicked a plague outfit on Emma. "Welcome to the Plague Squad."

A bat appeared in Emma's hand then as well, and Hook's, and Granny readied her crossbow as they stood on the steps.

"You all need to disperse immediately," Emma called out, readying the bat.

"We demand to be free!"

Cora's shoulders slumped. "Bernard, you've never even left this fucking town and now suddenly you want to leave just because you can't?!"

Bernard shrugged. "Maybe I was about to leave town when your daughter put us on lockdown."

"Oh yeah right before the lockdown was in place you were finally going to leave the town you haven't had to leave for twenty some years, and when the barrier was down you still didn't fucking leave, but oh NOW—NOW is when you want to go and see the pandemic ridden world. You're a fucking moldly block of cheese, Bernard, get fucked." Cora threw her hands up.

"I was going to visit colleges this weekend!" someone called out.

Granny eyed them. "You've been saying that, Dwayne, for the better part of two years and we all know damn well you aren't going to be leaving town because your momma does everything for you and you have no real desire to leave. You just use that as a threat whenever you want her to do something she initially refused."

Dwayne hung his head.

"You all have had no intention of leaving before this lockdown. Just because you Ameri-CAN does not mean you Ameri-SHOULD," Emma said seriously. "Storybrooke is well protected from the outside world where this pandemic is a very real and serious threat. Here, all Regina is asking you to do is remain in the town boundaries, which you all did for two fucking decades anyway, and wear a mask and wash your hands and not be fucking gross-ass gremlins. It's been maybe an hour since she declared a lockdown and you all are losing your fucking minds!"

"She's treating us like we are her subjects!"

Emma ripped the plague mask off. "Oh yeah because she's having you beheaded for forming a mob and causing disruption in her kingdom."

There was silence.

"That's what I fucking thought. Now you all are stressing the baby the fuck out. Get lost!" Emma yelled frantically.

"Baby?" Cora asked, confused.

Emma looked at her with wide eyes. "ME, CORA. I'M THE BABY. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE STRESSED OUT IN MY FUCKING LIFE THAN RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THESE FUCKING HEATHENS!" She thrust her hand out at the crowd and magic shot forward, knocking the crowd back.

Cora warily glanced at Granny and Hook as Emma began to lose her shit and start shooting off blasts of magic to get the crowd to leave. She sent them off in different directions, and instead of stopping, she began running after a few. She shot magic at their heels to get them to run faster.

The trio looked at each other and then slowly backed up into City Hall, allowing Emma to continue…whatever the fuck that was.

"We need to speak to my daughter," Cora announced as she approached the secretary.

The waltzed right in, finding Regina at her desk with a pair of glasses on the bridge of her nose and going over some documents.

Her brow furrowed as she looked on the three weirdly dressed individuals and then sat back in her chair. "Mother?"

Cora took the mask off. "Soooooo there's a situation."

Regina sighed heavily. "What did you do?"

Cora beamed. "Oh no, it actually isn't me for once. It's your wife."

Regina jumped up. "What happened?"

"She's currently terrorizing the town."

Regina flew from the room with the other three on her heels, and exited City Hall. Her eyes widened when she saw the destruction just outside of the building. She could see her wife down the street, shooting magic from her hands at citizens that were fleeing in all different directions. Some of the blasts were missing them and hitting the buildings and breaking the glass.

"What happened," Regina demanded as she eyed her mother.

Cora held her hands up. "Now easy there. We formed the Plague Squad to keep the citizens in check because they started losing their shit the second you declared a lockdown. They looted the damn grocery store, Granny had a mob outside her diner, the baker had a mob demanding yeast, and Emma's cruiser was vandalized because they want to leave. And I mean now Emma has lost it and is shooting off magic left and right but I mean…good for her it's about time she started going off on these people."

Regina rolled her eyes. "They are my citizens, mother. I can't have my WIFE terrorizing them."

"Your citizens are fucking idiots, Regina," Cora retorted matter-of-factly.

Regina massaged her temples. "Okay. Help me get Emma under control. Hook, Granny, please try to do citizen control and get them to safety."

She strode down the street, not waiting for an answer from the others, and headed toward her wife.

"Emma!" Regina called out.

Emma turned and looked at her, eyes glowing white as magic swirled around her fists.

"Holy shit she went all Avatar!" Cora yelled out. "THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!"

"Emma, darling, please you need to calm down. You're wrecking the town," Regina pleaded as she took small careful steps toward her wife.

"Yeah, Emma, we need you to stop fucking shit up even though it's hella deserved with the way these dipshits were acting."

"Mother!" Regina scolded. "You are NOT helping."

