This is written on request from mythologyrox x I got it finished earlier than I thought, which I'm glad about considering how busy life is at the minute x Please read and review to tell me what you think xx

"We are not soldiers!" The Stark-who-is-not-Howard shouts.

Steve looks at him and thinks that for the first time he is seeing beyond the mask of eccentric billionaire, at what really makes Tony Stark tick. The heart of him.

What he sees intrigues him - it seems that Tony knows a life beyond alcohol and antagonising Fury.

It's like a mask is being stripped away - and it's only then that Steve realises that the eccentric billionaire is nothing more than a mask, and he starts to feel horrible for what he's already said. He doesn't even know if this is the true Tony Stark, Iron Man, or if this is just another mask, further in.

This emotion though seems raw and if this is a mask, Steve has to admire its strength.

He doesn't like Tony Stark - not yet, maybe not ever - but he thinks he's starting to understand him.

And then Stark sacrifices himself to save everyone else and Steve doesn't even know anymore. And now he doesn't think he'll be able to find out.

It's okay. He still has a chance to find out - Stark falls from the sky and is caught by the Hulk and seemingly brought back to life.

Steve thinks that it's the prerogative of all Stark's to defy all things logical. This Stark is just like his father, but Steve is already learning not to mention that.

He isn't sure whether to read the team's (histeam's) files. He'd only read parts - tiny parts - before the invasion, but now that he knew them and would be working with them it would feel like an invasion of privacy. He already regrets not having read the full files before the invasion, what with the mistakes he's already made with Stark.

He doesn't know what to do know. To read the files would feel like an invasion of privacy but to not read them would step on far more toes in the long run. They all have triggers - it's part of being a superhero, and he's going to stumble across one at some point.

Maybe it's better if he gets reading the files over with now, whilst they don't know each other well. it would be even more difficult in the long run.

(In the end he doesn't read them.)

It's not until long after the battle of New York that Steve starts to notice odd things about Tony. He doesn't think any of the others notice - not even Natasha and Clint - because Tony has become well accustomed to hiding it (whatever it is) but Steve can't miss the way his eyes flick around any room or the way he never puts his back to a doorway - or if he does it seems deliberate and conscious. Sometimes he slouches like he's any kind of sloppy billionaire, working on thirty projects at once and covered in grease, and then sometimes, for no apparent reason, he'll stay ram-rod straight and robot like.

He doesn't say anything - maybe this is just part of Tony being Tony. He wouldn't know. He hasn't read the files.

But then they start to meet Tony's friends; Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts and James Rhodes. The latter eyes Tony's straight-backed stance and formal posture worriedly for a long time after the battle, even beyond the concern of a friend. At first Steve thinks that maybe it's about the team, because although he hasn't read the files Obadiah Stane is no secret in SHIELD, and that Rhodes (Rhodey) cannot stand to see his friend get hurt again. But no, eventually, Rhodey seems fine with them.

They aren't what worry him.

So what is?

Steve isn't sure if he wants to know.

He looks through history, catching up on what he's missed. There are pages and pages of files, some personal - what happened to the Howling Commandos, what happened to Peggy Carter. Some of it was general, world history - Hiroshima, Vietnam, dictators, twin towers, films, music, celebrities. All of it was interesting, pursued avidly.

All the wars.

All the people that had died.

It was just the same as it had always been - as he'd tried to stop back in the 40s.

The war to end all wars.

Not a chance.

Sometimes Tony looks haunted. There is something in his eyes that a base part of Steve cries out to, recognises in himself. Steve can't tell what it is, only that the similarity - whatever it is - pulls them closer together and pulls them further apart. Natasha looks at him (not) worriedly, watching as they draw away and come apart in equal measure.

None of the others seem to notice.

Whatever is worrying Rhodey is important but Steve already knows that Tony won't tell them.

So he watches when he can and looks away when he has to. He still looks too much like Howard.

"...killed in Afghanistan. Private's Martin Johnson, Laurence Stewart and Robert Watson were all killed instantly. Their families have been notified..."

Tony turns the TV off.

It's the middle of the night. None of the Avengers sleep well - they've all seen too many things for that. When Steve enters the kitchen Tony is alone at the table, a bottle of vodka in his hand.

"Does Natasha know you've stolen that?" he asks, and it works. A slight grin twitches at the edge of Tony's mouth despite his eyes.

"My house, my alcohol. Itsy-bitsy can go but her own."

Steve shakes his head softly, still trembling himself, and seats himself next to Tony in the darkness. They don't talk, not even when Clint joins them or when Natasha frowns at them disapprovingly for stealing her vodka.

