I LIVE! ParadoxPhilosopher is back after a year... wow... has it really been so long? My apologies to all my fans if any of them are still around. If not then that is my fault but I honestly did miss you guys. what can I say? Life happens.

HERE IS THE LONG OVERDUE SECOND CHAPTER! ENJOY!

The world slowly blurred into focus as the light of dawn broke through the window panes and crawled across the floor. In his living memory, he was not sure when he had ever felt so warm and comfortable but one thing he was certain of was that he liked it.

His blue eyes slowly opened and closed as he took in his surroundings. He recognized almost everything in this room. There was his chair, rough and old timber that would make a wonderful creak when you sat in it just right.

There was his wardrobe that held a lot of his old and worn clothing. Among the clothes were trousers with tears and stains. White and black shirts, the style that he used to wear all the time. At the base of the wardrobe was a pair of shinobi sandals. Though this was not odd in of itself, the fact that they both appeared to be the left foot, was.

The desk to the side was also his though he was sure that he had never really used it except as a standing shelf to drop junk onto. This was reaffirmed by the presence of "said junk", piling precariously on top of the wooden bench. A tower of old ramen cups seemed to nearly reach the ceiling and a collection of his late sensei's Icha Icha Classics were clearly recognizable, though he remembered giving those books to Kakashi.

Finally, resting on the hook behind the door, was a jacket he had not seen in years. Blue and orange with a white woollen trim, His sleepy mind was both confused and comforted by the presence of his old friend. He could have sworn he lost that jacket in a house fire years ago.

As more light began to fill the room and his mind started to become clear, He recognized more and more things in this slightly obscure room.

Everything was his, but it was not where he left it. It was like while he was asleep, a bunch of people had come in and shifted everything around. Even the wall paper was at a slightly off angle. If this was a prank, he would have loved to know who pulled it off just so he could shake their hand. Very few people could pull a fast one on Naruto. Or so he let himself believe.

A slight shiver ran down his spine as he felt as though he were not alone in this room. He raised his head from the old feather down pillow and slowly turned to face the other corner of the room. The only one that was not visible from his previous vantage point.

There, he saw a tall back chair with a carved oak trim and red felt lining. Sitting upright in the chair and smiling sweetly was a woman with pink hair and wide, sparkling green eyes. Her hands were holding a sleeping fox in her lap as she slid her hand gently along its red fur. It was so still and quiet, it must be so comfortable just lying there. Her smile was so broad on her face that if she were to smile any further, her face was liable to crack in two. Naruto had only once seen a smile like that before and it was on Kiba after he had discovered coffee and was awake for three days straight.

Her eyes never left him and were almost blind to the world with how they gleamed with joy. Her hair was done up in as slight bun and the way she sat in the chair was so rigid that it could only be to protect her clothing from wrinkles. She gave off the image of perfection that was popular in many of the women's magazines and looked so happy to be there that if she were even just the slightest bit more happy then she was liable to develop a psychiatric disorder.

This whole image was just wrong somehow and disturbed Naruto greatly.

As he looked back at the still catatonic fox that she was still stroking as slowly as a bond villain, he prayed to Kami that it was not dead. That would just tip the scales a bit too much on the WTF-ometer.

Alarm bells were ringing loudly in his head as he could not remember how he got here or even where "here" was. Before he could consider anything else, the silence was broken.

"Goooooood morning my dearest Foxy Poo!"

Another shiver ran down Naruto's spine as the words, though no doubt a term of endearment, held such a sweetness that it could be likened to fingers on a chalk board.

This was not his Sakura-Chan.

Dear God… Please don't let this be his Sakura-chan.

Turning to face this thing that was trying to be his dream woman, his eyes twitched as it moved to place the still not moving fox on the chair and began to encroach on his now much wider personal space.

Her movements were restrained, almost robotic, and her face never seemed to switch from the overly stretched grin that he was sure was from a horror film. His skin crawled as she moved closer.

"How did you sleep my Hunny Bunny?"

Naruto just stared at this abomination that dared to call itself "Sakura". What the hell had gotten into her? She looked like an advert for repressed women in a Nuclear Era American Family. Maybe he was asleep and this was just some nightmare. Whatever it was, He would always tread carefully with all things involving his Sakura-Chan. Hero of Konoha or not, a punch from this woman still hurt.

"I slept well I guess. Sorry Sakura-Chan but where am I? What happened to me?"

Sakura placed her hand above her mouth in a petite manner and gave a slight giggle which would have otherwise been cute, if not for the fact that everything had a distinctly wrong air about it.

"Why you silly little foxy poo, don't you remember yesterday?" She asked in her sickeningly over sugared voice.

Naruto just shook his head.

"You had quite the adventure yesterday. I am sorry about what all those big bad naughty girls did while trying to get their hands on you. You were so worn out that I took you home and cared for you throughout the night. You were so peaceful that I could not help watching you sleep."

Everything except for her last line was said in her overly cheerful voice. During that last line, he felt the old Sakura rise to the surface for the briefest of moments. It was her warm smile and the softening in her eyes that made him realize that this was the real Sakura.

But as soon as it started, it stopped again.

Sakura started to prattle on about what they were going to do today in her new and creepy attitude and Naruto just could not take it anymore. The "housewife" dress she wore. The overly sweet and aristocratic voice. THE FOX THAT STILL WAS NOT MOVING!

It was all too much.

With a twitching eye, he muttered his distaste before he could stop himself.

"..stop it…"

"What did you say Sugar Lips?"

"Please… don't do that."

"Do what cutie petutie?"

"For the love of Kami... Stop that."

"Stop what my munchie love muffin?"

"STOP IT! RIGHT NOW!"

Sakura was taken aback by his sudden outcry. Did he not want this?

"N…Naruto?... What's wrong?"

"YOU are what's wrong! This Room is what is wrong! I feel like I woke up in the freaking twilight zone!"

Finally Naruto saw a glimpse of his Sakura again in the form of her ever present anger management disorder. If there was one thing that set him right in this world, it would not be the Dong of Konoha's Clocktower or the sizzling smell of his favourite ramen restaurant. It would always be Sakura-Chan's right hook.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?"

"IT MEANS I WOKE UP IN A PLACE THAT I DON'T KNOW AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE SOME SUPPRESSED NOBLE WOMAN WHO IS PLOTTING TO KILL HER HUSBAND AND GET A BUNCH OF CATS!"

Sakura blinked at the statement before looking around her and at her attire. She guessed that this could be a bit confusing. Naruto was not the brightest of people to begin with, so to drop him in the deep end of one of her imported magazine invoked fantasies could be enough to fry his usually already limited mind.

"I am sorry I yelled… Can you please just tell me what is going on Sakura? I am not even sure what the hell happened yesterday and so far today I have no clue what is going on. Please tell me what all of this is about?" He said as he gestured to the room.

Sakura gave a sigh and sat down on the bed beside him.

"It all started when you would not listen to me." She began.

Naruto looked at her curiously. When had he not listened to her? He was going to ask but she beat him to it when she explained further.

"I had been trying to tell you for years that I was over my feelings for Sasuke. That I really didn't like him anymore. I know that we talked about it and got past it but ever since I confessed my feelings towards you in the Land of Iron, I realised that you just would not believe me if I told you how I felt. I can't say I blamed you for that. I really did not give you any reason to believe me back then either. It was all so sudden that my words did not have many previous actions to back them up with. I just threw them out there and was hurt when you didn't believe me."

Naruto knew that this was a black mark on their relationship and had Sakura not appeared on his doorstep in the middle of the night, crying, they may never have talked it out and saved their friendship. He moved closer to her, pushing the blankets of the bed back slightly so they were now just over his knees.

