Warning: Major spoilers for the anime and the second movie
DISCLAIMER: CLAMP, Koudansha, NHK and their related parties hold the copyright to all names, likeness and rights of Card Captor Sakura. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.
Key
" ... " = normal speech; :: ... :: = mind speech
By Jacque Koh
August 2002
@>;-'-
Yue quietly sat in a tree, which allowed him to overlook the amusement park that now stood where Hiiragizawa Eriol's house used to be. With Mu sealed and joined with the card that Sakura created to become the Hope card, everything had been restored. The rides, the void holes that were scattered across the city. The people... Toya...
::Why are we here?::
The Moon guardian almost started to hear the voice in his head. "I thought you were asleep, Yuki. It's late."
::We don't exactly need sleep remember? It's what humans need.::
"Aa." What Yukito said was true. They could sleep if they wanted to or if they were drained and required rest. But they didn't need to sleep the hours that a human body required to recharge. The brief hour they had napped in the shared room with Touya earlier that night was sufficient.
::What are you thinking of?::
"The Mistress... the cards... We used to be 52 cards and two guardians." Yukito politely refrained from repeating Touya's tease of Sakura-chan owning 52 cards and two jokers. "We are now 55 magical beings. She-- would probably feel the need to start creating new cards, you know? That is, make a proper magic deck of 78 cards and guardians. With Cerberus and myself, she would already have the Sun and Moon cards..."
::Like a Tarot deck. That makes sense:: Yukito mused thoughtfully. ::Are-- you troubled by this?::
"No, I-- imagine that this is all part of Clow Reed's design..."
::So... It *isn't* Sakura whom you're brooding about."
"..." Yue growled softly at his false form's probing. He would have ignored the curiosity he felt in his mind if not for the need to voice his thoughts. Yue knew that he could confide in Yukito in a way he would never dare to with anyone else. Not even Cerberus. "The Mistress-- was not the only Card Captor I judged. There were many others before her."
::Oh?:: There was a slight pause as Yue felt Yukito sink himself into deep thought. ::Was-- Kinomoto-sensei a Card Captor too?::
If Yue was surprised at Yukito's insight, he did not show it. "Aa. Fujitaka-kun was a Card Captor... He--"
Yukito stayed patiently silent in his mind waiting for him to go on. "Cerberus and I had a lot of hopes that he would be the one to end our sporadic existence."
::Aa. So it *was* a-- quest of a sort for you to locate a Master who would be strong enough to sustain you.:: Yukito nodded thoughtfully. ::You never did like the part you had to play as the impartial judge.:: It was more a statement than a question.
"I had a responsibility to the deck." Yue sighed deeply. "The new Master had to be stronger than the guardians; Strong enough to override our will and control over the cards to handle us."
Yue was dragged back into the memory of the night he had laid the 12-year old Fujitaka in his bed after the boy failed the trial. The Moon Guardian did not like to be reminded of the aftermath of these battles when he would have to drain the magic powers of the failed candidates to ensure his continued existence.
"I-- had to take his powers to make certain he could not open the book again, but other than that-- I don't believe the Mistress' father appeared to suffer very much in his loss." Yue told his false form thoughtfully. "In the end, I do believe that Fujitaka-kun's missing memories may have been what prompted his interest to take up archaeology to study the past. He essentially came to no harm."
::I remember Kero-chan mentioning that to some the 'disaster' can seem small... How was that so for Kinomoto-sensei?::
"Unlike the Mistress, Fujitaka-kun did not inadvertently involve his loved ones or family in his Card Captoring activities." Yue shook his head at the memory. "He was the only one I needed to use the Erase card on to keep the Clow cards a secret."
::Aaaa, so that was why Sakura-chan's loss would have been so much greater. With so many of her friends and her family unknowingly involved and affected by the cards...::
"Yes, I would imagine that that threat was what prompted her to find the strength to defeat me." Yue couldn't help the slight feeling of annoyance at the memory of Windy's defiance of his commands. He truly hadn't expected Sakura to find the strength of will to override his control.
