Sorry for the wait on this chapter.

He's not sure how he is here right now. Here is in the middle of a jungle with the sounds of gunfire ringing out around him, the smell of trees burning, and the sounds of men crying out for help and in pain. In front of him stands someone who doesn't seem to be that much older him, aiming a gun straight at him. Panic begins to set in, and he realizes he needs to get out of here. He needs to go home and find his dad and Blaine and...live. He has so much he's yet to experience and accomplish, things that are slowly fading away as he stands there staring death in the face. When he's about to plead and beg for his life, the sound of a gun firing is loud in his ears.

Grabbing his side, he falls to the ground in pain and agony, knowing this is it, and all he can think about is how Blaine and his family will deal with him being gone.

He wakes up screaming, soaked in sweat and feeling as if he'll be sick. It was a dream, a horrible, all too real dream that left him scared. A few seconds later, Burt burst into the room, and seeing him looking scared and concerned, has Kurt racing for the bathroom. He barely makes it before he gets sick, knees on the cold tile as he holds tight to the side of the toilet.

"What happened, Kurt?" Burt asks in a comforting voice, kneeling down next to him and handing him a damp washcloth. Burt rhythmically rubs his hand over his back as he sits there, catching his breath and crying.

"It was a nightmare," Kurt responds, cleaning his mouth as best he can.

"Was it about what happened yesterday?"

"Y-yeah," Kurt nods his head.

It felt so real while it was happening; as if he could reach out and touch the metal of the gun, and could feel as the bullet broke skin and tore through his body. He swears he could smell the gunpowder in the air, smell as his blood flowed freely from his body and mixed with the dirt beneath him as it pooled on the ground.

"...Kurt?" He hears his dad's voice as if it's far away, slowly pulling him out of remembering.

He knows he needs to push those memories far from his mind and forget about them. But it's too hard when the memory of a nightmare has the possibility of becoming reality.

Looking up, he just stares at his dad confused. "I'm sorry," he whispers, waiting for his dad to repeat what he said.

"Are you okay?" Burt sympathetically asks.

"No," Kurt murmurs. He feels far from okay; he feels as if with each passing hour his safe, happy world is being pulled away and replaced with fear.

"Will you eventually be?"

"Maybe," he half-heartily answers. At this point, he would welcome 'okay' over what he's feeling at the moment. Standing when he can, he cleans and rinses his mouth and walks out of the bathroom.

"You gonna go lie down for awhile?"

He just nods his head at Burt's question, walks back into his room and closes his door. He climbs back in bed and just lies there, uncaring if he falls back asleep, and hoping he doesn't, not wanting to experience another nightmare. Over the next few hours, he hears his dad and Carole opening his door and checking in on him, doing nothing as they sit down and try to comfort and soothe him.

It's the feeling of fingers sliding into his a few hours later that snap him out of the numb state he was in.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was stopping by anyways, but caught your dad before he left. He told me what happened." Blaine squeezes his hand. "I figured you were more important than a day of school."

"I don't want you missing school because of me," Kurt says even though there isn't much force behind the words. If he's being completely honest, he knows Blaine's comforting embrace is one of the few things to make to make him feel better, and he'll gladly accept Blaine skipping school so he can feel better.

"It's only a day, Kurt," Blaine says, kissing behind his ear. "I'm pretty sure nothing important is going to be taught today."

Turning so he's facing Blaine, finding a feeling of comfort as he stares into his eyes, Kurt buries his face in Blaine's chest and cries. He cries as Blaine holds him and whispers into his ear.

"It's okay," he softly says, Kurt hearing his voice tremble.

Kurt isn't sure how much longer after that does he cry until he feels drained; feels as if there's nothing more for him to give. "I'm sorry I keep crying around you," he says, hearing how scratchy his voice sounds and sniffling.

"I think it's understandable," Blaine replies. "I'd probably be the same."

"Thanks for being here."

"Anything for you," Blaine says as he kisses Kurt's forehead. "Come on, let's get you out of bed and get a start on the day."

Kurt lets Blaine help him out of bed, holding his hand as they walk down the hall to the bathroom.

He stands to the side of the shower as Blaine gets it ready, and begins to slowly undress. As he begins to lift his shirt over his head, he sees Blaine untying the laces of his boots and kick them away, and begin to work on the belt of his jeans. Kurt doesn't say anything as they both undress, taking Blaine's proffered hand in his and stepping into the tub, and under the hot spray of water.

It feels good, the hot water stopping the slight trembles wracking his body and calming him down.

The sound of a cap clicking back into place reaches his ears right before Blaine runs his fingers through his scalp, massaging shampoo into his hair.

Letting Blaine turn him around and tip his head back, the shampoo rinses out as Blaine runs his fingers through his hair. Lifting his head, Kurt kisses Blaine and then rests his head on his shoulder and wraps his arms around his waist.

Arms encircle him and hold him close, Blaine stroking his thumb on his lower back. The touch is calming to Kurt in a way he needed, but doesn't completely stop him from being scared and angry and frustrated.

