KIMAHRI'S MAGICAL TALE OF VII
~Whoo! I got ta see Spirited Away! Yay! Yay for me and my selfish ways! I would think that all of YOU: THE PEOPLE, already know about that sequel to Final Fantasy X that the peoples are making. "Another Lord" or some cleaver name like that. AN-EE-WAY! If they release it here(And we all know they will) then you know what THAT means, don't ya? YES! It means I'll be able to write another REAL Kimahri fic with Kimahri talking about HIS OWN, not others, traumatic experiences! ISN'T THAT SUPER! You all cheer like the Children who's group effort to assassinate Santa succeeded, don't you?~Silver Neko, she likes to watch Samurai Jack!
"Kimahri am here again. Yesh. Here to make with the talky. The talky of peoples. Peoples who make with the adventures. Whee. Fooby. So in shiny party place, first thing Cloud Guy must be doing are pay big money for all day pass into super fun time place. Cloud Guy silently wish he remember to bring explosives. There so much to do! Everyone want to do stuff!
"I wanna go to zee Arcade!" announces Gun man.
"I wish to EAT FOOD!" sings Red Cat.
"Oooh! I'm gunna Gamble at the Chocobo race!" exclaims Ninja Thief Girl.
"I'm going on the Roller coaster shooty thing!" screams Boob Chick.
"I shall buy cheaply made plushies at the gift shop! Whee!" squeals Flower Girl.
Team darts off in separate directions, leaving Cloud Guy by Cloud Guy's self. CLOUD GUY DANCING LIKE NEVER BEFORE! Teehee! So Cloud Guy head deep into bowels of horrible amusement park(Which holds no amusement for Kimahri) and runs into owner of cash inhaling tourist trap: MAN IN TIGHT RED UNDERWEAR! Cloud Guy SCREAMING like never before! Man in TIGHT THINGY say dat he saw SPOOKY DUDE running about, asking about BLACK MATERIA! Yay! Kimahri lives for plot development!
So Cloud Guy, filled with giddy glee for finding new info on poopy Spooky Dude, trudges merrily to OTHER part of Gold Plate, only to run into....THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) .....wait, Kimahri apologizes because Kimahri's mind am was trapped in other story. Cloud Guy REALLY slam into FLOWER GIRL!(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) Teehee!
"Teehee! Look at my new worthless stuffed toys! CARRY ZEM FO MEEE!" Flower Girl bellows as she fling tidal wave of colorful stuffed doom upon hapless Cloud Person. Yay for no breathing through barrier of stuffed toys! In flurry of burning, Cloud Guy set pile of stuffed evil aflame with only power of Cloud Guy's sheer hate. What happen then? Do Flower girl weep at loss of beloved stuffed assassins? Do Flower Girl truly see Cloud Guy for horrible jerk Cloud Guy am? Do she NO LOVE HIM NO MORE?
"OMG DATS SO SEXAH DA WAY OOO BURNED CUTE THINGS DED! I MUST LUV YA BOOTY NOW!" Flower Girl screeches as she pounce at Cloud Guy in hormone driven passion, dedicated to do him right there in front of zee already terrified and confused children and peoples walking by. Close up on Cloud Guy as he make silent screaming face!
Cloud Guy would have been "Loved" right der and then, if not for STUPID KAT suddenly appearing in front of Cloud Thing. Flower Girl no can react in time and plunge into fatness of Moogle that STUPID KAT am riding on. The Fatness swallow her! There am silence as Flower Girl's feet disappear into fat rolls of Moogle. STUPID KAT suddenly look very guilty.
SUDDENLY! Flower Girl's fists emerge from blubber! Triumphant moozic swells! Flower Girl climb out of fat to FREEDOM! Cloud Guy sighs, he know it too good to be true. STUPID KAT decides to celebrate escape from Moogle's buttery rolls by giving Flower Girl and Cloud Guy free fortune telling. Whoo.
