Hey everybody. Ehm, yeah I'll probably destroy your love for fandom. I have read fanfiction for years but never actually written anything, but figured I would give it a try, and my earlier statement meant that I most likely have absolutely no talent for it.

I am sorry for any and all misspellings and grammar error, English is not my first langue.

If there is the odd one of you out there who wants me to make this more than one Chapter I´ll warn you that updates might take time since I have a 1 year old girl and am taking a demanding education. Well here goes nothing.

Love me.

Chapter 1:

They were on their way home from Ismere when they made camp for the night. Merlin took care of Arthur's bedroll first like she was supposed to, all the while keeping an eye on Mordred just to make sure that he didn't try anything while she wasn't looking.

She tried to figure out why he saved Arthur's life back there, it just didn't make any sense. According to Kilgharrah, he would join Morgana, so why had he stabbed her? Was it a plot to get closer to Arthur? Was it a plan he had made with Morgana?

Merlin narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him when he rolled his bedroll out on the ground a little off from the burning campfire. She gave a high yelp when there was suddenly a hand on her shoulder, she quickly twisted around which made her foot get stuck in a tree root emerging from the ground, which in turn made her clumsiness kick in.

She landed flat on her face into the forest floor. She heard high laughter all around her while she muttered one curse after another and her mother would have yelled at her for just half the words that came out of her mouth but really, she spent all her time with the knights, she was bound to pick up some of the things they said. She rolled onto her back and glared up at Gwaine who was laughing so hard that he was almost falling over himself.

"It´s nice to see that you never change Merlin, you are still as much a danger to yourself as always."

He somehow managed to get out in between big gulps of air. She looked around and saw that the rest of them were getting their laughter under control, she might not have fallen on her face on purpose but it lifted the tense mood they were all in, so that was fine with her.

She looked around her and saw that the rest of the knights were still getting their laughter under control, but her gaze landed on Mordred who stood a little off to the side with his bedroll, a look on his face she could not decipher. Her crystal blue eyes meet his blue/gray one and he frowned a bit.

"Emrys are you alright?"

She heard his voice say in her head, but she just glared at him and took Gwaine´s offered hand to get up. He pulled her to her feet and put an arm around her waist.

"Merlin, you scare way too easily. I just wanted to ask what you were thinking so hard about. I mean, I was talking to you, and you completely ignored me in favor of staring daggers at the Princess´s savior. Just be happy that we are going home in one piece."

She answered in a low voice to make sure that they were not overheard,

"Of course I'm happy that we are going home. But I just don't see why we have to take him with us. I don't trust him!"

Gwaine just laughed at her and gave her a one armed hug, after which he went over to the other knights still laughing a little to himself.

She looked after him with a little smile to on her face because of his antics, even though she didn't think it was a laughing matter at all, but her smile slipped off her face as soon she felt Mordred´s powers brush up against hers, like a caress upon her inner being, and she did not like how her skin started to tingle in anticipation, of what she was not sure, but she didn't what to have anything to do with it.

"Emrys, why will you not talk to me? Are you alright? Emrys?"

She glared at him for a few seconds while he just stood there with a sad look on his face.

"Leave me alone Mordred."

She all but snared at him. She could see that he got the message as she felt his magic retreat from hers, she almost felt sad to feel it gone, since it left her feeling lonely in a way she had not felt before no matter how alone she sometimes felt. His face got even sadder for just a second only to then grow hard and his eyes cold and distant. She felt his magic come back with a force she was not prepared for so it made her gasp for air,

"Fine! If that is the way you want it to be, then that is the way it is going to be. I´ll leave you alone… for now. But when we reach Camelot, I will want answers and I will get them!"

This time when he pulled his magic back, it felt almost violent. Like he ripped it back from where it intervened with hers and it made her want to clutch her chest in pain, but she managed not to. He turned his back to her and she glared at it and thought good luck with that, you will not get anything from me. She rolled her own bedroll out and settled down for the night, and after she had gotten under it she rubbed her chest trying to get the pain he had caused to go away.

The next morning she woke up to Arthur shouting

"Merlin! Wake up! You need to start packing up so we can get moving. Breakfast is going to have to wait till the next stop."

