Disclaimer: Is it actually nessasary to inform anyone that I did not write the Harry Potter books?
AN: Hi. Is anyone still reading this? Sorry about not updating for ages... i'm trying to teach people the virture of patience.
CHAPTER SIX
The next morning Sirius woke up feeling tired and confused, the way he usually felt after sleeping as Padfoot. Lightly, he jumped on the bed he has been sleeping on, and trotted out the door toward the direction in which the smell of food was coming from. Halfway towards the food, Sirius's brain finally caught up with Padfoot's instincts. "Harry." His brain shouted. With a soft pop, Sirius turn into a wizard and headed back to Harry's room.
When he got there he came upon the amusing sight of Athena waking Harry up by licking his face. However, the mumbling coming out of Harry's mouth nearly broke Sirius' heart in two.
"Please, Uncle, not today… it hurts to much… already…"
"Harry." Sirius said softly, trying not to further scare the boy. "Wake up! It's ok, it's me, Sirius." He said sitting down on the bed.
"Sirius?" Harry asked blearily. "What's- ow."
"What is it?" Sirius asked worriedly.
"I, well, I, nothings wrong, don't worry about me." He said after a pause.
"Harry don't lie to me. Do you remember what happened last night?"
"Yeah… I remember… the voice… and mum and dad… I killed them…I remember, all my fault." Harry whispered.
Sirius was shocked. "How could you say that? How could you even think that? It's Voldemort's fault! You did nothing to hurt anyone! Why are you saying this?"
Harry flinched and all but backed away from Sirius during his outburst. "I-I dunno." He muttered quickly, his shell springing back up.
Sirius gave Harry a glare reminiscent, proving he had been spending too much time with the hippogriff. Suddenly his gaze softened, realizing what his glaring and emotional outbursts were doing to his godson.
"Harry," Sirius said calmly, "tell me what's going on. You know you can trust me. Please."
Harry's nod was so slight Sirius almost missed it. "I had a dream yesterday, you know, when I passed out."
Sirius nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"I was walking through a forest that seemed familiar somehow, when I came to a house… it was my parents house. I heard my mum singing from inside… she was singing to me, only the me inside the house was a baby. Then Voldemort came and started laughing and…" Harry's voice faltered for a moment.
"Then he started talking to me, explaining to me how it was my fault that they died and Cedric too, but he was right Sirius. Everything he said made sense! If I died they would have lived." Harry cried, his voice breaking again.
Sirius was speechless again, speechless and shaking with anger at Voldemort. How dare he do this to Harry? How dare he do this to anyone? Sirius got off the bed and began to frantically pace around the room, finally coming to a wall and kicking it as hard as he could. It didn't really make him feel better, but the pain in his foot distracted him from his anger a tiny bit. Finally the redness in his vision cleared enough for him to notice that Harry was shaking like mad, and looked ready to throw his arms up at any second to protect his head and a punch or kick.
"Harry." Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry. I should have controlled my anger, but I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you." He said fiercely.
Slowly Harry lowered his hands and looked up at Sirius.
"I'm sorry." He said looking worried. "Sometimes I just… forget where I am. Like when I woke up… I woke up and everything hurt… I thought I was back at the Dursley's."
Sirius held his breath. This was the most Harry has said to him about how the Dursley's treated him.
"It was really bad there wasn't it?" Sirius asked cautiously.
Harry shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, well, it was when I was younger, but when I got my Hogwarts letter… it stopped mostly."
"What happened this summer?"
"The Dursley's were mad about a joke Fred and George Weasley played on Dudley last summer… Dudley's tongue ended up being four feet long before it was shrunk…"
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"They were mad about that," Harry continued "and they stopped believing you existed and I guess I stopped fighting back… I just… wanted to feel pain to make up for Cedric."
Without warning, Harry felt Sirius grab him and pull him into a hug. At first Harry reflexively stiffened, but then, little by little his body began to relax and he realized Sirius was crying.
"Sirius?" Harry whispered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad! Please… I'm sorry."
