Warning: This chapter references miscarriage. It's not explicit, but if that's potentially triggering, please read carefully following the first scene break.

Note: So, as I was writing this chapter, I remember that over the course of that long absence before chapter sixteen, I started editing (kinda rewriting) the earlier chapters in the fic (about the first 7 I think). But I only did that over on AO3, because you can edit stories there in browser. There are mostly small edits, but made with the purpose of filling the plot holes in my world building. I don't think I'm ever going to bring those edited chapters over here, because I'm really starting to hate how FFnet does chapter posting and it's just too much effort. But, if you want to read the exact same story, with a few small differences that make the author feel more comfortable, go ahead over to AO3 and give this a reread.

Note2: We're almost the the 5 year anniversary of me first posting this fic. Wowza. Truly honored and amazed at how many of you have stuck with me this long. Please stick with me just a little longer, I'm going to try my damnedest to have this complete by the end of the year (preferably much sooner). There's only maybe 3 more chapters to go. Thank you all so much for all of the support. We gon get through this.

Note3: There's a small reference to the book A Farewell to Arms in this chapter. I have never read A Farewell to Arms that little piece is there solely because I wanted to use the "strong at the broken places" quote.

Chapter Seventeen: Consequences

Derek powered on his phone as he waited in the taxi line outside the airport. It was late at night and Derek was a bit tired from his flight between Chicago and Quantico. He hadn't told anyone he was coming back, though really Penelope was the only one he would have told. Just as Penelope had been the only one he'd told when he'd made the decision to leave the FBI.

This had not been a decision he'd come by lightly. Derek loved his job. Loved it more than almost everything else in his life. But he also loved Spencer. And he couldn't bear the thought of going to work everyday and watching Spencer be with someone else. Be with Hotch.

When the choice is between watching the love of his life be happy with someone not him or giving up the job he loved, well he was only back in Quantico until he made arrangements to get moved home to Chicago. He wished Spencer and Hotch the best.

As soon as his phone powered up, it began to vibrate nonstop from an explosion of voicemails and text messages.

Derek had half expected his phone to be blown up by calls from the team after he'd told Penelope he didn't have any plans of returning to work. But the calls never came and Derek couldn't help but wonder if maybe no one cared, or if Penelope just hadn't shared the information around as he'd thought she would. But now he had a seeming million missed calls and messages from Penelope and JJ and Emily and David.

Derek only briefly considered ignoring it all until he'd gotten home and slept for a good eight hours, but, as if she could read his mind from wherever she was, his phone started ringing Penelope's ringtone at just that moment.

Derek answered the call and before he could even say a greeting, Penelope cried out "Thank god, I've been calling you nonstop for hours."

"Sorry, Baby Girl, I was on a plane." An empty taxi finally pulled up in front of him and Derek began loading his baggage into the car.

"A plane back home to Quantico, I hope. We need you here. Now." Her voice was a mix of panic and hysteria.

"What's going on, Penelope?" Derek asked worriedly.

"Just get to the hospital, please. As fast as you can. Where are you, I'll get them to send the jet for you if I have to."

"I'm in Quantico, Penelope. Tell me what's going on." Derek briefly covered the phone receiver with his hand to direct the taxi driver to take him to the hospital.

"It's Spencer," Penelope said and Derek could hear the heartache in her voice. "They're not sure he's going to make it."

Derek felt as if his heart had stopped in his chest. "If you can get the word out to the local enforcement officers to not stop a speeding taxi, I'll be there as fast as I can."

…

The doctor explained: when an omega is suffering a Drop, their body can sometimes trigger an emergency heat as a last ditch effort to attract an emergency heat is considered the lowest point of a Drop and an omega who makes it through it without the aid of an alpha, will slowly begin to stabilize on their own, eventually making it to the point where they can lead an almost normal life without a Claim or Bond.

When an omega is suffering a Drop during their first trimester of pregnancy, their body usually purposely miscarries the fetus in an attempt to make themselves available for a new alpha. By the end of their first trimester, a pregnant omega's pheromones ceases being enticing to all but the alpha who'd impregnated them. If that alpha abandoned them, then their body abandons the fetus so that they can attract an alpha that won't abandon them.

