Author's Note: OK here is one of my new stories for HP, Hope you like it, and I don't own Harry Potter, there is my disclaimer. Enjoy

KEY:

Normal text: Hugo's Essay

Bold Text: Ron's corrections

Italics: Hermione's corrections

The task: Write an essay to answer the question: What is your favourite sport and why?

Title?

The favourite sport of one Hugo Weasley is Quidditch. The reasons for this are; that my family and I share the obsession, it's the excitement of the game and that the length of the game can vary.

Hugo, what other sport is there? I am very proud of you! Ignore what Daddy said, we need to use a muggle sport sweetie HERMIONE! NO RON, anyway we will work on this but on the positive side the layout of the introduction is correct, it just needs to be a bit longer. You can use I in this case because the question is referring to you specifically. Hermione, he's only 9 years old!

Firstly the Weasley/Potter/Lupin family love Quidditch. My Aunt Ginny used to play for the best team ever: The Holyhead Harpies, as the star chaser! At Hogwarts most of my family have been on the Gryffindor House Team for more than 1 year, infact my Uncle Harry was the youngest seeker in a century (according to Dad). Quidditch is the sport that brings us together, everyone in my family (well except for Uncle Percy, Mum, Aunt Audrey, Aunt Fleur, Grandma Molly and Mum's side of the family) plays for fun now.

Hugo I am disappointed, you know that the best team is and always will be the Chudley Cannons! Ron, your sister was a S-T-A-R-C-H-A-S-E-R on the HOLYHEAD HARPIES! And your point is Hermione? Never mind. Hugo, the layout is great, you have your three pieces of evidence to back up your point. In English there are no numerals, and I raise the point of Quidditch is a Wizarding sport, again. Hugo, Uncle Harry was the youngest seeker in a century, if you don't believe me, ask anyone, or you could even look at the chocolate frog card!

The game itself is so exciting, it is really hard to believe you muggles cannot enjoy it. There are seven players on each team sitting on BROOMS! The anticipation of the crowd, waiting for the teams, seeing all the tricks and the game itself. Many things are sold at the stadiums to enhance the experience of the Quidditch match.

Hugo, your Dad has gone to the toilet, so I have to be quick, you can't say (or write) the word muggles. Your point isn't really valid, I understand that as a Wizarding Sport, you need to explain the game to your readers, but, as this is a muggle essay, the teacher should already know the rules. I will help you with this, maybe you could use the history of the sport.

The length of a Quidditch game varies, because the game doesn't end until the golden snitch has been captured. Sometimes the matches go on for days, and they have to bring in substetutes to let the other players sleep. The world record for the shortest match is 3 seconds.

Correct Hugo, it was 3 seconds, I think, at least it was last time I checked. Hugo you only have one piece of evidence, and you couldn't expand it any further, and numerals again! It's spelt Substitutes.

In conclusion Quidditch is the best sport in the entire world, and my favourite sport because it runs in the family, the excitement of the game and because the length of the game changes every single time.

By Hugo Weasley

The layout was mostly good and so was the spelling, the topic and most of your points need work. Come and see me, and please bring the essay. Chudley Cannons Rule!