Yukito was silent for a while before he spoke again. ::You never expected Sakura-chan to be the one to open the book, did you?::
"No." He admitted ruefully. "Cerberus and I knew that Clow Reed's blood was strong in the Kinomoto family. I-- thought Toya..."
::Is that why you created me?:: Yukito asked quietly. ::To be near Toya when it was time to teach him how to handle the cards?::
"No." Yue admitted sheepishly. "Cerberus-- I felt that in his last few choices, the candidates he chose were much too young and weak to be our Master. I could tell that Toya was strong in his power, but I didn't want him to find the cards when he was still a child."
Yukito took in a mental breath in astonishment but stayed silent to finish hearing Yue's reasoning.
"There-- was only so much I could do to appeal to his senses and beg him to stay away from the cards, and I was expanding too much energy to do that." A faint smile touched his lips to remember Toya in those early years. "Toya told you about Mizuki-sensei?"
Yukito's nodded silently.
"When she met him and they were going out together, Toya didn't spend as much time brooding over how different he was with his sixth sense and thinking to wonder into the basement study where the Clow cards were. So after she left him-- that's when you came into being to give him a friend to spend time with."
::Aa. So-- if it were not for your interference, Toya might have been the Card Captor and the Master?:: Yukito asked in shock.
"Possibly... He would have been an ideal candidate at 21. Toya was far stronger than the Mistress when he was 10. The Mistress has little innate power beyond the cards. At the age when she opened the book he could sense me, and could see their mother's spirit. Even now, she cannot see their mother when she visits."
::Aaa, and he-- did also know you were in me from the moment we met.::
"He did..." Yue looked down and spoke softly in sadness. "The Mistress still hasn't shown that same level of power and growth yet."
::And now-- He's given that power to us...:: Yukito's words were solemn as he thought of Toya's sacrifice.
"Not all of it." Yue shook his head. "Can you not feel it? The Mistress is still too weak to sustain us."
Yue could feel Yukito smile in his mind. ::Oh! So that's why there's that-- We're more of Toya's Guardian than we are Sakura-chan's then, aren't we? It's Toya whom we are bonded to.::
"In obedience, she is our Mistress, but for strength and power-- Yes..." They lapsed into silence in their guilt.
Unlike the failed candidates, Yue had not wanted nor intended to take all of Touya's powers. But the youth had pushed him nearly all of it in his desire not to lose his best friend. The burden that Touya had agreed to carry, however, was far beyond the single power transference. Touya had succeeded in preserving their existence, but with Sakura so weak, it fell on him to continue to supply Yue and Yukito the necessary strength to fight for her as well.
It took a long time for Touya's body to recover from the vast energy drain, and to adapt to Yue's continued drawing on his powers. As it was, their teachers, classmates, and even the manager of the temp agency they worked for, worried over Touya's ill health for the months it took him to get better. Touya never complained though. He instead would only get angry with Yukito when the boy brooded over Touya's sacrifice of energy and of the ability to see his mother's spirit.
If he were Yue's Master, Touya's trial and sacrifice would be more understandable. But the Mistress' brother was just Yukito's friend...
::Not just a friend, Yue. I know you felt his loss as keenly as I did. And it wasn't only for the severing of the power line between us.::
With those words, both consciousnesses were drawn into the memory of the night they faced the last card, Mu.
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"Toya!" In one breath, Yukito relinquished control of the body to Yue and let the swiftly formed wings pull them away from the void sphere that erupted into existence beside them. The two consciousnesses watched helplessly as Touya was engulfed. Amber eyes locked briefly with blue as their friend called a name 'Sakura!' to them. Unvoiced but communicated no less was Touya's concern for them and his unwavering trust that they would protect his sister and themselves. Then in the next instance, he ceased to exist
"Toya..." Yue was numbed. He couldn't believe-- didn't want to believe what had just happened. He could feel Yukito crying within him as he beat his wings to pull them swiftly above the carnage that exploded over the theatre grounds. He was himself shocked to feel the sudden void within him. That precious link, which was formed the day Touya gave his powers and strength to Yue so that he and Yukito would not disappear, was gone. Not even an echo of the connection to Touya existed.
