I do not own Inuyasha. I also do not own the song I used in this piece of fiction. The song is called Transparent Answer and it's by the Vocaloid IA.
Junior year; a year of tests and planning for the future. Sure, Senior year is your final year of high school, but if you're an honor student like myself you start planning ahead of time. There's absolutely no time to waste when it comes to picking out a four to five year college. Or in my case an eight year college so I can get a Doctorate degree. Practice tests, SATs and ACTs have become a crucial part of my schedule. Of course, I still make room for studying and homework. When education becomes a crucial part of your life, a social group seems completely insignificant.
During these fleeting days
Where nothing ever happens
I sit in the same seat as always
"Well then, what do you think?"
As if attempting again,
the textbook without numbers said something
It's Monday. Monday means studying in the library for Friday's language test. As always, I've been prepping myself since we where forewarned the week before. Our teacher feels the need to warn students ahead of time about simple tests such as these, exactly why, is beyond me. Settling down in the same spot I usually find myself in on a Monday afternoon, I take out my language book, the purple binder I selected specifically for that class and an already sharpened No.2 pencil. Opening up to page fifty-two, I carefully flatten the creases in the middle of the textbook. Just as the graphite of my pencil is about to strike notepaper, I hear a set of footsteps drawing near.
If you're asking about my results
We'll they're fine I guess
On this scrap paper was a 100% perfect score
While grinning shyly,
You sat down on the chair next to me
You, the one with a low grade
Lifting my head, I catch myself starring into a set of dark brown eyes. A slow blush creeping across her cheeks and a coy smile tugging at the corner of her lips, the young woman starring before me points to the seat diagonal to mine.
"May I sit with you?"
Hu? It's almost as if she's spoken a foreign language to me. No one has ever asked to sit next to me before, so why in the world would anyone want to do so now. Unsure how to respond, I take a deep breath and reluctantly nod in response. Her smile grows nearly five times the size of the previous as she pulls out the neatly tucked in piece of furniture. Placing her school bag on the floor, I catch her eyes studying the previous notes I had taken.
"Something you need?"
I hate it when people stare. Only barbarians have that sort of quizzical fixated gaze. And I am not sharing any of my information with her if that is what she's trying to get at by sitting here.
"You're Inuyasha Taisho, are you not?"
How does she know my name? Think...think...hey wait a second! She sits in the seat just left of mine in our language class. What's her name again? Ahh...Kagome Higurashi isn't it? Yes, I think that's right. The only reason I know her name is because she is constantly pestering me. Asking to borrow a pencil or a pad of paper. She the most unorganized Junior I have ever met in my entire life.
Outside the window
there's nothing that I wish for
Because I'll already know what will happen
"Hey, if that's how it is, then that's really boring."
You always seem so cheerful
"We're in the same language class together..."
Her smile has become rather sheepish now. Pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of her backpack, she places it on the table in front of me. Raising an eyebrow, she nods softly as if asking my to open the little ball. Rather confused, I take the balled up parchment into my hands and smooth it out against the table. On the top of the piece of paper is 60% written in red pen. Just looking at the grade causes me to wince. It's painful for me to even gaze at failure.
"How is that even possible?"
She rubs the back of her neck as her cheeks turn a deep crimson color. Pulling the piece of paper back towards her side of the table, her lips curl into a small smile.
"I've never been good at studying. I guess I was never taught how."
Never taught how to study? I thought the skills to study where just something you where born with. The things this woman says are unbelievable. It's a wonder she was even accepted into a class so intense.
"Why are you showing my your grades?"
She looks down at the now unfolded parchment and begins folding the corners. To my amazement, after a short amount of time, she has created a beautiful swan from the wreckage. Handing the little red and white bird over to me, she shrugs her shoulders.
"I just thought you might have been upset for the same reason. Just because the grade is low, doesn't mean you can't do better on the next one."
Pulling her bag onto the table, she places her thumb and forefinger on the little metal zipper attached to the right hand corner. Pulling it up around the outer edge of the bag, she throws the bag on one of her shoulders. Turning to leave the library, she looks over at me and smiles before departing. Before I can even react, I feel my own self waving back. Unbelievable...
Don't touch
The heart that wants to
Disappear anymore than this
Today too, it can't be found
Anywhere on this Earth
The alarm that starts ringing says alone to me;
"You're a cold hearted fool."
Friday is finally here. This means that it's time to test. Sitting down in my usual seat by the window, I pull out two sharpened No.2 pencils. It's beyond me why her words have stuck. I mean, I'm the one with the passing grades here. She should know that I am top of the class. And yet, as I prepare to take such an easy assessment, I can't help feeling nervous. Not for myself, but for Kagome. More than anything, I would like to see her pass.
Shaking my head I try to clear my relenting thoughts. Why should I care? It's not like we're friends or anything like that. Why should I be getting so worked up over a grade that doesn't belong to me. What I really need to be focusing on is my own percentage.
As soon as the bell rings, the teacher begins passing out our tests. The seat beside mine is vacant. This only causes the anxiety to heighten. Where could she be? Is she always late for testing? Just as I am asking myself these questions, I hear the classroom door fumble open. Standing with there, her dark locks tussled by the wind and beads of sweat trickling down her forehead, Kagome takes her seat.