Cora rolled her eyes. "Well I am certainly not HURTING. She's still standing there and we haven't gotten blasted away yet so I would call this a temporary success."

"Emma," Regina began as she took another step. "I—"

"Hey, Emma, do you think you could go rock Blue's shit for me before Regina calms your ass down? That used toilet paper of a fairy totally wrecked the grocery store and beat me up."

"MOTHER!" Regina growled.

"Listen, I'm just saying…she's a fucking stupid head and I want her ass kicked by the fucking avatar," Cora defended.

Emma looked back and forth between the two women, still glowing and unmoving.

"My wife is not some weapon you can just unleash on people you don't like!"

"Well why the FUCK NOT, Regina! When do I get to have some fun?"

"YOU WRECK THE TOWN EVERY OTHER DAY WITH YOUR FUN!"

Cora waved her off. "That's child's play. Emma is a being created from True Love. Her magic is inherent and powerful. I just want to borrow her."

"SHE ISN'T A LIBRARY BOOK THAT YOU CAN JUST CHECK OUT WHENEVER YOU WANT!"

The glowing around Emma ceased and she stared at the two women—blinking as a haze lifted from her eyes. She looked around, taking in the state of the businesses around her that were pretty damaged.

"YOU NEVER LET EMMA AND I DO ANYTHING COOL TOGETHER!"

"YOUR IDEA OF COOL IS DOING ILLEGAL SHIT!"

"I LIVE ON THE EDGE, REGINA, LIFE IS SHORT!"

"YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE FOR NEARLY A HUNDRED DAMN YEARS!"

"THAT'S WHAT I MEAN WHO KNOWS HOW LONG I HAVE LEFT!"

Regina let out an exasperated sigh and chose to ignore her mother. She looked back to her wife—immediately surprised that not only was her wife no longer glowing, but that she was standing there eating a corn dog and watching them curiously.

"Emma?" Regina questioned, eyes falling on the corn dog.

"I fucked up the corn dog stand," Emma pointed to the toppled over stand. "You guys were arguing and I was hungry. All that magic really takes a toll. I don't really remember a lot of it, feels like I was on the outside looking in, but I'm super hungry."

Regina blinked and walked to her wife and wrapped her in her arms. "I'm willing to allow your destruction of the town to slide. But just because you're adorable and you gave me a lovely orgasm this morning." She kissed her head.

Emma beamed and took another bite of her hot dog.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Cora yelled. "I DESTROY THIS TOWN ON THE REG AND I GET PUNISHED BUT EMMA GETS OFF FREE!?"

Regina smirked and glanced at her wife, looking her up and down with a hungry gaze. "She isn't getting out of a punishment, I assure you."

Emma swallowed thickly and licked her lips.

Cora rolled her eyes. "Kinky bitches."

She waved dismissively and strode off toward Granny and Hook in the distance. She figured that she would gather them and stroll the streets for a bit—

Then she heard the explosion in the distance and without thinking she magicked herself, Granny, and Hook toward the explosion. Regina and Emma appeared shortly after and they all looked on at the scene in front of them.

Blue was with a group of townsfolk, actively trying to dismantle the barrier that surrounded the town.

"WE WANT FREEDOM!" some townsfolk screamed.

"FUCK THE MONARCHY!" someone else yelled as they charged the barrier.

Regina and Cora groaned.

"WE LIVE IN A FUCKING DEMOCRACY YOU BLIND DONKEY. YOU VOTED FOR HER IN A GODDAMN ELECTION!" Cora yelled.

The group turned to regard them.

One townsmember spoke up, "It was either her or that weird guy that lives on the edge of town."

Cora gestured to the air. "EXACTLY. You had a choice and you chose the most responsible and reliable candidate who has proven over and over again that she should be mayor. Has she not kept you all safe after every fucking disaster? Has she not restored your businesses after I destroyed each and every one of them for the past how many fucking years? Has she not cleaned up every single mess I have made with my antics? Time travelling, alternate reality travelling—hell I fucking made this place Hogwarts AND I had fucking dinosaurs come back!"

The group all eyed each other.

"She did do that," someone spoke up.

"Yeah she did. She also magicked my business back to normal after Cora wrecked it. Not a single thing was out of place," another said amongst the crowd.

"SEE!" Cora chirped. "She has kept you all safe. So why can't you trust her judgment now with this pandemic? The barrier is to protect us from outsiders passing through and getting us sick."

"I've also requested testing kits to be sent here and left outside of the barrier to retrieve and begin testing all citizens for the virus. If everyone tests negative, there's no need or worry and I can relax the small orders I put in place but the barrier will stay up until the pandemic has passed in the outside world. If anyone tests positive there will be additional measures put in place, but I assue you it is for your safety," Regina explained. She flashed her best politician smile.