Right when everything had a chance of turning itself around and Kurt had the possibility of achieving his dream, it's ripped away from him. Instead of a chance at a life in New York, he might have to fight just to live.

As they stand there like that, Kurt knows this isn't about being sexy or hot or fun, this is being held by the person who loves him as he breaks. This is Blaine taking care of him, and showing him in his own way that he's still here and has him to lean on.

"I'm sorry this is happening, Kurt," Blaine sympathetically whispers into his ear.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this again," Kurt says back, hating that he's putting Blaine through this miserable experience all over again. Once was enough with his brother, but now Kurt had to unwillingly add to it.

"Don't apologize for that. You had no control over what happened."

"I know, but I'm sor-"

"Kurt," Blaine cuts him off, lifting his head so he looks at him. "I don't want to hear you apologize."

Kurt nods his head and whispers okay. It seems apologizing is the only thing he can say to the people he loves. But it's the only thing he can think to say to them. It's the only thing that seems right after what happened. Like he should apologize for being unwillingly drafted and causing so much of a mess.

"You ready to get out?" Blaine asks.

"Yeah," Kurt replies; lifting his head he gives him a small smile and presses a kiss to his lips. "I love you." It's the only thing he can think to say at the moment that feels right.

"I love you, too," Blaine says back.

Hearing Blaine say it back makes him feel safe and happy. It might only be for a few moments, but it's enough for him.

Kurt finds himself sitting on the couch after their shower, listening as Blaine moves around his kitchen.

He's grateful to have someone he really loves like Blaine to be there for him, to be there so he has someone's shoulder to cry on, and someone to support him in everything he chooses to do.

Blaine sits next to him on the couch, handing over a cup of hot chocolate, and covering himself with the blanket. "Want to tell me about the nightmare?"

Kurt shakes his head no, not wanting to have to think of his terrible nightmare any longer. Holding the cup, the heat of it warming his hands; he can smell the rich chocolate flavor, and the marshmallows melting into the liquid. Looking down at his cup of hot chocolate, he's no longer in the mood for it. He realizes he barely has had an appetite for anything since the evening before. Setting the cup on the coffee table, he scoots closer to Blaine until he feels his arms encircle him and hold him close.

"I can't go, Blaine," he says with a broken voice, feeling tears pooling in his eyes. "I don't want to die in a war I don't support or come back someone totally different."

He starts to think about Cooper and other men like him that came back home broken in so many ways. Thinks about the men fighting and dying right now in a war he hates; a war that he wishes had never started.

Sitting in Blaine's lap, he thinks what he would be like if he left to fight and actually survived. Would he be like Cooper or worse? Would he be able to put Blaine through having to deal with another person damaged and broken. He knows Blaine wouldn't mind, just as long as he was okay in some sense of the word and in his arms. But thinking of that, Kurt knows he can't put Blaine through dealing with another person like Cooper. He can't make him put the worries of another person on his shoulders.

"I understand," Blaine says, pulling him into his lap and gently stroking his thumb on Kurt's back. "I understand."

Kurt hates that Blaine understands; hates that he has to understand something he shouldn't. Hates that this is forcing them to deal with something so big at such a young age.

"What am I going to do?" Kurt asks, feeling stuck and looking for any glimmer of hope in anything.

"Canada," Blaine quietly answers.

Kurt hears him and immediately understands what he was talking about. He's read articles and seen stories of the draft-dodgers-as the news calls them-fleeing the U.S. and running to Canada. Never thinking them weak or unpatriotic, Kurt understood why they did what they did. When forced into a position you can't control, you look for the easiest and safest way out. That's why he sits up and stares into Blaine's eyes. "What?" he asks a bit shocked and surprised Blaine would be the one to bring it up.

"I don't want to lose you. And if going to Canada means you're safe and out of danger, I'm putting that option out there for you."

"Canada." Kurt thinks about it; thinks about living alone in a place he doesn't know. He knows it would have been the same had he gone to New York, but he knows at least there he would have had Rachel to keep him company and learn his new environment. In Canada, he'd be by himself in a place that wouldn't feel like home. "It's an option."

"One I hope you will really consider."

"Yeah," Kurt says as he barely nods his head.

He isn't sure how long he sits in Blaine's lap being held by him, but he doesn't care; he needs Blaine's comforting touch that makes everything better for him. At one point, he drifts off to sleep, completely drained and still tired from not getting much sleep the night before. He knows being held by Blaine, knowing he's there, helps him sleep without worry or fear of having another nightmare.

"Kurt," Blaine silently says into his ear, slowly waking him up. "Someone's here, you need to get up."

Hearing the door being opened a few hours later, he quickly scrambles to get out of Blaine's lap and on the other side of the couch. Rubbing his eyes of sleep, he forces a smile when he sees Finn and hopes nothing looks too suspicious.

