I had a dream that Ivan and I were watching the clouds go by, curled in each other's arms and smiling happily as we pointed out the various shapes above us. When I woke up, I was crying.

I rubbed my stomach in front of a full length mirror with my shirt pulled up to my bra line. My baby bump was getting incresingly bigger by the weeks, subtly extending out in a curve. Todays the day I finally get to see my babies, and todays the day Ivan goes to his sister's funeral.

He offered to stay home with me and see me to my apointment. but I told him not to. I never went to Ludwig's funeral and its haunted me, I wont let him do the same. The pointment seemed simple enough, a jelly squirted onto my exposed belly and a little camera of sorts smoothed over top that shows a scan of the inside of my belly. Simple, right?

"Oh what do we have here?" Eduard squinted at the screen and rolled back on his heels so I couldn't see the screen.

"What is it, is everything ok?" I started to panic until he smiled at me and moved so I could see the screen. My heart dropped and my breath caught in my throat. I reached out and touched the screen.

"Everythings fine" Eduard spoke softly, "congratulations, Maria. You've got two very healthy babies growing inside you." I felt like crying as he flicked a switch on the screen, letting me hear their little heartbeats through the speakers.

My beautiful babies.

/

I decided to wait until Ivan came home to tell him the news, but that didn't stop me from telling the others.

"That's great news!" Lovina says, hugging me lightly. In the past few months, she's really let her girly side out. Her hairs down to her bra line, she started wearing push-up bras and girlish clothing and today shes even adorning pink lip gloss. I even heard through the grape vine that she and Antonio have been trying to have a baby of their own. I wish them the best.

"Where's Feli?" I ask and she flinched, her smile faltering.

"He's resting, his fever spiked again this morning" she frowns, "the doc changed three of his medicines again because they weren't working and his kidneys are straining to hold on to life."

I grabbed her hand, which was shaking feircly, "He'll be ok, Lovi, he always pulls through."

She yanked her hand away, "Yea? And for what? Two weeks? A day? What happens when they run out of pills and treatments?" Her voice cracked and she clutched at her eyes so hard that her knuckles were white. I know that move, I do the same thing when I'm trying not to cry.

"What happens when his kidneys fail? What about when his brain finally fries from the fevers? I can't- I can't" I felt instantly bad for bringing him up, but maybe it's best she gets it all out now. I pull her into a hug and let her cry into my shirt. With each sob she mumbles about how she can't lose him and how he's the only one she has left. I want to do more for her, but I don't know how. I've never really had to do with emotions other than my own, and I usually just hid them behind a mask. Should I stoke her hair and back like Ivan does when I'm upset? Is that to intimate?

"You know what my ma used to tell me when I thought everything was going to shit?" Lovina says after her sobbing stops, pulling away from me, "She used to say, 'Bambina, wether the glass is half empty or half full, you won't go without some water.' I used to think she was just being a mom, but I guess she's right in a way. I may be watching Feli get better and worse, but at least he's still here and at least he can still smile." She wipes her eyes and sniffles.

"You know, Maria, he used to be really depressed about his sickness until you came around. When he saw how you affected Ivan, he felt better because his friend did. Then after you got Franny to stop moping about and start smiling, Antonio to start playing guitar again, and got rid of that bitch Nat" she shook her head and smiled, "you even got me out of my shell. I just-" She looked out the window and then squeesed me tightly, "Thank you."

If only I had the words to tell her just how much everyone else helped me to. Instead, I hugged her back and we giggled together and life was as its suposed to be.

Kind of.

/

"And see if you put this finger here and this here, then you make an A" I said, moving my fingers up the strings on my cello and letting the bow slide across the bottom to pitch out a perfet note. Antonio strung an A note on his guitar and I matched the pitch on my cello again as Franny watched.

"Why don't you play us a song?" Antonio asked, steadying himself and proping his arms on the top of his guitar. I thought for a moment on which key to start and what to play.

My fingers drummed on the strings as I positioned myself and my body rocked with the notes as they flew from my grasp into the open air. The strings bit playfully into my fingers as I drug them up and down along the board. I found my eyes closing ever so slightly as I played, succumbing to the music as it enveloped me in warmth. It wasn't until the last note rand out that I realised I had an audience of servants in the room all staring at me. They all began to clap for me and I flushed deep crimson.

"T-thanks guys" I whispered, flustered. I put down my instrument in embarrasment and Franny put his hand on my shoulder in comfort. The servants dispersed back to cleaning various things around the large room and Antonio propped his hands on the neck of his guitar, sprinkling a few notes with the tips of his fingers.

"I've never really been good at playing anything specific," he says, "only what comes from the heart, ya know? " He began to hum along to the notes, "of course, that means they're no lyrics then either."

