Ladies and gents, you're about to read the unthinkable. If you're tired of reading so much drama and need a few laughs, then this is a fic for you. Have fun... heheheheeeh....
**Disclaimer** I don't own Cowboy Bebop, Hamtaro, Final Fantasy VII, Dragonball Z, Outlaw Star, Marvel Universe, Playboy, Penthouse, Kirby, Beyblade, the Gundam seasons, Digimon, Pokemon, Berserk, Ultimate Muscle, Transformers, Devil May Cry, or The Big O.
Title: Get Down To The HAM-HAM BOOGIE!
Author: Bleeding Wings
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG-13 for foul language and Ham-Ham mayhem
Summary: It's just another day for the Bebop posse. But when a very special package was delivered to the Bebop, the whole damn show will never be the same! Why, do you ask? You'll see... :)
----------------------------------
"All right, Faye. Whenever you're ready..."
"I'm as ready I'll ever be, Spike..."
"Ya sure you can handle the way I move?"
"Why don't we find out the hard way, big boy?"
In the training room, Spike and Faye circled one another, doing their best not to leave any opening for a strike. Both fighters in their gym-wear bounced on the balls of their feet and kept their fists up, keeping their eyes steady on one another.
Faye, wearing her red spandex shorts and black tank top, shifted her left side as her lead side when she focused on her master. Spike, wearing a black eye-patch on his left eye, had on black sweatpants with a tight white tank top, keeping his right side as his lead and wearing a smile for his pupil.
"Come to me," Spike said kindly.
"You ask for it, Spike!" Faye exclaimed. Faye let out a battle-cry and lunged right for Spike. Faye delivered a right front kick to the head, followed by three fists and a wild spin-fist. However, wearing a smile, Spike danced around all of Faye's techniques. Seeing that smile on his face, Faye growled to herself and lunged for Spike again. With all her might, Faye threw a powerful right fist toward Spike's jaw.
Spike's eye widened. When the fist was about to connect, Spike stepped to the side, grabbed Faye's fist and twisted it, having Faye spin forward out of control and crash into the wall. Faye ended upside down, with an expression of frustration on her face.
"Oh, man! Why can't I lay a hand on you?" Faye asked herself angrily. Spike chuckled to himself and helped Faye up.
"You were the rock, and I was the river. The river will always overpower the rock, no matter how huge and tough it is," Spike said.
".... Come again?" Faye asked, feeling a huge question mark pop over her head.
"You were tense, Faye. You put too much tension in your body, therefore letting me take advantage of your unneeded energy and turning it against you. As Bruce Lee would put it, water is the most powerful element in the universe. You have to learn to flow like water," Spike said. Faye raised her left arm and sniffed herself.
"Yick. Speaking of water, I need to take a shower. We must have been training for hours," Faye said. When she wiped the sweat off her face with her towel and threw it around her neck, she walked to Spike and brought her nose to his.
"Later tonight, come to my quarters. I'll give you a workout you'll never forget..." Faye whispered. Spike smiled and felt his face flush lightly. In an instant, Faye stood on her tippy toes and kissed him.
"In a way, Spike, you're much sexier with that patch on. Take care, Cowboy..." Faye said sweetly, tracing her finger on Spike's cheek before leaving the training room. Spike felt warm all over as he touched the very area Faye touched.
Suddenly, he heard a childish giggle coming from outside the training hall. Who he saw was a red-head, 13-year-old girl giggling and pointing at him.
"Oooohhhh! Faye-Faye got the hots for Spike! You and Faye-Faye are gonna make a lot of lovin' tonight! And you're gonna have lots of babies like a pair of bunnies-"
"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, EDWARD!" Spike shouted. When Spike started running towards Edward, the young girl let out a screech and started running off. Edward's got a lot of speed, but running from Spike was like running from a cheetah.
Suddenly, Edward came to a full halt and leaped onto Spike, wrapping her arms and legs around him.
"Spike-person, can Edward ask you a question?" Edward asked.
"Uh... sure. Fire away," Spike said.
"What happened to your left eye, Spike? When you lost your eye, you're just not the same as you use to be. In a way, you're more... grown up," Edward said.
"Look, Edward. When you're older, I'll tell you how I lost my eye, okay?" Spike said.
"Well... uh... OKAY! As long as Spike-person's happy, Edward happy too!" Edward detatched herself from Spike and ran down the halls, heading for her Tomato laptop and her highly intelligent pal, Ein.
"So full of optimism. Man, I really envy her," Spike said to himself.
"Hey, Spike!" Spike turned his attention to Jet's voice down the hall.
"There's a delivery guy outside lookin' for ya! He says the package is for you, and he's not gonna accept 'no' for an answer," Jet called out.
