No matter how strong you are there will always that will break you. You can hold your head high and pretend you're not falling apart on the inside. Some people might even believe you. Not everyone will. You just keep pretending that nothing's changed. You act normal. You just keep going. Because you know if you stop or you let people know you'll fall apart. You don't want to fall apart. Your mask is all you have left. But you have to tell someone eventually.

It had nearly broken him when he first found out. He didn't know what to do. He spent days siting in silence. Why was it always him? First his mother lied to him, than the Joker beat and killed him, than he came back to a world that had moved on and forgotten him. Now this? Cancer. After everything he had been through, everything had had survived, he had cancer. Not just that either, terminal cancer. Maybe he should tell Bruce? Maybe Dick? What was the point? 6 months that's what the doctor had given him, 12 if he started treatment soon. Why bother? It's not like the extra time would do him any good.

So he just pretended it was alright. He tried to keep up appearances. The Red Hood was still to be feared. But he should have known Dick would see through it, he always did. He tried to keep going because maybe if he did no one would ask, it's not like they cared anyway, right? He could enjoy these last few months. Cross something's off his bucket list. Did he have a bucket list? No, but he could right one, shouldn't be too hard. But then again, he really didn't have anything more he wanted to do. He was The Red Hood, what more could you want?

Months passed and slowly Red Hood began to disappear from the streets. He couldn't keep up any more. Dick crossed into his territory more and more often but could never find him. Getting up in the morning became harder. He spent more and more of his time trying to think of all the great things he had done. There were plenty, not all of them fell with in most people's moral boundaries, buy that's why he did it. But for all he had done now that he couldn't do it any more he felt empty and… well lonely?

In the end to was the good doctor that gave him away, he never found out how she knew but she made sure Bruce did. Gave him an earful when he came in to the clinic to talk about funds she did. Poor man didn't know why he was in trouble.

When Leslie told him about Jason's cancer he felt like he had failed the boy all over again. Dick had told him something was wrong but Jason would never let him get near enough to ask. He had thought that eventually Dick would find the answer, when it came to Jason Dick was the only one who could. But now he knew, but what should he do? Jason had refused treatment and stopped going in for check-ups. He didn't even know where he was staying anymore, Jason had always been the best at hiding from him. He had to do something, but until he found him just what that 'something' was would have to wait.

In the end it was Tim who tracked him down or more correctly found him sitting in the park looking worse than he ever had. He sat down with him and was surprised when he wasn't pushed away. Bruce left work as soon as he read the text and Alfred packed a picnic. Dick picked Damian up from school early. At first no one said anything; they rolled out the rug and unpacked the food. Silent bites were taken till he broke. At the start no one noticed the tears, then Bruce put his arm around his shoulders. He finally worked out what the one thing he still wanted was, the one unchecked box on this bucket list. He wanted his family back.

It was hard, the last few months. Knowing you were going to have to say good bye didn't make it easier when the time came. No, if anything it made it worse. You knew every moment with them was important but didn't know what to do or say, then one day their gone. No more chances to say the right thing, no more time to make up for past wrongs. But you wouldn't give up those last trying days for anything; no you would do it again just to talk to them. Because for all the heart break you fell when their gone is nothing compared to the time you spent together. The memories you made together are a treasure you'll hold onto till you join them on the other side.

LINE

In my life a have met cancer in different ways. My cousin is a survivor, Tanya (my old boss) lost her fight and sweet little Bonnie who at nine was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer only a few months after thinking she was in the clear. I believe everyone who reads this story has met cancer in some way. So I dedicate this story to the fallen, the fighters, the survivors and the family of supporters they have.

Love

AtarinaMAK