Thanks Leia-Kuroia aka never-ending-dream-19 for having beta-ed this (:

Enjoy~

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The first time you asked me to sleep with you, I should have refused. You were the one to make the first move, straddling my lap and kissed me wildly. I could have pushed you away, buttoned up your shirt, told you to go home and cool down your head. What stopped me was your bitter smile and that look full of swirling sadness.

'Just for a night.' You whispered in my ear and I almost shivered at how hypnotizing your voice was.

I agreed, because I hate seeing you so desperate and broken. Everything you did screamed for relief. Anything that could help you. I knew what kind of person you were. A kid who always acts on his instinct and would never give a damn about the possible consequences. You lived so true to your emotions that I knew you hurt yourself at times to release your frustrations. Yes, I was aware of what laid beneath your wristbands and the reason why you picked the color red.

Should I refuse your proposal, turned down your offer, whatever it might be called, you would probably turn to someone else and tell them the same thing you told me 3 seconds ago. You could turn to Akiyama, who was one of the few people that could actually hold a proper conversation with you; you two actually had a close enough relationship to be called "friends". Otherwise, you could ask Doumyoji, or Fuse, anyone you felt like and no one would turn you away since you had a way with words and manipulating people into doing what you want.

Or you could go home, like I had told you to, and use your steel blade to criss-crossing your wrist, dying your own white skin with blood and marring it with scars. Trying so hard to drown yourself in pain and running from reality. Chances were likely.

Yet, how laughable it was. Neither did I want to hurt you nor want your eyes dulled with sadness. But there I stood in your bedroom, willing to sleep with you and convincing myself that if it wasn't me, it would be someone, something else that you chose for tonight's escapade. It would be irrefutable if you regard me as a hypocrite, taking advantage of your... rather vulnerable situation. The lone idea clawed at my heart and left a hollow ache inside of me.

Could it be that I had fallen for you?

You locked the door and turned off the light. The defective artificial light of a street lamp cast a dim light through the windows of your room, making it possible for me to follow your every movements. The light itself was faulty, flawed but once it touched your skin, the sight was perfection.

You pushed me down on your bed and slowly, stripped me of my clothes. I let you do as you pleased. You teased me with your soft pink lips and devilish tongue. Long digits danced on my skin, giving provocative touches away and fueling my unspoken desires. Unconsciously, my hands balled into tight fists, nails piercing through skin leaving bloody crescent marks in its wake. Pleasure coursing through my veins distracted me from the itching pain. At last, you released me from your hot wet orifice with a shameful "pop". Saliva mixed with white sperm lingered on your lips lazily dripped down your chin. Wiping it on your sleeves, deep blue eyes behind framed glasses never left my face, observing. Those orbs reflected many things, things that could not be converted into words. Expression unreadable, you began taking off your own clothes.

What are you thinking about?

Are you thinking about someone else?

Blue uniforms were strewn across the floor. You held my gaze as slender fingers worked on your shirt's buttons.

'Don't take it off.'

You were taken aback by my sudden request but in the end, the shirt still hanging on your thin frame. You climbed on my lap like a lazy cat, thighs pressing against mine. Taking away my glasses, you leaned closer and let out a light giggle. I swallowed nervously which was something I didn't do but still, I did since it was you and everything about you drove me crazy for the lack of better words. Pink tongue darted out licking the corner of my mouth and whispers escaped. For a moment, sounds were shut out and anything I could hear were those seductive invitations.

'Hold me down.' A breathy sigh. 'Hurt me.' A small assuring squeeze on my thigh. 'Dominate me.' A light kiss on my lips and blue eyes glinted with mischief.

'Come on, don't you want to dome?'

Besotting words tore the last of my patience to shred like an elastic band stretched to its limit and just snapped. In a blink of an eye, I had you pressed against the mattress and kissed your body like a deranged man trying to satisfy his needs. Porcelain skin was marred with bruising kisses scattered on your neck, your collarbone, your shoulder to your chest. I was being rough on you, I was well aware of that fact, but that was what you wanted, wasn't it? I kissed your skin, bit it until it bled and savored the metallic flavor of blood combined with the salty tang of sweat. Did you know you were moaning and squirming in pleasure, making those indecent noises that turned me on so much?

Shakily, your arms reached up and wrapped themselves around my neck, holding on tightly. The room was filled with wet sounds of sex, so erotic, so addictive; leading me down, deeper and deeper, to the maze of ecstasy that, once entered, there would be no turning back. I held you close to me by the waist and reached down to touch your leaking member. You whined, writhed and screamed when I brought you over the edge.

Your lithe figure was shivering in my hold. Dark blue hair disheveled contrasts sharply to pure white sheet. The shirt stuck to your skin because of sweat, wrinkled, half hiding, half inviting and giving you an irresistible look of sexiness. I looked at you and kissed your forehead. Your eyelashes fluttered lightly as you shakily cupped my cheek with your chilly hand. Was your hand always this cold?I wondered.

'E-Enough. Just... take me.'

