Flaws

It was four in the morning. The moon was still very high. And for some reason, it seemed brighter than usual. It made Io see even the tiniest silhouette of mountains further ahead. His lips were moving. Low breaths fogged the windows, blocking his clear view. Only wrapped in a thick blanket, he just stood standing by the window. Very lightly, he touched the frost against the windows and continued whispering.

Io was talking. He was praying.

The kid who thought he could do anything on his own, the kid who never relied to anything, he found himself praying. This miracle he just had, it could only be given by something greater. Someone greater than anyone could ever there be.

"When I lost my voice..." Io smiled mockingly. "Up until recently...I thought you're the jerk who created people because you're one bored god. So bored, that you're up there in your sky and you go bullying people down here..."

Io glanced behind him. The huge bed was still messy. Some of the pillows were thrown off the bed and the sheets almost sliding entirely down. Yet amidst the messiness of that bed, one man lying on it, sleeping, made everything perfect. Even the mess contributed to the perfectness going on that unpresentable space. Ijuuin.

"All those fuck that happened in my life..." Io whispered in the air. "Did all those fucked up events happened to lead me here?"

A tear lined down the young man's left cheek.

Once, Io had seen this phrase from a book. 'A happiness that brings tears to the eyes is the sincerest happiness rare to find."

Io cursed. He didn't really want to cry anymore. He'd been crying just a few hours ago. If he kept crying, he knew how swollen his face would look like when the sunlight pushes this dreamy moonlight. He'd look ugly. Much worse, Ijuuin would probably laugh at his face.

He hurriedly wiped it with his left hand. The next moment, he had to use his right too. One tear after another until it was as if he had a stream running down his eyes.

Squinting at the form that was taking before him, there it was reflected by the window glass, Io had the urge to cry even more.

He bit his lips and silently sobbed in his hands.

"Damn it..." Io gritted. "I'm just...so happy...what can I do?"

Slowly, carefully, hands slid down the brunette's waist. Hugging him tightly and reassuringly from behind, Ijuuin drew in a deep breath.

"It's still so early. Why are you up already?"

For a long time, the entire room has just been filled by Io's attempts of trying to stop, to becoming tough, to act the almighty Io he usually was. But he couldn't and just sobbed and sobbed. The room made him cry. The moonlight made him cry. Even the hands around his waist and the heat against his back were making him cry.

"It's all your fault..." Io whispered. "It's entirely your fault..."

The man closed his eyes, resting his chin over the messy head of the other before him. His lips in a satisfied smile.

"That makes me honored somehow."

"Jerk."

"So...why is my precious up so early?"

"..."

Io sighed, fully resting his weight against the support behind him. When Ijuuin was this close, it felt nothing could make him fall down.

Slowly patting his hand down to Ijuuin's hands, Io looked up. His eyes puffy and swollen. Yet no matter how comical they looked like, they looked still the best eyes that made Ijuuin stare in awe.

"I was just confirming something you know?"

Ijuuin smiled, snuggling at the space of the brunette's frail shoulder and neck.

"And were you successful in confirming it?"

"Yeah," Io smiled. "I was with the dream of my life last night...and..."

"And?"

Hoarsely, Io laughed. "I woke up...living with the dream..."

At first, Ijuuin thought it was his imagination. He was standing before the stove. Humming every now and then as he poured the water from the kettle into two mugs. It was bright outside. The snow blinding as it reflected the warm lights of the sun. It made everything a bit of a hallucination and fantasy. He never would have thought he'd wake up in such a manner and in such a day with a brat he was so annoyed before.

"..."

While smiling on his own, he noticed something at the corner of his eyes. He ignored it though and went to the pantry to see what biscuit or noodles he can prepare. He seriously had to go to the groceries later. Or his wife would nag at him again like last night for providing such tasteless, not-so-grand foods.

"..."

Ijuuin almost lost his hold of the packed foods in his hands. He shook his head embarrassed.

"..."