"Okay, Jet. I'm headin' up."
-----------------
"Spike Haruna Spiegel?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Perfect. There's a case with your name on it." The Bebop floated comfortably on the seas of Ganymede, one of the loveliest cities of Jupiter's moons. As Spike inhaled the fresh sea air, the delivery man stepped out of his space delivery cruiser and handed Spike a case made of pure steel. The delivery man grinded his teeth and felt his legs about to give in to the case's weight.
"If you don't mind... I'd like you to take the damn thing!" the delivery guy uttered. Spike took the case and carried it with ease.
"Man... what have you been eating? That thing almost weighs a ton!" the guy exclaimed. Spike smiled to himself.
"I take in a lot of Vitamin C and do a helluva lot of one-arm pushups. You should get yourself into shape," Spike said.
"So you're a descendent of the Harunas. I'll pray for your soul after you open that case," the delivery guy muttered.
"What did ya say?"
"N-nothing! Well, it's time for me to go! GOTTA RUN!" Without waiting for Spike's signature, the delivery guy hopped into his ship and blasted off into space.
"Damn... he acts as though I'm holding a thermonuclear bomb."
----------------
"WOW! WHAT IS IT, SPIKE? WHAT IS IT?" Edward asked.
"Hey, settle down, Edward. I'll open it in just a moment," Spike said, undoing one lock at a time. Jet and Faye walked into the main lounge, catching Spike opening the case.
"Hey, Spike. What's that you got there?" Faye asked.
"Hmmm. That must be the case delivered to Spike. Judging from what the case is made of, it must be pretty damn important," Jet said. When Spike undid the final lock, Spike opened the case. A cold mist escaped the opened case and filled up parts of the main lounge, sending shivers to all the crew members. Within the case, there were 14 small capsules inside that were shaped like soda cans.
"... how weird. Let's see what's inside each of these capsules," Spike reached into the case and grabbed a capsule for observation.
Spike breathed on the capsule and wiped off all the frost. What he saw within the bottle was a hamster with dark-orange fur in a deep slumber. Spike noticed something else. Wiping more frost away, he saw the creature's name.
"... Hamtaro. Cute name. Why in the world would they go through all this trouble to put a bunch of hamsters in cryogenic freeze?" Spike asked himself. Suddenly, Jet, Faye and Edward felt fear spear its way into their bodies. All three of them backed away from the case and huddled into a corner together.
"Uh, what's the matter with you three?" Spike asked.
"Spike... step away from the case! Those aren't just hamsters! They're freaks of nature! I heard legend that those hamsters have the power of speech and intelligence, perhaps even higher than that of normal humans! WE HAVE TO KILL 'EM ALL BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Jet exclaimed.
"Spike, Jet's telling the truth! I remember those damn things back in the late 20th century. Every one of them has a unique attribute, and the fluffy white one is the most dangerous! For the love of God, DESTROY THEM ALL!" Faye said.
"... and what about you, Edward? Don't tell me you're gonna buy all that nonsense," Spike said. Holding onto Jet's waist tight, Edward shook her head.
"Edward doesn't know a single thing about them, but Edward's not gonna take any chances!" Edward said. Ein walked right into the main lounge to find his bone, but he then walked to Spike and the case.
"How about you, Ein? What do you think?" Ein got closer to the capsule of Hamtaro and took a sniff. Suddenly, Ein let out a bark and licked the capsule. Edward shook away the fear and carried Ein into her arms.
"Well, if Ein's okay with it, then Edward's fine with it, too!" Edward exclaimed.
"That's settled, then. Three to two, in favor of unfreezing the little critters. Time to let 'em loose and see what they're made of," Spike said. Faye and Jet let out a scream.
"IT'S THE END OF THE $#%^'in WORLD!" Faye screamed. Spike pressed the button underneath the capsule, unlocking the capsule and letting out a gust of frosty air. Slowly, the hamster known as Hamtaro crawled out of the capsule and ended up in Spike's palm. Hamtaro's vision was blurry at first, but seconds later his vision returned to normal. In front of his little eyes was a young man with a patch over his left eye and funky black hair. Spike felt his very soul light up at the sight of the little hamster.
"Awwwww! He's sooooo cuuuuute!" Spike exclaimed. Hamtaro let out a screech and leapt out of Spike's hand. Hamtaro immediately pressed the button of every other frozen capsule, sending a major gust of frost throughout the entire lounge. None of the Bebop members could see through the mist, but they did hear a lot of little feet pattering out of the lounge. When the cold mist cleared, all of the capsules were empty.
".... Spike, what have you done?" Jet asked, feeling his hands tremble.
"... we're all gonna die. Every one of us..." Faye whispered.
