"T-ten,"

I tried for an angry, irritated tone, but my voice cracked at the end. I noticed how hesitant I sounded and mentally kicked myself. Jade West was not hesitant. Her voice did not crack. She was not pathetic, I told myself.

I bit my lip, and scowled at the door. Was he truly not going to come out? How could he not? How could he just... I didn't finish that thought. Hesitantly, again, I stepped forward and placed an unsteady hand on the door handle of the Vegas' front door. I wanted to kill him. I would kill him. But I just couldn't bring myself to turn the knob. How foolish would I look to Vega and the rest? How could he do this me? Embarass me like this?

There has it, West. The last of your ultimatums, your schemes to keep him yours, finally finished. The only question that remained in my mind is how much I was willing to bet Vega had her hands on some part of his body right this minute. A pang of anger rose in my chest and it took all of my power to restrain myself from re-entering her household, but to kill the both of them this time.

My bite enhanced, attempting to bottle up not only the anger, but rising sobs in my chest. I felt my throat tighten and tears develop in my very wide eyes. In defeat, I walked away from the house. God dammit, I thought, as I realized I would have to walk home, since Beck had driven me over here. Just the thought of his name brought more tears to my eyes. I felt several escape and begin to travel down my cheek. And suddenly, I was sobbing, violently, as I walked down the lit up Hollywood street. And now I couldn't stop.

All I wanted was for him to come after me, run from Tori's house and beg for my forgiveness. I could picture it in my head. Beads of nervous prespiration staining his forehead, sweeping a hand through that hair of his that I loved so much. His voice shaky, scared of losing me. His arms around me tight, when I finally agreed to take him back, knowing all along that I would because I loved him so damn much, but putting on a strong front, to keep him guessing, to punish him for leaving me outside that fucking door, for hurting me. But I wasn't strong. I was weak.

God, how could he.. why would he? But I was going to tell him tonight. I was going to tell him about the... I couldn't even bring myself to think about that right now. Jesus, Beck, why did you have ruin it all? I placed a reassuring hand over my stomach, as I continued to make my way home. My house wasn't all that far away from Tori's, maybe a little over a mile, which I was grateful for, on this cold for L.A. brisk night. I run a hand smoothly over my warm cheek and find my fingers stained black with makeup. I sighed and proceeded to wipe it on my jeans, truly not giving one care of what a mess I most likely look. I couldn't help but feel as if my whole world had just fallen to the ground.

I kept telling myself not to look back. Don't look back, don't look back, as the last few hours replayed in my head. (Ironic, huh?) The look in Beck's eye when he told me he was tired of fighting. The glimmer in those dark brown irises that told me he wasn't just tired of fighting. He was sick of me. I shut my eyes, and allowed my arm to fall over my stomach, feeling nauseous.

"I'm not happy with our relationship," he said it with an icy tone. Not only in front of all our friends, which would be enough to completely humiliate me, but in the pressence of a live audience, on Sinjin's godforsaken game show. Those five words caused my heart to fall, my stomach to drop. It created a sickening feeling that not even morning sickness could compare to. The feeling that you're losing the love of your life.

Then another array of moments passed through my mind. All those times where Beck told me, no, promised me, that he wouldn't leave me. They laid out, one after another, like a pretty collage within my brain. The first time, ironically enough, being right after our first time. As our bodies collapsed onto one anothers, the act being more sensual than anything else, he breathed my name and pulled me into his arms. I remember that I had never felt so safe in my entire life. Then he leaned closer and planted a wet kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Jade West. I love you so much. I'll love you forever. I promise I'll never stop. I'll never leave you."

I averted my eyes, and smiled a small smile. Although the line enough made me giddy, I refused to show it. I muttered a "Damn, you're so cheesy." and then looked up into his eyes. "But I love you, too."

Rolling over to direct myself in front of my clock radio, I peeked up at the time. It was 11:48 P.M. Nearly midnight. Three hours into this break up, and I felt the ache within my chest. I wanted nothing more than his arms around me.

And, I didn't really care if I had to seem weak to get what I wanted this time. Because love wasn't about constantly appearing strong to one another. I learned a long time ago that I didn't have to pretend with him. So why the hell should I pretend now when I needed him the most?

So I rolled out of bed without a second thought. I grabbed my keys, and I sped my way to Beck's house, hoping I could get there before midnight, hoping I wouldn't have to start this new day without him.

Recollection of the second time Beck had promised me his love and pressence forever flashed through my head, as I sped my way to his R.V.

It right after that kiss he shared with Vega, her very first day at Hollywood Arts. I had fled the classroom, in attempts of both not to strangle that bitch, and to shed tears of embarassment and anger elsewhere. But of course, Beck chased after me. I was en route to the janitor's closet, when I felt his grip on my arm.

"What the fuck, Beck?!" I asked, as I whipped around to glare at him through inevitable tears.

He stared at me dumbfoundedly, with clear regret in his eyes. Yanking my arm away from his grasp, I began to speed away, reaching the janitor's closet. But he followed close behind, and pushed through even as I attempted to shut the door of the closet on him.

"Jade, please." His voice was genuine, as he placed a warm hand on my bare shoulder. "You know that didn't mean anything. I was just going along with the game."

"You didn't have to kiss her!" I shouted at him, feeling somewhat blind with rage. Or perhaps because of the ever developing moisture in my eyes. I didn't normally cry. Even in my biggest spouts of jealousy and temper tantrums. But it was whenever I was truly enraged, past the point even, hurt, that I cried. And embarassingly enough, this was one of those moments.