Sirius pulled backed and looked Harry in the face. He couldn't help feeling surprised and of course the terrible sadness that had been weighing against him, when he saw that this was the most upset he had ever seen Harry. In short time he had known him, Harry had never cried- and he wasn't now, but this was closest he had come. All because he thought he had upset Sirius.
"Harry." He said carefully, "I'm not upset at you. But- it just hurts to see you like this."
Harry hung his head.
"And you have to get it into that head of yours that none of this is your fault. You did not kill anyone; Cedric would have died even if you weren't there and don't ever listen to anything Voldemort says! He's a completely nutters. If you had never been born, He still would have killed your parents. No one has died because of you and I'm going to remind you of this every day until you start believing it." Sirius finally stopped to breathe, then promptly started up again.
"You never deserved any of this shit. Voldemort being after you, your uncle hurting you, none of it. You deserved to have a normal childhood with loving parent's lots of friends and gnomes in the garden. But you were dealt a bad hand and you've got to realize that it wasn't your fault."
Harry finally looked up at Sirius, with fear, confusion. "No one's ever said that before."
"Well they should have Harry, because it's true."
"What about Uncle Vernon. I should have tried to fight him or run faster, or something…" Harry said miserably.
"That stupid muggle outweighs you probably four times over! You couldn't have fought back. In fact, it was probably smarter that you didn't, he might have hurt you worse. As far as outrunning him, where would you have gone? He had ways to catch up with you. That man is just a mad old pig." Sirius couldn't help insulting Vernon.
Confusion remained in Harry's eyes. "I never thought about it like that."
"Well start thinking like that!" Sirius said gently. "I'm going to be reminding you of it everyday."
Harry cautiously smiled his first smile in longer than he could remember.
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Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore stood staring into his penseive. His mind had been puzzling over the events of the last few days, trying to figure out what was wrong with Harry Potter.
What was wrong with Harry Potter? That had been a question on his mind for the last few years. Ever since Harry had started at Hogwarts he had been getting into situations that put him in mortal peril. True, a few of these situations had been orchestrated by Dumbledore himself, to test how formidable opponent for Voldemort Harry had grown to be, but even without the help of the puppet master Dumbledore, Harry still got himself into trouble.
Then of course, there were the Dursley's. Oh the Dursley's. Dumbledore couldn't help curling his lip in a rather Snape-like manner when he thought of the Dursley's. His thoughts drifted back to that fateful Halloween night. After grieving for his friends, Lily and James, his logical mind had drifted to where little Harry would live. His first choice was Sirius Black, he knew they would be good for each other, and Dumbledore had never once suspected that Sirius could have "betrayed" his best friends. But of course, Dumbledore's hopes that Harry could have a happy childhood with his godfather were killed along with the thirteen people that had been in the street where Sirius and Peter Pettigrew had fought.
Dumbledore's ever logical mind had then drifted to Lily's sister Petunia and her husband Vernon. Sure, Vernon was a muggle and Petunia was a Squibb who harbored a bitter hatred and jealousy toward all things magical, but in light of the tragedy, he was sure they would be glad to take in Harry. In fact, the optimistic part of his mind pointed out, this could even be better for Harry. Growing up apart from the wizarding world would make his less spoiled and there wouldn't be any fame to go to his head. Yes, living with the Dursley's would be good for Harry.
So that was that. Harry Potter lived in the back of his mind for the next few years- Until he arrived at Hogwarts, looking a bit smaller and thinner than he should, but generally healthy. During his first year, Dumbledore kept close tabs on the boy to see how he had turned out. He was pleased to see that Harry was growing into a thoughtful, intelligent, adventurous, young mad. So, all was right in Dumbledore's world, concerning Harry. Putting him with the Dursley's had not been a mistake, and Harry was growing into a formidable opponent for Voldemort, should he return.
Sadly, Dumbledore's orderly world was now shattered. Harry was not happy- or even healthy. He had been abused all his life by the people who were suppose to take care of him, and now Voldemort was easily reaching him through his dreams. For the first time in a very long time, the great, brilliant, wizard Dumbledore felt utterly lost and confused.
