It's Not Possible Ch. 10

Sara POV

The day of Tegans concert which we had VIP tickets to, no thanks to Tegan, had arrived. I'd tell myself that I'm not looking forward to it but I can hardly fool myself anymore. If I said that I didn't miss Tegan at least a little bit then I'd be lying. But I won't allow that womanizing fool to think that she's got me just by putting on a sweet smile. I won't be just another girl to add to the collection of people she's messed with. I've had too much heartache and self respect to ever let that happen.

Kaki suddenly disrupted me from my thoughts by asking me which flannel she should wear. As if she wasn't already radiating enough 'gay' as is.

"If I wear this one then I can wear this dog tag. But, if I wear this flannel, I can wear my bow tie..."

"Both look good, you decide."

In actuality I hardly even looked at the two options. I just wanted to be left with my thoughts. Undisturbed by such trivial questions. I was tempted to look up pictures of Tegan on the Internet. I guess that was a plus of having an interest in someone famous. Internet stalking them is a synch, endless photos and a complete biography of their entire life just laid out at your fingertips. But I refused to become one of THOSE people. I would just become another one of her fans if I did such ridiculous stuff as that.

Kaki drove us to the venue. I decided that it would be best if we went extra early since I don't like crowds and I would die if someone saw me at a Tegan Quin concert. Not to mention that her fans now know who I am and some of them can get a bit vicious when they're filled with jealousy. I would like to leave the concert the same way that I came. Which includes my heart still intact and mine to keep safe.

I had expected things to go the same way as the first Tegan Quin concert when we had special passes. But, I was surprised when we got to the back door and the security guards didn't ask to see our passes. Instead they opened the door as soon as they saw us and escorted to Tegans dressing room instead of the regular backstage area where most people with VIP passes waited to meet her. The security guards told us to wait in the dressing room since Tegan was still doing her vocal warm ups.

After a few minutes Tegan entered the room, she looked directly at me while speaking to the both of us. It felt awkward and I knew by instinct I should look away because of the prolonged eye contact. But for some reason I just couldn't

"I'm sorry I don't look like my normal self. I haven't had my makeup done yet. It shouldn't take too long though, I don't wear much since I don't like all the femme stuff that much."

"That's not a problem" kaki spoke for the both of us.

"Uhmmm since this is my dressing room I usually get it done here... Is that okay with you? Or we have couches outside if you'd feel more comfortable waiting there."

Kaki and I both agreed that we both feel comfortable just waiting in the dressing room. I was curious to see what type of makeup Tegan wore. Although Tegan said that she wasn't wearing any makeup, she still looked amazing. Curiously enough, Tegan looked better without makeup. The natural looking Tegan made her seem more human instead of godlike and showed some of her small "imperfections" if that's even what you could call it since these flaws made her even cuter. Tegan seemed more free and comfortable in her own skin when she wasn't in the publics eye. I could understand how she would feel like that though since my short stint of being the paparazzis new target to prey on.

Kaki and I both got settled on the couch as Tegans makeup artist came in to do her magic. This was a perfect excuse for me to be able to take in all of Tegans features without being caught staring since I could just easily say that I wanted to see how the stylist did the makeup for tips when I do my own. I began to notice little things that I hadn't really noticed before. When the light hit Tegans eyes in just the right angle, you could really see her hazel eyes that seemed to capture your soul when you looked directly into it. I swear I could see her own souls through those gorgeous hazel orbs as well. Tegans jaw line was strong and toned, something that one would just have to be genetically gifted to have. It was a masculine feature but instead of making her look like a man, it made her look like a sexy and strong yet sensitive female. I never knew that such little features can give off different feels about a person. While analyzing her face and body my mind began to wonder if the vibe that her features gave off were also like her true self that she hides. Even though I had only spoken to Tegan briefly on a few occasions I had a good feeling that it did. If I was right, the Tegan that she kept hidden away was the type of person I could easily fall in love with and possibly end up marrying if I had just met her at an ordinary bookstore without all of her fame. I've had a taste of the limelight, and it was more than enough. It's not the sort of life I want to lead. I am a very private type of person and I like to keep my personal life just that, personal. Plus, all of my pondering is just all theories. There's no way I could, or even would get with Tegan. It's a given that Tegan is very hot and beautiful. But looks are just a small part of it. I know nothing about the real Tegan and whose to say she'd even want to show that part of herself to me.

With all of my thinking going on I didn't even notice that Tegans makeup was done and Kaki was speaking to me.

I was rattled back to reality when Kaki shook my shoulders to get my attention.

"Do you want to join the crowd in the front? Or watch from the side of the stage during the concert"

"Let's just stay backstage, I don't like the crowds."

"Sure, that's okay"

Tegan came up to us before going on stage.

"Wish me luck guys! This crowd looks like its going to be a rowdy one!"

"Break a leg" Kaki said with a hint of... Envy? It couldn't be. Why would Kaki be envious of Tegan?

I jut passed it off as me misinterpreting social cues.

As Tegan entered the stage from the underground opening that lifted her up onto the stage, there was a loud roar of screaming. I wondered what it would be like if I was in a band. I could play guitar, piano, and sing mediocrely. But, it wasn't anything special.

I caught a few glimpses of the crowd and knew that this profession would never be for me. I don't necessarily have a fear of public speaking, I'm actually quite good at it. But performing? Sharing my own lyrics with the world? That's where I run into problems with the idea.

I have to admit that Tegans music has a catchy tune. But lyrically, I don't find anything significant about it. I'm the type of person where the lyrics of a song must be interesting or profound for me to thoroughly enjoy the music. I guess I'm quite picky with everything in general. But, at least I'll never settle for anything but the best.

I laughed as Tegan had to duck out of the way of a badly thrown incoming bra. Tegan picked it up.

"Are you guys insane? Bras are fucking expensive! What brand is this?" Tegan turned over the bra and looked for the tag in her thin and delicate fingers.

"It's from Victoria Secret! That place is fucking expensive. Too bad it's not my size. I keep loosing my bras."

"What size are you?!" A random voice from the crowd shouted.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Tegan said with a wink and smirk.

"You probably keep losing your bras at Sara's house!" The same voice screamed.

I could feel the blood rushing to my face and turning it a bright red.