"The letter was L! You could have 'Let's not!', 'Lip locking would not be good!', 'Like I would ever want to ', 'Leave me alone,'" I counted the possibilites of his could have been replies on my fingers, angrily.

And suddenly, he crashed his lips into mine. I pulled away immediately, still angry at him, but the electricity of his touch lingered on my mouth, slightly calming me down, yet stirring me up in an entirely different way all at the same time.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Beck sighed and brushed a piece of my hair behind my ear, as I crossed my arms and stared into him.

It always ended up like this. Me, attempting to maintain my anger at him, and him, using my obvious affection for him against me until I melted back into his arms. I swear to God, he was so manipulative sometimes.

"You're the only one I care about, Jade. Not anyone else."

And when he tried to kiss me again, I let him, discovering that my determination to stay angry was a waste when it came to Beck Oliver. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I tangled my fingers in his lovely hair. His tongue was suddenly begging for entrance, and I parted my lips, allowing it. An effortless battle, altogether, today had been, so I gave his tongue the dominance, and it proceeded to explore my mouth.

As we broke apart for a breath, he leaned his forehead into mine. "I love you. I always will."

"I love you, too." I breathed, back, defeated, to the point that a sarcastic comment or complaint didn't even feel right.

"I mean it, babe." he said, beginning to kiss me again. "Always, have, always, will." he muttered, between pecks.

"I won't leave you." he promised, tightening his grip around me.

And I meant it when I said I knew. Because I did.

It was 11:52 P.M. when I pulled up. I hadn't bothered to call, but I knew that Beck would still be awake. My only concern was the matter of him being home. When I had left him, I left him at Vega's, after all. But, to my relief, the lights of the R.V. were evident.

I was never one to knock. Or be nervous, really. But I did knock. And I was sure as hell nervous. We had broken up before, me and Beck. This wasn't the first time. But this time felt so different. Each time had been unpleasant, had left me with this sick feeling in my stomach and regret for everything defiant word I'd said, wishing I could take it all back, willing to do anyting to get Beck back. Maybe this time felt so strange because we were older, significantly more mature. Or perhaps it was because I was pregnant. But for whatever reason, this time, the break up felt more serious. Permanent.

It didn't take him long to answer the door. And he didn't say anything when he saw me, although his mouth did fall a bit, in a slight gape. It occured to me then that I hadn't bothered to look in the mirror upon leaving my house. I could only imagine the streaks of black makeup that stained my cheeks.

"Can I come in?" I asked, my tone light and somewhat inviting, suddenly not wanting to waste any time.

He gazed at me, taken aback. "Um," he sound nervous and not at all inviting as glanced back to a section of the R.V. that was hidden from me.

"Who's here?" I nearly demanded, my tone darkening, as I became all too aware of what was truly occuring here. I perked my head up, in an attempt to see the mystery female he was attempting to hide from me.

Before Beck could see anything else, I stepped forward and pushed the door open wider, only to see none other than little miss perfect Vega, setting on Beck's bed, her doe eyes wide.

I shook my head in disgust, and took a step back. "Oh, I see what's going on here. What's it been? Three hours, maybe? That we've been broken up?" I spat, almost laughing at the irony of the situation.

Beck shook his head, back at me. "Jade, it's not what it looks like."

I continued to take steps back, and with each one, he took another towards me.

"I think it's exactly what it looks like!" I felt so betrayed. What the hell was he trying to do to me? Did he ever even care about me at all? Was our relationship really so insignificant to him that merely hours later he was with her.

I knew she had always wanted him. And he knew, on some level, even though I never really admitted it, that I was constantly fearing she would take him away from me.

"Jade, wait! He's right! I just came over to talk. He was-" Her obnoxious, shrill voice was about to send me over the fucking edge.

"Oh, do NOT talk to me, Vega! And don't make up some bullshit excuse for him, because I do NOT want to hear it!" I cut her off.

Beck had me by the wrists now and I realized my palms had involuntarily balled into fists at the pit of my rage. "Jade, please. Calm down. Let me talk to you." He stared deeply into my eyes with those beautiful browns of his, a tactic of his that usually worked on me.

I shook my head, taking another step away from him. But he came with me, latched on tightly to my wrists. I gritted my teeth together, and attempted to hold back my tears, although I could feel them coming. Damn these hormones And damn this boy who triggers them. "So talk," I growled, through clench teeth.

"She just came over to talk. I was upset, as you can imagine."

I glared daggers at him. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. Not this time. Why the hell couldn't they talk at Vega's house?! It didn't add up, and I wasn't about to let him play the Jade West as a fool.

"Well, what the hell does it matter anyway? We're broken up." My tone was harsh, and I witnessed him almost flinch at my words. The look of hurt was so evident in his face. I was afraid to even picture what mine must have looked like. But a pretty good idea sprang to mind, as I felt the tears flow down my face, like a waterfall. Dammit.

"Jade," he whispered, and placed his palm on my cheek.

I shut my eyes as he did, and breathed in his scent. "No, Beck, no."

But the only movement he made was to wipe a single tear from my cheek. My eyes flashed open and I angrily snapped his hand away, before retreating the other direction, back to my car and away from him.

I heard him call after me, but I just kept telling myself, Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back.

And I didn't.

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