With the hesitance of a mouse, his hand slowly found hers and intertwined their fingers.

Sakura looked down at their hands and smiled slightly. They did not have to look into each other's eyes to know that she got the message

I am still here. We got past this and there is no need to go back there.

"It was after we had talked that I realized that words without actions are just empty words. You knew that I cared about you but we were still just friends. You still thought that I loved Sasuke and no amount of empty words was going to change that. So I had to prove it with actions instead…"

Naruto creased his eyes at this admitted turn of events. There were a few moments he could think of that if he squinted and turned his head to the side, he could possibly see moments that she cared for him as more than a friend. Though they seemed obscure and so far between that he just wrote them off as abnormalities that Women sometimes have.

There was the time that he was short a few yen and wanted to get some ramen for a snack. It was a sad day when he opened his toad wallet and a moth flew out of it. The irony of a moth in a toad wallet was not lost on him but an explanation as to why Sakura would pay for his snack obviously was.

Again, Sakura came to his rescue when he found himself alone in his thoughts on top of the Hokage Tower. Though Naruto was never a scholar by any means, even a simpleton can get bogged down in thoughts of the "Bigger Picture." It was Sakura who helped him understand that the bigger picture was made up of thousands of smaller pictures and it was the smaller ones that were the most important.

Now that Naruto thought about it, there had been many times that Sakura had been there for him in one way or another. He just wrote it up to friendship.

"…But no matter what I did or how often I was there for you, you just didn't seem to get it. You would always give me the same goofy smile and thank me. I would get a hug from you every now and then but you never went anywhere with it. So I eventually decided to drop a few bigger hints your way…"

Naruto blushed as these pieces began to fall into place. Memories began to become clearer and those tiny cogs in his brain protested as they began to slowly turn.

The "friend" dates that they went on where she would dress in a manner that made him have an Ice shower when he got home.

Those slightly longer than normal smiles as they sat together quietly.

The kisses on his cheek as they greeted each other in the street and longer than normal hugs as they said goodbye, even if he was just going out to get a movie and some ramen and would be back in fifteen minutes.

And then… there was that month that he ALWAYS seemed to walk in on her while she was in a state of undress. That was a bit harder to explain. Once was an accident. Twice was understandable… but fourteen times in five days was really confusing! He eventually resorted to sending Sasuke in first to check if the coast was clear but soon it seemed even that didn't work. Little did he know that this was when Sakura first started to bribe Sasuke.

Maybe he should have noticed sooner.

"And still after all of my attempts to get you to see past our friendship… YOU WERE STILL SO DAMN DENSE!"

And with that she clubbed him on the head with her fist.

Let it never be said that Sakura does not have a warm and slightly mushy side, but as with all strong women, it will only come out incrementally before she reverts back to her comfort zone of yelling and violence. Naruto now rubbed the back of his head where Sakura had just struck him while she carried on with her explanation.

"So finally I decided to pull out all the stops and finally drill it into that thick skull of yours just how much I love you and make you see what I have been trying to get you to understand for the past few years. I made a deal with Sasuke to get him to trick you into using the Eyes of Eros Jutsu. That way you would finally see my advances for what they were."

Naruto looked at her with confusion in his dark blue eyes. His face contorted as he tried to put it all together. He thought he understood but there was still something wrong there.

"Wait. Why would you want Sasuke to make me cast an aphrodisiac genjutsu? How does that help your situation if you are under its affect? Because then it is the jutsu that is making you love me, not your emotions."

While Sakura was impressed that Naruto even knew the word "aphrodisiac" she felt compelled to tell him the whole truth. No matter how embarrassing it might be for her to admit she would go so far.

"The jutsu is a fake. There IS NO Eyes of Eros Jutsu. I kind of blackmailed Sasuke into helping me plant the idea of the ultimate love genjutsu into your head. He didn't take much convincing though."

If Sakura was going to get into trouble for this later, she sure as hell was going to drag Sasuke with her, willing participant or not.

"It was all just to get you to open your eyes and see that I was trying to…"

She swallowed nervously at this. She didn't know why but it was still difficult to just blurt out such things.

"…get your….. attention."

Naruto ohed at this, finally understanding a fragment of that chaotic day. But something still bothered him.

"But Sakura-Chan…. If the jutsu was a fake and had no real power, then why was everyone chasing me!?"

Sakura now felt a spike of fear in her stomach. What if she went through all of this just to have him leave her for someone, dare she say, better? If Naruto found out that she was not the only one who had fallen for him, then he might feel obligated to at least hear them out. Those other women would use his innocence to their advantage and twist his emotions to whatever they saw fit.

No. She could not allow them to get close to him. He was HERS DAMNIT and she would crush any doubt in his mind of that fact!

Taking his shoulders in her hands, she looked him dead in the eye and with the utmost concern in her voice and showing on her face, she told him the….truth.

"Those women were chasing you because they are all a bunch of dirty filthy whores with nothing better to do than to try and steal your ramen!"

Naruto's eyes went wide as dinner plates and a light glistening appeared in the corners. In an almost childlike voice he whimpered.

"…noooooooooo…..not my ramen…."

Sakura almost snickered at her cunning, Naruto would never allow another woman near him EVER again! Pulling him into a tight hug, she kissed his cheek and reassured him that she would always be there to protect him from those "ramen stealing skanks."

After a few moments in this warm embrace, Naruto began to stir again. There was another question on his mind. One of a much more pressing manner. He was pretty sure he knew the answer but that did not stifle years of nerves that had built up over time.

"Ummm, Sakura-Chan?"

Sakura gave him a slightly curious smile. She had noted the change in his attitude with this question.

"Yes Naruto-Kun?"

His eyes widened as she said his name with the –Kun attached to it. It was the first time she had called him that. And if he was honest with himself, he liked it.

"Does… Does all of this mean that you…. Really do…. Love me?"

Sakura's heart suddenly started to pound in her chest and was fit to burst in joy. FINALLY! After all the years of playing it safe and dropping hints to downright throwing herself at him, he was finally starting to get it! Sleepless nights and days of scheming how to get it into his head and to get him to let her into his heart again had all culminated to this precise moment.

All she could think was "DO NOT SCREW IT UP!"

So, without hesitation, she gently reached forward, place her hands on either side of his face and kissed him with everything she had. Their lips bruised at the ferocity of the kiss but that was who they were. They were not the gentle people who did things with subtlety. These were the bold, brash, stubborn, iron willed members of team seven and how could they show their affection for one another in anything less than that?

As the kiss finally ended, though they were both tempted to just start it up again, Sakura groaned as Naruto seemed to have one final question.

"What the hell was with this creepy room and then freaky way you were acting this morning?"

She sighed and grimaced at the question. Honestly she was hoping he would have just overlooked the whole stunt but really, it was in need of some explanation. Pride be damned.

"Ino gave me some magazines a while back because they had some interesting articles about what a modern man wants from a woman. About how a woman is to be always cheerful and subservient to her partner. She is to wear clothing that shows she is strong and capable in all duties of the house and home. I guess I was trying to show that …I was good "wife" material.

Naruto nodded his head. This explained her weird behaviour but not quite the furniture. Looking up and down at Sakura again, Naruto made a startling proclamation.

"I don't think Ino likes you that much."

It took all of a second for the penny to drop in Sakura's head. She always was the smart one. Not smart enough to have not seen such an obvious ploy by Ino to screw with her about "being an ideal woman" though.

"THAT BITCH!"

Naruto had to suppress a chuckle at the situation. Ino was surely going to pay for filling Sakura's head with the wrong ideas.

"…And the furniture and clothing?"

Sakura's scarlet face went from rage to embarrassment, though it did not lose a shade of crimson.