I hesitated but your determined look persuaded me.

'I don't need lubrication. J-just saliva or c-cum is fine...'

Ah, how can I forget that you aren't a virgin anymore?

'If you prefer it rough then.'

You said nothing as you turned away to avoid looking at me. Gently, with my fingers still covered in your release, I moved downward and touched your entrance.

'W-Wait.'

You swatted my hand away and lay down on your stomach, lifting your hips up slightly.

'I-it would be easier this way.'

I didn't have any objections against your change in position, in fact, it would make it easier for both of us doing it in this position. A finger, then two wriggled their way in your hot narrow passage, scissoring and trying to make your muscles loosen up. It proved to be a difficult task since you were so tight and the way you clamped up on my fingers was so erotic.

'Enough. Just take me already.'

'But-'

'Just do it. I can handle it.'

You snapped at me and I had missed the way you trembled when I replaced my fingers with something much bigger. Hot wet heat consumed me and you were so tight, tighter than any woman I'd ever spent the night with. Gradually, I became lost to the world, losing myself to the blissful pleasure. You were mine, mine. Even only for a night, in this very moment, you belonged to me.

'Fushimi, hah, let me see your face.'

You stubbornly shook your head and noises were strangled at the back of your throat.

'Fushimi, urg, look at me.'

Once again, you ignored me and buried your face in the pillow. Starting to grow impatient with your childish antics, I pulled out and flipped you over. The sight was enough to make my heart drop. Your glasses had fallen from your face, revealing those deep blues glistening with tears and cheeks beet red. You had bitten your lower lip to prevent yourself from screaming, doing your best to endure the mind numbing pain. Noticing that I was staring, you immediately brought your hands up to cover your face.

'I'm fine so ju-'

'It hurts, doesn't it.'

It was a statement rather than a question. I wouldn't dare say that I'm the best of man in bed but I had enough personal experiences to know that it wasn't pleasant for you. And those tears were definitely not of pleasure.

'I told you, I can handle it.'

You spat out and wiped your eyes furiously. I was angry. At what? At myself or at you? Angry because you keep suffering? Angry because you were hurting yourself and I couldn't do anything for you? Why was I infatuated with someone like you? It must be a mistake, a fatal one because to me, all your flaws shouted perfection. You were childish, you always hurt people with your words like knives and razors, you were stubborn and by god I thought it was cute; you pushed people away and built up walls to protect yourself. Everything about you intrigued me and it shouldn't have been possible for me to like somebody this much. All that I wanted was you to look at me and me alone. How wrong the situation was. Our first time together, it shouldn't have been like this.

'Enough.'

I lifted your chin and wiped away the stray tears on your flushed cheeks. Your eyes widened as you held back your hiccups.

'Where is the lube? You must keep some in your room right?'

'Yes, but I don't need it. I-'

'Where, Saruhiko?'

Reluctantly, you obeyed. You always caved in when I resorted to my commanding tone. Sitting up to reach for your bedside drawer, you took out a small plastic container and pressed it to my palm.

'What... are you doing?'

'Preparing you properly.'

'Hah?'

'Don't tell me that you don't need it. Sex doesn't need to hurt and I know you are not that much of a masochist. At least please let me do this.'

'Why?! I don't need you to do anything for me. I don't need to f-feel good or what ever the fuck it is. Is ...Isn't sex supposed to be about pain?'

'Who told you that?'

I looked at you and you looked back at me incredulously. Somehow, I got a very bad feeling about what you were going to say.

'No one.'

'Tell me Saruhiko.'

Hesitating, you studied my expression before finally speaking up.

'There was someone who used to sleep with me. He would always hold me down and had his way with me. He always used condoms and rarely lube... He paid me afterward, like, a lot more money than my part time job at the arcade center, enough to pay for my school tuition. My friend didn't know about it. It hurt at first b-but I got used to it. It hurt more than the pain of cutting my wrist or anything else I've experienced. After I graduated, I cut him loose and then you came along with a job to offer and a place to live in.'

I stared at you. Too young, too young to suffer this much. Under an indifferent facade, there was still you, a naive and lost young boy. Your records didn't state anything about prostitution or sexual assault. Your medical record was also clean.

I blamed myself for not having known about the matter. Why? When it wasn't my fault in the first place. Still, I wish I was there. To save you. To be your hero. But this was reality and the truth was I wasn't there and what had been done was done. All this time you had been considering sex as something painful and hurtful, more than self mutilating, a luxury solution for your problem.

'Have you slept with anyone else since... him?'

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I asked you. You shook your head and mumbled.

'No. Not anyone.'

'Why me then?'

You stiffened up immediately.

'I... wanted to escape the stress and my frustration. Cutting my wrist was no good anymore and I really wanted to break something or do something reckless, and then you were there asking me what was wrong...'

You bit your swollen lower lip before continuing.

'I don't know. Y-You are my King and you treat me with patience and kindness, even my old King didn't treat me like you did and I thought… I thought... maybe...'

'Maybe you could use me?'