Touya's last word came to them again as they stared at the grounds which were left after the attack by the void card. "Sakura." The mistress. She still existed; Yue could feel her below them. She would make things right for them again. She would seal the card and negate the massacre that took Touya and created the emptiness within them.
"But-- could she pay the price?" Yue kept his face schooled and impassive as he strode to join Cerberus and the Mistress' party of humans. His eyes couldn't help but turn to fall on the boy, Li Syaoran.
Yukito had told him of the Mistress' confusion and her love for the brat; A love which she only recently acknowledged, though still felt insecure enough not to tell him about. Eriol had warned her of the sacrifice she would have to make to seal the card. Yue had been shocked to hear of what was asked of her.
With Yukito's prompting at the back of his mind, Yue had tried to offer her some comfort and expressed his trust that she would find a way. However, he couldn't think of how to give her advice on what to do.
The moon guardian folded his arms before him and waited for his mistress' orders. Perhaps it was the coward's way to leave her to make the decision on her own, but he found himself at loss to offer council. The void in his heart pained him far more than he cared to admit and it was distracting him. He never felt more the want to express the pain he was suffering with tears, but the moon guardian did not cry. Yukito was crying enough for them at the back of his mind. For Touya... For Sakura...
The price Eriol warned Sakura of was stuck in his head. He couldn't for the life of him think of how Sakura could possibly emerge from this battle unscathed. He felt as helpless as the time his creator Clow Read was ailing and he was unable to do anything to stop the ravages of the illness that plagued him. This was far worse though. He felt as if he was failing Touya as well.
On that fateful afternoon when Yukito's best friend offered him all of his magic power to prevent them from vanishing, Yue had sworn to watch over and protect Sakura on his behalf. Yue knew that she would be hurt when she sealed this card. There was no question in his mind that she would succeed. Sakura had proven time and again that she was a worthy successor to take Clow Read's mantle. But at what price...
~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~.-.-.~
Within his mind, Yukito was shivering at the memory. "It-- felt far worse then when-- Clow died." Yue admitted softly.
To Yue's surprise, he felt Yukito's emotions turn to amusement. ::So-- are you finally ready to admit what you feel for Toya?::
"Nani?!" Yue nearly fell off the branch of the tree in astonishment at Yukito's claim. "I don't feel what you do."
::You are as much a part of my soul, mine other self.:: Yukito's mental voice was teasing. :: I would not love Toya, if you did not love him too.::
Yukito's words reminded Yue of Eriol's talk with him regarding his heart. He knew that in the grand scheme of his existence, Clow Reed had intended for him to fall in love with Kinomoto Sakura. Eriol pointed out to him that Clow cared enough for him that he wanted his Moon Guardian's happiness in receiving the love he himself could not give.
However, Eriol/Clow also accepted the unplanned for result that the Mistress was far more in love with the brat-- Li Syaoran; as he did the knowledge that Yue's false form loved the Mistress' brother, Kinomoto Touya.
"I--"
::Toya-- doesn't see us as separate people. He-- loves you as much as he loves me.::
"But--" Yue was suddenly embarrassed. "Is-- Am I why you've never taken the next step?"
Yue could feel Yukito's hot blush threatening to colour his own cheeks. ::Neither of us is ready for that yet. It's not like we need-- *cough* sex to seal our love.::
In spite of himself, Yue felt Yukito's soft smile spread on his lips. Yukito was right. By far the greatest expression of love and acceptance they had experienced was when Kinomoto-sensei and Touya invited Yukito to stay with them permanently.
This was an offer that Kinomoto-sensei initiated when he awoke after the power transference from Eriol and also came to the knowledge of Yue and Yukito's duality. Yue knew that it was a carry over of Clow's paternal feelings for him, upon realising that Yukito's grandparents were fabrications, which prompted the invitation.