"I ….it started off as just your old jacket when I found it after your apartment burnt down that one time. I just wanted something of yours to keep close while I couldn't keep you."

She honestly did not mean for it to become like a personal museum of everything that was Naruto but slowly and bit by bit, her little shrine of things that reminded her of him had slowly grown. What once started as a lock of hair and a photo had eventually grown to a private collection. She begrudgingly thought he would be freaked out and leave her because of this somewhat unhealthy obsession but he surprised her again.

"Well, I certainly admire your enthusiasm with all of this. I always did wonder what happened to all of my old stuff. Now I know what kept happening to my missing socks in the washing machine." He laughed.

Sakura just tried to hide her face in his chest.

"You do know that you are going to have to get rid of it all, right?"

She nodded her head sadly. It had taken years to accumulate all of these things and though it was certainly a strange collection and she never told anyone about it, she would be sad to see it go. Naruto took this moment to be a bit more intuitive than usual.

"I get that you don't want to get rid of it. It must have taken a long time to collect all of this stuff, but think of it as letting go of certain pieces in order to get another, maybe more valuable addition to the "Naruto Exhibit" he smiled.

"Instead of having the things that I didn't want or need anymore… You get to hold onto me now."

Sakura understood what a placating sugar-coating was, oddly enough though, she didn't care.

It was mid-morning when Naruto and Sakura left her house and made it out into the street. With slightly blushing faces, minutely bruised lips and hands firmly glued together, the new state of their relationship was rather obvious to anyone who cared to notice. As they looked around, it became apparent that all eyes were on the blonde again as they meandered down the pathways. Well, half the eyes were on Naruto.

Quite a few were now placed on Sakura and with very different expressions. All the men were smiling cheerfully and even coming over to congratulate the blonde on making "the right choice" as they put it. The right choice of course was anyone other than their chosen girl. Now that Naruto was off the market, women were more likely to "settle" for them.

It was not all cheery faces though. There were many a sad and broken hearted look now that the great fox hunt was over. There were even complaints about Ichiraku's ramen tasting salty because Ayame was crying into the ingredients. This also could have been explained though by her not being able to taste anything worth a darn because she was still blowing soap bubbles from her mouth. She would not be swearing in front of her father again anytime soon. That was for certain.

Sakura was a bit unnerved at the glares she was getting from some of her fellow kunoichi but a gentle tug on her waist from the Golden Fox was all it took for her to forget about them and appreciate what she now had. If they wanted him then maybe they should have been the ones who spent years getting to know him and plotting and scheming to get closer to him. They were just sore losers.

It was decided between the blonde and rosette that Naruto would move in with Sakura as she had more than enough room in her house to suite a family of five, let alone just the two of them. Sakura made a giddy smile at the thought of increasing the number of their future family, but that could wait a while, or at least until spring if her research on foxes was correct. Naruto was quick to try and explain that since he now held the Great Jyuubi Sloth that had no need to interfere with his anatomy, he could be considered more "Toad" with his sage abilities. Sakura, for her part, made him swear never to mention that ever again. She was with a FOX…. Not a smelly slimy TOAD!

As they made their way to Naruto's now OLD apartment, Naruto paused on the steps of the fifth floor. Try as he might, he could not shake the little niggling feeling he had that he was forgetting something very important. Shrugging it off, he pulled out the key to his apartment and unlocked the door. They entered and made their way through the rooms, gathering bits and pieces and lying them out over transportation sealing scrolls.

Just as Naruto made his way to his bedroom, he felt that little niggling feeling again that something was wrong. His feeling was confirmed when he realized the door would not open. Giving a sigh, he realized he had barricaded it to get away from the screaming, ramen stealing women. With a good shove of his shoulder, he forced the door to swing open and casually made his way in.

Quickly he set about gathering his clothing and ninja supplies from his various draws and cupboards. Little did he know, that as he was doing this, cornflower eyes were watching his every move. Nor did he hear her foot steps on the floor as she crept from his bed towards him.

"Hello there… Big Boy"

NxS

Sakura was in the process of going through Naruto's kitchen. Though she was always shocked by how little fruit and vegetables he actually ate, she was certain that her newfound presence in his life would help change that. It would be the greatest crime to survive the war of the century only to die of high cholesterol.

Just as she was reaching for the twelfth crate of instant ramen noodles she had found in yet another cupboard, a loud high pitch scream was heard from Naruto's bedroom, followed by the sound of breaking glass and swearing.

Dropping the large crate to the floor, she pulled out a kunai and dashed towards the room in a heartbeat. Kicking open the door fully, Sakura was ready to kick arse and take names so she could do it again at a later date. To her surprise, all she found was Ino standing in the centre of the room looking at one of two broken windows with a puzzled look on her face. After a second glance at the buxom blonde, she noted her attire and felt rage run through her veins.

If Ino thought she could steal her Naruto by such a cheap show of the flesh then it would be a fight that would make the fourth Great War look like a pg-13 Disney film!

Speaking of said blonde, where the HELL was he?!

The rosette looked at her rival again with confusion and anger, which according to Naruto was never a good mix.

"What did you do with him Ino?!" she roared

Ino just shook her head slowly in disbelief while looking at the second broken window.

"He left."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT?!"

"…out the window…"

"What?"

"It was just like yesterday. He came barging in and started doing his own thing before he noticed me."

Sakura's anger flared again.

"You tried to pull this stunt yesterday too?!"

Ino slowly turned to her friend and smiled nervously.

"Well…. Yeah. But it ended the same way."

"And how did it end, pray tell?!" Sakura snarled.

"….With him screaming and then running through the window and falling five stories below…" Ino sighed.

Sakura on the other hand, needed a moment to process this before bursting into a fit of uncontrolled laughter. Sure, she would feel sorry for her friend but for Ino to finally find something that she could not get with her appearance and see her confusion was like divine justice for all the times that she had stuck it to Sakura. But the best part was…

"TWICE!? HE DID IT TWICE!?"

"Shut up Forehead! It is not like you did any better!"

A Cheshire grin was all it took to put the Gossip Queen in her place. Point. Set. Match. Sakura.

Ino made a point of crossing her arms and pouting while grumbling about stupid men from team seven. Not only had Sasuke turned her down but now Naruto too? Maybe third time was the charm and she could land Sai. But before she could do that, she had to get home.

"Hey Sakura, did you see a satchel out there before you came in? It has my clothes in it. I need to get home because thanks to a certain dumb blonde, I was stuck in here all night since yesterday."

Sakura brought her hand to her chin in a meditative pose before a sweet smile came to her lips. Too sweet. Ino knew she was not going to like this.

"You know Ino, I don't think I have seen a satchel like that. Certainly not a purple one with a yellow flower insignia, containing a shirt and skirt about your size. Nope. I am certain I have not seen that one."

Ino was seething.

"Forehead, I am warning you. Give. Me. My. Clothes!"

Sakura's eyes darkened as Killer Intent, so similar to that of the current Hokage, filled the room.

"No Ino. I am warning you. You said that because of a certain dumb blonde, you were stuck up here all night. The only dumb blonde I see is the one in front of me. You KNEW how much Naruto meant to me and yet you pulled this stunt? Twice? For that…. You walk home as you are currently dressed."

Ino was about to protest but noticed her pink haired friend start to pour chakra into her fists.

"…or would you prefer to travel via express?!"

The blonde headed woman quickly shook her head and disappeared out the door. She was about to grab a bed sheet to wrap around her but a flicker in Sakura's eyes told her it may not be the best move.

Sakura let her chakra levels drop again and sighed as she made her way to the broken window, shaking her head slowly. Just because she loved that idiot, did not change the fact that he was an idiot. He could have at least used the doorway… or the already broken window.