The crowd looked to each other and then seemed to come to an agreement. They began to disperse, but only for a moment until Blue started to throw a tantrum.

"YOU CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE NOW! WE WERE MAKING PROGRESS!"

"Bitch, you weren't able to break that barrier for decades how the fuck do you think you're going to break it now?" Cora sassed.

Blue let out a shriek and dove for Cora.

"FUCK SHE RABID!" Cora yelped as she dove out of the way.

"I got this!" Emma yelled. She pushed her fists together and white surrounded her. Her eyes glowed white and she looked at Blue with an eerie calm.

"SEE SHE IS THE FUCKING AVATAR, REGINA!" Cora yelled in delight.

Regina stood with her mouth slightly agape as she watched her wife begin dueling Blue. The raw power that came off of her made Regina shiver as she felt the magic flowing through the air.

"TO WAR!" Cora shouted as she started shooting off magical blasts with Emma.

"YOU DIDN'T MENTION YOU HAD A FUCKING AVATAR ON YOUR SIDE!" Blue shrieked as she dodged a blast.

"I didn't know till today," Cora said calmly before she roared and shot off another blast.

"Blue, you have disrupted the balance of Storybrooke for long enough. You must be stopped," Emma said calmly before surging forward and grabbing Blue by the hair.

She touched the middle of her forehead and a blinding light encompassed the area. Then, as suddenly as the blast appeared, it vanished.

Blue slumped over as Emma's glowing white faded. "What did you do to me?"

"I took away your magic," Emma replied seriously. "Well…not totally but I blocked it so you're going to be out of commission for awhile until it restores naturally."

Blue's eyes widened. "YOU FUCKING—"

"ATTACK!" Snow yelled suddenly from nowhere.

Suddenly a wave of woodland creatures encircled Blue, keeping her in place. The group all looked to the tree line and watched as Snow stepped out, looking like Rambo. She had dirt and paint smeared on her face as a camoflouge.

"Mom?" Emma asked surprised. "Whatcha doin in the woods?"

"Once a pandemic was declared I thought it would be best to live in the wilderness with my woodland friends."

Regina, Emma, and Cora all looked to each other.

"Snow," Regina began hesitantly, "I—you know what I have nothing. You live in the woods to your heart's content." She turned to Emma. "Our child no longer gets babysat by her, Charming only."

"No argument here," Emma replied with her hands up.

"Hey my woodland friends are very hygenic and I don't have to worry about disease with them!" Snow replied with a smile.

Cora eyed the others. "Are you going to tell her or should I? Because otherwise we are going to have a Typhoid Mary on our hands except she'll be plague ridden or some zoonotic incubator."

Regina frowned and waved her hand. A bubble of magic surrounded Snow and then dissipated. "That should keep anything from biting you. If you drink bad water though you're on your own. But this way I don't have to worry about you spreading any disease linked to ticks, fleas, mites, and the various woodland animals you are residing with."

"Awww thanks, Regina!" Snow chirped happily.

Regina glanced to Blue. She waved her hand and the fairy disappeared. "I placed her in the sheriff's station in a cell."

"Thanks, baby!" Emma leaned in and kissed her wife on the cheek.

"SCOUTS!" Snow yelled suddenly.

The group watched with slight horror as the animals all stood at attention.

"MOVE OUT!" Snow called.

The woodland squad dispersed back into the trees.

"See you around!" Snow called before she leapt into the woods like a deer.

"I can NOT believe that she birthed you," Regina said seriously as she looked at Emma.

"You know, suddenly being abandoned in a magical tree portal doesn't seem like such a far fetched concept," Emma replied, taking her wife's hand in her own.

"Well, another day saved! Man I love this town. Shit is ALWAYS happening." Cora beamed.

"Yes well," Regina began. "I suppose I will allow your Plague Squad to stay in effect until this pandemic passes. I appreciate your effort to keep the citizens at bay."

"Anything you need boss," Cora said before she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Regina eyed her wife then. "So…this raw magical power you showed off today…" her eyes darkened and she pulled Emma in close. "Care to give me a full demonstration?"

"KINKY BITCHES!" Snow's voice called from the forest, startling the couple.

They recovered and laughed about it as they magicked away.

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Please check out my novels, my redbubble page, and my podcast! I'm doing what I can to make sure I'm able to sort of have some additional income while this all happens. Im in the US and shit is bad here and places aren't hiring really, at least not in my areas, so I could really use the extra money. Thanks for supporting. Also if you can't purchase anything that's okay please just boost the word however you can. If you have tumblr, go to my page adn reblog posts about my pages or hit up twitter and spread word yourselves. But please boost if you can?