"You will soon be betrayed by a fluffy comrade." Stupid Kat reads, then goes into shifty/guilty mode while nervously yanking out handfuls of Moogle fluff from Moogle perch. Cloud Guy mutter something about how he never did trust animals that do the talky. Flower Girl doesn't think Red Cat would no yes betray them! Stupid Kat sighs in relief at 2 meaty HU-MONS stupid.
Kat of STUPID decide to follow 2 persons to see if "fortune" come true, out of curious brain curiosity(Which kills thousands of cats each year) of course.
"Whee! There's no harm in that! YOU SO CUTE!" Flower Girl says, louder then am necessary. Cloud Guy silently vows to fling Stupid Kat off next roller coaster Cloud Guy ride. So 3 things head for BATTLE SQUARE where they find DEAD GUYS. All over am dead people. One say that man with GUN for ARM am the do of this! Why, Gun Man? WHY? Team meet up and Gun man whine that he no do it! Poop! It man in tight red underwear! He say dat GUN MAN 'N PALS am bad and flush 'em down to bad place. Whoohoo!
So team am stuck in prison below happy place. It am filled with steal people and kill people. Gun man tell people that in truth, Gun man's pal who he say die in burning of Gun man's home, really actually survive and have Gun arm of own. Gun man must find pal and shoot his head. THEN...Gun Man find Pal! Pal sing that he gunna KEEL everything!
BATTLE!
After Battle, Gun Man get shiny thing from Pal. Then Pal leap to his doom. Kimahri am confused and depressed. NEXT DAY! Team, still in jail, visit guy who can help 'em leave da bad place. Guy no want to help, but Red Cat MAKE him want to help GOOD. All Cloud Guy have to do is win Chocobo race and all am good. But Problem!? Chocobo no want cooperate! Cloud Guy LOSE! New Chocobo! This one bite Cloud Guy's head! Ow with glee! NEW CHOCOBO! Yay! This one juuuust right! Cloud Guy win horrible race of colors! He ALSO find Summon Materia of "Ramuh" Whee!
So peoples of love and glee am freed and am given free car to ride from Man in da underwear! He ALSO say that after killing all animals in petting Zoo, Spooky Dude head for place called Gongaga! Off goes team of 2 guys, 3 girls, STUPID KAT who am LEACH and Red Cat! So the things ride ride ride until they reach Gongaga place and run into DA JERK MEN AND JERK WOMAN! TIME FOR FIGHT! Fight! Fight over! Whee! Jerks and Jerk Chick flee! But HOW Jerks know where team am was? HOW?! No one pay attention to Stupid Kat's dance of shifty guilt!
Team do da following of Jerks to run down Mako reactor. It seem they am looking for "Huge Materia" of largeness! Then Jerks leave to torment children with candy, because they Jerks! Team find 'nother Summon Materia! "Titan" is man with panty wearing goodness who SMASH YOU! In Gongaga town, peoples see dat Cloud Guy is SOLDIER! They ask if he know man named ZACK! Flower Girl gasp because that am named of first Guy she ever "loved" and she wonder, now that she think of it, where he am? Cloud Guy flinches. Not because of what Flower Girl just say, but BECAUSE! Ooooh! You am impressed with Kimahri's writing skills! Whoohoo!
So team hop in car again and drive drive drive until they pass in front of canyon and car EXPLODE in mass of sharp metal and glass with burning! Yay for no insurance! CONVENIENCE! It am Red Cat's home! Gasp! It seem Red Cat's name am REALLY Nanaki! Red Cat/Nanaki run about, filled with Red Cat glee at being home! Everyone so happy! Cloud Guy still have scars from the glee!
While random man decide to fix car(Or what left of eet) for da Whiners, Red Cat makes everyone meet Red Cat's Grandpa: Floaty Guy. Floaty Guy put on big fancy show of how Planet am delicate and that EVIL CORPORATION am ruining Planet's happy! Kimahri likes da pretty lights! Later, team have happy campfire and roast MEAT over fire. Gun man fears the fire! YAY FOR RUNNING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND RUNNING OFF CLIFF! Whee!