There it was again. The something at the corner of his eyes. He sighed and turned around. From where he was, the glass panels separating the kitchen from the living room made him see almost 360. At the floor beside the kotatsu, there was a worm. Or a blanket. Or maybe a caterpillar. There it was squirming and wriggling to find the best spot.

It would have looked so stupid. But the sight of Io's sticking out head from the roll of blanket around him only made Ijuuin feel a warm fuzzy sensation somewhere.

The man took the mugs and started walking towards the living area. He stood right next to the caterpillar and raised a brow.

"Hey caterpillar, what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna watch the TV. Hurry up, turn it on."

"..." Ijuuin looked at the ceiling briefly and looked down at the large eyes staring at him. "Did I hear you correctly? 'Hurry up'? Turn it on'? Like I'm some slave or something?"

"Aww...I am a caterpillar. I don't have hands," the kid nodded at the remote on the kotatsu and grinned. "Turn it on for me..."

With tight lips, Ijuuin placed the mugs on the table and grabbed the remote. Talk about someone who had no fear in ordering him around. As soon as the mugs were placed down, Io excitedly took one, placing his fingers around the cup as if to warm them. He made a sigh of contentment before bringing it to his lips.

"Haaa...warm..."

Ijuuin clicked his tongue. "I thought caterpillars don't have hands?"

"Oh..." Io smiled. "This is metamorphosis."

The man smacked the kid on the head lightly with a grin. "You're just lazy."

Sitting beside Io, Ijuun turned the TV on. He wasn't really into watching whatever was showing in that idiot box. His eyes were watching something else. He watched Io sip his milk. He watched Io ruffle his own messy hair. He watched Io inch closer to him very subtly as if he couldn't tell that Io's just wanting for more body warmth.

Io was the only thing he saw.

"..."

That was why, he noticed right away the very faint crease in the kid's brows. The very slight change in that relaxed expression.

Ijuuin brought his eyes at the TV where Io was seriously staring. The man inwardly shook his head. It was a Sonate Review, and the next projects the prestigious competition grandwinner would be doing.

"We're doing a charity concert for kids," said a more calm looking teen in the TV. It felt like its been so long. Had Ijuuin never met that teen, he would think the kid was such a confident talent. But the clasped hands on that lap was telling him otherwise despite the calm smile. "With Usami-sensei...and uhm..."

Ijuuin glanced beside him. No wonder Io had a rigid face. He was seeing Takahashi Misaki, the young man who used to be his shadow singer now showered with the light and fame which used to belong to him. Even the mug and the milk Io was savoring just a while ago was left losing its warmth alone.

A few seconds later, Io's eyes were wide. His head craning to the older man beside him.

Ijuuin had just changed channels without a word.

"..."

"..."

The questioning look Io gave him, Ijuuin just gave a smile as his response. He reached out to the boy's face, looked at him in the eyes, and grabbed him in a hug. And then they just spent the whole morning huddled together, watching an animal channel.

As Ijuuin was driving his car alone, he glanced at the side of the road, the expanse of the lake reflecting the midnoon sun. He had wanted for him and Io to go shopping together. To enjoy this scene. To take in the same cold air and dream of a few more days of quietness before going back to the city. But an hour before, he decided not to.

"..."

Black eyes narrowed, his hand gripping the stirring wheel a little too tighter than usual. Maybe, if he would point out one of his and Io's relationship flaws, it was Io being very, very prideful. He could tell, without Io saying anything that the boy was frustrated. What was more, the brunette wasn't the kind to run to him and cry and say it hurts. It would have been better if Io did that. At least he could comfort the kid.

However, Io wouldn't bend saying he was envious, that he was sad.

"..."

When Ijuuin was about to call Io a while ago about the shopping, the man couldn't find Io. He had to roam the entire house to search for the missing bundle of blankets. Just as he was about to go check the guest rooms, he heard a faint sound. Bell-like, soft as if whispering. The more he shortened the distance, the more he could hear the sound.

Piano. The piano that hasn't been used for a long time was speaking. It spoke of depression.