... to be continued.
Be afraid.... be very, VEEERYYY afraid.....
**Disclaimer** I don't own Cowboy Bebop, Hamtaro, Final Fantasy VII, Dragonball Z, Outlaw Star, Marvel Universe, Playboy, Penthouse, Kirby, Beyblade, the Gundam seasons, Digimon, Pokemon, Berserk, Ultimate Muscle, Transformers, Devil May Cry, or The Big O.
Title: Get Down To The HAM-HAM BOOGIE!
Author: Bleeding Wings
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG-13 for foul language and Ham-Ham mayhem
Summary: It's just another day for the Bebop posse. But when a very special package was delivered to the Bebop, the whole damn show will never be the same! Why, do you ask? You'll see... :)
----------------------------------
"All right, Faye. Whenever you're ready..."
"I'm as ready I'll ever be, Spike..."
"Ya sure you can handle the way I move?"
"Why don't we find out the hard way, big boy?"
In the training room, Spike and Faye circled one another, doing their best not to leave any opening for a strike. Both fighters in their gym-wear bounced on the balls of their feet and kept their fists up, keeping their eyes steady on one another.
Faye, wearing her red spandex shorts and black tank top, shifted her left side as her lead side when she focused on her master. Spike, wearing a black eye-patch on his left eye, had on black sweatpants with a tight white tank top, keeping his right side as his lead and wearing a smile for his pupil.
"Come to me," Spike said kindly.
"You ask for it, Spike!" Faye exclaimed. Faye let out a battle-cry and lunged right for Spike. Faye delivered a right front kick to the head, followed by three fists and a wild spin-fist. However, wearing a smile, Spike danced around all of Faye's techniques. Seeing that smile on his face, Faye growled to herself and lunged for Spike again. With all her might, Faye threw a powerful right fist toward Spike's jaw.
Spike's eye widened. When the fist was about to connect, Spike stepped to the side, grabbed Faye's fist and twisted it, having Faye spin forward out of control and crash into the wall. Faye ended upside down, with an expression of frustration on her face.
"Oh, man! Why can't I lay a hand on you?" Faye asked herself angrily. Spike chuckled to himself and helped Faye up.
"You were the rock, and I was the river. The river will always overpower the rock, no matter how huge and tough it is," Spike said.
".... Come again?" Faye asked, feeling a huge question mark pop over her head.
"You were tense, Faye. You put too much tension in your body, therefore letting me take advantage of your unneeded energy and turning it against you. As Bruce Lee would put it, water is the most powerful element in the universe. You have to learn to flow like water," Spike said. Faye raised her left arm and sniffed herself.
"Yick. Speaking of water, I need to take a shower. We must have been training for hours," Faye said. When she wiped the sweat off her face with her towel and threw it around her neck, she walked to Spike and brought her nose to his.
"Later tonight, come to my quarters. I'll give you a workout you'll never forget..." Faye whispered. Spike smiled and felt his face flush lightly. In an instant, Faye stood on her tippy toes and kissed him.
"In a way, Spike, you're much sexier with that patch on. Take care, Cowboy..." Faye said sweetly, tracing her finger on Spike's cheek before leaving the training room. Spike felt warm all over as he touched the very area Faye touched.
Suddenly, he heard a childish giggle coming from outside the training hall. Who he saw was a red-head, 13-year-old girl giggling and pointing at him.
"Oooohhhh! Faye-Faye got the hots for Spike! You and Faye-Faye are gonna make a lot of lovin' tonight! And you're gonna have lots of babies like a pair of bunnies-"
"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, EDWARD!" Spike shouted. When Spike started running towards Edward, the young girl let out a screech and started running off. Edward's got a lot of speed, but running from Spike was like running from a cheetah.
Suddenly, Edward came to a full halt and leaped onto Spike, wrapping her arms and legs around him.
"Spike-person, can Edward ask you a question?" Edward asked.
"Uh... sure. Fire away," Spike said.
"What happened to your left eye, Spike? When you lost your eye, you're just not the same as you use to be. In a way, you're more... grown up," Edward said.
"Look, Edward. When you're older, I'll tell you how I lost my eye, okay?" Spike said.
"Well... uh... OKAY! As long as Spike-person's happy, Edward happy too!" Edward detatched herself from Spike and ran down the halls, heading for her Tomato laptop and her highly intelligent pal, Ein.
"So full of optimism. Man, I really envy her," Spike said to himself.
"Hey, Spike!" Spike turned his attention to Jet's voice down the hall.
"There's a delivery guy outside lookin' for ya! He says the package is for you, and he's not gonna accept 'no' for an answer," Jet called out.
"Okay, Jet. I'm headin' up."