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AN: Hi. Is anyone still reading this? Sorry about not updating for ages... i'm trying to teach people the virture of patience.
CHAPTER SIX
The next morning Sirius woke up feeling tired and confused, the way he usually felt after sleeping as Padfoot. Lightly, he jumped on the bed he has been sleeping on, and trotted out the door toward the direction in which the smell of food was coming from. Halfway towards the food, Sirius's brain finally caught up with Padfoot's instincts. "Harry." His brain shouted. With a soft pop, Sirius turn into a wizard and headed back to Harry's room.
When he got there he came upon the amusing sight of Athena waking Harry up by licking his face. However, the mumbling coming out of Harry's mouth nearly broke Sirius' heart in two.
"Please, Uncle, not today… it hurts to much… already…"
"Harry." Sirius said softly, trying not to further scare the boy. "Wake up! It's ok, it's me, Sirius." He said sitting down on the bed.
"Sirius?" Harry asked blearily. "What's- ow."
"What is it?" Sirius asked worriedly.
"I, well, I, nothings wrong, don't worry about me." He said after a pause.
"Harry don't lie to me. Do you remember what happened last night?"
"Yeah… I remember… the voice… and mum and dad… I killed them…I remember, all my fault." Harry whispered.
Sirius was shocked. "How could you say that? How could you even think that? It's Voldemort's fault! You did nothing to hurt anyone! Why are you saying this?"
Harry flinched and all but backed away from Sirius during his outburst. "I-I dunno." He muttered quickly, his shell springing back up.
Sirius gave Harry a glare reminiscent, proving he had been spending too much time with the hippogriff. Suddenly his gaze softened, realizing what his glaring and emotional outbursts were doing to his godson.
"Harry," Sirius said calmly, "tell me what's going on. You know you can trust me. Please."
Harry's nod was so slight Sirius almost missed it. "I had a dream yesterday, you know, when I passed out."
Sirius nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"I was walking through a forest that seemed familiar somehow, when I came to a house… it was my parents house. I heard my mum singing from inside… she was singing to me, only the me inside the house was a baby. Then Voldemort came and started laughing and…" Harry's voice faltered for a moment.
"Then he started talking to me, explaining to me how it was my fault that they died and Cedric too, but he was right Sirius. Everything he said made sense! If I died they would have lived." Harry cried, his voice breaking again.
Sirius was speechless again, speechless and shaking with anger at Voldemort. How dare he do this to Harry? How dare he do this to anyone? Sirius got off the bed and began to frantically pace around the room, finally coming to a wall and kicking it as hard as he could. It didn't really make him feel better, but the pain in his foot distracted him from his anger a tiny bit. Finally the redness in his vision cleared enough for him to notice that Harry was shaking like mad, and looked ready to throw his arms up at any second to protect his head and a punch or kick.
"Harry." Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry. I should have controlled my anger, but I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you." He said fiercely.
Slowly Harry lowered his hands and looked up at Sirius.
"I'm sorry." He said looking worried. "Sometimes I just… forget where I am. Like when I woke up… I woke up and everything hurt… I thought I was back at the Dursley's."
Sirius held his breath. This was the most Harry has said to him about how the Dursley's treated him.
"It was really bad there wasn't it?" Sirius asked cautiously.
Harry shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, well, it was when I was younger, but when I got my Hogwarts letter… it stopped mostly."
"What happened this summer?"
"The Dursley's were mad about a joke Fred and George Weasley played on Dudley last summer… Dudley's tongue ended up being four feet long before it was shrunk…"
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"They were mad about that," Harry continued "and they stopped believing you existed and I guess I stopped fighting back… I just… wanted to feel pain to make up for Cedric."
Without warning, Harry felt Sirius grab him and pull him into a hug. At first Harry reflexively stiffened, but then, little by little his body began to relax and he realized Sirius was crying.
"Sirius?" Harry whispered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad! Please… I'm sorry."