No sooner had she moved to the window to look out, did his head pop up from outside the window. Using the chakra in his feet, he had glued himself to the wall outside and was warily looking in. Wide blue eyes scanned the room but calmed the moment they met here green ones.

"Is she gone?" He asked with a glimmer of hope in his voice.

"Yes Naruto-kun, Ino is gone. And next time, use the door?"

His sheepish smile was enough to let her know he understood. As he pulled himself back inside the room, an idea came to him.

"Hey Sakura-Chan… I have a few errands to run. Would you mind meeting me later on today at the Hokage Tower? At about five pm?"

Sakura smiled and agreed. Most of Naruto's belongings could be packed without him there and it also gave her a chance to snoop through his stuff. Naruto always had interesting souvenirs from his travels. And with a not so quick kiss goodbye, Naruto was off to complete his "errands".

NxS

Shikamaru was making his way towards the Akimichi compound after having a long discussion with Temari about the negotiations between Konoha and Suna. Or at least that is what the official classification of that meeting would be from now until the end of time. He was still not sure if he had managed to get all of the lipstick off. Damn that woman was troublesome. He groaned at the predicament he found himself in. It all started with a simple question.

Do you want to play a game of Shougi?

He knew that she was smart. He knew that she was cunning. However, when the game turned in his favour, he knew that she would cheat but not quite how. To him, women were by definition, illogical.

And despite his best efforts, He could not stop his face from colouring a tinge as he remembered how her lips melded to his so easily.

They needed to play again.

Soon.

His current task though was looking for his main man, Chouji.

Walking through the wide gates of the clan's compound, it did not take long for him to locate his friend's house.

A two tier building of white plaster walls and red timber trims, it was sort of symbolic of the stature of the people that lived within its wall. Simplistic but solid. Even the battle of Pien had trouble knocking down these block like buildings.

As he knocked on the door, he was greeted by a man who was almost the spitting image of his friend. A great shaggy bush of red hear, overly solid build and gentle disposition, Chouza was no stranger to the Nara clan Heir.

"Ah, Shikamaru! Good to see you lad. Chouji is down the hall. He just came back from a meeting with Naruto over lunch, though I have got to say, he looked to be a bit busy with something when he got home."

Shikamaru nodded courteously to Chouza. With the symbiotic union of the Nara, Yamanaka and Ackimichi clans, there was very little need for formalities like small talk. They were practically cousins anyway.

As he moved towards Chouji's room, his ever analytical mind was already working on what could have his friend so preoccupied. As far as he knew, there were no sudden mission that he may have been called for. Chouji was always diligent with his responsibilities as clan heir as well and, unlike Ino, did not leave his duties to the last minute.

As he reached his friends room, he found it empty. He was getting curious now as to where his friend might be but his question was answered when he heard a groan coming from down the hall. Moving down the hall towards the groan of intense human suffering, he walked past a door and backtracked to it when he heard the groan again.

Knocking tentatively on the door he asked in a hushed voice.

"Hello? Are you ok in there?"

Another groan that sounded so similar to a man dying.

"Shi..Shikamaru! Oh.. Oh God… It… IT WAS NARUTO!"

The sounds of water filling up a bucket and a dull scream come from the other side of the door and worried the Nara heir greatly.

(flashback)

Naruto was calmly strolling down the street with a smile on his face and his hands locked behind his head. Today was a beautiful day and so much more relaxing than the day before. The chaos that surrounded him that day would forever haunt his sleep and only the thought of his new girlfriend was comforting enough that he had not regressed into a childlike state of sitting in a corner and sucking his thumb.

Despite the wonderful outcome of that day, Naruto felt that there were parts of it that certainly could have been improved. Certain people, that he had called his friends, had let him down in his time of need. Though he was not quite sure if he was ever in any life threatening danger, he was certain that it had gotten a bit too close for comfort.

The point was that he had a list of names. Names of friends who had let him down when he needed them the most. A list of names of people who were going to learn that it was better to have the Hero of the Fourth Great Ninja War as a friend and not an enemy.

Behind his eyes was the mind of a master trickster with the unrestrained power of the Jyuubi. Today was going to be just as memorable as yesterday. Today was going to be fun.

His eyes flickered to the right as saw the large mass that was to be his first victim. The corners of his mouth curled up just ever so slightly with the glee that he felt at the start of his little games. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his trusty toad wallet and made his way to a nearby store vender.

His grin never left his face as he picked up a bag of sweets and weighed it in his hands, meditatively, before handing over the correct amount of yen to the vendor. The store owner thanked the Hero of Konoha for his wise purchase, assuring him that there were no finer sweets this side of the fire country. Though Naruto doubted that such a claim was true, these little sweets would serve his purposes…. Perfectly.

With a quick step, Naruto disappeared down a side all for just one second, opened a small vial from his sleeve and poured out the white powder over the coconut and caramel kisses. His eyes glittered with sinister excitement. This was a stroke of genius, even if he did say so himself.

Stepping out of the alley, he made a casual bee-line to his target.

"Hey there Chouji! How are you today?"

Chouji, who was sitting on a park bench with a bag of chips, nearly jumped three feet into the air at the sight of the smiling blonde. Terror gripped him as he looked into those large blue eyes. He was certain he was in trouble the moment he saw that smile on his face but Naruto was quick to placate him.

"Take it easy man. I am not going to kill you! I promise! And you know how seriously I take my promises!" Naruto laughed.

Chouji let out an uneasy chuckle but was still sweating under his collar.

"Oh really? I am glad. I thought for sure you would be pissed at us for not helping you out yesterday. I really did want to help you but what we did was for your own good. We knew that you could handle yourself so… we… um… just let things take their natural course."

Naruto was smiling kindly and nodding his head.

"And thanks to you, Kiba, Neji, Sai, Shino and Sasuke, I was finally able to get together with Sakura-Chan!" He grinned like a fool.

"R-really?! That is GREAT!" Chouji had almost forgotten that she was even in the running But was just glad that he had not picked Ino.

"I know! It was such a great turn of events that I bought some sweets for you, just to show my appreciation for your help when I needed you so much."

Chouji watched as his friend presented him with the cellophane wrapped caramel kisses. They were one of his favourite sweets but just the way Naruto had said things gave him cause to hesitate.

"Oh.. uh… Sorry Naruto but I don't really want to ruin my appetite."

The blonde trickster new that it would be a tough sell but he was more than competent that he could do this. He casually shrugged his shoulders and opened the packet.

"Oh well, Your loss then…"

And with that, he began to eat one of the sweets. Chouji eyed him curiously as Naruto reached for another one. Naruto would not eat something that would make himself sick, so the sweets must be safe. As Chouji reached for a sweet, a smile crept across both of their faces but for two very different reasons.

And so they sat, on a park bench, quietly munching on the caramel kisses. Naruto had one more before passing the entire bag to Chouji, who appreciatively chowed down on them. Once the bag was empty of its content, Chouji thanked Naruto for the gift and both men were about to go their separate ways. That is when Naruto cracked into a really shit-eating grin.

"Just one second Chouji. I have something else to show you before you go."

Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled forth a small vial with blue liquid.

"What is that?" Chouji asked, not quite liking that his friend was carrying such a thing.

"The Antidote" Naruto stated simply.

Chouji felt his stomach drop as the blonde man in front of him, downed the blue liquid in a single gulp. This was not going to end well. Naruto's smile grew even wider and slightly darker as he began to chuckle to himself.

"I promised you that I would not kill you and I am grateful that things turned out well for me and Sakura…."

Chouji felt his stomach drop again but this time it began to twist and grind.

