SK-fan7 – Sorry for the waiting. I'm so glad you're still reading this. This one is the last chapter (sad, I know) but I'm thankful. There are some things that will need my attention (plus I'm stuck with a major block) so sorry. I prefer cut the story now than try to drag it with an update per year (if much). I loved to have your support at every chapter and hopefully you'll like this chapter too.

Fate

chapter 04

China. Eight years ago.

Hao couldn't believe his eyes.

Here he was, traveling around China with Spirit of Fire, this time with almost all of their power intact. Being only four Hao was looking for a safe place to stay. He knew little about this new world (why the world had to change so much anyway?) but enough to understand no one would aid a kid with stupidly long hair. Therefore he settle to find a place, some forgotten, sacred ground he could meditate in peace, preferably as far from the Asakura as possible.

That's when Hao heard about the decadent Tao family. A wave of nostalgia hitting close to home, the young shaman couldn't stop himself from sneaking into the assassins' grounds, heart threatening to stop for good at any moment.

And what he saw…what he saw took the word heartache to a whole new level.

Because in the garden, training by the watchful and hard eyes of the adults was a boy no older than four. A boy with dark blue hair falling over his shoulders and shinning golden eyes that far surpassed the sun.

Hao felt on his knees, heart dead on his chest. So alike…this Ren was just like the first one. Could it be a good omen? A sign things would be okay this time?

Can we stay together? Please?

However, no matter how strong was his stupor, Hao couldn't help but notice one thing: there was no sword.

But why? Ren always used a sword. From the strange, stick-like sword from the last time down to the magnificent, silver sword from the very first, Ren would always choose the sword as a weapon. What was a spear doing in those small hands?

"Ren?"

Hao opened his eyes (funny thing, he didn't remember closing them), noticing the boy had stopped his training and was now staring somewhere in the garden. Hao new the child couldn't pinpoint his exact location, none of them could, but the fact Ren knew he was here was something the old shaman refused to analyze.

No need to nourish hope only to see it shatter in the long run.

"Ren." – the voice called again. Apparently it was the mother of the young child – "Tie your hair. My son will not get killed by such stupid mistake."

"Tsc. Hair is useless. I don't know why you keep it." – a bald man spoke in a disappointed voice – "Hurry up. You have a lot of training to do, young man."

The child didn't spoke a thing, even if his grip in the lance got ten times stronger. And Hao wanted to reach out so badly…To hold that dejected child and tell him his hair was beautiful and how much he had missed it.

But Hao couldn't. He wasn't stable as he once was. If the rest of the family challenged him (quite a possibility considering the Asakura was trespassing) Hao would attack and kill them all. And even if for some miracle he managed to spare Ren's life, what then? He would be nothing but a killer at the child's innocent eyes.

Shaking his head, Hao vowed not to. He would not earn Ren's hate. Their love had brought them enough pain as it was.

Still, could Ren forgive him one more time?

Patch Village. Present day.

"I won't hurt him again."

I raise my head, interrupting my constant observation of fire to stare at the one that was fire itself. Spirit of Fire was in his chibi form and although some may consider this less frightening I know better.

"We can't stop him from fighting." – it's my calm reply. But I'm sad and I know my companion can feel it too.

Never before had we fought against Ren. Ever. To hurt Ren…it happened before but not on purpose. As much as it sounds as an excuse (and it is) others make me do it. Because I was always hated, no matter where I went, the incarnation, or the spirit aiding me. Hate was always following me around, making my beloved collateral damage every time.

Would he die this time too? Now we would fight against each other, would his life be spared? Was that his redemption?

Could I control myself enough not to kill him a second time?

"I won't hurt him." – Spirit of Fire repeats and I know I have no place to run. Few things are messier that a shaman and a spirit out of sync and we can't risk it. Not now.

"It's not that easy." – is my oh so labored answer. Still, it's true, isn't it? There's no way I can keep Ren out of the fight. And with so few teams left there's no way we won't face each other.

But I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't choose between Ren and my dream. I had a feeling it would be an easy choice.

Unless…

"I'll quit the fight." – eyes wide, I didn't realized I whispered until I felt Spirit of Fire sitting on my shoulder. Mind running fast, I put the pieces of my new plan together – "I'll quit the fight and go straight for the Great Spirit."

"He will follow you. Yoh too. "

"Let Yoh come. I want to absorb him anyway." – I shake my head, eyes never leaving the fire burning in front of me. My pitiful otouto wouldn't make much of a difference now but he could still give me some stability – "The others can take care of Ren. None of them is strong enough to hurt him badly and it will give us some time."

"You sure?"

Something seemed to stir at the question. Something I have been trying to suppress for years but always came back: fear.

I didn't want to be Ren't death again. It wasn't just me killing him, I just couldn't take it anymore. Deep in my soul I knew that was my last chance.

But that was just the more reason not to let Ren interfere, right?

"We'll do it. That's the new plan."