She let out a sigh and answered with a sugar sweet voice,

"Well, if king clotpole could pack his own things, it would go a lot faster."

She rolled out of the way as there was a stick flying at her, her roll made her face Mordred who stood with a horrified expression on his face.

She got up on her hands and knees, keeping Mordred in the corner of her eye; she got up and just looked at Arthur with her hands on her hips, "I know you did not sleep on a rock since I was the one to lay your bedroll out. Did you then sleep on your sword, Sire? Or are you just missing your big nice bed with your lovely Queen in it?" she asked with a smirk on her face since she knew for a fact that Arthur missed Gwen a lot on the nights they were away from home. And since they were on their way home it was almost safe to tease him with it, but if they were on the way out she kept her mouth shut about it. That she had learned by being pushed into a steam a year earlier.

Mordred stood off to the side with the most adorable confused look on his face as the rest of the knights chucked, since they were used to their banter by now, and just thought it was funny to watch.

`Whoa… bad Merlin. Did you just think anything about Mordred as being adorable? That's right, you did not, and if you did, it will never happen again! Never!`

In the background she heard Arthur grumble

"Shut up, Merlin."

Sure she could see that Mordred was handsome with his fair skin, light blue eyes that she could imagine looking tender and loving if he were not so cold on the inside, his dark hair that, if she were honest, she could almost feel a prickling in her fingers to run her hands through and pull on, and his lips that looked like they were made for kissing.

But all that she pushed from her mind, considering she was not going to think like that about her best friend's future murderer. He was not to be trusted and she would not be fooled by his pretty exterior, no she would keep her eye on him and if he tried anything she would have to take care of him. She packed up hers and Arthur's things and they were on their way.

They had been back in Camelot for a week and so far Merlin had managed to dodge Mordred every time he tried to corner her. It was hard since she kept an eye on him almost all the time, but somehow she had managed so far but she knew that it was just a matter of time. He had tried to talk to her in her mind but she always ignored him, and as time went on she could feel that he got madder, but also sadder.

He had been very persistent today and he almost had her on his own a couple of times, but she had gotten out of there as fast as she possibly could and each time he had said in her mind that he would catch her later. Now it was late at night and she was on her way back to Gaius´s chambers and had to cross the courtyard.

As she passed an opened dark door, an arm shot out and grabbed her arm, pulled her into the dark and pushed her up against the wall so hard that her head banged against it and she could not focus for a minute. When she could see straight enough to use her magic, she felt a hand wrapped around her throat and was just able to make out Mordred´s form in the vague light from the torches out in the courtyard and she could see that he was extremely angry.

"Don't try anything, Merlin, it would just make the guards come running and neither of us want that, now do we? No, I didn't think so. Now, you are going to be a good girl and tell me what I want to know. Why don´t you trust me? I have not done anything to any of you… Well, besides from now, but you've had it coming."

She had both her hands around his forearm and tried to pry it away from her but he was simply too strong and she did not dare to use her magic, so she would just stand there trying to suck air into her lungs but was held too tight and she started to get lightheaded. He loosened his grip a little so she could get some air in.

"You may seem like you are doing nothing wrong but I don't believe it for a second, you may have the rest of them fooled but you will not fool me."

She said while she glared at him but it did not have the desired effect on him, since he just smirked at her and pressed his body up against hers. She sucked in a breath of air at his close proximity and could almost taste him in it. A kind of earthy taste and he smelled of the forest on a summer's night after the rain.

"Who said that I am trying to fool anyone? Could it not be that I generally am just what you see? I am not doing anything I'm not supposed to do."

His every breath ghosted over the skin on her neck and made it tingle just like his magic was doing to hers, her chest brushed against his with each inhale. He pulled back a little and looked at her with an expression she could not decipher in the vague light. She was a little scared of what he would do because she could feel, in the way his magic pulsed, that he was at a breaking point, she just wasn't quite sure what would happen when he fell over the edge of it.

His other hand came up to her face and she squeezed her eyes tight and turned her head to the side, only to feel his knuckles run down her cheek to her jaw.

"You are so beautiful."