"….but be sure that the next time I ask you for help…"

A loud gurgle and rumble emanated from his gut. This was bad. This was really REALLY BAD!

"…you will help me." Naruto had leant forward and whispered this last part in his ear.

"Oh…Oh god…" were the last words that Chouji said before his entire bowls turned to water and he made a mad dash home.

(End Flashback)

Shikamaru was still standing outside the toilet door as Chouji finished recanting his tale of misery. The blonde headed demigod of a being was on the warpath to dispense his divine justice to anyone who might have screwed him over the previous day. Chouji was just the first of what he knew might be an interesting list of people.

"OOOOOOHHHHHH! Ooooooh OOOH! AHHH!"

The spluttering sound from behind the door was terrifying and Chouji's cries were like a man having his insides ripped out.

"It… IT JUST WON'T STOP! I didn't even eat THAT MUCH!"

Another wave of gurgling and loud flatulence caused the door to vibrate, almost to the point it came off its hinges. A few seconds later, the smell seeped under the door and Shikamaru caught a whiff of his friend's agony.

The stench invaded his nose and caused his eyes to water. It was worse than the gas attacks during the war. His stomach turned and rolled as he gagged for breath. Quickly he pushed two fingers up his nose and coughed out the rancid air.

Another boom was heard from the other side of the door and Shikamaru doubted that the door could hold. Tears coursed down his eyes but what was worse was that with his fingers up his nose, he had to breath through his mouth and he could taste it!

Shikamaru felt he might lose consciousness if he stayed much longer.

"Shi….Shikamaru… I'm… I'm scared! There is just so much… it's EVERYWHERE! GO! SAVE YOURSELF! "

Chouji had brought this upon himself by not helping Naruto in his time of need, but with another splatter behind that hefty wooden door… Shikamaru ran for his life. The smell was too much and if Naruto was seeking revenge, the young Nara was going to make sure he could not be found if he was on that list.

NxS

The rooms were dark in the Aburame compound. In a clan that had assimilated so completely with insects, it was not surprising that little light was needed inside these wall. The most difficult part about getting into a compound with high level bug sensors… was in fact… not being sensed.

To this day, No one knows how he did it. Only a few know why he did it. Everyone, however, knows what he did. The Hokage was fuming when she heard about it. The entire Aburame clan had been humiliated by something so simple that when she heard about it, Tsunade was going to murder him, future Hokage or not.

(flashback)

As Shino emerged from his bed and put on his dark sunglasses, he knew something was very wrong. Just from the feeling around him, he knew that everyone was out of his section of the hive like buildings that his clan lived in. He sent out scout beetles but none of them returned.

Pulling on his great coat that covered his form entirely, he stepped silently through the black corridors of his clan compound. His ears gradually picked up the humming of the millions of beetles wings in the center of the main hall. All of the beetles were thrumming excitedly and the messages that they called out were expressions of rapture and joy.

Cautiously, Shino moved to the gathering to see what all of the fuss was about.

When he got to the main hall, he pushed the doors open wide and saw all of his clan standing in a circle and light shining from the center. He made his way, step by step and what he saw made him freeze.

He had never seen anything like it before and it filled him with euphoria and wonder. It was so beautiful. The most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he felt warmth spread through him. The bugs in his body started the chirp and chitter with excitement.

The wonderful blue light filled his soul with happiness and joy and so many other good things. It was like the love of Kami had come down and graced his clan with her presence. Slowly, he reached up to his sunglasses and removed them so he could stare at its beauty, unhindered.

A tear trickled down his cheek and he started to walk slowly towards it. The closer he stepped, the louder it buzzed in his ears. It was calling him. Calling him to come closer and be one with it. The blue light was so beautiful that he did not hear his father's cries to stay away from it.

Slowly, a delicate finger touched the light and it was all gone in a flash of fifty thousand volts.

(end Flashback)

Tsunade seethed and tore the report scroll to shreds. WHAT IN KAMI'S NAME MADE THAT GAKI PUT A FLURESENT BUG ZAPPER IN THE FREAKING ABURAME CLAN HIVE COMPOUND!?

She sighed and reached for another bottle of Sake. Shino would be fine. A little singed but fine.

NxS

Sai was an artist. This was no great secret. What many people did not realise was that Sai, like most artists, was a perfectionist. He was constantly on the lookout for the exact moment that inspired him and in that very moment he had to capture every detail as quickly as possible before the moment faded.

This made painting very difficult for him. If a single brush stroke was not perfect, then the painting was ruined and the moment was lost forever. It was the bane of his existence to fail a painting.

Luckily for him though, through years of practice and painstaking hard work, canvas after canvas, he had perfected his technique and could create a masterpiece in as much time as a polaroid camera could.

He prided himself on being as good as, if not better than, the instant camera. There was no emotion in a photograph, no texture of a brush stroke and no heart in the swirls of colour like he could make.

His one passion that his time in Root allowed him was the calming strokes of a brush in his journals and books. It was the only time he ever felt anything and it was precious to him.

So when he found himself in the moment of a muse, standing above a busy street and wishing to capture it forever in his journal, he made no hesitation in opening his paint set and dabbing his brush into the paint reservoir.

He did not even need to look to know what colour he had selected. His arm moved on its own as it swirled against the parchment of his art folder. He never let his eyes look at the picture, trusting his hand to steadily follow the image in his mind's eye. His gaze followed the goings on in the street.

It was perfect how the people wore different colours and shades, how for the briefest of moments they all stood still, just waiting for him to capture it all. Finally done, he placed his brush down and looked at what would be his greatest masterpiece of real suburban life he had ever made.

His brush dropped to the ground in shock.

ORANGE!?

This could not be right. There was only one colour on the painting with no varying shades. Just an eye sore blob of orange. None of the figures he had painstakingly brushed into the picture were even legible and the entire scene was lost. How could this have even happened? He knew where his colours were in his paint set he did not even HAVE that colour.

Looking into his tray for the first time, he noted that every single one of his paints had been swapped out for that ghastly colour. But it went further than that.

In a blind panic to try and reclaim even a memory of the image he wanted, Sai opened new tubes of paint and all of them, regardless of the labels stating otherwise, were bright orange. Even if he had noticed that his paints were wrong, he never would have been able to capture this one particular moment.

In a rare moment of violent emotion, Sai sighed quietly.

"Damn you…. Naruto…"

NxS

Word was quickly spreading about the Jyuubi containers revenge over what happened the previous day. Some said that he was pulling pranks on everyone. Others said that he had gone on a ramen induced killing spree. Only a set few knew the truth and Kiba was getting the hell out of there as fast as possible.

He had heard from Shikamaru about what happened to Chouji. The poor guy was still bursting like a chocolate water fountain after three straight hours and no one could approach without gas masks and a hazmat suit.

Shino, a member of his team, was said to be emotionally traumatized, spouting nonsense about touching the beautiful hand of Kami. Kiba had no idea what the hell happened but thought it might have had something to do with Konoha's power grid going down for five whole minutes.

He had been making his way to the gates when he bumped into Sai and saw the broken look on his face. He did not know what was happening with him either but if Naruto could exploit the weakness of an emotionless Root soldier like him, Kiba felt a right to be scared.

He and Akamaru were almost through the gate when a sudden flash of light dazzled his eyes and he fell flat on his butt. Once the spots were gone from his vision, he stared up in awe at the menacing beast in front of him. His bottom lip trembled in fear and Akamaru bowed his head with his tail between his legs.

"Hey there Kiba. Where might you be going in such a rush?" Naruto asked with complete innocence in his voice.

Kiba jumped to his feet and cleared his throat while desperately trying to find an excuse for getting the hell out of there. In record time he thought of a great one.