-----------------
"Spike Haruna Spiegel?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Perfect. There's a case with your name on it." The Bebop floated comfortably on the seas of Ganymede, one of the loveliest cities of Jupiter's moons. As Spike inhaled the fresh sea air, the delivery man stepped out of his space delivery cruiser and handed Spike a case made of pure steel. The delivery man grinded his teeth and felt his legs about to give in to the case's weight.
"If you don't mind... I'd like you to take the damn thing!" the delivery guy uttered. Spike took the case and carried it with ease.
"Man... what have you been eating? That thing almost weighs a ton!" the guy exclaimed. Spike smiled to himself.
"I take in a lot of Vitamin C and do a helluva lot of one-arm pushups. You should get yourself into shape," Spike said.
"So you're a descendent of the Harunas. I'll pray for your soul after you open that case," the delivery guy muttered.
"What did ya say?"
"N-nothing! Well, it's time for me to go! GOTTA RUN!" Without waiting for Spike's signature, the delivery guy hopped into his ship and blasted off into space.
"Damn... he acts as though I'm holding a thermonuclear bomb."
----------------
"WOW! WHAT IS IT, SPIKE? WHAT IS IT?" Edward asked.
"Hey, settle down, Edward. I'll open it in just a moment," Spike said, undoing one lock at a time. Jet and Faye walked into the main lounge, catching Spike opening the case.
"Hey, Spike. What's that you got there?" Faye asked.
"Hmmm. That must be the case delivered to Spike. Judging from what the case is made of, it must be pretty damn important," Jet said. When Spike undid the final lock, Spike opened the case. A cold mist escaped the opened case and filled up parts of the main lounge, sending shivers to all the crew members. Within the case, there were 14 small capsules inside that were shaped like soda cans.
"... how weird. Let's see what's inside each of these capsules," Spike reached into the case and grabbed a capsule for observation.
Spike breathed on the capsule and wiped off all the frost. What he saw within the bottle was a hamster with dark-orange fur in a deep slumber. Spike noticed something else. Wiping more frost away, he saw the creature's name.
"... Hamtaro. Cute name. Why in the world would they go through all this trouble to put a bunch of hamsters in cryogenic freeze?" Spike asked himself. Suddenly, Jet, Faye and Edward felt fear spear its way into their bodies. All three of them backed away from the case and huddled into a corner together.
"Uh, what's the matter with you three?" Spike asked.
"Spike... step away from the case! Those aren't just hamsters! They're freaks of nature! I heard legend that those hamsters have the power of speech and intelligence, perhaps even higher than that of normal humans! WE HAVE TO KILL 'EM ALL BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Jet exclaimed.
"Spike, Jet's telling the truth! I remember those damn things back in the late 20th century. Every one of them has a unique attribute, and the fluffy white one is the most dangerous! For the love of God, DESTROY THEM ALL!" Faye said.
"... and what about you, Edward? Don't tell me you're gonna buy all that nonsense," Spike said. Holding onto Jet's waist tight, Edward shook her head.
"Edward doesn't know a single thing about them, but Edward's not gonna take any chances!" Edward said. Ein walked right into the main lounge to find his bone, but he then walked to Spike and the case.
"How about you, Ein? What do you think?" Ein got closer to the capsule of Hamtaro and took a sniff. Suddenly, Ein let out a bark and licked the capsule. Edward shook away the fear and carried Ein into her arms.
"Well, if Ein's okay with it, then Edward's fine with it, too!" Edward exclaimed.
"That's settled, then. Three to two, in favor of unfreezing the little critters. Time to let 'em loose and see what they're made of," Spike said. Faye and Jet let out a scream.
"IT'S THE END OF THE $#%^'in WORLD!" Faye screamed. Spike pressed the button underneath the capsule, unlocking the capsule and letting out a gust of frosty air. Slowly, the hamster known as Hamtaro crawled out of the capsule and ended up in Spike's palm. Hamtaro's vision was blurry at first, but seconds later his vision returned to normal. In front of his little eyes was a young man with a patch over his left eye and funky black hair. Spike felt his very soul light up at the sight of the little hamster.
"Awwwww! He's sooooo cuuuuute!" Spike exclaimed. Hamtaro let out a screech and leapt out of Spike's hand. Hamtaro immediately pressed the button of every other frozen capsule, sending a major gust of frost throughout the entire lounge. None of the Bebop members could see through the mist, but they did hear a lot of little feet pattering out of the lounge. When the cold mist cleared, all of the capsules were empty.
".... Spike, what have you done?" Jet asked, feeling his hands tremble.
"... we're all gonna die. Every one of us..." Faye whispered.
... to be continued.
Be afraid.... be very, VEEERYYY afraid.....