A/N: I was working on this in the week leading up to the big day, and hoped to post it on the 21st itself. I didn't finish the story in time, so I'm posting the first chapter here to embarrass myself into finishing it.

Disclaimer: Neither Haruhi Suzumiya nor the Mayans belong to me. I'm just playing, and I'll put them back where I found them when I'm done.

Mayan Apocalypse, SOS Edition!

by Netherwood

Just awhile ago, there was a certain day. Most people barely noticed it; a few were hunkering down in their basements surrounded by cans of beans. After the day came and went and no apocalypse materialized, most people thought nothing at all happened that day, but only because they weren't in the right place at that so exquisitely wrong time. The adventure was… confusing, honestly, and not my best showing. I mostly spent the whole time bumping off metaphorical walls, wondering what in the world was going on. The rest of my friends in the SOS Brigade probably made a better showing than myself, but when has that not been the case? Anyway, here's how it went.

Outside Yuki's apartment, the drifting cascade of snowflakes to the earth catches the streetlamps and car headlights, making regions of glowing warmth in the darkness of night. Inside Yuki's apartment, the chatter of conversation between Itsuki, Mikuru, and Haruhi blends harmoniously with the scent of tortilla chips, salsa, and fresh hot chocolate. Yuki has set down her book for the time being, and has volunteered to watch the taco mix on the stove to give Mikuru a chance to come sit down with her friends. What is this, a Christmas celebration with the wrong cuisine? Perhaps a New Years Eve party a week and a half too early? Indeed not. Gather round and hang your heads in sadness, friends, for it is the night of December 20th, 2012, and the SOS Brigade has gathered to solemnly greet the end of the world.

"Hey, Kyon!" Haruhi calls to me from across the room. "You made sure to buy plenty of noisemakers and party poppers, right?"

Solemn. Yes, that is the word I'm looking for. And of course I made sure we're fully stocked.

"Good! We need plenty of go around for the entire set of holidays!" She turns around and glomps happily onto Mikuru. In a marked contrast from years ago, it really is a simple hug instead of something that could double as a submission hold, and Mikuru actually smiles and returns the hug. "After all, we're going to party as much as we can while the prodigal college student is back for winter break! Tonight, the world ends in a blaze of glory! Then, we have Christmas in a few days, and we haven't even started putting that together! After all that, we'll be hard pressed to come up with something fresh for New Year's Eve. Hmm, my parents will be out for New Year's, but I might have to ask Yuki about using her place again for Christmas... Her turn watching the taco mix is up, too! I'll swap out for her." With that, the indefatigable leader of the SOS Brigade, current senior at Kitago High School, and somewhat more recently, the girlfriend of a certain lowly-ranked Brigade member, dashes into the kitchen.

And yes, as I listen for it, I hear the familiar crow of "Yuki!" as Haruhi glomps onto her, too. Now, I don't want you to think that Haruhi hasn't calmed down at all in the past few years, because she most definitely has. She's really come a long way from the volatile, self-absorbed girl who built her own club by kidnapping whoever she felt like taking—quite literally, in Mikuru's case. It's just that getting the entire Brigade together for a celebration brings out the warmest and most energetic side of her. And why shouldn't it? Everyone in the Brigade still does occasional lip service to our original duty of finding supernatural events, but this sort of thing is what we really look forward to.

Itsuki makes his way over to the window and, incidentally, to me. "Enjoying the view, Kyon?" He waves to the snowfall beyond the balcony window. "I believe a poet once asked whether the world would end in fire or ice. It seems we have an answer."

Well, if we're going to be facetious, I'll have to agree that ice is the better option. Far less terrifying. If we're going to be serious, though, please tell me you're not actually expecting anything to go wrong tonight? I thought you said there hasn't been so much as a single incident of closed space in almost six months.

"Oh, I certainly hope there won't be any problems. To be honest, even though I'm supposed to be the vigilant watchman, it's been quite some time since I actually feared Haruhi being unstable enough to toss out the world altogether. As for closed space... well, she does still create such spaces on occasion, but it's been six months since a celestial manifested in one of them, and that actually dissipated on its own before we espers even got to it. She doesn't really seem unhappy enough to need their services anymore."