"I was just on my way out for a mission a few miles away. It was so urgent that the Hokage did not even have time to write out a scroll for me!"

"Oh? If it is that urgent then I should go with you then." Naruto smirked

"NO! …uh ..I mean… No, thank you but I was the only one needed for this mission" He lied.

Naruto nodded and allowed Kiba to pass him by. He was almost in the clear and could not believe that Naruto was stupid enough to not see his lie. He was a genius! He was great! HE WAS…

"Oh Kiba! I believe you dropped something…."

He was sooooo dead!

Kiba craned his head slowly around to see what the blonde was holding and gasped in terror at what it was. His eyes went as large as dog dishes and his jaw dropped past his knees. Naruto would not be so cruel… could he? A smirk on his face said otherwise.

"Is this yours?"

Kiba shook his head violently as he tried to restrain his canine urges.

"Are you sure? Because it looks like it might be yours."

"N-no Naruto, that is definitely not mine."

Naruto gave the object in his hands a squeeze. It gave a loud squeak.

"But you want it. Don't you boy?"

Kiba's and Akamaru's ears piqued at the noise. Akamaru was wagging his tail while Kiba was trembling. Yes. Yes he did want it. But still he shook his head.

"…no… I…I don't want it!"

Naruto squeaked the ball again then threw it into the air and caught it a few times.

"You want it. I know you want it. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?!"

"I don't want it…"

"You want it? You want the ball?"

"Please don't do this man... not in public!"

"You want the ball? Well then go get the ball! FETCH!"

Both dog and dog-man's eyes went wide as the ball flew through the air.

"I WANT IT!" Kiba screamed as he took off after the ball.

Naruto just stood back and smiled evilly as Kiba could not stop his weakness from taking over. He and Akamaru chased down the ball and bounded through the grass to find it. A few moments later, Kiba emerged from the tree line on all fours with the ball firmly in his mouth. He crouched down on his knees and elbows and gnawed at the squeaking ball before realizing what he was doing in public.

"DAMN IT NARUTO! YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Bad doggy!" Naruto called back and sprayed Kiba with a squirt bottle.

Kiba reeled back like it was acid that he had been sprayed with and whimpered at Naruto's feet. A shadow loomed over him as Naruto bent forward.

"You were a bad dog yesterday. You are going to have to be punished."

"Oh come on man! It was just a harmless joke!"

"No Kiba, you didn't help me when I needed you most. You were a bad dog and you need to be trained again."

Kiba almost cried as he saw what Naruto had brought out to train him with. This was horrible. He was never going to screw with Naruto ever again after this.

For the rest of the day, both he and Akamaru wore "THE CONE OF SHAME" and were thankful that Naruto had been lenient and not neutered them.

NxS

Sakura ran quickly to Sasuke's house after she had finished moving all of Naruto's belongings to her house. She was just in the process of unpacking his things when Ino had dropped by with a warning of Naruto's current activities.

Fearing that she and Sasuke might potentially be on that hit list of his, she ran to find that Sharingan Shinobi so that they could potentially hatch a plan. She was certain that she could find some way to persuade Naruto to not do anything drastic towards her, but she worried for Sasuke still. When she reached his house, she burst through the front door and quickly sought him out.

Sakura had never actually been in Sasuke's room before. He was always very private about his home. Though he lived in the Uchiha Manor, the house was always so dark and empty since the night his clan was all but wiped out. No one really wanted to see his room after they saw the gloomy grey walls and sparse furnishings. The house was so devoid of life that no one could understand how he could even live there still.

The fact that he went insane and defected could be seen as a symptom of his time alone in a "death house" and was counted into his defence after the war.

Still, nothing could prepare Sakura for what she saw when she entered his room.

PINK!

EVERYTHING WAS PINK!

THERE WAS MORE PINK IN THIS ONE ROOM THAN SAKURA EVER DREAMED OF WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL!

Naruto must have arrived here before she could warn him. She began to search the room for any trace of Sasuke she could find and had to admit that Naruto was a prank genius. There were unicorns and rainbows and love hearts on every single wall. A huge four post bed with fluffy pink sheets and lace pillows like she had dreamed of having if ever she were to grow up and be a princess. There were tassels and ribbons and "super cute" stuffed animals all over the bed and even a One Direction poster on the wall. Glitter lined the floor and it was just….so pink!

Naruto had really outdone himself on this one.

As Sakura was admiring the scale of this prank and wondering how on earth he had managed to achieve this, Sasuke walked in through the door and stopped dead as he saw his room, and more importantly, who was in it.

"Sakura?! What are you doing here!?" He demanded in a panic.

The rosette turned and looked at him sternly, head slightly bowed.

"I came here to warn you that Naruto is seeking revenge on everyone who did him wrong yesterday with the Eyes of Eros Jutsu…. But it looks like I was too late and he has already been here."

Sasuke took a few moment for all of this to click. No one had ever seen his room before and now Sakura was standing in there with him saying Naruto had already come and gone. His eyes quickly scanned the room and he finally understood.

He threw his hand over his forehead and cried out in his best voice of distress that he could muster.

"OH! This is clearly terrible! My… my room is all…. PINK! YES! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE….pink."

He started to swing his arms in grand gestures and state all the things wrong with his room and how it was not "his style" or "how he left it" but Sakura just watched him with a blank face. Finally, Sasuke seemed to run out of things he was "appalled" about and gave a sigh.

"He hasn't been here… has he?" She asked plainly.

When Sasuke didn't answer, Sakura lost it and fell to her knees, laughing her head off. Sasuke just glared at her for discovering his secret. He would never live this down.

Sakura finally pulled herself together long enough to look the brooding man in the eyes but could not help giggle at the "mighty Uchiha and his Palace of pixies."

"Don't worry Sasuke. I won't tell a soul… but you will owe me big time!" she laughed again

A cold shiver ran down Sasuke's back as he watched his former team mate leave through the door, laughing all the way. Owing Sakura was never a good thing, it was worse than her blackmail. Pulling a large stuffed unicorn into his lap, he hugged it tightly and kissed its head.

"Don't worry Buttercup. The scary lady is gone now…. She can't hurt you."

NxS

Hinata and Neji were sitting in the common room of the Hyuuga Mansion, both enjoying a quiet moment of meditation and some herbal green tea. News about the infamous Namikaze had reached them and both were under the glum raincloud of depression. Hinata had recovered from the previous days shenanigans and, despite needing a blood transfusion, was fully recovered and sitting comfortably in her tall back chair.

She sighed audibly and hung her head in defeat at having lost Naruto to that pink haired harpy that she knew could not love him like she did. Perhaps if something horrible happened to her and she somehow ended up impaled on a stick, then Naruto would see the error of his ways and they could finally be happy together. Unfortunately, such things were unlikely to happen. As Hinata sipped from the finest of china cups and leaned back in her oh so comfortable chair in the palace rivalling the feudal lord's manor, that was the Hyuuga Estate, she could only lament that this world truly was cruel to her.

She clicked her fingers and her cup was instantly filled by one of her servants. How was she supposed to live like this?

Her eyes cast over to her personal body guard and closest cousin Neji, who also seemed to be as upset about her situation as she was.

"Oh cheer up Neji-Kun. I am sure I can find a way to get Naruto back on the right path." She smiled sweetly.

Neji was certainly depressed but there was no way that he was thinking about Hinata's conquests. He was much more concerned about his own wellbeing at this point. From the many sources and informants that the Hyuuga had throughout Konoha, he had heard it all.

He had heard about Chouji's run in with the new military grade laxative.

He received a report about the bug zappers that were placed in the Aburame compound.

He did not know what happened to Sai but he saw him walk through the streets with a small frown and that was as close to a weeping tantrum as anyone had been able to instil in him.

