Author's Notes:
There's a lot of amazing people on this site, seriously. Welp, after chatting and sharing, I learned that Mipiko's birthday was on the eighth of this month (See? Told ya I'd still say), and I had posted a fic the day after without realizing that. To make it up to her, and because this is also a "Get Well Soon" fic, I wanted to make something that included her OTP. After much thought and consideration, Kaito and Miki really don't seem that bad in my head. . . Especially since I actually ship Miki with a lot of UTAUs rather than Vocaloids, like MatsudappoiyoxSF-A2 miki (yeah, betcha didn't know that 'til now).
Anyways, from your page, I can tell humor's more your thing, Mickey, but you have said that you were cool with angst and stuff, so. . . Yeah. You can totally hate on me if you don't, and happy belated 20th birthday. :P
Kaito Shion has never been one for sentimentality, nor has he ever been inclined to hold onto the past. To him, matters of long ago have no bearings with the going-ons of the present, and not letting go of former mistakes or relationships is not how one should hope to function with a clear state of mind.
Kaito Shion always focuses on the present, and occasionally the future. Nothing more, nothing less.
At least, this is the case unless SF-A2 miki is concerned.
•••••
Not being able to forget about the twisted, failed relationship they'd had was a certain weakness Kaito never liked to shed light on. Because being his clueless, idiotic self, Kaito never wanted to appear weak or vulnerable in any manner, and tried to hide behind sweet smiles and good will. But with every passing day without the red-haired young woman by his side, the cracks begin to run deeper and deeper in his psyche, slowly shattering and crumbling at his resolve.
Six months after their fiery breakup, Kaito finds himself having to swallow down the pain that throbs in his chest when a grim-faced Miki turns bright, fiery eyes on him when he accidentally bumps into her on his way to the music library.
There might have been a time – some point in the obscure, indistinct past – when Kaito would never have believed that a girl could have such an effect on him, an unbreakable hold on his heart. But as the days continue to pass by in a meaningless blur, flashes of cerise hair seek to remind him painfully that this is no ordinary girl. This is the spitfire SF-A2 miki.
And think what he might about keeping the past in the past, but Kaito cannot help himself when his first instinct when triggered with memories of his former girlfriend is to hold on.
But holding on is always inexplicably tied to letting go.
•••••
Miki has never been fond of holding on to past relationships. With the few boyfriends she has had, it has come to her knowledge that crying over what was now in the past had no bearing to the present or future. When her relationships ended, she always went out around for the first fortnight or so, cried a bit and perhaps had a drink or two to forget with a few friends, but after that she never had a problem with putting the past in the past and moving on.
At least, not until she'd happened to date and break up with Kaito Shion.
It has been eight months now since their breakup, and Miki cannot even remember why they'd parted ways in the first place, the matter of their falling out being so trivial.
Every time she passes him in the hallways of a Studio, the air seems to drop in temperature, or maybe it is just the icy glares they shoot at each other. Miki glares because she hates how even after eight months, she cannot seem to move on from her ex-boyfriend. She glares because every time their eyes meet, she feels her heart skip a beat and a painful lump form in the back of her throat.
She glares, but all whilst unconsciously etching his handsome features into her memory time and time again.
Holding on.
•••••
There is one time, exactly nine months, three days after their initial breakup, that Kaito and Miki find themselves being partnered together during a business excursion to the local television-broadcasting station to advertise. They are all handed worksheets and sent off towards different corners of the building, Vocaloids dragging their feet in obvious reluctance to complete the given work.
Miki and Kaito are let into a room containing what looks to be all the filing cabinets of every Company that has any ties with Vocaloids, and are told to investigate and write a report on the financial and contractual dealings of the station and the Company's positions with stats as accurate as possible.
Miki barely even understands what those words mean, let alone in correlation to the television station.
Not even bothering to pull open a filing cabinet, she curls up in front of the only window in the room, basking in the sun's rays. The floor is hardwood and rather uncomfortable, but it is thankfully clean, and Miki would much rather sit on the uncomfortable floor than at the single armchair located far too close to her ex-boyfriend for comfort.
Casting a wary look across the room, Miki pulls her knees up to her chest, resting her head on her folded arms. She does not want to be in this musty, slightly claustrophobic room, least of all with her former boyfriend.
Kaito seems no more enthusiastic than she, although he at least makes an effort to look through a few of the filing cabinets. Miki watches him inconspicuously from the corner of her vision – her eyes definitely don't linger on his nonchalant expression, nor do they occasionally flicker to his dark eyelashes or beautifully pressed new Upgrade uniform. Kaito has always looked impeccable, in her eyes.
She doesn't realize she is staring until he turns and catches her eye, a slight smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth.
He steps over to her. "Well, Mii-chan, what are you staring for?" Kaito's eyes are dark and his tone slightly mocking.
He is jeering at her, Miki realizes.
The air is buzzing with a certain tension, and for the first time in nine months and three days, Miki can feel it, a particular underlying current in the air – a palpable tension between the two of them. The same tension that had served to bring the two of them together in the first place.
There was a special chemistry the two of them shared, a bond neither had felt with any other.
Miki feels goosebumps erupt across her exposed skin, and a slight sheen of sweat form on her palms beneath the fabric of her gloves.
She is good with words, she knows that. Between her and Kaito, it was hard to tell who had charmed their way out of more sticky situations, both possessing the inane ability to manipulate the wills of others' with their words.
But Miki has never had to fight a battle of the charms with her former boyfriend before, and going up against him now, Miki is not sure she'll be the one to come out on top. Especially when she is still undeniably in love with him.