'N-No... yes, I thought about that at first but... it wasn't like that anymore. Fuck if I know but you aren't like him. I don't want to use you for my selfish wish nor vice versa. I just thought that it must be you, only you that I could seek for these kinds of... things.'

You tried to find your words and making things coherent and understandable but failed anyway. You fidgeted nervously, blue eyes darting from side to side but never made contact with mine. It was rare, to be able to see you like this, squirming and facade dropped. Sitting before me was just you. The real you.

Hopelessly shaking my head, I gathered you in my embrace and held you tight.

You were just too cute for your own good.

'You are selfish Saruhiko, and yet I couldn't bring myself to hate you.'

That's right. I couldn't. I really couldn't.

'Does this mean you trust me to have sex with you?'

You thought about it for a moment and nodded.

'I think so.'

'Then let me make you feel good. I will show you how pleasurable sex could feel. Trust me this one time, hmm?'

Like a small kitten, you nodded again, somewhat reluctant, not yet convinced of what I was about to do. I instructed you to straddle my lap and you happily complied. Maybe this was your favorite position then. Planting kisses on the blade of your shoulder I murmured against your skin.

'Hold on to me. If it hurts then you can bite me, your lower lip is already swollen.'

You listened to me for once and slowly but surely brought your arms up to wound them around my shoulder. Once again, my fingers found their home inside of you, wriggling and loosening your tight inside. Your whole body shook and blunt fingernails dug in my skin alarmingly.

'Relax, look at me.'

Stubbornly shaking your head, you refused to do as I asked. Suppressing a sigh, I stopped my motions to lift your chin up and kissed you. I really couldn't get tired of kissing you, it seemed. It was something so addicting that I couldn't get enough of it. You were surprised but chose to deepen the kiss anyway. Breath mingled, tongues exploring each other, I could feel you were turned on by all of the stimulation and your member was leaking on my stomach. I kept kissing you and listening to your inaudible gasps and groans. You sobbed between kisses as I continued searching for you sweet spot now that you had loosen up a bit.

'Aah!'

Found it. You squeaked and jerked back suddenly. Wide eyes stared at me bewildered and a faint shade of pink decorated pale cheeks.

'W-What was-'

'Your G-spot. Feels good?'

Your face flushed a tomato red color in about three seconds as you buried your face in the hollow of my neck.

'I-It was... weird but not unpleasa-aAAH!'

Moaning loudly, you arched your back in a perfect bow as I assaulted the spot again and again.

'Don't hahaah~ D-Don't stop Mu-urgg!'

You almost screamed in ecstasy as I hit there hard and my other hand groped your pert ass. It was actually a good thing because now, you were too lost to even notice that I currently had three digits pressed inside of you and there wasn't any traces of pain judging from your expression but just pure pleasure.

'I'm going in.'

You nodded weakly as fingers were removed only to be replaced with my cock. Your limp body suddenly shook. You whined and moaned helplessly as I slowly pushed in.

'Munakata... Munakata…'

You called my name which I wasn't sure if it was a plea or a prayer. The desire to mark you, to carve my very existence inside of the shivering figure grew stronger and stronger. Holding your lithe frame close, the rhythm was harder and faster with each snap of the hips. Your uncontrollable pants excited me, your breath hot against my ear and my name escaped your lips like a mantra, interrupted but repeated in an almost desperate tone. Hot tears trailed down your face; lewd sounds bouncing against the walls and the way you arched you back were enough evidences for me to come to the conclusion that you were clearly enjoying this.

Beads of sweats dripped down your neck and soaked into your white shirt. You reached out blindly and grasped my hair before pulling me down in a passionate kiss, kissing like you were going to die and this was what you needed to do. I returned the kiss and you practically sucked my tongue hungrily. We made out as I kept thrusting and hitting your sweet spot, making you gasp and broke the contact. Pulling back and gazing at your deep blue depths, I couldn't help but groan and thrust in. Hard. Your breath was pushed to the point of choking and broke into a choked scream. Emotions swirled in your eyes as we both reached our blissful completion.

Having been exhausted, you panted heavily and leaned weakly against my chest. Carefully, I lifted you off of me, taking off your sweat soaked shirt and laid you on the bed. Your hands were limp as I took it and lovingly kissed the white scars marking your bony wrist.

'Don't hurt yourself like this. Come to me and I'll help you.' I said and caressed the skin on your wrist. Marred but still so beautiful. So perfect.

You watched me as your lips curved up slightly.

'...thank you.'

Sleep snatched you before I could bring myself to say anything. Dark blue hair curtained half of your face, shielding you from the street light shone through the windows.

Those simple two words were enough to make my heart warm up. Running a hand through my hair, I leaned down to give you a good night kiss on the forehead.

'You're a selfish one, Saruhiko.'

Selfish for doing this to me, making me like this and left me hanging. How cruel because I knew you could never belong to me, even if you said those words.

But I guess it couldn't be helped...

Making myself comfortable, I enveloped you in a hug and let sleep consume my consciousness.

...since I had fallen for you this hard.

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