That's something I could expect just from looking at Haruhi herself these days, but it's welcome to hear it from her subconsciously-appointed cleanup crew, as well.

Itsuki looks away from me slightly, instead tracing Yuki as she emerges from the kitchen to set a plate of tortilla shells and a bowl of shredded lettuce on the kotatsu before she sits next to Mikuru and picks up a cup of hot chocolate. They make quite a sight, our resident lavender-haired alien sipping hot chocolate while the chestnut-haired time traveler makes wide eyes as she goes through a bowl of chips and salsa like she's never tasted such a food before. Actually, come to think of it, maybe she hasn't—it's not a terribly common food in Japan, after all, and who knows what she eats back home.

Eventually, Itsuki continues. "Honestly, if there's anything I'm worried about tonight, it's that Haruhi, without actually wanting the world to end, might dwell on the topic too much and make such a thing happen by accident anyway. This Mayan prediction of the world's end is, well, it's the sort of flashy event she would have wanted several years ago. She was doing a lot of research into the topic while planning the party, wasn't she?"

I did see her with a few books, but I can't honestly be worried that Haruhi's going to do anything to the world. Trust me, right now her mind is on friends and food, whatever the theme of the party itself. If there is any danger tonight, I'll be more worried that some force other than Haruhi might try to end the world. The idea that the world could end just because a long-dead civilization said so ought to be patently ridiculous. When I take into account some of the things we've dealt with over the years, though, I'm not willing to discount that the Mayans saw something or other.

Yuki set down her hot chocolate and looked across the room to Itsuki and myself, preparing to cut into the conversation. Yuki's a little more forthcoming than she used to be; a few years around friends and with Haruhi's example, I suppose. She let her hair grow a few more inches over the years too, and I frequently spot her slowly writing in a small notebook. The changes suit her well. When she speaks, her voice is clear and direct, but still with her usual softness. "The Mayan civilization did not predict the end of the world on this date."

Wait, what?

"The Mayan calendar system, like the current calendar system in use throughout most of the modern world, is organized into various divisions of differing length. Tomorrow, the 21st December 2012, only marks the ending of one division and the beginning of the next. The closest parallel to the modern calendar system would be the change from one millennium or century to the next. Further, the division ending tonight, known in current scholarship as a b'ak'tun or a Long Count, is the thirteenth complete Long Count since the Mayan mythological date of the creation of humanity. Tomorrow marks the beginning of the fourteenth Long Count. The Mayan civilization made no prophecies regarding an apocalypse event on this date." Yuki picks up her hot chocolate again and takes a sip, now that the nonsense has been conclusively settled. If I had to describe her demeanor, I'd call it self-satisfied.

"I'm a little confused." Mikuru stops munching at her chips long enough to come into the conversation herself. There's no "um" or "e...excuse me!" prefacing her interruption, either; she still has a long way to go before she becomes the confident, commanding woman I remember from meeting her older self, but she's not making bad progress. "How did the Mayans get into this, anyway? And if the Mayans didn't predict anything like the end of the world, where did the idea come from? I kept double-checking my history references, but they kept saying the primary Mayan civilization has been gone for a long time, with descendants mostly remaining in Central America? How did that turn into a doomsday prophecy?"

Yuki's lips curl ever-so-slightly downward, and her gaze has the slightest hint of ice. "The idea originates in blatant disregard for proper interpretation of data." I have a mental image of Yuki, holding Asakura's knife, very seriously lecturing the originator of this rumor on the merits of proper scholarship.

I suddenly feel very silly that even some small part of my mind was taking the notion of doomsday seriously. In fact, I—hey, wait a minute, why didn't Itsuki already know the doomsday prophecy was just a misinterpretation?

"Heh, well, full disclosure compels me to admit that the only reading I did about the Mayan apocalypse date was the topic dossier my superiors sent me. Since they're primarily interested in what Haruhi might do about an idea, I suppose it makes sense that they'd focus on what is commonly believed and commonly available, rather than what the actual archaeological facts might be."

