Chapter 11This wasn't how he thought telling Stiles everything would happen. After trying and failing multiple times over the past few days Derek didn't think that when he finally had the chance to explain it would be in the middle of a lobby under the watchful eye of his curious doorman. Said doorman was currently trying, and failing, to pretend that he wasn't listening in to the duos heated conversation.
Deciding that this really wasn't a conversation that he could risk being overheard Derek roughly grabbed Stiles be the wrist and dragged him across the room until they were a safe distance from the nosey doorman and any other prying ears. It wasn't ideal but at least they would have slightly more privacy until he could persuade Stiles to come back upstairs with him.
Derek forced himself to relax as he began to speak. He couldn't explain everything right now but he needed to tell Stiles enough to gain his trust and get him back to the privacy of the apartment where he would be able to give the younger boy more details and, with the help of Alex, explain everything.
"So I should probably explain about Alex first right?" Derek asked hesitantly only continuing at the slight nod of Stiles head.
"Alex is… Alex is a lot of things. She is, sorry was, Laura's best friend when we were in New York. She's always been like a sister to me." Derek tried to compose himself quickly but he couldn't hide his pained expression from Stiles. Stiles instinctively reached out a comforting hand to the wolf and watched as some of the tension melted away at his touch.
Derek couldn't let himself fall apart now. He needed to explain. He had to explain.
"I guess she's the only family I have left now; the only connection I have to Laura…" Derek trailed off with a faraway look that Stiles only ever saw when Derek was thinking about the past. About Laura.
After several moments of continued silence in which all that could be heard was their racing heartbeats Derek spoke again.
"We haven't seen each other since I followed Laura back to Beacon Hills. " he spoke slower now as he put more thought in to what he was saying before he spoke. There were certain things about his life which were unsuitable for public conversations.
"I just wanted some time alone with her before everyone became involved. You're right I should have told you and the pack about her, and I promise I was going to Stiles, but they would have asked too many questions that I wouldn't be able to answer."
Stiles was shocked. He had never heard Derek open up so much, to anyone. Everyone knew that Derek preferred to keep things to himself and he had every right to after everything that had happened to him. So when he had promised Stiles the truth the younger boy had expected something brief with as few words as possible. Something more Derek. This was more than he could have ever dreamed of. Even now though he had a feeling there was more to come, they hadn't even breached the reason of Stiles original visit yet.
"So now you know that Alex isn't, nor will she ever be, my girlfriend can we please go back upstairs because this really isn't something we should be talking about in public and I'm sure Alex will be able to clear things up better than I can." Derek held his hand out to the younger boy, the invitation clear.
Ignoring the offered hand Stiles started walking back towards the elevator calling over his shoulder as he went.
"We're not quite there yet sourwolf." He spoke quietly knowing the wolf could still hear him clearly.
"You still have a lot of grovelling to do yet but lucky for you I'm willing to give you a chance." There was a faint smile on his lips as he looked at Derek though his eyes were guarded, not giving away any sign of what he was thinking.
"Don't mess it up 'cause it's the only one you're going to get."
The warning was clear in his voice but Derek found himself not caring. Stiles was giving him a chance and he would take it no matter what the conditions were.
~'~
The ride back up to the top floor was strained to put it lightly. Neither boy spoke until they were back inside the apartment and suddenly found themselves faced with a beaming Alex bouncing up and down where she stood waiting for them near the door.
"Hey guys everything sorted now?" She continued without waiting for an answer "Good good. So is there anything you need before I leave you two to deal with your sexual tension?"
"Aleeex!" Derek whined like a toddler and again Stiles found himself completely speechless. What was wrong with him today? He couldn't remember ever being made speechless so many times in one day. He was the boy who always had an answer to everything yet here he was struggling to think of a single thing he could say that didn't make him sound like a complete idiot. Also, what the hell was going on with Derek today? Looking at the wolf out of the corner of his eye Stiles could see the wolf was still pouting and glaring at the floor in front of him. It seemed that being around Alex made him revert back to when he had first met her and he was a moody teenager struggling with the loss of his family. Stiles really wished the rest of the pack was here to see this because there is no way any of them would ever believe him when he eventually got around to telling them.
"What der bear?" Alex asked innocently, her eyes giving away her game as they glowed with amusement. He would seriously have to rethink his earlier assessment of her. She was proving to be more devil than angel but it only made Stiles like her more. In fact if the whole situation wasn't equally humiliating for him he would probably be laughing along with her at Derek's reaction.
"You know what, now sit down and shut up." Pushing her towards the worn leather couch in the middle of the room "You too Stiles." He added as an afterthought, catching the younger boy's eye as he passed.
