Hello there. I have taken the time from writing other fics to write this. I've seen a lot of mary-sue characters and actual characters fall in love. Then the character gets pregnant and tells the actual character, then randomly start crying when the guy doesn't say anything.

This is my response to those terrible, horrible fics that need serious revising. Aizen's eyes grow tired of seeing his enemies put in terrible fics and then made the fathers of ugly babies.

I know, I see the fics also.

Yaoi Love :3

P.S. It's pronounced, EE-TA-ZOO-RA MEH-GAH-NEH

Chapter 1- It Was Only One

Itazura Megane was a rather quiet girl. Well not quiet, well, she was quiet when no one was around. But who isn't?

She entered her captain's room. "Oh, Lieutenant Megane. What brings you here?" She smiled. "Oh, I'm just waiting for your daily coughing fit, Captain Ukitake." the girl then surpressed a chuckle as the captain quirked a brow. The captain continued to work on his remaining paperwork.

Itazura waited quietly with a small cat-like smile on her face. She tapped her fingers quietly on her shihakusho. Ukitake's shoulder jump slightly. "Itazura-san..." Ukitake said with a tight throat. The girl shot forward, snatching the papers before they were stained red.

The girl snatched a white towel from her chest, covering the shaking captain's mouth. She softly patted his back and layed him on his bed. Ukitake's chest ragged up and down. "Oh...my..." he gasped. "I...am sorry...for the..." he focused more on catching his breath.

Itazura smiled as her mornings always started like this. She alway's took this time to observe herself in Ukitake's decorated mirror. Long, wavy, sky blue. Clean, cut bangs stopped just above the tip of her nose, concealing her eyes. Her smiles could grow wide enough to rival Captain Ichimaru's, but that was only when something was funny or she was laughing at an inside joke.

Not only that, a taste in music that other Shinigami considered "terrible" or "horrible". But she considered it the best music in the world. It was wild, random, and the band's next song could be of any genre. The name was also awesome.

MIndless. Self. Indulgence.

She come to like other human musical artists, but it seemed every song they came out hypnotized her ears.

Born in North Rukon District 75, music was not an easy thing to come by. So when she heard the different blends of instruments together, it was like heaven. Music was her safe place. To get away from those mean boys, she would sneak after the shinigami to the human world and listen to the live bands that played. And everything was free.

The human world was a wonderful place and she wanted to go there frequently, so she made it her business to become a shinigami. When she graduated in two years, life wasn't so pleasant. She was inducted into the Fourth Division. Where was to clean up after the messy surgeries and dirty and disgusting 11th Division members.

That was where her hatred for the 11th Division grew. They would yank at her hair, spank her bottom, and swear they did nothing. At the end of each day, Captain Unohana would look at her with soft eyes and smile. Sometimes, she would pet the girl's tangled hair.

After 15 years of the torture, one day, Unohana stepped into the room full of the 11th Division members. Itazura was in the middle of the floor, crying. Her hair was ragged and some parts of her scalp were bleeding. Her face was bruised and her eyes were severely puffy.

Unohana gently grabbed Itazura by her shoulder and lifted her up. "This girl's will..." she started to the "injured" members. "has just been shattered. Now..." she looked around with serious eyes. "It's been 15 years, you've been doing this to her...and she just started crying about it." Her voice got quiet, "and this...I cannot accept."

Unohana slightly pushed Itazura towards the door. "Ask the lieutenant to escort you to the Fifth Division and tell them I said to let you speak to the Captain. When you see the Captain tell him I said to train you." Itazura nodded and left out of the room. The door closed behind her.

A scream pierced the air, causing the girl jump. Many screams came after that. Itazura ran away from the hallway.

Isane later reported her to the Fifth Division. It took a day and a half to be escorted by carriage.

The Fifth Division was a nice place. Itazura thought everyone there was rich. Even the people who were janitors had better clothes than her rags. They smelled better, too.

The unseated shinigami's were quick to let them in when they heard "Unohana said,". Captain Aizen was a nice man. His smile warmed her up from the inside. They talked for a bit, then Aizen sent her home.

Unohana sent her back the next day. This continued for a course of 12 years. During the course, Aizen trained her. Her kido and hado skills were unparallel. She also obtained two zanpaku-tou. Aizen then inducted her a seated officer of the Fifth Division. 1st Seat.

Aizen held her, silent, while she cried her eyes out. After this, she met her so called "twin", Lieutenant Ichimaru. You couldn't see their eyes and they both had creepy smiles. They also had weird tastes in pretty much everything, from humor to food.

Years had passed and Itazura had thought to deserve a better position, but the only way to become lieutenant, was if Ichimaru died or was promoted to a high position, or something like that. So when she heard that Kaien Shiba, lieutenant of the 13th Division had been killed by a hollow, she decided to sign up to become the next lieutenant.

The tests weren't anything that Aizen hadn't taught her, so here she was; Lieutenant of the 13th Division. But they took a hell of a long to time to complete. Damn near a century.

Imagine her suprised at the end of the tests when she heard that Gin became a captain and some little girl named Momo became lieutenant.

Captain Ukitake had calmed down from his coughing fit and now was resting silently. He wasn't sleep, he was just...resting. "Itazura..." he said after a minute of silence. "I recieved a letter-" A envelope slipped from the stack of papers the woman shuffled. "Read it..." Ukitake urged.

"Hmmm..." Itazura started. "Dear Captain of 13th Division of the 13 Court Guard Squads...la, la, la, The Gotei 13 are having the 1000th Captain and Lieutanant ball, blah, blah, blah, we are honored to invite you, Juushiro Ukitake and Itazura Megane to represent...yadda, yadda, yadda, can't wait to see you there..." Itazurahad shortened the letter a great deal.

"So...will you?"

Itazura scratched her head, she wasn't really big on being formal and wearing dresses. Ukitake gave her a pleading look. "Well, I guess I can't just deny a dying man's wish." Ukitake laughed, "Thank you, Ita-wait...what? I'm not dead yet!"

Itazura just blared out Ukitake's complaints with loud, hysterical laughter.