And reports from the gates of Kiba trying desperately to pull off a dog cone that had been glued to his neck were not the most comforting of thoughts.

There was even the rumour that he had turned Sasuke's room into every little girls dream. But when he asked the Uchiha about it, he firmly denied that anyone could get past his security. That gave him some comfort. The only clan with better security systems than the Uchiha were the Hyuugas. They had the bills to prove it.

So Neji placed his tea cup down of the ebony wood serving table between his and his cousins chair. Bowing courteously, he excuses himself and walks down the hall to his personal quarters. His hands move to the doorknob and turns it with a slight squeak.

His room is just how he left it, completely in order from the majestic furnishings to the ornate light fittings. Closing the door behind him, he moves to his bed and lies back with his head resting on the duck down pillow. Hinata may not appreciate the finer things that the main household could offer be he sure could. Life was good.

But with the ever present threat of Naruto's divine justice looming over his head, he could not rest. Like a blade held, poised at his throat, Neji knew that he was on Naruto's list and for good reason.

He had betrayed him.

It was not a great betrayal by any means. He had not left him for dead like a certain Uchiha but that fearful and desperate look in his eyes had almost made the ever stoic Hyuuga give in and hide him somewhere while all the madness was going one, and yet he didn't.

For his own selfish goals, he had let and even encouraged the rabid masses of desperate women attack his poor friend and almost tear him limb from limb. Neji's white eyes twitched. Had he been in that situation, He doubted he would have survived such an assault.

The guilt was growing worse and worse as the minutes ticked by and he sat up violently as his heart pounded in his chest. Wiping away the sweat from his brow, he noticed his hands were shaking.

When would this nightmare end!? When was his punishment going to be bestowed upon him and how bad was it going to be!?

His eyes moved around his room as paranoia gripped him. There were far too many shadows for anyone to hide in.

His vision landed upon his desk and his breath caught in his throat at the crisp white piece of parchment that had not been there this morning. He swallowed nervously at what this could be.

A letter bomb or exploding tag?

Some strange and horrifying Jutsu that only a Jyuubi Jinchuuriki could use?

Or was it just a note that a servant had left?

His hand trembled as it hovered over the paper. Picking it up like a playing card, he whisked it to his eyes so that only he would see its dark message.

Do not open your eyes.

That was it?

That was the horrible fate that he was to be subjected to? A few words about not opening his eyes? How strange.

Neji looked around his room, still trying to decipher the message. Nothing was out of place and there was no sign of anything amiss.

He scrunched up the paper in his hands and dropped it into the waste paper basket by his desk. This was a pretty lame prank even by his standards.

With a long sigh, he let out all the stress that he had been holding onto before lying back onto the bed. He reached for the book that he was currently reading that he had left by the side of his bed to find it no longer there. With a grumble about servants cleaning his room, he activated his byakugan to find where the book had been placed.

He stopped dead with what he saw.

Do not open your eyes.

He got it now.

All around him. Everywhere he looked.

PORN!

Naruto had snuck past their security alright. It must have taken an insane amount of skill to silently remove all of the wall paper without being detected too. He had plastered up large spreadsheets of naked women on every wall and then covered it up again with the wallpaper so that only an activated byakugan could see it.

Neji's nose began to bleed at the sudden influx of bare flesh that he could not help but see from every angle. If this was Naruto's prank… maybe it was not such a bad one to receive. Neji was a fully grown and responsible man and if he chose to keep this room as it was then that was his choice. Hell, he might even thank the blonde the next day.

A sudden knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts and he answered it to find Hinata.

"Neji-Kun, I was just about to…" She stopped when she saw he had activated his Byakugan.

"Neji? What were you looking at?" she asked with innocent curiosity.

He panicked.

"N..Nothing Hinata-Hime. I was just t..t…trying to find my book."

"Oh? Well then let me help you."

Neji's pale face went even whiter as the veins bulged around her eyes before he could protest.

"HINATA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Silence befell the room as Hinata saw everything and her face went bright red. This was not the face she made in front of Naruto though. This was pure rage.

Neji looked back at the pictures again and though he understood why she might get angry that he had such things, it was his room and he could jolly well keep it like this if he wanted. But he was missing something important here.

Hinata closed the door behind her and locked it with a very discernable click. Her blood was boiling as she reached for the nearest heavy implement she could find, which just happened to be a standing lamp.

Neji's mind finally clicked to that ever so vital piece of information he had neglected to notice. All the women in the pictures had huge boobs, blue hair….and ….white eyes.

"oh… my… god…" He trembled as the words left his mouth

Neji was going to be sick. Never had he been caught out so badly before. The women in the pictures were certainly not those of his cousin… but the eerily similar characteristics were just faint enough to draw a connection. One that Hinata had certainly made as she ripped the lamps cord from the wall and began to encroach on his dwindling personal space.

"You… Slimey… FILTHY…"

Hinata-Hime. Please. You must try to understand…"

"Ratfaced… weasel toed…. Dirt eating…"

"It was Naruto… he set me up!"

"Scum Sucking…. Degenerative!..."

"please put the lamp down!"

WAFFLE MOUTHED…. PERVERT!"

"NOOOOOO!"

More screams were heard from that room but it was a bit hard to tell from the constant smashing and crashing that resounded throughout the entire Hyuuga Estate. When Hinata finally left Neji's room, there was not a piece of furniture that had not been turned to splinters. And hidden amongst the wreckage was the bloodied and broken, white eyed form of Neji Hyuuga.

In the haze of pain and bruises, one though kept repeating through his mind.

Naruto…. You are so cruel….

NxS

The day was nearly at an end when Sakura met with Naruto at the Hokage Tower and what a day it had been. Tales of the Golden Foxes exploits through the village of Konoha would be almost as legendary as the great fox hunt that had happened the day before. No man, woman or child could not be found nervously laughing at the epic pranks that had been pulled at the expense of those that had done him wrong on that fateful day, and many a wary glance was passed between them at wonder of who might be next.

Sakura was a bit worried about the repercussions that Naruto might face after such a day of wild antics but the ever confident smile that shined from his face as they met that afternoon put all worries to rest. There was a glimmer of excitement and mischief behind his eyes that made her tingle from the unknown. He had always been like this and it seemed that he had an air about him that he was untouchable…. For a while at least.

He could not get away with such pranks forever, but he was on a winning streak right now and had one last card to play. And it was going to be a good one.

As the two young lovers made their way to the Hokage's office, they were greeted by a nervous Shizune who quickly ushered them into the larger room. Tsunade was sitting in her chair with her back towards the door and glowering out the large window. The sunset was on the horizon with the light shining in and falling just below her eyes.

"Tsunade-Sama"

"Ooba-chan"

They bowed respectfully as they entered.

"Naruto…" Her voice was as cold as the steel in the land of Iron.

"Do you have ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!?"

She swung violently in her chair to glare at him.

"I was just having a little fun Ooba-chan" He smiled innocently

"You stole my military grade laxative and fed it to Chouji!"

"He was saying he felt all blocked up…"

"You desecrated both the Hyuuga and Uchiha's private quarters!"

"They said they needed to get a new interior decorator…"

"You made Sai angry!"

"…He needed more orange in his artworks…."

"YOU CASTRATED AN INUZUKA!"

"….shaved…. not neutered… The itching should only last for a few days…"

"YOU PUT A FREAKING BUGZAPPER IN THE ABURAME CLAN HOUSE!"

Naruto's straight face finally broke and the corners of his mouth finally gave out a grin.

"Well we always do stupid things…. When we are in love."