He whispered just before his lips grazed her throat, just below the thumb on the hand still around her neck. Her eyes went wide at the sensations that sent tingles shooting from where his lips met her neck to the rest of her body. Her hands let go of his arm to smack against his shoulders to push him away, at the same time she hissed at him,

"What are you doing? Stop it. Mordred, stop it!"

But it did not seem like he heard her and if he did, he ignored her to continue to nibble on her neck. Her breathing hitched as his teeth bit down on her pulse point and her knees started to feel a little weak. She kept screaming in her head that it was wrong and that she should just use her magic to push him away, but she was not sure she could control how far she would throw him, and as she could see the guards in the torch light on the other side of the courtyard, she couldn't risk it.

There was also the little voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that maybe the dragon was wrong, it seemed like he really liked Arthur so how was it that he was supposed to kill him? She may have Seen it herself, but maybe, just maybe she could change it, by changing him.

He pressed his body up against hers and she almost let out a moan at feeling his powerful body. She must not have been as good at suppressing it as she had hoped since he let out a low groan and pressed harder against her. His hand on her cheek moved down over her shoulder and under her arm to graze the side of her breast, against her will, she arched into the touch. His lips ran over her jawline to her lips and he whispered against them,

"Emrys, trust me."

And then he was kissing her hard.

Her mind blacked out at the feel of his lips so demanding on hers, they moved with a purpose to get hers to respond to him but she was too shocked to do anything other than grip his shoulders. Her lips seemed to have a mind of their own as they started to move with his, she felt his tongue trace her lips. She gasped as it sent shockwaves through her body; she lost what little control she had left. She ran one of her hands up the back of his neck and into his hair, closed her hand in it, and pulled his head back so she could look into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide as he looked at her, his gaze shifted down her body and settled on her chest that was rising and falling rapidly.

His eyes rose to look at her lips, he crashed his down on hers again. His hand on her throat glided down over her shoulder till it rested on her hip, his other hand went to the back of her thigh and lifted it to his hip so he could grind his groin against her heat. She threw her head back and it made impact with the wall behind her, but she barely felt the sting of pain because his arousal was creating shockwave after shockwave to course through her with the way he rubbed it against her, and the way he basically attacked her throat with his lips and teeth.

One of her hands let go of his hair to run down his back till she reached the hem of his shirt, her fingers snuck under it to his lower back, from there she managed to get it in between them, to his stomach and up to his chest. Her nails scraped over his nipple which in turn made him groan and hiss,

"Emrys, please…"

The only things that were running through her mind were: YES, YES, YES! And Mordred, Mordred, Mordred!

He pulled away a bit and started to lift up her skirts and it brought a bit of her senses back, so she moved her hands back to his shoulders and tried to push him away again, while she put her foot on the ground again.

"Mordred, no this is wrong. Let me go!"

He however did not let her go but grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands over her head, and put his mouth to her ear.

"You want this Emrys, I can feel how much you what it. Your magic is screaming for me to touch you, to love you. But I already love you. I always have. Just let go."

"No, you are wrong. Why would I want you, Mordred? And you don´t love me. You are not capable of love."

He laughed a hollow laugh that somehow sounded so sad that it went straight to her heart. He pulled her hands together and grasped them in one of his own still over her head and his free hand he brought to her cheek, and even though she fought it, she still turned into the caress he offered.

"If you don´t want me Emrys, then way do you so gladly seek my touch?"

He then kissed her and she could not help but respond to it. Where the other kisses had been hard and demanding, this one was so tender she could weep from the sheer sensation and the way his magic roared in happiness that she kissed back. Oh how she would love to be able to love him, she could picture waking up to him and falling asleep in his arms every night. But she could not let herself love him which was why she ended the kiss.

"Let my hands go Mordred."

He looked her in the eyes and she gave him a little smile, and he let her hands go. She put a hand on each of his cheeks, he copied her actions. She leaned forward and gave him a small and sweet kiss, pulled her head back, and screamed.

Mordred let her go with a confused expression.

"Who is that? Who is there? Hold!"

The guards started to run towards them, and Merlin turned and ran down the dark passage.

"I´ll get you for that Emrys. You can count on that. Till next time..."

She felt his magic brush her cheek as a light kiss.