This risk of miscarriage is only present during the first trimester of pregnancy though. During the second trimester, once the omega is noticeably pregnant, other instincts overpower the mating instinct. It would still be a high risk pregnancy without an alpha present, but the omega's body would no longer actively work against the fetus. This is generally when omegas begin exhibiting extreme nesting behavior and go into isolation. Instead of trying to attract a new alpha, every instinct goes to preserving the life within them to exclusion of all else.

Unfortunately, there is no way to save the baby after the body decides to miscarry it and all attention goes to trying to save the omega, as this miscarriage is dangerous for them.

The primary treatment, after ensuring that no damage was caused by the miscarriage, is to pull the omega out of their dropped state. An omega who suffered a miscarriage during a drop is unlikely to ever be able to pull themselves out of the drop without the aid of an alpha. A topical cream containing artificial alpha pheromones is applied to the wrists and neck (or full body in extreme cases) to fool the omega's body into believing is has been claimed by a new alpha, bringing their hormones up to a healthy level.

This, however, is only a temporary fix. Eventually the omega's body will begin to reject the false pheromones in the cream and will go back into a drop. A second drop so quickly after just coming out of one could have deadly consequences.

Two weeks is the maximum amount of time the topical cream can be used, with one week being the recommended usage window. This is also because Claiming by a new alpha after a drop 100% of the time results in a Heat. During the use of the cream, Omegesterin is also used to delay this heat.

The only lasting fix is to have the omega be Claimed by a real alpha. A familiar alpha would be best, as the transition from the false pheromones in the cream to a real alpha's pheromones is easier if the omega already recognizes the alpha, but a hired professional alpha is also an option. It is also highly recommended that the omega Bonds to an alpha during the resulting heat, another reason why a familiar alpha is the best choice. Bonding is, of course, not a requirement, but it is what would be best for the omega.

"Do any of you know the reason for his break with his last alpha?" The doctor asks. "Is there any chance of reconciliation there?"

Derek stood there, face an impassive mask that barely concealed his anger and concern. At the doctor's last question, his fists clenched at his sides and he barely stopped himself from glaring in Hotch's direction.

The unit chief spoke up, "Reid's previous alpha is… well it's complicated."

Derek had to bite back a growl. Complicated? There was nothing complicated about the fact that Derek had left, believing Spencer to be happy with Hotch, only for Hotch to abandon him.

"We were not aware Reid was pregnant. How far along was he?" Hotch asked and Derek could not bite his tongue any longer.

"You knew damn well Reid was pregnant," Derek said, his anger turning the soft spoken words chilly. "How dare you stand there and pretend like this isn't your fault! You did this to him!"

Except Hotch looked as genuinely surprised at the accusation as Emily, JJ, and Rossi were. Penelope grabbed Derek's hand in a way that was probably meant to be calming, but Derek was feeling way too many emotions to be calmed.

"He just lost your baby and you're standing here talking about 'complicated.' What the fuck kind of alpha are you?" If it had been his baby, if Spencer had still been his, Derek would be glued to Spencer's side, helping his omega, the love of his life, through this.

If Spencer had still been his, none of this would be happening.

"Hotch's baby," JJ asked, completely flabbergasted, "I thought you were his alpha?"

There was so much Derek could say in response to that, but now wasn't the time. Right now, all that was important was Spencer. Getting Spencer through this, letting him know he wasn't alone, being at his side.

Derek turned his attention to the doctor and requested, "Take me to him, please."

…

Spencer looked tiny in the hospital bed.

He looked as if he was fading out of existence.

Like he was shrinking into himself as color and life bled out of him.

Derek almost didn't want to touch him for fear of him disappearing.

He looked like an illusion made of smoke, and even breathing too hard would disrupt his tenuous hold on existence and vanish him away.

Derek reached out a hesitant hand and laid it on top of Spencer's.

Spencer was sleeping restlessly. There were all manner or machines and monitors strapped to him and needles stuck in him and just the sight of him had Derek choking on guilt and grief.