Personally, that seems to be underestimating Haruhi's tenacity. If she's really interested, I'm sure she'll dig through whatever information she can find, whether it's public rumor or specialized scholarship.

Asahina stares off into space for a moment, an action I've come to associate with her manipulating her augmented reality interface or conferring with her contacts in the future. "That... can't be right." She's muttering, almost to herself. "Oh, converting dates between calendars is no fun at all. Give me a moment, please... um, carry the epoch... Wait, that, that can't be!"

When Mikuru started addressing us once again, her face had paled. "When I traveled down into this time frame, I started using the local calendar, so I didn't really notice where we fit in the overall time line, but... according to the standardized calendars we use in my home time frame, tomorrow is the beginning of the seventh era of human civilization, and it starts with something called the... the Mayan Apocalypse Event."

Now, I think you'll understand perfectly when I say that Mikuru's announcement was greeted with a few seconds of stunned silence.

"What... what do you mean, the 'Mayan Apocalypse Event'?" It was Koizumi whose mouth finally started functioning first. I was too busy gaping.

"I don't know! I'm sorry, but everything about the event is classified! Even to me! It's not that I can't talk about it, the information is above my clearance level. I... I don't even remember learning about this in history classes." Mikuru put a hand up to her head, and her eyes unfocused again for a moment. "The only information I'm getting is... an order to file detailed reports later? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Hey everyone!" We collectively jumped—except Yuki, of course—as Haruhi's head stuck out from the entrance to the kitchen. "The taco stuff is done! Kyon, come help me bring the rest out?"

As I make my way to the kitchen, I have to take a moment to reflect on these hurried little conferences regarding the supernatural the four of us have when Haruhi's not in the room. They've gotten fewer and fewer as the years went by, or the ones centering around Haruhi have, anyway. There's still the occasional weirdness from other sources drawn to her that we need to take care of, such as wandering data entities or rogue time travelers bending the timeline into knots, but I'm perfectly happy to help clean those up when I can. As for Haruhi's powers, though, the SOS Brigade has had to go behind her back less and less, simply because she wasn't making problems. The last time we needed to go on some outrageous adventure while keeping Haruhi completely in the dark was well before the two of us started dating. I... really only agreed to dating because I had this feeling that running around like this wouldn't be necessary again. But if Nagato says there's actually nothing apocalypse-y about the Mayans, then what cause for a "Mayan Apocalypse Event" is there other than Haruhi?

Whatever damage control we're about to run off to do, I can't feel virtuous about doing it behind Haruhi's back anymore. Especially when this was supposed to be just a party about friends hanging out together.

"Man, Kyon, what's gotten into you? You look torn up over something." Haruhi watches me from where she's moving a mix of ground hamburger and taco sauce from a frying pan into a bowl.

I was... just thinking something over. Was it that obvious?

"I've been putting up with your apathetic face for two and a half years, Kyon, I think I can tell when you're preoccupied with something weird! Here, slice some olives into this bowl and grate some more cheese, will you? Now, where did we stick the sour cream..." I grab the knife and start working while Haruhi digs through Yuki's fridge. Having her head buried in an appliance doesn't stop her from talking to me, of course. "If it's something you need help on, don't forget you can always talk to me! I'm willing to listen to anything you want to say. My title as Brigade Chief would be reason enough, of course, but it's not like I'm going to leave my boyfriend helpless. And when you're ready to go to deal with the problem directly, just forge ahead with everything you've got. Oh, here it is." She straightens up and bumps the fridge door closed with her hips, bearing aloft the prize.

She slides up next to me to put a kiss on my cheek, then picks up the bowl of taco mix in her free hand. "Anyway, I'm sure it'll be fine, Kyon. Trust me on this one! And bring the cheese and olives out as soon as you're done so we can let's get dinner started." And with that, she heads back into the living room.

She's probably right, even if she doesn't know what's going on. While "Apocalypse Event" does sound like something to be anxious about, we have an esper, a time-traveler, an alien, and—most implacable of all—Haruhi herself. We'll handle it, right?

I can't help but check my cell phone clock anyway. It's not quite 11:30 PM. Haruhi decided that our party needed to go at least 'til midnight to welcome the end of the world properly.