It had touched them that Toya moved his shelves and study table into the music room to make space for Yukito's futon and his personal items. Admittedly, it also caused them some amusement to note Sakura-chan's more careful stance in interrupting them when they were in their room. She was blushingly shy about intruding on their private time. However, they had made it known to her that when they were studying in the music room, she was more than welcomed to seek their company.
One additional good thing they all enjoyed about studying in the music room now rather than their bedroom was that it inadvertently became a family area for Touya again; He started to play the piano for Yukito just as he once used to for his family when his mother was alive. Yue very much enjoyed listening to Touya play for them.
::You love him as much as I do.:: Yue growled at his false form's assertion, but before he could verbally refute this claim again, Yukito spoke once more. ::You grieved as much as I did when-- he was taken away from us.::
The clench over his heart at the painful memory of the void that opened within him at Touya's disappearance made Yue close his eyes. Thus prompted, Yue tried to reconsider his misgivings over accepting Yukito's feelings as his own. If he cared to admit it, it wasn't really a betrayal of his love for Clow Reed. If he really thought about it, he felt the same for Clow as Yukito did for Kinomoto-sensei. Clow-- never made him feel the way Touya did.
This feeling wasn't of Clow's design either. Eriol had admitted that Clow had wanted him to fall in love with Sakura. With Yue's interference, Clow had ensured that Sakura was the Card Mistress and not her then magically stronger brother. Clow had not, however, foreseen Yue's false form, Yukito, falling in love with the brother. So-- If Yue did accept this feeling, it was a choice he had made of his own free will-- that is, as much as it was for a person to be able to choose whom they'd fall in love with.
Yukito's merry laughter filled his mind as they both immediately thought of Li Syaoran. They were sure that the last thing the young Hong Kong boy expected to do when he came to Japan was to fall in love with Kinomoto Sakura.
::Couldn't you tell that it was inevitable? He may have made a fuss about the 'brat', but even Toya acknowledged Li-kun's and Sakura-chan's feelings for each other.::
Yue snorted. "It works in a clichéd storybook plot, but--"
::But nothing. It's the same with us, why can't you admit that you share my feelings; That you love Toya too.::
Silence fell over them for a long moment.
::Stubborn....:: Youkito sighed in his mind. ::We'll wait as long as you need to acknowledge this, but you might as well give in to the inevitable too, you know?::
"Aa."
::Would it be so hard or terrible to do so?:: Yukito teased him gently. ::I don't think you even realised it, but you're using my nick name for him now.::
"When--?" Yue started in shock. He looked up as the lightening sky caught their attention. "We'd better get back. Toy-- Toya will be worried if he doesn't see us."
Yue felt Yukito's silent nod and patient smile as he formed and unfurled his wings to pull them into the sky for the flight home.
::Ne, Yue.::
"Hmm?"
::Actually, I'm glad Toya didn't become a Card Captor.::
"Oh?" Yue felt the prickle of Yukito's amusement in the back of his mind. "Why's that?"
::Recalling how Li-kun was dressed that day? Can you imagine how Toya would have looked if Tomoyo-chan made him costumes to match Sakura-chan's earlier outfits?::
Yue's wings lost a beat as laughter overcame him. "The Mistress would have bullied him into wearing them too, wouldn't she?" A grin pulled at his lips at the mental pictures Yukito was sending him.
::She would. Tomoyo-chan loved any excuse to make costumes for Sakura-chan, and she wouldn't have wanted to hurt Tomoyo-chan's feelings.::
"And by that extension, she would have made her brother give in to wear those-- outfits." Yue mock shuddered. "You've made me thankful I didn't let Toya be a Card Captor, Yuki."
::I'm sure in the back of his mind, Toya is grateful for that too.:: Yukito told him laughingly as they approached their home and the room where their love was about to wake up to a new day.
~Owari~
Thanks for reading. Jacque Koh
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