"Oh, Spencer," Derek said, seating himself in the chair next to Spencer's bed and taking one of his pale hands into both of his own. "Oh, Spencer," he said again, unable to think of anything more to say. He bowed his head over their joined hands, but couldn't even muster up a prayer.

"He hates me and won't even give me a chance to fix this. I know I messed up, but I just want to fix it. I want to tell him I regret hurting him more than I regret anything I've ever done. I want to tell him that no one in the world means more to me than him. I just want him to know I love him. I love him so much it hurts. Missing him feels like dying. I just want to die. What am I even alive for?"

Derek looked up and found Penelope standing in the doorway of room, Spencer's voice coming from the phone held in her hands. "We were talking in my office," she explained, "you know I record everything there. This was right before he collapsed. The doctor said he had to have known something was wrong, because his body wouldn't trigger this without a warning. I didn't think much of it when he said he felt like dying."

Penelope paused for a second, then continued, "Actually, that's a lie. I thought 'good' I thought he was getting what he deserved for hurting you. But I didn't mean it. You have to know I didn't mean it. I didn't want this. I love Spencer. He's my family. He's our family. Sometimes, families hurt each other. And sometimes families let stupid shit tear them apart. But we always come back together. When one of us is knocked down, we lift him up. We support each other. Right?"

"Right," Derek agreed, outstretching an arm so Penelope could nuzzle into his side. They sat there together, looking at Spencer's too still form. "We're going to get through this," Derek promised. And he meant it. He would do whatever it took to get Spencer through this.

And, afterward, he was never going to let Spencer go again.

A soft knock on the open door signalled JJ's arrival to the room and Emily came quietly at her heels. "How is he?" JJ asked, approaching the other side of Spencer's bed and taking his free hand. It was a rhetorical question. With tears in her eyes, she went on to say, "I can't believe I didn't realize how much he was hurting. I knew something was wrong, but I thought he would come and talk to me about it if it was really important. I figured he was just missing you and that either he'd work through in his own time, or you would come back and everything would be okay. I never once thought it would come to this."

"Hey, JJ, it's okay," Derek offered reassurances that he himself found difficult to accept. "Spencer is strong. He's going to make it through this. I'm going to help him through this. And I'm never going to let him hurt again."

JJ's eyes didn't flicker away from Spencer for even a second. Her nod of acceptance to Derek's words could only be described as solemn. She gripped Spencer's limp hand tighter.

"I just can't believe Hotch," Emily said, she hadn't gone further than stepping just inside the doorway and the expression on her face was completely unreadable.

"Where is he?" Penelope asked, glancing around as if the man in question would materialize out of the shadows.

"The doctor said having more than one alpha around Spence could do more harm than good right now," JJ answered. "So Rossi took Hotch home."

"We'll only be staying for a few minutes, too," Emily added. "The doctor said it would be best to leave him alone with you. We just wanted to see him."

"He looks so sad," JJ said, running a hand through Spencer's bangs. "Even in his sleep." She sniffled and wrapped her arms around herself, then finally looked over at Derek. "Take care of him."

Derek nodded. "I plan to."

…

They move Spencer into a bed large enough for Derek to crawl in beside him. Skinship with an alpha is the best treatment plan for Spencer right now, so Derek is propped up in the bed with his omega lying against his chest.

He's reading aloud from a book he'd grabbed off the shelf in his childhood bedroom back in Chicago. He'd read A Farewell to Arms in high school and had found himself willing to give it another read when it came time for his flight and he hadn't had time to stop at a bookstore.

"If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them." Derek read softly, "The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially."

"If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry," Spencer's voice is sleep heavy and incredibly soft. Derek would almost believe he'd imagined it had Spencer not nuzzled closer into his chest, blinked confusedly at the room, and mused, "I must still be dreaming."

"Spencer," Derek said softly, rubbing one hand down the omega's arm, from shoulder to elbow.

Spencer looked up at him, mouth twisted into confused frown. "Not a dream," he asked?

"Not a dream," Derek affirmed.

Spencer nodded, then closed his eyes and laid his head back against Derek's chest. "Just five more minutes. Let me have this for just five more minutes."