OoOoO

How do we get through that next half hour? With many worried glances between the conspirators, with checking the time every thirty seconds, with an inability to enjoy these taco-burrito-things we're trying to eat. What are they, anyway? The hamburger mix is technically called taco filling, but we're using soft tortilla shells wrapped like a burrito after add on the cheese, cream cheese, olives, salsa, refried beans, shredded lettuce, and whatever else we feel like. Is this really authentic Mayan cuisine? Somewhere, an anthropologist is weeping. I will say one thing for having a party before everything goes south: warm food is a reassuring distraction even when you can't enjoy it properly.

Oddly enough, though, it's only Mikuru, Itsuki, and myself who seem tense. Haruhi, of course, is oblivious to the coming danger, but Yuki... even after two and a half years studying the miniscule changes in face and posture that give away her moods, I don't pretend to a perfect Yuki-reader, but she seems just fine. She spends most of the half-hour reading the book she has in her left hand while somehow managing to nibble at her taco-burritos one-handed without dribbling the filling all over her plate. Even if I'd never seen her perform a single miraculous world-warping feat, her consummate skill at eating these messy things would be enough to mark her as a higher order of being.

"Seriously, what is with you people? Is Kyon's fugue somehow contagious?" Haruhi swoops down out of nowhere and latches onto my arm. "You're all jittery and spacing out! You people do remember what a party is supposed to be, right? You should all follow Yuki's example and enjoy yourselves more! Besides, it's almost midnight. We need to get up and get ready to usher in the end of the world! Kyon, the party poppers! Out to the balcony, so we don't get confetti all over Yuki's apartment! And after midnight, we can go set off fireworks from the roof!"

With Haruhi tugging at my arm, I manage to get back on my feet and start passing out the poppers and other noisemaking widgets. Haruhi wants us on our feet for the apocalypse, so the SOS Brigade lines up in the outside chill, arms-reach away from the sheet of snow, and holds our armaments as Haruhi checks the time on her cell phone.

Apparently, she also has a speech in mind, because she steps out of line and faces us. "I'll make this short and sweet. Everyone, I'm proud of every last one of you, not just as the commander of the SOS Brigade, but as your friend Haruhi! We've had some amazing adventures over the years and found even more amazing, impossible things than I dreamed of. The Mayans may be ending the world for us tonight, but just remember, every ending is a new beginning, too! The sun will still rise tomorrow, and we'll find all sorts of new adventures waiting. Now, weapons at the ready, and let's have everyone do a countdown!" She checks her phone one last time, waits a few breathes, and then starts counting downward from "Ten!"

"Nine!"

The rest of the Brigade manages to come in on "Eight!" Itsuki keeps his easy, grinning mask in place, sounding relaxed even though I can see the hint of strain at his eyes.

"S-seven!" Mikuru is showing her anxiety a little more obviously, shoulders hunched and a hint of her old stammer creeping back into her voice. She holds her popper firmly, though. Now that I think about it, isn't having a big countdown like this just about the most nerve-wracking way to approach a potential crisis?

"Six!" Even Yuki is chanting along with us, monotone though she is. Her eyes catch the reflection of snow as she keeps her gaze trained on Haruhi.

"Five!" I... my stomach is ready to drop to the apartment's ground floor. Yes, having a deliberate countdown definitely doesn't help matters at all. But... even if this is making me anxious, I can't be honestly frightened, for some reason.

"Four!" Some reason, of course, being the wide, energetic grin of the girl thrusting her glowing cell phone into the air with one arm as she leads our chant.

"Three!" Haruhi. I don't know what you have planned. I never seem to know that. Even though I've come to understand your hopes and fears and habits and cute faces and angry scowls, you always seem to delight in having one more ace hidden up your sleeve.

"Two!" And yet, I don't mind. And I'll follow you through all of it.

"One!"

Small popping explosions echo off the balcony walls, then strings of confetti go flying into the night. The weather muffles the sound almost immediately, and the bits of confetti that don't land on the floor disappear over the balcony and into the night.

For just a second, everything is quite.

Then the fist of an angry god strikes the world.

OoOoO