"..."

The man stood by the doorframe. The black grand piano was in contrast with the pure white blanket wrapped around Io. Thin, pinkish fingers were dancing on the keys. They did lethargically. They did without zeal.

Ijuuin sighed. Twinkle twinkle little star, Io was playing. But it was in such a slow rhythm, no energy. The kid would pause for a very long while before going to another key hesitantly. Every note must have been the reflection of Io's real emotions at the moment.

When black eyes saw Io slam at the keys all at once while cursing under his breath, Ijuuin chose to just let the kid alone.

The sound of boiling water mingling with the sound of something being fried filled the entire first floor. Ijuuin was busy on his own preparing for dinner early. His bags of groceries were on the counter top, the ones for pasta and soup he was busy sorting out.

When he came back Io had already fallen asleep in the music room. Ijuuin just gave the boy his space and let him be. He felt like he could just give him that. Space was what Io needed to think.

That was why, the darkhaired man was surprised to see a brunette suddenly appearing beside him staring too at the raw ingredients.

"Yoh," Ijuuin started.

"Yoh," Io replied. "What are you making?"

Narrowing his eyes, Ijuuin just pretended he didn't see the puffiness in those eyes again. He pretended he couldn't hear the shaking in the boy's voice and continued chopping garlic.

"Pasta in white sauce...and just mushroom soup."

"Hmmm," Io started poking at the eggs and at the seasonings on the black marble and sighed. "Sorry. I'm such a wet blanket."

"Huh?"

"I am ruining our vacation, aren't I?"

"No you're not."

"I am," Io pouted as he reached out to a huge potato. "I wanted to go to the groceries. I wanted to be all chummy but..."

Ijuuin just continued with his chopping. His face indiscernible.

"I tried singing...when you were out...but you know..." Io smiled dejectedly. "I really can't. I can't. Will never..."

The sound of knife hitting the cutting board somehow brought Io a little comfort. He needed to direct his attention to something else.

"I kept on saying I'll come back, I'll take back what's mine...but there's no way for me is there?"

Ijuuin continued chopping with pursed lips.

"I don't want to be useless you know?" Io frowned. "Music is my passion. It's not that obvious but it is. Why would I make myself look so stupid in front of the whole crowd if it's not? But music...does not want me."

Without replying, Ijuuin turned to the stove and lowered the heat. He started pulling out the pasta from its container and brought it into the boiling water.

"I hate myself."

That's when Ijuuin stopped from what he was doing. He slowly looked Io squarely in the eyes.

"Maybe you should just give up on music then," the man said coldly.

Io's jaw almost dropped to the floor.

"...?" the huge green eyes looked very confused. The man who brought him in a cave, and threatened to push him down a cliff, was actually telling him to quit? His eyes were clouded in a thousand questions yet at the end of it, Io just shook his head quietly. He didn't even have to weigh his answer. "No way..."

"..."

"No way..." Io repeated, taking something from the table and clumsily peeling it with a peeler. "No way..."

Clumsily, as being a young man who had never bothered with household chores and cooking, Io busied himself with the thing in his hands. He was silent as he busied himself. His profile almost like someone else's.

As the taller man continued just gazing at the other, seeing what he wanted to see, seeing those eyes and Io's stubborn will, Ijuuin's stern expression finally loosened.

"So you don't want to quit music?"

"Are you deaf?" Io spat with a frown. "No way. I'd rather look stupid a hundred times more."

"Then what the heck are you worrying about?"

"...?"

When Io lifted his gaze back to Ijuuin, the man was already at his face. Leaning, reading him, smiling at him.

"Most people in the world Io...they're actually not what they think they're supposed to be. They were at a certain point to understand that they're made for something else."

"..." Io bit his bottom lip.

"I've been thinking about this too..." Ijuuin continued. "Say you can't sing and gave it up. Is that all you've got?"

"..."

Ijuuin reached out to the mayhem hair of the brunette and playfully ruffled it.

"You have others right? Utilize that."