In the dark of the night there is a glint in the depths of Tony's eyes and his nails scrabble to hold onto the bottle like it's his lifeline.

Steve doesn't see how they can miss this.

And then they don't.

Natasha is eying Tony wearily, Clint worriedly. He has always been better at showing his concern.

Normally they don't ask.

But normally the nightmares have gone away by now, or at least faded into the background.

"Are you alright?" Clint asks because it's too soft a question for Natasha.

With a dark look in his eyes, Tony says he's fine. No one believes him.

"What's wrong?"

Tony stays mute.

"I have ways to make you talk," Natasha says in a voice that is positively playful for her. The look in her eyes is even bordering on worried.

Tony smirks with the darkness in his eyes, looking terrible. "I'm sure that would be fun for me."

Steve puts a hand on Tony's shoulder to turn him towards him and, God, the inventor looks worse the longer you look at him. He is pale, with dark rings around the eyes, haunted and deep. He looks as though he hasn't slept in weeks - and Steve doesn't suppose he has. Pepper Potts (call me Pepper) has already told them that he can go for days without sleep or food when he's inventing and Steve thinks it's a million times worse when there are the nightmares.

He doesn't say anything to the older (younger) man, simply looks him in the eye. They hold each other's gaze until Steve is the first one to turn away.

"Three," he says and none of them know what Tony is talking about. He reads that in their faces, shakes his head in disappointment and moves on past them, back to the shop.

Steve wonders if he should go after him and attempt to convince him to sleep.

Yes, he should.

He still doesn't know if he's going to go (yet).

By the time Steve makes it to the stairs Tony has already locked himself in the lab and none of his access codes are working.

Tony has specifically locked him out.

All of a sudden his codes start working, but Steve thinks he has JARVIS to thank for that rather than Tony. (He's right.)

He slips inside and stays by the door, and even though Tony's probably aware of him he does nothing. Tony is watching the news. He doesn't think it's today's - he can't remember seeing this stuff on earlier.

He's there for at least ten minutes before he realises all of the articles are about war, spiralling around - Afghanistan, the Gulf War, the Vietnam War. Story after story of death plays across the screen and Tony stands in the middle of the lab soldier-like, listening to the facts and the statistics as they blare across the speakers.

"Tony?" Steve asks worriedly.

He gets no response.

Tony is still looking into space, eyes fixed on the screen in front of him, when Steve places a gentle hand on his shoulder and the inventor flinches away violently, eyes wide with terror.

Steve backs away. He knows what causes that look.

He thinks for a minute that maybe it's because of Afghanistan - the kidnapping. But Tony's stoic stance and haunted eyes defy this simple - if it is simple - explanation.

He doesn't understand.

But he suspects.

Maybe it's time he reads the files.

The files are read. He feels horror for Natasha and Bruce and pity for Clint. When it come to Tony he doesn't know how to feel. It's one thing to know that your old friend changed after you last saw him, that he might've become a lesser person. But to read about those changes and to see the effects of them - the effect that is Tony Stark - appals him.

Tony's file is thick, even thicker than Natasha's. There are pages of patents for inventions and hospital records that hint at awful things Steve refuses to think of and pictures of parties in Vegas, Tony drunk to the gills with three women hanging off each arm.

He thinks that if this was on a computer much of it would have been destroyed by now. (He's right.)

At the back there is a small footnote pertaining to other identities Tony has been known the use.

There are at least seven names, and that's just the ones SHIELD knows about.

Steve thinks that maybe he needs to find out what the rest of Tony is capable of.

The other files aren't nearly that well hidden. There is a faucet of Tony that owns three separate businesses, none of them SI and he does it without Pepper chivvying him along. There is another one who is a doctor, trained in multiple fields of medicine. Another identity is a lawyer, never having yet lost a case (well that would be a lot easier with JARVIS).

Yet another face is a soldier. He finds an enlistment record dating back to the 80s.

Tony knows war as well.

Steve wonders why the thought hurts so much.

In the end neither of them talk about it with each other. Steve doesn't doubt that Tony knows he knows - he did bring the files inside Stark Tower after all - but neither of them talk about it. It seems no one else on the team knows, not even Natasha, and Tony appears to like it that way.

Steve can understand the feeling.

But he keeps a closer watch out for Tony know, and knows he's worrying just as much as Rhodey does when something happens that makes Tony sit with his back straight and his eyes shadowed.

Maybe one day they'll talk about it.

And maybe they won't.

But they are both perfectly fine with that.