Red Cat talk about Red Cat's momma and papa and how papa abandon momma when monsters attack canyon. Red Cat am ASHAMED of neglectful daddy. Red Cat then demands all to follow Red Cat! To CAVE! Grandpa Floaty say to follow him to special thing! Through cave! Ghosts! BIG GHOST! Yay! It die! Outside Cave, Grandpa Floaty show Red Cat that Red Cat's papa actually leave to guard canyon from bad things, but he get shot by arrow that turn him to ROCK and he stuck there. Red Cat PROUD of Poppa again! Tee....hee. Kimahri running out of glee.
Later, when car am amazingly put back together and team of people and KAT WHO AM STUPID, am about to leave, Red Cat run to pals and say dat Grandpa WHO FLOATS want Red Cat to go with pals and help save world. Awwww! AND SO! Team head for next place: CLOUD GUY'S HOME TOWN!
DUH DUH DUH!
Waaaiiiit, now Kimahri may be much not smart like a Boy who am Blond and from 1000 years ago, but Kimahri could swear dat Cloud Guy say that Cloud Guy's town am was burned down by bad, bad Spooky Dude. But hey hey hey! Town am perfect with no burning! Whee? Everyone in town SAY that nothing with burning no ever happen, but Cloud Guy am suspicious!
WILL Cloud Guy find out what am happening in town? WILL Boob Chick remember stuff also? WILL Flower Girl ever DO Cloud Guy? WILL Gun man ever wear shirt? WILL Red Cat ever lose virginity if he last member of species?! WILL Ninja Thief Girl steal Cloud Guy and make him into personal pet of luv?! WILL STUPID KAT BETRAY COMRADES BECAUSE IT NEAT TO BETRAY PALS?! YAR! Suspense am exploding Kimahri's head with gravity!"
~Yay! I am the dancing Hippo who dances like a drunken Hippo on Halloween! FEAR MY MASS! Now all is well! Yay! I need to stop saying Yay SO badly. Aw, I still have 200 hours worth of storyline to write. Sniff. At least Kingdom Hearts ain't dat long. Whee. I will eat CANDY NOW!~Silver Neko, but what about the CANDY?!
~Whoo! I got ta see Spirited Away! Yay! Yay for me and my selfish ways! I would think that all of YOU: THE PEOPLE, already know about that sequel to Final Fantasy X that the peoples are making. "Another Lord" or some cleaver name like that. AN-EE-WAY! If they release it here(And we all know they will) then you know what THAT means, don't ya? YES! It means I'll be able to write another REAL Kimahri fic with Kimahri talking about HIS OWN, not others, traumatic experiences! ISN'T THAT SUPER! You all cheer like the Children who's group effort to assassinate Santa succeeded, don't you?~Silver Neko, she likes to watch Samurai Jack!
"Kimahri am here again. Yesh. Here to make with the talky. The talky of peoples. Peoples who make with the adventures. Whee. Fooby. So in shiny party place, first thing Cloud Guy must be doing are pay big money for all day pass into super fun time place. Cloud Guy silently wish he remember to bring explosives. There so much to do! Everyone want to do stuff!
"I wanna go to zee Arcade!" announces Gun man.
"I wish to EAT FOOD!" sings Red Cat.
"Oooh! I'm gunna Gamble at the Chocobo race!" exclaims Ninja Thief Girl.
"I'm going on the Roller coaster shooty thing!" screams Boob Chick.
"I shall buy cheaply made plushies at the gift shop! Whee!" squeals Flower Girl.
Team darts off in separate directions, leaving Cloud Guy by Cloud Guy's self. CLOUD GUY DANCING LIKE NEVER BEFORE! Teehee! So Cloud Guy head deep into bowels of horrible amusement park(Which holds no amusement for Kimahri) and runs into owner of cash inhaling tourist trap: MAN IN TIGHT RED UNDERWEAR! Cloud Guy SCREAMING like never before! Man in TIGHT THINGY say dat he saw SPOOKY DUDE running about, asking about BLACK MATERIA! Yay! Kimahri lives for plot development!
