It was snowing by the time he got on the plane, and he was struggling with staying positive about the whole ordeal. When he landed in LAX, the sun was shining, of course and the horrible nor'easter was suddenly the farthest thing from Leonard's mind.

As he rode the escalator down in the airport, his headache begged him to find a Starbucks to get his espresso fix but all he could see were fast food restaurants. Strolling aimlessly through them, one of his suitcase wheels decided now was the opportune time to snap off causing him to overreact in his haste of pulling it and send the thing nearly flying.

Leonard cursed his luck as he studied the broken plastic wheel, ultimately deciding it was a lost cause. As he sat crouched on the ground of LAX, Leonard asked himself just what he was doing for the 7th time since flying out. Why was he back suddenly?

It was complicated. There were a lot of reasons why, featuring mostly the fact that he could not get Sheldon Lee Cooper out of his head.

It'd been a long time, about a year and a half, since he'd last laid eyes on the man he once called his best friend. It had been for the best though, his moving back to Jersey. No, there he could buckle down and really focus on his research. After everything that had happened with Penny, time away was good for him. And if hearing that news had broken Sheldon, well then so be it.

As Leonard headed out of the airport, luggage now in hand, he began to remind himself that he was only back for a few days. Like a mantra in his mind, over and over he repeated to himself, this is temporary, you're on vacation.

As the taxi driver smiled at him and opened his back door, Leonard took a deep breath and hoped he could fool himself into believing that.

…

"What are you doing here?" Sheldon asked, his eyes full of worry and something else... maybe shock?

The bespectacled man worked his mouth for a moment, unable to feel the anger he'd carried with him for so very long. At this moment, no, now that he was here, he could no longer feel anything but longing for the man standing in front of him, door propped halfway open.

He let his eyes look him up and down, taking in the image of the man. He looked... sick.

His clothes were a mess, no longer being ironed strictly to a set schedule it seemed. His hair had even grown out a bit longer, nothing drastically different but it was much longer.

Leonard swallowed hard and found the courage to press forward, his broken suitcase in hand. "I'm... here to see you."

Sheldon frowned and looked like he wanted to say something more but bit his tongue, opening the door wider and walking away, the expectation that he would see himself inside.

He did, shutting the door behind him quietly. As he did so, he couldn't help but let his eyes linger a little too long on Penny's old door. He knew it was ridiculous. She hadn't lived there in so long. Why would she ever come back to this place?

Sheldon was busying himself in the kitchen and Leonard knew without asking that it was because he was preparing him a hot beverage. There was something sad and reminiscent about the idea. He sat down quietly on the far end of the couch, pleased to still see it sitting here just so.

When Sheldon approached him once more, he was appalled to see the man drinking something from a small coffee mug but not offering him anything. I guess some things do change.

Sheldon regarded him with a darkened expression, just staring down at him as he sipped at his mug, making Leonard more and more uncomfortable.

…

20 Months Ago

There was no way around it. There was nothing he could do. He was too far in, too far gone. Sighing softly, he laid back on top of his bedspread not even having enough energy to undress. He'd just fall asleep like this, half splayed across the mattress like some sort of child. Yes, that was fitting. He was a child, wasn't he? Good enough.

He collapsed onto his knees sobbing like a three year old. Every hope, every dream, every single wish that had once filled him with such happiness and joy, gone, burned away by the dark and heavy dose of reality that had hit him. What would he do now? He didn't know. He just didn't know.

Crying into the palms of his hands he struggled to breathe, finding every exhale shudder out of his lithe frame. Suddenly, the turn of the lock in their front door brought him to attention. He sloppily wiped at his face with the back of his hand and tried desperately to bring himself back to his feet. It was Leonard, he was back for some reason and looking very cross.

Sheldon turned away, facing towards their hall. He needed to make a getaway. He couldn't let the man see him like this.

"Sheldon, I want to talk to you." Leonard said, the tone in his voice warning the physicist that he was upset with him.

"I can't now, Leonard." he said unable to utter anything else. The tears were streaming down his cheeks as he began to stumble towards his room.

His room mate however was faster as he jogged over to him and tried to force him to turn around. Sherlock fought him and ultimately stumbled away to his bedroom, locking the door firmly behind him.

Leonard was at a loss as he stood in the hall mouth agape. After a moment he pounded on the man's door. "Sheldon! Open this door! We have to talk."

Sheldon was unresponsive and he wasn't surprised. His former friend hadn't wanted to talk to him very often as of late. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he had an inkling it had a lot to do with him and Penny. He didn't want to think about the reasons why.

He thought about turning foot and abandoning the man. After all, he was supposed to be on a date with his girlfriend right now not lecturing to a man-child about this and that. And he really wasn't in the mood to try and scale along the side of the building just to get into the man's room. No, he'd leave that craziness to Sheldon.

On the other side of the door, the blue eyed physicist was busy trying not to get sick all of his favorite comforter. He sunk to his knees on the side of the bed clutching the sides so tightly his knuckles turned white. He shut his eyes trying to block out his friend's presence beckoning him to come out.

Slowly, he leaned back against his night stand and tried to will his stomach to quell. Perhaps, he'd overdone it today. He'd have to remember not to do that again. How many had he had? Well, he'd had about 7 yesterday evening and then this morning another two. Sheldon was having trouble remembering just what time he'd gone to bed however. Had he even slept yet?