Alex and Derek sat side by side on the large sofa leaving the newer looking chair opposite them free for Stiles. The two of them seemed to be having a conversation that didn't involve words and left Stiles feeling even more confused than when he had first seen Alex. How were they doing that? Was it a family thing? No it couldn't be, Alex wasn't actually family.
Was Alex reading Derek's eyebrows? If it was could she please teach him how to do it.
Was it a wolf thing? Was Alex a wolf? Does Alex even know about werewolves? That was a question that he probably should have asked before they came back upstairs.
Before he could begin to try and work out how he could casually ask Alex started to speak.
"So Derek has told you the basics right? I was Laura's best friend, I'm like family, yada yada and so on. Well I'm sure you have plenty of questions, that's what I'm here for, so let me do some explaining of my own and then if I miss anything out you can ask your own questions then, alright?" again she didn't wait for a response before continuing.
"The first thing you'll probably want to know is do I know Derek's fury little secret? Well I do but no I am not a wolf. I'm like you." This time she did pause to see Stiles reaction.
"Like me? You mean you're just human?" He asked uncertainly not knowing what else she could be talking about.
"No, well yes, but no." Alex answered only further fuelling Stiles confusion.
"Yes I am human, but I'm not just human. I'm a spark."
"I didn't know there were other sparks or at least not enough out there that I would ever meet another one." Stiles confusion was quickly replaced by complete bewilderment.
"You're right." Alex spoke calmly "There aren't many of us out there and statistically two of us wouldn't normally meet unless they went looking for each other but here we are, the exception to the rule. That kind of leads on to the second part of my explanation. Just before Laura left New York I set of to find other sparks around the world. There aren't many of us left and I thought we could learn from each other. I travelled to South America, Africa and Australia studying. I had no contact with anyone so I didn't hear about Laura and everything that had been going on in Beacon Hills until I came back to the states a month ago and got settled here." She reached out a hand and placed it on Derek's knee to ground herself. Stiles could see it pained her to talk about what happened to her best friend just as much as it had pained Derek. "I was actually about to come and see him in Beacon Hills when I heard that his pack was moving here."
Looking away from Alex he found Derek watching him intensely and Stiles found himself unwilling to brake their eye contact. Even when Alex cleared her throat to get their attention neither boy was willing to look away.
"I'll take that as my queue to leave then shall I?" Alex asked but by the time either of them was able to responded she was already half way out the door mumbling something about unresolved sexual tension as she went leaving Stiles with a blush that reached the roots of his short hair.
"She isn't very subtle is she?" Stiles questioned Derek even though he already know the answer. The wolf replied with a wide smile that he rarely ever showed and Stiles wished he would more often. His eyes were practically glowing with happiness, it was beautiful.
"No. She's just like Laura; they used to get me into such embarrassing situations." Derek's fondness for them was practically pouring out of him in yet another shocking display of emotions. Stiles let Derek have his moment before bringing up the one thing they had left to discuss.
"So… not that I'm not glad that everything is sorted with Alex now there was kind of another reason why I came here." He really didn't want to burst Derek's new bubble of happiness but this was something they really needed to talk about. It was hurting the pack just as much as it was hurting Stiles.
"I know," Derek sighed deeply "You probably had something ready to say and everything when you came, I mean when don't you have something ready to say, but please can I speak first? Before I lose my nerve."
"You lose your nerve? I thought you were the big bad wolf, never scared of anything." Stiles joked trying to lighten the mood before he was suffocated by the tension in the room.
"Please Stiles." And in that moment Derek sounded so pathetic that Stiles kept his next comment to himself.
"I don't really know where to start." Derek stated and Stiles had to fight back his instincts. No matter how much he wanted to say that starting at the beginning was probably a good idea, deep down he knew that his snark really wouldn't help things right now.
"I've never been good with words like you, or actions like Scott, but Alex said I need to pull my head out of my ass and I have a feeling that most of the pack would agree with her." Stiles didn't even try to hold back his snort of amused agreement.
"Alex explained that I probably didn't handle things as well as I could have back home so I just wanted a chance to explain.
I don't do relationships Stiles, I don't know how. After everything with Kate I find it hard to let people get close to me. Either that or I let my wolf take charge and become so clingy and over protective that I scare everyone away." Derek was avoiding looking at Stiles and was instead focusing all his attention on the only scuff on the wooden floor.
"It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship with you Stiles. I can't be in a relationship with you. Everyone I let close to me either gets hurt or I scare them away. You deserve so much better than that Stiles. So much better. I'd rather have you in my life, in my pack, than not at all. I can't lose someone else Stiles."