Tsunade gave out a low groan and let her head hit the desk. It was bad enough that she had to endure all of this added paper work thanks to the blonde idiot in front of her but now to hear the romantic mushy stuff from a bunch of hormonal teenagers was way too much. Kami save her.

"Were you not impressed by what I did for you…. Tsunade-Hime?"

Tsunade's head slowly rose from the desk top and bloodshot eyes focused on the now all too familiar smile of the blonde Hokage-to-be.

"W-what did you say? Naruto?" There was a noticeable quiver in her voice.

He slowly began to walk towards the desk with a broadening smile on his face. His eyes shone with light and life while his hands reached slowly out for hers. His stride was far too slow to be a strut, however it was too calmly premeditated to be anything else. His hand reached hers and held it warmly.

Looking deep into her eyes, he said it again.

"I said, Tsunade-Hime, that I did it all to impress you. Were you not impressed with my skill? My strength? My love?"

It was like looking at a younger Jiraiya with how smooth his voice was and his relaxed posture.

"N-Naruto! I.. I am your God-mother! You… YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!?"

His eyes softened and his smile stayed with that infallible warmth.

"Before Jiraiya passed away, he made me swear that I would always take care of you and watch after you if something should ever happen to him. And yesterday when I was here, right in this office, you told me that you loved me…" His voice was warm and gentle.

"…Are you telling me that was a lie?"

Tsunade was going to be sick. Horribly ill.

"Naruto. I meant that in a motherly sort of way! What about Sakura!?"

The older Hokage's eyes watch as her pink haired apprentice sauntered towards the desk as well.

"Tsunade-Sama, I love Naruto with all my heart and if that means I have to share him with my master… then I am more than willing to give it a try." Her innocent smile was not so innocent anymore.

The old Hokage's blood ran cold. This was just freaking wrong. This was SO FREAKING WRONG!

Naruto and Sakura swept their hands quickly along the desk and cleared all the papers in one swoop before climbing onto the desk.

"Please Tsunade-Hime, don't you love me? Don't you love us?"

It was too much. Tsunade threw her head out the window and promptly emptied the contents of her stomach on the street below. The screams of Kotetsu and Izumo were hear from below as they just happened to be passing by at the wrong place at the wrong time. She would have to apologise later.

The sounds of giggling and then outright laughing made her turn her head and stare wide eyed at these two foul minded creatures that had the audacity to pull a stunt like this.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE! I THOUGHT WE WOULD CREEP YOU OUT BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD ACTUALLY THROW UP!" Naruto bellowed with riotous laughter.

"THAT WAS UNBELIEVEABLE! STONE STOMACH TSUNADE PUKES! THAT WAS JUST…. HAAHAHAHAHAAHA!" Sakura had tears in her eyes.

The vein in Tsunades forehead was ticking and her face went red with rage as she realized the extent of the whole joke. She was beyond pissed.

"YOU LITTLE SHITS! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I MAKE YOU RUN A MILLION LAPS OF THE ELEMENTAL COUNTRIES!"

Both teenagers took the hint and bolted for the door. They were almost out of there when Naruto turned his head back in through the door.

"But I thought you LOVED ME…"

Sakura reefed his head back out of the door way just before two halves of the Hokage's broken desk smashed against the exit and blocked the door closed. Laughter was heard all the way down the street and Tsunade was in more dire need of getting drunk off her face than she was at Orochimaru's 16th birthday.

Oh how she hated those two brats right about now.

NxS

They walked hand in hand down they quiet streets back to her house. Well, it was more their house now. Naruto had his arm wrapped tentatively around Sakura's waist and her head was resting on his shoulder. It had been a long day and only the first one of their relationship. Sakura was curious as to what they would be doing tomorrow because every day was a grand adventure with her boyfriend.

She closed her eyes softly and let her mind wander at all the possibilities that could come before them. Their lives together had already been so chaotic that it seemed impossible to think of anything else that could happen. Love. Hate. Jokes. War. Ramen. Demons. Gods. What could possibly happen next?

Sakura suddenly stopped and turned Naruto to face her. A question had entered her mind and it scared her a bit with what the answer might be, but if she did not ask it, she might never know.

"Naruto, you have pulled a prank on everyone involved with the incident yesterday. Everyone except for two people." Her nerves were growing by the minute.

"What are you going to do to Sasuke and me?"

His warm smile never left his face as he pulled her into his arms. His lips gently brushed her forehead for the briefest of moments. All in all, it was a perfect moment.

"I am sorry Sakura-Chan. I could not help myself. You have such a beautiful forehead and it made me want to kiss it." He smiled

Sakura stood stock still, lost in the moment as he pulled away from her and slowly walked away from her, counting down the seconds it would take for the penny to finally drop.

It didn't take long.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Naruto laughed merrily as he was almost tackled to the ground by his girlfriend and she buried her head in his chest while beating her fist into his shoulder.

"All of this time! Back when we were first put on a team and I thought Sasuke had complimented me… THAT WAS YOU?!"

Maybe it was not the best of ideas to reveal his ultimate prank on her. It had not started out as a prank and it was not even a very good one but it was still something that he wanted to get off his chest. Memories of disguising himself as Sasuke to get close to Sakura was not the happiest of those he had. He was about to apologise for the whole ordeal when lips were pressed firmly to his and fingers were in his hair, pulling him closer.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, you baka?!" She cried as he held her

"I was afraid of what you would do." He mumbled back complacently.

All she could do was shake her head. She loved this idiot so damned much and to think that he had almost got away from her, even back then. After standing in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's embrace, they started to walk back to their house again.

"So Naruto-Kun? If that was my prank… What are you going to do to Sasuke?"

"Oh I have a friend who is going to help me with that one. I gave him a call earlier on today and he should be dropping by Sasuke's house later on tonight. It should be pretty interesting to say the least."

She gave him a curious look as she was sure she knew all of his friends. It had better not be some woman she doesn't know of.

"Who is your friend dear?"

"Ah well it is a long story, but one night I met him in the land of Ice. He was having a lot of trouble getting home so I helped him out as best I could. He promised that if I needed his help with something special, he would be there. He is kinda from out of town though…"

NxS

Sasuke opened his eyes slowly and grimaced at what was disturbing his sleep. As he looked around his pink frilly room, he smiled because his nightlight was still working. Slowly he pulled the covers back and shivered as the night air cooled his jimmy jams. After giving Buttercup a hug and telling her not to be scared, he walked towards the window where the strangest of noises was coming from.

Creeping slowly towards the wooden slats, he could hear a low humming and a beep like a truck reversing. A bright light was shining through the slats on the window and a breeze was sinking in. With every passing step he took, the wind grew stronger and stronger. With one exceptionally excessive blast, his window blew open and his eyes shot wide with the impossible sight that lay before him.

Blinding light filled the room and all of the stuffed animals were scattered across the floor. He felt himself being lifted into the air and pulled into the light. His fingers clawed at the window frame and his legs flailed into the light.

"NAAAAAARRRRRUUUUUUUUTTTTOOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed as his hands finally gave in and he shot up into the air.

The light disappeared and a strange metal disk hovered in the sky above the Uchiha's house for a few seconds before zooming off into the stars.

Sasuke was discovered a week later, still in his fuzzy pyjamas, lying in a field surrounded by burnt and flattened grass.

He never spoke of where he was or what had happened.

Naruto knew though.

THE END!

I hope you enjoyed this story and I am sorry if it was a bit crude this time. If you do not like it then that is understandable. If you do like it though, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT!

Also... on a different note... I am resurrecting TO HELL AND BACK! it was a sad day when I had to let that one go for a while... but I never forgot it and I still have my old notes. I will finish it this time.

PARADOXPHILOSOPHER AWAAAAAAAYY!