Perhaps, that was the issue. He shook his head to rid the oncoming headache. No, he just needed another to sort out the buzz. He didn't want to risk sobering up after all.

A loud knocking sounded from his door way. Oh, yes. Leonard.

"Sheldon! Please! Come out." The man called from the other side.

Sheldon struggled to a standing position for only a second before he keeled over onto his bed. He maneuvered himself around until he was laying flat on his back.

"Fine. You know what? Just stay in there." Leonard muttered bitterly, turning to walk away. He was going back out. Maybe he could convince Penny to join him somehow.

Grabbing his keys from their key bowl he slammed the front door behind him as he left.

Sheldon let his eyes slip closed, reveling in the peace that only sleep could bring him. Well, sleep and beer of course. Falling into a deep sleep, he failed to notice his cell phone screen illuminating with an incoming call. Having left it on silent, it could only flash silently with the image of his friend Raj Koothrappali's face across the screen.

…

Something had told Leonard that if he came here, it would be a mistake. But no, he had pretended not to see the obvious signs of a midlife crisis combined with a bout of severe depression.

"Why are you here Leonard?" Sheldon asked him again, his tone biting and accusatory as he sipped whiskey from his small blue mug. It burned pleasantly as it rolled down his throat.

"I just... wanted to see you. I know, I know, it's been a long time-"

"A very long time!" He interrupted, his angry eyes boring holes into the top of Leonard's curly head. He swallowed, suddenly nervous, suddenly not so sure about his choice to return for a visit. This was ridiculous. He had obviously hurt the man and now he was here without explanation?

The shorter man stood up, abandoning the luggage on the ground next to them and began to pace around frantically. "I don't know why I'm here. I just... my life is a mess right now. I'm not sleeping, I... "

He paused to look back and take in the man's demeanor. He was still sipping at the whiskey, the likes of which he had caught the smell of upon his return to the living room. He crinkled up his nose in disgust at the thought of Sheldon drinking straight liquor. "Why are you drinking?"

"Because Leonard." Came his simple answer as he stood still poised aggressively staring him down and refusing to sit.

So Leonard sat once more, back in the same spot, as far away from the man as possible. He put his head in his hands and mumbled. "I know it doesn't make sense and I'm sorry to just show up like this. I know... this is ridiculous."

"Y'know why I like whiskey Leonard?" Sheldon began, his words starting to slur more apparently as the seconds ticked by. The dark haired man slowly let his hands slip from his face. This was madness. He knew Sheldon had begun to have a drinking problem but it hadn't gotten this bad, had it? How was he to know? He'd all but given up on the man and everyone else in Pasadena the day he boarded a plane destined for his old hometown. What right did he have to lecture him now?

If he hadn't felt guilty about abandoning the man before, he sure as hell did now.

"I like the way it feels to transcend the laws of physics, of time and space, Leonard." Sheldon had continued, now beginning to pace about almost goofily. It was, of course, a side effect of his intoxication.

Leonard shook his head in disbelief, standing up from his seat on the couch to pace the living room once more. "This is madness, Sheldon. Madness."

Finally, he caught up with the man as he stumbled about, placing a steady hand on either arm of the man to stop him. "What happened to you? What's wrong?" Leonard begged him to answer.

Sheldon's goofy smile wavered before disappearing completely. His eyes changed too, seeming to grow hazy before emptying entirely. His voice came out hoarse and strained, making Leonard wince in pain for the man. "Don't you know?"

Leonard could only shake his head just slightly, in shock and awe.

"You left."

…

18 Months Ago

Leonard chuckled darkly. "That's great. That's... just perfect."

"Leonard, I'm sorry. I... I am."

He looked up at her and swore his breath caught in his chest. Her beauty was something he'd never get used to.

Penny was towering over him, nervously tugging at her silk pink blouse as Leonard sat steaming on her couch. "I just... it's just something that happened."

Leonard nodded, smirking. "Sure."

"You know, we've been growing apart for a while. I don't want to end up like my parents, two people that hate each other but stay together just for the sake of... oh, who the hell knows why!"

The physicist laughed darkly, moving to stand and storm out of her apartment. "Yeah, the difference is Penny, is I love you! I... I wanted to marry you!"

Penny watched him go, horror playing on her face at the idea that soon she would no longer have Leonard to actually talk to. She'd hurt him too bad, too many times. Her mind raced for something to say to make it all okay. But she had found someone new while they were still involved. And what could ever possibly make that okay?

He slammed her door shut behind him and pretended not to hear her crying behind it as he stormed inside his own apartment.

Sheldon was nowhere to be seen which was perfect as he'd had enough of that crazy lately. He just couldn't deal with everything falling apart like this all at once. First, his research at work was stalling then the love of his life tells him she's going back to Nebraska because of her ex-boyfriend?

How many terrible things had to happen before good things came back again? If he were a more spiritual man, he'd believe in karma. But all he could believe in now was the universe's undeniable grudge against him and efforts to stop his happiness at all costs.

He searched the kitchen for beer, alcohol, something but came up empty handed. He knew Sheldon must be hiding things and just why that was was anyone's guess.

He considered phoning Howard or Koothrappali but god knows they had their own issues to deal with. Leonard took a deep breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses. He had to get out of here and soon.