If Spirit of Fire was disappointed he hid well. Yet, even if he was, that would not stop him from aiding me. Very few things would.

We were both tired after all.

China. Eight years ago.

Ren is crying again, all alone in that big house filled with dead bodies. It was his first kill and he had been crying ever since. And even if Hao's soul is dripping red by now the old shaman can't help but feel responsible somehow.

If he had succeeded all those years ago…

But he didn't and now here he was, feeling his heart shatter all over again. Ren was so noble, even at such tender age. He had to be beaten four times until he finally gave up and killed his target and even so it was a quick, merciful death.

Needless to say his father wasn't pleased.

So here the child was, hurt again by the ones that should love him above all things, locked in a dark room with no one, not even his kind guardian spirit to make him company.

Hao knew he should walk away. He knew he would end up killing them all if he continued to watch this torture. But the Asakura was a helpless masochist. Always had been. What other reason would he fall in love?

Still, as Ren finally falls asleep, tear strains still fresh on his pale cheeks, Hao can't help but go to him, holding his shivering body until it's warm again. Caressing the hair he loves so much, Hao whispers sweet nothings, keeping the nightmares at bay. He even stole a chaste kiss.

Because that was Hao's good bye. He stood in China long enough. He needed to go before he was found and young Ren was dragged into this mess again.

"It will work this time, Ren. You'll see. You didn't lose your innocence for nothing. "

And with those parting words Hao left, not knowing how many ears it would be until they finally met again.

Patch Village. Present day.

Why?

Yoh is on the ground, recovering from some mild blows. As much as he pretends it's nothing it's clear for both of us how futile is his resistance. Behind me the Great Spirit waits, ready to give me the power I always wanted, to make my dreams come true.

So why? Why can't I finish this? What pain is that, that paralyzes me, freezing my fire, extinguishing it like a pitiful candle? What happened for me to feel like that?

And why, oh why, with my dreams so close I want nothing but fall on my knees and cry, begging the heavens to finish me off?

Don't. – Spirit of Fire whispers in my mind, raising his heat to evaporate the tears threatening to fall from my eyes – You always give up when he dies. This time, don't. Fight for him instead.

I'm not sure how I answered. If my reply was mental, verbal or just a nod is beyond me. All I knew was Spirit of Fire was still with me and my dear otouto was up again.

I smile, holding my last strands of sanity for dear life but wanting nothing more but let go. I would fight. I would end this once and for all. Then I would consume my own spirit and never be reborn again.

That was the new plan.

I lost.

Had everything to win, no holding back at all, but I lost.

I want to believe it was him. That Ren's miracle resurrection threw me off but deep down I know it's not it. I'm just…tired, I guess. Tired of this story, to play the villain and always lose in the end. Most of all I was – am – tired to hurt us. Because no matter how much I try, that's how it always ends, isn't it?

But no anymore, no. I'm setting you free, Ren. Go and be happy with someone else. Someone that's not messes up beyond repair or hope.

Someone that won't hurt you. Or kill you.

Someone worth your love.

As Yoh's attack nears, that's all I can think of. Looking at your untamable golden eyes, I make my last wish. For you, my beloved, my Ren, to be happy.

That's all that matters. All that ever had.

Then I closed my eyes and let myself go, for good this time. It was over. I would not come back. It's the end. The true one.

But as I prepare myself to embrace the dark oblivion I could swear I heard him calling for me.

Warm. Dark. Quiet.

Those are the three things Hao know now. But he's happy. Oh so happy. It feels so go to finally let go, drifting in the dark to never wake again.

"How much longer do you pretend t sleep?"

Hao frowns, eyes shut tight. Who was this?

"Don't you think you rested enough already?"

No, I didn't. So shut up and let me sleep. – Hao turned, much like a child would, shoving his head under a imaginary pillow. He had just started to sleep so that voice better bag it.

"Tsc. Fine. Guess I'll keep playing with the mess you call hair. "

Hao froze, heart stopping dead on his chest just to spring into life in a mad beat. Cause there was only one person to ever tease him about his hair. But it couldn't be, could it? For him to be here, it has to mean…

"You better hurry. We don't have that much time, you know?"

Hao's heart doubled the pace, the sound loud on his ears. For a moment he was dizzy and-

Wait! My heart is beating!?

Brown eyes snapped open, falling straight into a golden sea. The shock was so big Hao jumped, stumbling a couple feet away. Briefly he realized he must be lying on the grass, head on Ren's lap but it didn't matter! That couldn't be Ren!

But the look in those eyes…the ancient emotions shadowing them…

"What? Afraid of me?" – getting up as well, Ren patted the dust from his baggy pants, ignoring the fact his whole body was covered in dirt, sweat and even some blood.

Hao was taken aback. Just how long had the Chinese spend here, kneeling on the grass, wounds untreated? For how long did he take care of a fallen enemy? Because that's what they are now, wasn't it? Enemies?

But before Hao could morph his confusion in hateful words (or even any word at all), Ren approached.