Sirius pulled backed and looked Harry in the face. He couldn't help feeling surprised and of course the terrible sadness that had been weighing against him, when he saw that this was the most upset he had ever seen Harry. In short time he had known him, Harry had never cried- and he wasn't now, but this was closest he had come. All because he thought he had upset Sirius.
"Harry." He said carefully, "I'm not upset at you. But- it just hurts to see you like this."
Harry hung his head.
"And you have to get it into that head of yours that none of this is your fault. You did not kill anyone; Cedric would have died even if you weren't there and don't ever listen to anything Voldemort says! He's a completely nutters. If you had never been born, He still would have killed your parents. No one has died because of you and I'm going to remind you of this every day until you start believing it." Sirius finally stopped to breathe, then promptly started up again.
"You never deserved any of this shit. Voldemort being after you, your uncle hurting you, none of it. You deserved to have a normal childhood with loving parent's lots of friends and gnomes in the garden. But you were dealt a bad hand and you've got to realize that it wasn't your fault."
Harry finally looked up at Sirius, with fear, confusion. "No one's ever said that before."
"Well they should have Harry, because it's true."
"What about Uncle Vernon. I should have tried to fight him or run faster, or something…" Harry said miserably.
"That stupid muggle outweighs you probably four times over! You couldn't have fought back. In fact, it was probably smarter that you didn't, he might have hurt you worse. As far as outrunning him, where would you have gone? He had ways to catch up with you. That man is just a mad old pig." Sirius couldn't help insulting Vernon.
Confusion remained in Harry's eyes. "I never thought about it like that."
"Well start thinking like that!" Sirius said gently. "I'm going to be reminding you of it everyday."
Harry cautiously smiled his first smile in longer than he could remember.
**********************************
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore stood staring into his penseive. His mind had been puzzling over the events of the last few days, trying to figure out what was wrong with Harry Potter.
What was wrong with Harry Potter? That had been a question on his mind for the last few years. Ever since Harry had started at Hogwarts he had been getting into situations that put him in mortal peril. True, a few of these situations had been orchestrated by Dumbledore himself, to test how formidable opponent for Voldemort Harry had grown to be, but even without the help of the puppet master Dumbledore, Harry still got himself into trouble.
Then of course, there were the Dursley's. Oh the Dursley's. Dumbledore couldn't help curling his lip in a rather Snape-like manner when he thought of the Dursley's. His thoughts drifted back to that fateful Halloween night. After grieving for his friends, Lily and James, his logical mind had drifted to where little Harry would live. His first choice was Sirius Black, he knew they would be good for each other, and Dumbledore had never once suspected that Sirius could have "betrayed" his best friends. But of course, Dumbledore's hopes that Harry could have a happy childhood with his godfather were killed along with the thirteen people that had been in the street where Sirius and Peter Pettigrew had fought.
Dumbledore's ever logical mind had then drifted to Lily's sister Petunia and her husband Vernon. Sure, Vernon was a muggle and Petunia was a Squibb who harbored a bitter hatred and jealousy toward all things magical, but in light of the tragedy, he was sure they would be glad to take in Harry. In fact, the optimistic part of his mind pointed out, this could even be better for Harry. Growing up apart from the wizarding world would make his less spoiled and there wouldn't be any fame to go to his head. Yes, living with the Dursley's would be good for Harry.
So that was that. Harry Potter lived in the back of his mind for the next few years- Until he arrived at Hogwarts, looking a bit smaller and thinner than he should, but generally healthy. During his first year, Dumbledore kept close tabs on the boy to see how he had turned out. He was pleased to see that Harry was growing into a thoughtful, intelligent, adventurous, young mad. So, all was right in Dumbledore's world, concerning Harry. Putting him with the Dursley's had not been a mistake, and Harry was growing into a formidable opponent for Voldemort, should he return.
Sadly, Dumbledore's orderly world was now shattered. Harry was not happy- or even healthy. He had been abused all his life by the people who were suppose to take care of him, and now Voldemort was easily reaching him through his dreams. For the first time in a very long time, the great, brilliant, wizard Dumbledore felt utterly lost and confused.
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