So Cloud Guy, filled with giddy glee for finding new info on poopy Spooky Dude, trudges merrily to OTHER part of Gold Plate, only to run into....THAT GIRL(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) .....wait, Kimahri apologizes because Kimahri's mind am was trapped in other story. Cloud Guy REALLY slam into FLOWER GIRL!(Duh duh duh dun duh DUH!) Teehee!
"Teehee! Look at my new worthless stuffed toys! CARRY ZEM FO MEEE!" Flower Girl bellows as she fling tidal wave of colorful stuffed doom upon hapless Cloud Person. Yay for no breathing through barrier of stuffed toys! In flurry of burning, Cloud Guy set pile of stuffed evil aflame with only power of Cloud Guy's sheer hate. What happen then? Do Flower girl weep at loss of beloved stuffed assassins? Do Flower Girl truly see Cloud Guy for horrible jerk Cloud Guy am? Do she NO LOVE HIM NO MORE?
"OMG DATS SO SEXAH DA WAY OOO BURNED CUTE THINGS DED! I MUST LUV YA BOOTY NOW!" Flower Girl screeches as she pounce at Cloud Guy in hormone driven passion, dedicated to do him right there in front of zee already terrified and confused children and peoples walking by. Close up on Cloud Guy as he make silent screaming face!
Cloud Guy would have been "Loved" right der and then, if not for STUPID KAT suddenly appearing in front of Cloud Thing. Flower Girl no can react in time and plunge into fatness of Moogle that STUPID KAT am riding on. The Fatness swallow her! There am silence as Flower Girl's feet disappear into fat rolls of Moogle. STUPID KAT suddenly look very guilty.
SUDDENLY! Flower Girl's fists emerge from blubber! Triumphant moozic swells! Flower Girl climb out of fat to FREEDOM! Cloud Guy sighs, he know it too good to be true. STUPID KAT decides to celebrate escape from Moogle's buttery rolls by giving Flower Girl and Cloud Guy free fortune telling. Whoo.
"You will soon be betrayed by a fluffy comrade." Stupid Kat reads, then goes into shifty/guilty mode while nervously yanking out handfuls of Moogle fluff from Moogle perch. Cloud Guy mutter something about how he never did trust animals that do the talky. Flower Girl doesn't think Red Cat would no yes betray them! Stupid Kat sighs in relief at 2 meaty HU-MONS stupid.
Kat of STUPID decide to follow 2 persons to see if "fortune" come true, out of curious brain curiosity(Which kills thousands of cats each year) of course.
"Whee! There's no harm in that! YOU SO CUTE!" Flower Girl says, louder then am necessary. Cloud Guy silently vows to fling Stupid Kat off next roller coaster Cloud Guy ride. So 3 things head for BATTLE SQUARE where they find DEAD GUYS. All over am dead people. One say that man with GUN for ARM am the do of this! Why, Gun Man? WHY? Team meet up and Gun man whine that he no do it! Poop! It man in tight red underwear! He say dat GUN MAN 'N PALS am bad and flush 'em down to bad place. Whoohoo!
So team am stuck in prison below happy place. It am filled with steal people and kill people. Gun man tell people that in truth, Gun man's pal who he say die in burning of Gun man's home, really actually survive and have Gun arm of own. Gun man must find pal and shoot his head. THEN...Gun Man find Pal! Pal sing that he gunna KEEL everything!
BATTLE!
After Battle, Gun Man get shiny thing from Pal. Then Pal leap to his doom. Kimahri am confused and depressed. NEXT DAY! Team, still in jail, visit guy who can help 'em leave da bad place. Guy no want to help, but Red Cat MAKE him want to help GOOD. All Cloud Guy have to do is win Chocobo race and all am good. But Problem!? Chocobo no want cooperate! Cloud Guy LOSE! New Chocobo! This one bite Cloud Guy's head! Ow with glee! NEW CHOCOBO! Yay! This one juuuust right! Cloud Guy win horrible race of colors! He ALSO find Summon Materia of "Ramuh" Whee!
