A/N: And we start with one of the most confusing, unreasonable, annoying, and most widely (often literally) portrayed characters in Rowling's work: Mr. Vernon Dursley. This eplanation fits in the second chapter of the first book, between Harry's rude awakening and Vernon's appearance on Dudley's birthday...

"UP! Get UP! NOW!"

And with that shriek, another day begins in the Dursley Household. Vernon woke with the same start his nephew did in the cupboard down below. Normally, he would roll over and return to sleep (breakfast won't be ready for another 15 minutes at least you know), but today was Dudley's birthday, and he simply must be up to give the boy his presents. Heaven only knew what kind of display Dudley would have if his daddy wasn't there to help him!

As he rolled out of bed, Vernon considered the day ahead. After dropping HIM off at that Figg woman's house, his family (and Dudley's little friend of course) would be off to the zoo. Not exactly Vernon's favorite place, but it was far better than those silly amusement parks (are all those safety bars really necessary? They give absolutely no service to large people!). Vernon sighed, thinking once again about that terrible morning ten years before, when Petunia had woken him with her shriek ('twas not the first time, his Pet had always been a bit jumpy, and as we have already seen it wasn't the last either). Why did the boy have to stay with them? He knew some letter had been left with him, but Petunia had never let him read it. Obviously, Vernon didn't know much about ma…you know, it, so he had to trust Petunia when she said that he wouldn't survive in an orphanage or adoptive home. Apparently some terrorist fool had killed the boy's parents, but botched the job of killing the kid, offing himself in the process. Vernon snorted, some terrorist, killed two adults, but screws up on the infant? What did the boy do, cry at him too loudly? But here came the confusing, and admittedly (though only to himself) terrifying part: that this guy had a lot of followers, and was clearly able to kill fully trained…others like him, but something about that kid stopped him. What was so special about this kid? And how could Vernon raise him alongside Dudley? They could never be equal, the boy was, well you know, and Dudley was a normal kid. How debilitating could it be for Dudley when he finds that he isn't the same as harry? What if Dudley decided that, in his childish opinion, being magical was better than being normal? Why would he look up to Vernon, when Harry could do magic? Dudley's esteem was (and is still!) very important to Vernon. He was trying to build Dudley into his own mold. And while some may see an obnoxious arrogant busybody, Vernon pointed to one thing in his defense: his bank account. Yes he was arrogant, pushy; my-way-or-the-highway kind of guy, but that is exactly the kind of personality that succeeds in today's cutthroat business world.

Aand what about those followers? They would almost certainly want revenge on the boy, and protecting him could be dangerous.

So Vernon made a decision, and a rather shrewd one if he did say so himself. He would take the boy in and raise him, feed him, clothe him…but only just. From day one, the boy would be lesser, inferior. Dudley would grow up believing in his father's and by extension his own superiority to the boy. And if that blasted letter came, well, and he couldn't get away from it of course, at least Dudley would still understand that magic is not good, the only good things in the world were those that society expected of you. And if those followers did find the Dursley home (although Petunia assured him that there was some kind of magic poppycock to stop them from just that), they would find a cooperative Mr. Dursley and a beaten down, slightly unhealthy kid. In other words, easy prey. He would never beat the boy, nor truly abuse him, but simply make it clear who was better. He would instill not a fear, but rather a healthy aversion to all things unnatural, and maybe…just maybe…help the Potter boy along the way. After all, success was there for the taking, as Vernon himself did. If he could convince the potter boy that his magic (although that explanation would only come after it was impossible to hide it anymore) was the reason for his inferiority, the boy would give it up! Become a normal productive member of society!

This wasn't an easy decision, no far from it. When all was said and done, the boy was just that: a boy. Just Dudley's age, and Vernon was dooming him to a childhood of misery. Even ignoring the boy himself, it was borderline criminal, and while Vernon Dursley was many things, a criminal was not one of them. No, he prided himself on working his way up through the system, every bit the modern self-made man. But of paramount importance, beyond money, status, any and everything was the safety and security of his wife and child. Petunia was his world, Dudley his pride and joy, and anything that compromised their safety would suffer. And unfortunately, this boy indirectly threatened them.

The argument between him and Petunia over the treatment of the boy lasted almost a year. In the early stages, the plan was impossible to be put into effect anyway: it wouldn't work on infants. Petunia thought it would be better to treat the kid well, that a grateful wizard, particularly one powerful enough to survive what he did, would be quite valuable. And she had a good point, but it was too far down the road. Vernon argued the more immediate threats of those followers and Dudley's developing mind overpowered the possible gains of an adult Harry years later. These freaks were out to disturb society, mess with the way things were supposed to be, and what they did on their own lands was their business, but he simply wouldn't have it in his house!

In the end she had been convinced. And when the boys got too big to sleep in their cribs they were separated, and the potter boy was given that useless cupboard as his "room." All his things were Dudley's hand-me-downs, and he was always talked down to. And after the Blue-hair incident, the Roof-incident, and the Re-growing Hair-incident, and other similar events proved that he was indeed ma…different, he was dubbed the freak.

Now, though, with the boys eleventh birthday approaching, the day he had been told by Petunia that the letter would come, Vernon was beginning to get apprehensive. While he had thought long and hard about the decision, he still wondered if it was the right one. Those followers had never shown up. The terrorist group they had been a part of was never mentioned on the news in the first place, and Vernon wondered if they even existed. The boy was scrawny little thing, a far cry from Dudley's healthy bulk, and was clearly cowed. Not a bad cook either, although practice does make perfect.

As Vernon walked into the kitchen and saw the subject of his musings working over the stove, he began to worry about the future. Would Harry, that scrawny little thing, grow up angry? Would he learn those abilities at his school, then come back and get revenge on Vernon and his family?

Well, one possible solution is to stop him from ever going. Vernon thought. Even if that letter does come, we'll just ignore it. They will give up, and everything will be just fine.

"Comb your hair!"

A/N: This is my first attempt a writing Fanfic, so let me know what I did wrong, alright? I'm planning to write quite a few of these, most revolving around actions or behaviors that didn't seem to make sense. The stories will probably stick to canon, or at least to my headcanon of how things went down. each will be about 1000 words, but don't expect any kind of regular updates. I'll write when I feel like it, although if people do like my musings, I will probably wind up writing more.

Thanks for reading,
Jakyerski