"Hey, Finn," Blaine says, somehow managing to sound like him being there during school alone with Kurt is perfectly normal. "I thought you would be gone by now?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Just wanted to make sure Kurt is okay." Finn looks to Kurt and smiles. "How are you?"

"I'm managing," Kurt softly replies, shrugging his shoulders. "Not much I can do or say to change the fact that I've been forced to go fight in a war I despise."

"I'm sorry," Finn solemnly says. "I wish I could change things."

"It's okay. Can't change anything now."

"Sorry," Finn says again before walking upstairs.

Kurt is a bit taken aback by how broken up Finn sounds about his situation. He knows Finn loves him like the brothers they now are, but to see and hear Finn upset about something he's personally going through makes Kurt happy that Finn is his brother now. It makes him really appreciate the family he has that are there for him.

"I should probably leave," Blaine says a few minutes later after Finn leaves, standing up, Kurt standing with him.

Walking to the door, Kurt stops right before opening it and looks around before quickly giving Blaine a kiss. "Thanks for staying with me today," he says with a smile.

"You're welcome." Blaine smiles at him, swiping his finger along Kurt's bottom lip. "Anything to make you feel better."

Opening the door, Kurt stands there and watches him begin to walk away.

"Hey, Blaine!" Kurt yells, not caring who might hear him. Running outside into the cold, he goes up to him. "Can you come over tonight? I don't want to sleep alone just in case I have another nightmare."

"I'll be here by eleven," Blaine happily replies. "Is that okay?"

Kurt just nods his head and smiles, mouthing I love you to Blaine, and letting out a small laugh when repeats it back.

He moves his food around on his plate, still without much of an appetite. Barely hearing what his dad and Carole are discussing, Kurt looks up when Finn calls his name.

"Wh-...Yes?" he asks slightly confused.

"I was talking to Puck about what happened to you," Finn says.

"Okay...Thanks, I guess," Kurt says, not understanding why that's important.

"No, man, he told me about ways people he knows have avoided going to fight."

"Sorry, Finn, but I have an arch."

"Oh, right. Then why didn't you lie and say you're gay. Puck said his cousin did that and it almost worked."

Kurt looks at him for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. It's the kind of laughter that hurts his stomach and makes it hard to breathe. He sees the looks his dad and Carole give him, but he continues laughing. Covering his face with his hands, and letting out unintended snorts, he can't stop himself from just letting the laughter out. It shouldn't be funny; shouldn't make him laugh at lying at pretending to be gay. But just thinking about makes him laugh like he hasn't laughed in a long time.

"It was just a suggestion," Finn says sounding a bit hurt at Kurt's reaction.

"I don't get what's so funny?" Burt says at the same time as Finn.

"I'm...I'm so-sorry, Finn," he manages to get out through his laughter. His shoulders still shake and tears roll down his face. "I'm...It's just hilarious for a totally different reason."

As he sits there, still letting out small chuckles, Kurt realized he needed that. He needed to just laugh and get everything he was feeling out of his system. It seems laughing was therapeutic and relieving in a way he needed.

Standing up and grabbing his plate, still smiling, he walks to the kitchen. As he stands in front of the sink cleaning dishes, he tries not to think of what Finn said anymore. He knows that's not how he wants to tell everyone that he's gay, 'Hey, everybody, I got out of fighting because I'm gay. Talk to you later.' seems a bit much.

Rinsing his plate, he gives Carole a smile when she comes up and stands next to him. "Sorry about that in there," he apologizes. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's okay, honey," she replies, cleaning the dishes she brought with her. "Anything to make you laugh right now is welcoming."

"Thanks."

Helping Carole with the dishes, Kurt likes having something to do to keep his mind off everything going on his life. Even though it's something small and trivial as cleaning dishes, it's enough to keep him calm and preoccupied on something other than the situation he's found himself in.

Lying in bed a few hours later, and grinning when he sees Blaine crawling through his window, he scoots over and holds up his blanket for him to climb under after he kicks off his shoes. He giggles when Blaine pulls him close and buries his face in the crook of his neck, his nose cold and body still shivering.

"It's s-so fuc-fucking cold," Blaine whispers as his teeth chatter.

"Sorry," Kurt replies. "I didn't mean to force you to go through that."

"It's okay. I'm war-warming up." Blaine snuggles closer to him, his body slowly starting to calm down. "Plus, you're worth it."

Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes when he pulls back, leaning forward and kissing his lips. Wrapping his fingers around the side of Blaine's neck, he deepens the kiss. He needs to know, to be reminded, that he's still here; still has the people he loves around him to support and help him with the big choices and decisions he will be making in the next few weeks. He needs to know he still has Blaine to hold and kiss for as long as he can before he makes his choice. "Thanks for being here," he says when he breaks the kiss.

"Always," Blaine replies.

Turning around and feeling Blaine press close to his back, Kurt laces their fingers together with the hand Blaine throws over his side. Closing his eyes, he drifts off and peacefully sleeps.