When Derek raised his head to meet his gaze Stiles let out an involuntary gasp. This was Derek at his weakest, his most vulnerable. His eyes were wide and pale, lips parted, forehead completely relaxed for what had to be the first time ever and his back was hunched as he leaned forward towards Stiles. He was beautiful.
It took Stiles a couple of minutes to realise that Derek was waiting for him to say something and really what was there he could say to that. Should he take a risk? Could he take the pain when the rejection came?
"Well it seems like there isn't anything I can say to change your mind is there?" he said with a sad sigh "but I'm going to try." He couldn't help but add.
"I know you said you love me, and I believe that you believe that, but you can't Stiles. You're only 19! You have your whole life ahead of you. Give it time and you'll find someone better than me, someone who will be good for you, someone who isn't broken, someone worthy of your love." Derek shot Stiles a sad smile before returning his gaze to the floor.
"I'm sure we've had a conversation very similar to this before." Stiles ground out trying to remain calm. He rose slowly from his chair and started pacing.
"You do not get to choose what I feel Derek. You don't get to control my life and you certainly don't get to tell me who I love."
He came to a stop in front of the wolf as he finished talking and crouched down bringing them face to face. Or at least they would be face to face if Derek wasn't still refusing to look up from his feet.
As calmly as he could Stiles placed a hand on either side of Derek's head and lifted it until they could easily look in to each-other's eyes. He hated seeing Derek like this.
"I love you, do you hear me Derek? I, Stiles Stilinski, love you Derek Hale and I don't care if you don't believe me because it's not going away any time soon. This isn't like my obsession with Lydia I know you're not perfect and in fact it's one of the many things I love about you.
You're not going to scare me off Derek. If that was going to happen don't you think it already would have by now? I'm already pack Derek; I'm used to you being an overprotective arse at the stupidest times." Stiles pushed Derek deeper in to the sofa and straddled him with more confidence than he was feeling right now. He's already come this far, he might as well go all out. He kept his hand where they were on either side of Derek's stubble covered jaw and leant in, only stopping when their noses brushed against each other's.
"You might not want to admit it Derek but even though you try as hard as you do to keep people out," Stiles moved in even closer so that he was talking against the wolfs lips.
"I found my way in." he sealed their lips together before Derek had a chance to disagree or even worse escape. Derek, however, made no attempt to get away from the younger boy instead he remained perfectly still for a heartbeat before enthusiastically returning Stiles kiss.
The kiss quickly turned from Stiles trying to show Derek how he felt with slow and gentle kisses full of passion to Derek finally giving in and kissing Stiles back with the hunger of a thousand starved men. It was awkward and messy and 100% them. It would have been perfect if the moment Derek moved to pin Stiles to the couch several flustered werewolves came tumbling through the door followed by a very smug Alex and Lydia.
The noise they made was enough to startle Stiles and Derek apart although it was obvious what they had been doing before they were interrupted.
Everyone started to speak at once and Stiles struggled to follow what everyone was saying.
"Finally!" was the only thing Lydia said before calmly exiting out of the same door the rest of the pack had just fallen through.
Scott, Isaac and Jackson were all talking over each other but seemed to be saying the same thing. From what Stiles could work out they had been worried about Stiles so they had followed his scent here. Once they heard his and Derek's racing heartbeats they had rushed in without a second thought. Or at least that was what Isaac and Scott were saying, Jackson seemed to be trying to act like he didn't care in the slightest yet his face gave him away. Stiles had learnt long ago to tell the difference between when Jackson was just being an asshole and when he was worried, but still an asshole.
"You're actually gay?" was Erica's only comment although it wasn't clear who it was directed at.
"I forgot my keys." Alex said with an evil grin and Stiles could easily spot her keys hanging out of her pocket. He decided not to comment on her obvious lie simply raising an eyebrow at her instead. The grin she sent him back was a strange mix of innocence and pure mischief that only she could get away with. He would have to make sure Alex and Lydia were never left alone together. He had a feeling that it would involve nail painting and plans for world domination and he didn't want to be responsible for that.
As the pack slowly shuffled in and edged their way to the middle of the room where the majority of the seats were Stiles realised his and Derek's conversation was over for the night. Sighing he untangled himself from Derek before the situation became even more embarrassing than it already was.
"I'll go put the kettle on then, Scott pick a film, Isaac come get everyone some snacks." And just like that some normality was returned to his life.
The End
So there is was, the final chapter.
Let me know what you think please, your comments mean a lot to me (:
I have some ideas for an epilogue but I'll only write it if people actually want it.
Epilogue or no epilogue, that is the question so let me know!
Thank you everyone for all you're support whilst I was writing this and thank you to everyone who stuck with me through several periods of writers block.