So peoples of love and glee am freed and am given free car to ride from Man in da underwear! He ALSO say that after killing all animals in petting Zoo, Spooky Dude head for place called Gongaga! Off goes team of 2 guys, 3 girls, STUPID KAT who am LEACH and Red Cat! So the things ride ride ride until they reach Gongaga place and run into DA JERK MEN AND JERK WOMAN! TIME FOR FIGHT! Fight! Fight over! Whee! Jerks and Jerk Chick flee! But HOW Jerks know where team am was? HOW?! No one pay attention to Stupid Kat's dance of shifty guilt!
Team do da following of Jerks to run down Mako reactor. It seem they am looking for "Huge Materia" of largeness! Then Jerks leave to torment children with candy, because they Jerks! Team find 'nother Summon Materia! "Titan" is man with panty wearing goodness who SMASH YOU! In Gongaga town, peoples see dat Cloud Guy is SOLDIER! They ask if he know man named ZACK! Flower Girl gasp because that am named of first Guy she ever "loved" and she wonder, now that she think of it, where he am? Cloud Guy flinches. Not because of what Flower Girl just say, but BECAUSE! Ooooh! You am impressed with Kimahri's writing skills! Whoohoo!
So team hop in car again and drive drive drive until they pass in front of canyon and car EXPLODE in mass of sharp metal and glass with burning! Yay for no insurance! CONVENIENCE! It am Red Cat's home! Gasp! It seem Red Cat's name am REALLY Nanaki! Red Cat/Nanaki run about, filled with Red Cat glee at being home! Everyone so happy! Cloud Guy still have scars from the glee!
While random man decide to fix car(Or what left of eet) for da Whiners, Red Cat makes everyone meet Red Cat's Grandpa: Floaty Guy. Floaty Guy put on big fancy show of how Planet am delicate and that EVIL CORPORATION am ruining Planet's happy! Kimahri likes da pretty lights! Later, team have happy campfire and roast MEAT over fire. Gun man fears the fire! YAY FOR RUNNING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND RUNNING OFF CLIFF! Whee!
Red Cat talk about Red Cat's momma and papa and how papa abandon momma when monsters attack canyon. Red Cat am ASHAMED of neglectful daddy. Red Cat then demands all to follow Red Cat! To CAVE! Grandpa Floaty say to follow him to special thing! Through cave! Ghosts! BIG GHOST! Yay! It die! Outside Cave, Grandpa Floaty show Red Cat that Red Cat's papa actually leave to guard canyon from bad things, but he get shot by arrow that turn him to ROCK and he stuck there. Red Cat PROUD of Poppa again! Tee....hee. Kimahri running out of glee.
Later, when car am amazingly put back together and team of people and KAT WHO AM STUPID, am about to leave, Red Cat run to pals and say dat Grandpa WHO FLOATS want Red Cat to go with pals and help save world. Awwww! AND SO! Team head for next place: CLOUD GUY'S HOME TOWN!
DUH DUH DUH!
Waaaiiiit, now Kimahri may be much not smart like a Boy who am Blond and from 1000 years ago, but Kimahri could swear dat Cloud Guy say that Cloud Guy's town am was burned down by bad, bad Spooky Dude. But hey hey hey! Town am perfect with no burning! Whee? Everyone in town SAY that nothing with burning no ever happen, but Cloud Guy am suspicious!
WILL Cloud Guy find out what am happening in town? WILL Boob Chick remember stuff also? WILL Flower Girl ever DO Cloud Guy? WILL Gun man ever wear shirt? WILL Red Cat ever lose virginity if he last member of species?! WILL Ninja Thief Girl steal Cloud Guy and make him into personal pet of luv?! WILL STUPID KAT BETRAY COMRADES BECAUSE IT NEAT TO BETRAY PALS?! YAR! Suspense am exploding Kimahri's head with gravity!"
~Yay! I am the dancing Hippo who dances like a drunken Hippo on Halloween! FEAR MY MASS! Now all is well! Yay! I need to stop saying Yay SO badly. Aw, I still have 200 hours worth of storyline to write. Sniff. At least Kingdom Hearts ain't dat long. Whee. I will eat CANDY NOW!~Silver Neko, but what about the CANDY?!