"Music shouldn't need lyrics to be special" Franny sighed, "the music should speak for itself, not have someone speak for it."

"Agreed" I nodded, "Unless it's a bar song, then no one cares." THe two looked at me for a second before busting out in laughter.

"What?" I puffed my cheeks up, "Your just jealous of my awesomeness" I huffed. My stomach churned and I was suddenly feeling less awesome, so I excused myself to go lay down for a while. On my way to my room, I heard mumbling going on from the kitchen that caught my attention.

"Why not dude? She's already nocked up, theres not much more damage you can do" Mathais' voice bellowed from the door. More mumbling continued and I pressed my ear against the door to get a better listen.

"I'm afraid I might hurt her bad like I did that one time, maybe I should leave until the baby comes-" My heart thundered in my chest at the sound of Ivan's voice and I almost went to my knees.

Damn baby homones.

"No no no no," Mathais cut him off, "That is bad, bad, bad. You do not want to leave an over-emotional pregnant lady to her own mind. She will take it way personally and probably blow everything out of proportion." Yea, just like I'm gonna break your nose.

"I just don't know, Matt, with what happened to my sister, and now Nat is wanting to move back in because she's taking the news badly, plus the baby troubles, I'm freaked out and I'm afraid of him." I heard a chair squeak and a sigh. I've never heard Ivan be so...honast before. The news broke my heart and made me want to hug him, do anything I can to make him feel better.

"Look dude, the more you freak yourself out, the worse it's gonna become. Here, have a drink and try to take a few deep breaths. I'll stay for a while longer than I origionally planned to make sure everythings going smoothly and you can have Nat move into the east wing of the house so that she and Maria aren't going to blows all the time." I heard a swishing noise and him gulp something, "We'll figure this out Ivan. I promise you."

"There's something else thats been bothering me about all this"

"Which is?"

"Maria. I can't deal with it anymore, I -" I didn't get to hear the rest because I leaned on the door like a dumbass, which is one of those doors that opens from both ends with just the tiniest push, and fell on the floor. I imediatly got up and didn't even look up as I speed walked outside and then ran as fast as I could into the courtyard where I flattened myself against a large oak tree and slumped down on the ground, which was wet.

Maria? What about me? Was I being to clingy or emotional? Am I being a nusance? Am I the reason he wants to leave so bad?

No, Maria, Get ahold of yourself. This is the hormones talking.

Right?

I wanted to scream, to cry, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I'm sure the guys are pretty upset in knowing I was easedropping. Stupid,stupid,stupid.

I took a deep breath and then another.

I got up off the ground and turned around, punching the tree as hard as I could. Pain rung up my arm and a few peices of bark splintered off and onto the ground. My wrist hurt and my skin was red on my knuckles, but the burning in my chest subsided. I decided to walk back into the house and take what was surely coming to me when I saw Ivan coming around the tree to face me.

"What all did you hear?"

"Not much," I fibbed, "I just got there when I fell through."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. I moved to leave but he grabbed my hand.

"You didn't give me a chance to finish my last sentence, you know."

"It doesn't matter," I tried to force down the lump in my throat, "I wasn't supposed to hear it anyways, right?"

"Not exactly," he said, "You weren't supposed to hear me say it to Matt at least."

I looked up at him with confusion and he pulled me in, hugging me tight without being too tight.

"I can't take it anymore, Maria. I hate lying to you in hopes to make your life easier. I love you so much, but it just takes me so long to open up to anyone." he moved back and took my hands in his, kissing my fingertips.

"You don't have to lie" I whispered, "I can handle it. I love you too."

He pulled me back into an hug so that his mouth was right next to my ear.

"I wan't to spend eternity with you by my side, "he whispered.

"Eternity wouldn't be long enough for me," I laughed.

I could feel his smile against my earlobe. He unraveled his scarf from around his neck where it always hung and unfolded it, blanketing it around me like a shawl and kissing me so hard that my knees grew weak.

"Let's get you inside, it's cold out here and I don't want you getting sick." He said, offering me his elbow like a true gentleman. He led me inside and into the kitchen where Matt still sat on a barstool, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot.

"Hey, Maria! Wanna join us this time?"

I laughed, "Sure, but I only drink water or milk."

He slid a bottle of water across the bar at me, "sure thing babe."

My eye twitched and I had a moment where I mentally slammed his head into the bar, breaking his nose. Ivan just looked at me like he knew what I was thinking and sat between us.

/

ALRIGHT ITS FINALLY FUCKING DONE

youhavenoideahowlongthistookohmygodsIrewroteitfivefuckingtimes

So how was it? Worth the wait?

Sorry it was sooooo short, but i tried to make it longer than the last one!

Please R&R and I will get the next update up asap!

Thankies my lovelies!

~Yulie