Our teacher, who you normally would have thought would have written a detention slip, quietly places a test on Kagome's desk and walks back to her seat at the head of the class. Digging into her skirt pocket, I can already tell that she's forgotten her pencil. Placing one of my already sharpened ones in front of her, she mouths "thank you" before concentrating on the task at hand.
Even if I'm told a miracle answer
It's no use because everything will
Somehow become obvious
"If I died right now someone would replace me."
Even just muttering that
Is so foolish
I'm the first one done as usual. After passing my test into the teacher, I find myself waiting outside the classroom door. Back pressed against the concrete wall, I watch as members of my class file out one by one. Sure enough, after an hour has passed, Kagome emerges as the last one finished. Letting a sigh escape her lips, she wipes the sweat that has accumulated on her brow. Taking a step towards her, she seems surprised to see me waiting there.
"I thought you would have left by now."
Feeling more embarrassed than I should, I can feel the heat surge up into my cheeks. How can one human being make me feel like this? It's so uncomfortable!
"Should I not have waited for you?"
I can't believe those words just left my mouth! Since when do I use mushy lines like that?
"No! I'm glad you waited for me. I just thought after the other day..."
After the other day? In the library you mean? Did I say something that offended you?
"I didn't upset you did I?"
Hey! Why should I care if I upset her? She's not my problem anyways. She's just some female isn't she? Why should I care about how she feels?
"No...not at all. I thought I might have been the one who upset you."
Damn straight you upset me! You took away a perfectly good hour of studying. And on top of that got some foolish inspirational quote or some crap stuck in my head.
"I actually enjoyed the company."
There's that grin again. Doesn't she ever get tired of smiling? How can someone be so happy all the damn time?
"Well, since you waited and all, do you want to walk home with me?"
Although these floating days keep repeating
Whenever you're absent, I get an uncomfortable feeling
Well, anyway, even if my test results are returned tomorrow
They probably won't get any better either
Kagome has been absent more often than usual. It's spring though, so there's probably nothing to worry about. Allergies and colds run rampant during this time of the year. If it wasn't for my immune system, I'd probably be bedridden too.
"Mr. Taisho."
Ahh, I see. The teacher finally has finished grading our tests. Lifting myself out of my seat, I head up to the front of the room and receive my grade. It's 100% perfect score as usual. And believe it or not, I've been studying less. How am I managing to keep my grades so high? Well, I've been offering to tutor Kagome in the library. Every Monday she joins me and we go over the last test we took. Making corrections and helping her clear up any misunderstandings. I wonder if she's improved any?
"Ma'am, if it's alright, I thought I would stop by Miss Higurashi's on the way home. Maybe I could deliver her test?"
"As nice as that sounds Mr. Taisho, I am going to have to decline. It's probably for the best considering how sick her mother has been."
Her mother? Kagome's mother is ill? If it's just the flu I should be fine, shouldn't I? I got the shot to immune myself.
"Sick with what, Ma'am?"
Her eyes drop to the desk table and then meet mine once more. Her tone is solemn when she speaks. Cancer. The words feel like an ice storm against my skin when she breathes out those two syllables. But that's impossible...how could her mother have cancer? Wouldn't she have divulged this to me?
Somewhere in these non-hectic days
Something might have already gone wrong
The color of your hair
Your smile
Some people might have already forgotten them
"The window next to the vacant seat will anything be reflected from it."
It's Monday afternoon. That means it's time for me to study. But today, it seems impossible. Instead of sitting in my usual spot in the library, I'm in the classroom. A fresh bouquet of roses in a blue vase sits on the desktop beside me.
We found out yesterday, that on the day of our test results, Kagome's mother had lost her battle with cancer. Her father no longer having any part of her life, Kagome was orphaned. Unable to deal with all the pain, she took a bottle of anti-depressants prescribed to her when her mother had first been diagnosed. It was the day after that a friend of the family found her.
Even though I tried to know you
There wasn't even one thing that I wasn't able to solve
If I were able to get even a little bit
Closer to the answer
At the moment where I stop the ringing alarm
I'm forced to notice that everything is gone
Even after everyone has finished crying, I can't even begin to shed a tear. How selfish suicide is. Was she only thinking of her pain? Was I even added into the equation? I can't begin to fathom her thoughts before she climbed into bed that night.
Turning my head, I catch myself staring at the vase of roses. No longer fresh, but browning with age. A petal falls to the top of the desk. Resting gently on the final grade she would ever receive. 90% was what was written in red pen along with the words "what a wonderful improvement!". I cringe at the sight of this. It feels as if my heart is being crushed by her very hands. She was doing so well.
No, it was me who was doing well. I had made a friend for the first time. Someone so completely unexpected that it made our friendship seem so unlikely. So unlikely that it actually worked. I didn't feel like an eight year college and testing was as important as I had originally made it out to be. And now, now that is gone, I don't ever want to set my gaze on another textbook again.
In the classroom
The heart that wants to disappear was hurt
You kept hiding it over and over again behind a smile
The smile of you
Who flew out this window and died
I won't ever forget it
Not even tomorrow
It's a Friday. I'm not in the classroom testing. I'm not in the library studying. I'm sitting by a headstone, folding little paper cranes. There's a legend about paper cranes, you know? If you fold a thousand of them within a year, your dearest wish will come true. I wonder if the big guy upstairs will listen to such a wish from a pathetic being such as myself. I suppose I'll find out in time...