"...uti-"

"Just as how there are many ways to paint, there are as many ways to sing."

"..."

"I'm sure you already know that deep inside."

The kid, for a brief moment was lost in space. He was sucked somewhere and was thrown back in a millisecond. His depressed eyes earlier started growing wide. The cloud of self-questioning, somehow no where.

Strange how long the agonizing was. Yet the answer just clicked in a blink of an eye.

Green eyes stared at Ijuuin with utter awe. With unmasked appreciation. Unmasked gratefulness. Yet all those vanished in an instant.

"What the!" Io shouted, slapping Ijuuin's hand over his head. "Your hand stinks of garlic!"

"Hai hai..."

"What on earth are you thinking using that hand on my head?" Io complained. "Now my hair smells like garlic!"

"I like garlic," Ijuuin smirked. "They're therapeutic."

Raising a brow, Io shook his head sideways. "The age difference really shows now you know? You sound like a hermit."

"Damn you brat."

Io just stuck his tongue out.

Quietly, the two went back to their own tasks. Ijuuin chopping. Io peeling. They listened to the sound they were making with their tools. They listened to the boiling. They all did that without talking. And yet, there was a strange feeling of contentment and peace in doing something together in silence.

Although Ijuuin wanted to ask Io what was going on in his pretty wild mild, Ijuuin chose to just let it fade in the air. Io was a smart kid. He would say what he wanted saying even if no one would listen. At the same time he won't spit out what he just wanted to keep for himself.

They were two different persons after all. They all have their own lives and choices to make. Io's youthful immaturity at times, Ijuuin's life experiences, they make them a crazy yet in its own unexpected ways, the best suitable partners.

"Kyou-san..." Io called.

The man glanced at the kid still busy with his peeling.

"Thank you."

"..." Ijuuin was quiet.

The silence of the man made Io glance up. "What? Not saying anything?"

"Oh..." Ijuuin smirked. "It just... feels weird to be thanked by you this sincerely."

"You're such a jerk you know?"

Ijuuin leaned closer to the boy. His eyes turning into observing slits.

"Do I see tears again? You that touched with what I said?"

"S-shut up!" Io spat, turning away. He continued with his peeling with such a serious expression. "This is because of the onions alright? Onions!"

The man couldn't help himself but kissing the top of the boy's head. He just couldn't help it. The urge was there and he had to express how precious Io had become to him.

"Onions huh?" the man teased. "I've never seen onions such as that in my whole life."

"...shit..." Io forgot. It was a potato he was peeling.

The man took in the little frowns Io was making. The slight hint of pink in those cheeks. The boy's attempt to be all strong and tough even when he was already busted. There was no denying anymore. Io was such a color in his life and in his literal black and white interiored home.

"I love you," Ijuuin threw out of the blue. "Even when you're a wayward."

Io gritted his teeth, still embarassed with his potato.

"I love you too," the kid replied suddenly looking up. "Even if you're a jerk."

"I love you even when sometimes you're such a princess."

Io raised a brow. "Hmfht. I love you too, even if sometimes you're a weirdo."

"Is that so?" Ijuuin frowned. "I love you even if you always complain."

"Well, I love you even if sometimes you're such a nag."

Ijuuin's lips were smiling yet his eyes weren't. "Really now?"

Io smiled just as much. "What?"

The rest of their food preparation they kept on finding each other's flaws. Yet at the end...all those flaws didn't matter.

chapter end notes:

OH WOWit's been what? half a year? waha..GOMENASAAAAAAAAAAIIIIII!

HAHAHA...i think i remember someone sending me a pm about wanting to get fluff for this. i quite agree with that. after all what they've been through, im not as cold hearted as i may appear to be! so there, and a few chapters more!

ahaha...i normally don't use 'i love you' phrase...if people already noticed that. but in this scene, i could really see them doing that. and when i finished typing, it didn't feel weird. i feel like it's very ijuuinishXishiish considering how they've come together in this fanfic. XD

~~shuusetsu

ps:update sched on my profile XD