Sometimes, the things we hold on to serve nothing but to weaken our defenses.
Miki replies with a feeble, "Nothing".
•••••
Holding on is the easy part. It is letting go that Kaito has always found himself struggling with, where his past relationship with Miki was concerned.
There is something about her – not her sleek and smooth hair or clear red eyes, not anything superficial or on the surface. Maybe it is her confidence in herself, her blunt words or ability to make him smile in genuine amusement.
It stings when she turns and walks away from him now, the sunlight still caught upon her figure, painting a dazzling picture of cherry locks and fair skin.
She leaves him standing in the middle of the room, closing the door behind her with a flick of her wrist. Kaito stares after her the whole time she steps further and further away from him, his hands unconsciously clenching into fists by his side. He misses her, a lot more than he is willing to admit.
After nine months and three days, he is still holding on.
•••••
There is a single fiery kiss, over a year and a half after they end their relationship.
It happens at a party, as a lot of unplanned and unintentional kisses usually do. Miki is dating another boy at the time, and she supposes that if one were to be technical, they'd most likely classify the kiss between her and Kaito as cheating.
She doesn't call it cheating.
She calls it closure.
They kiss nowhere special or particularly romantic, just in a bedroom upstairs from the party. Maybe it might have been romantic if there has not been trashed by a previous couple putting it to use; Miki wrinkles her nose at a condom wrapper on the floor.
When he'd come to her earlier that night, eyes burning with perhaps a tad too much emotion than he'd usually be happy to reveal to her (this was explained by the drink in his hand), she'd pushed him away initially, only stopping to wrap her arms around him and pull him back towards her when she saw the unguarded flash of hurt across his face.
Kaito is slightly too inebriated, and Miki pours him glass after glass of water before leading him to a bedroom upstairs to sleep it off. Seeing him in his vulnerable state brings back not-entirely-unwanted memories of their past relationship, where he'd been a little less silly and more honest with her.
Miki kisses him gently on the forehead, barely a brush of her lips against his skin.
She is about to turn away and go back downstairs to the party when she feels a firm hand latch onto her wrist, fingers wrapping around her pulse point.
There is a quick movement, Kaito sitting up in the bed, before Miki feels herself being pulled closer almost a little too roughly and warm lips pressing against her own.
It is perhaps too sad, the kiss, tinged slightly with a desperate edge that seeps into Miki's framework and has her trembling slightly in Kaito's embrace.
Kissing him is not like coming home, nor is it like an electric shock to her circuits. It is not cliché, nor is it wholly unique in any way.
The kiss is just Kaito and his unspoken pain, and Miki almost wishes it was like fireworks and butterflies because those things would've been a lot less heartbreaking to stomach than this raw, undisguised pain.
When Kaito finally pulls away, there is a wetness on her cheek, and a glance into his dry eyes tells her that it is her own tears sliding down her face.
"Sorry," Kaito has the decency to look ashamed as he holds her tightly, "It's just... After all this time, I just needed..."
"Closure," she chokes out, swallowing hard at the lump in her throat.
Smiling wanly at him, Miki wipes her eyes before blinking up at him through tear-sodden lashes. Her mascara that Miku helped her apply is probably streaming down her face. "Yeah, I needed it too."
That night is the first night they both begin to let go.
•••••
Days and months pass. A year, two.
Miki and Kaito let go through stolen kisses, each one a little less sad and painful than the last.
For the two of them, letting go is heated exchanges behind closed doors, clashing teeth and dragging lips. Letting go is when every kiss tugs a little less at their heartstrings, and when pain suddenly starts to blur the line between pleasure.
Letting go is slow and arduous, a heart-wrenching cacophony of muffled sobs and quiet gasps in the night.
Letting go hurts almost as much and holding on.
•••••
Somewhere in-between the stolen kisses, there is a change, an unexpected rediscovering in their relationship. One day Miki suddenly finds herself kissing Kaito not to help the both of them let go, but because she wants to, because there is something that stirs in the pit of her stomach when she is pouring herself into him, breaths mingling and hands tangling.
It is strange, but after all this time spent pained over their breakup, when the time comes to finally let go, she finds herself wishing she'd held on just a little bit harder.
She doesn't know it, but Kaito wishes the exact same thing.
•••••
They finally let go completely a sunny afternoon in the summer, over their favorite ice-cream in the park to the sounds of birds chirping and the wind whistling. There is no pain or sadness left, no need to steal any more kisses.
So they part ways.
Letting go always inexplicably tied to moving on.
•••••
The next spring, Kaito finds himself thinking of the two of them; their relationship, the holding on and the letting go.
He figures that in time, they will both find someone else to hold on to.
But as he collects his order of two dozen roses from the florist, straightening his coat and scarf and driving over to AH Software, he thinks discordantly that he'd rather Miki hold on to no one else but he.
•••••
The roses look beautiful in a vase in her bedroom.
Author's Notes:
. . . Damn, this has been the longest one-shot I've written. XD It originally was going to be left on a bittersweet note, but along the way, I guess I grew to like them a bit more that I decided to throw the pairing a bone. There seems to be a fair amount of them in the Archives with less-than-favorable outcomes of their relationship. My favorite has to be Ten-Faced's short Irregularities. Highly recommend you drop by and leave her your two-cents. ;)
And um, please don't favorite without leaving a review. I do really want to know why and what about my writing that makes you, the reader, like it. I'd like feedback to see how I'm doing, to see if I need to improve, and for constructive criticism, per favore. Or you can just PM your thoughts to me. That's cool, too.