Very short drabble. I was so shocked at the episode!

The computer. The desk. The notepad. The wall.

Her world had shrunk to these four places. Her eyes seemed unable to see any more. Vaguely, in the distance, there were blurred movements. A part of her brain told her that people she knew must be out there, too. Tony. McGee. Gibbs.

That same part told her that their presence should be comforting. That she should feel something.

But she didn't.

She had never considered herself without family. Not when Tali and her mother had gone; despite the loss, she had had other people. When Ari was gone, too, she could still cling to her father, however faint the connection may be. Even when she had not spoken to him for months, even years on end, she had always thought that their relationship would mend in the end. That she would have family.

And now… now she had no one. No shared blood with anybody. An orphan.

And she felt nothing.

-

Death had always been an option. Growing up in Israel, working in Mossad. Friends and family could die the next day. It was why she, as she had grown older, had always tried to make the good moments count. She had learned not to rely on the next day.

She had not done so with her father. She had counted on the future to make amends. She had told him that his sins were too great, that she could never forgive him. And he had died not knowing about her.

And now, she would never have the chance to tell him.

Without warning, tears form in her eyes. She is alone. Her father is dead, and she is alone. Truly alone. She will never again not be.

She lets the tears fall. She almost embraces the feeling, finally, a change from the numbness.

There is somebody touching her shoulder. Her eyes are on the desk, closed, trying to hold back. She still has the dignity to not lose it like this, in front of her other family.

But the hand moves to her cheek and then is stroking her head, and it reminds her of abba, her abba who used to sometimes read bedtime stories and stroke her hair during Shabbat, and she loses it anyway.