"Did you really think Yoh could kill you?" – he asks, reaching out for Hao's face. The action is so tender, so nostalgic, Hao almost gives in.

Almost.

"Stop playing with me, Tao!" – the Asakura spat the words with all the poison he could muster, slapping the hand away.

Ren recoils, hurt flashing on his eyes for a slip second, no more.

"You know… "– the Chinese began, shoving his hands on his pockets and looking away – "…you never asked me why."

Hao frowns, unsure of what to make of the question. Part of him doesn't want to play this game but what did he have to lose?

"Why what?"

"Why I never joined you."

The Asakura is left speechless for a moment, trying to digest the information as well as to stop his mind from giving the sentence second (possibly third) meanings.

"Why?"

"Because you would die if I did." – looking back at the brown eyes, Ren smiled a small, sad smile – "You always die when I join you."

Once again Hao's heart stopped. What was Ren truly saying?

"That's why I was human last time." – Ren keep on going, afraid he would fail if he didn't. After so long keeping this secret, freedom was a blessing as well as a curse – "I thought if I stayed out of the fight you wouldn't worry, wouldn't die because of me."

"You knew?" – if Hao was shocked before, his rage was quick to ignite now – "All those times, you knew?"

"Not completely." – small smile vanishing, Ren closed his eyes tight. And for the Asakura it looked like he was trying to reach something that wasn't really there – "I have…pieces, feelings. I think I remembered before, in my other lives but this time I was born with nothing."

The rage dissipated like smoke, leaving Hao to feel small and useless. Every time he was careful, protecting his memories above all things but Ren didn't have this power. To be left unguarded for so many incarnations…It was a miracle the Tao still remembers anything at all!

"But how…?"

Golden eyes opened.

"Yoh."

Hao held back a bitter smile. Yoh. Of course. His otouto had stick with Ren since the beginning. And since they are essentially the same…

"He was so similar. His spirit, so warm. It brought back memories. Not all of them but enough to make me realize what I had to do."

A long, uncomfortable silence. Hao looked away, mind heavy with so much information, guilt and…hope. Hope things would work this time. That it would be alright.

"And, of course, there was the kiss."

"What!?" – Hao all but squeaked, his head snapping back so hard it was a miracle it didn't fell off – "What kiss?"

Ren chuckled, a barely noticed shade of pink on his cheeks.

"You can't really blame him, you know? He was confused and so was I."

"You were?" – Hao raised an eyebrow. Crossing his arms he clearly waited for an explanation.

"I felt attracted to him." – the Chinese shrugged, pretending it was nothing despite the tension gripping his stance. There was nothing into the kiss but HoroHoro had teased him enough for it.

"And now?" – the Asakura kept his façade, despite the thousand feelings inside his chest.

"Now I know it's only you, Wǒ de Xing."

Hao couldn't resist that. Try as he might, it was just too much.

Lips met. First unsure, then calm, relieved. By the end however all the carefulness was throw away, leaving the mouths free to devour, the tongues to taste, the saliva to unite. It was messy and strong, passionate and needed, oh so needed. They. Needed. This. To crash and burn together, reviving a past that should never be forgotten.

Complete, at least.

But it couldn't last forever. Not yet.

Ren broke the kiss, face glowing with a million shades of pink, eyes brighter than the sun. Still there was a shadow, a very sad, very ancient shadow deep in his eyes.

"Will you…continue the fight?" – he asks, hesitance clear on his voice.

"No." – feeling how vulnerable his beloved is, Hao hugs him tight. The Asakura can't believe how relieved he is to say that small word – "Let the shaman fight for themselves. I'm tired."

"Selfish." – Ren teases but it's clear how relieved he is.

"I sure am." – Hao grins, bringing their bodies even closer – "After all, I did claim you mine."

"Tsc. Since you're mine as well I guess we can go."

Hao blinks. Really, right when he was beginning to understand!

"Go? Where?"

But the Tao just smiles.

"It's about time we have our happy ending."

And Hao can't help but smile as well.

"Lead the way, beloved." – he says while stealing a brief kiss – "I shall follow you this time."

"If you insists, my star."

Soon after they were soaring in the sky, flying away, leaving the fight behind without a second glance. Spirit of Fire (that has been watching the whole thing with an amused glint on his eyes) was glowing in happiness, an almost motherly warmth radiating from his body.

And Hao had to admit he shared the feeling. Every bit of it.

But there was still one thing he had to settle. A sentence forever stuck on his chest. That didn't come out even on his first life but it was time. He had to say it!

"Ren…" – the small name trembles on his lips and Hao cursed himself. Sweat gathered on his palms and suddenly brown eyes were everywhere but Ren's face – "I-I never…No! I me-ean…Ren…I-I always…Shit! I jus-"

A finger stops the rambling. Ren chuckles.

"I know." – the Chinese announces with a soft smile – "Now shut up and kiss me."

And Hao does. Gladly.

I love you.