A/N: Warning for eventual description of graphic violence/gore. I'm starting to warm up on writing this so hopefully I'll get my act together and start posting chapters more often. Just so you know, I'm posting as I write this... Any suggestions/pointing out of errors welcome.

Chapter Three.

The sun was setting over the 4077 but Colonel Potter hadn't moved from his desk since formally seeing off the Lieutenant-Colonels in the wake of Captain Pierce's interview. Watching Pierce recount the horror show that he had lived through had shaken Colonel Potter more than he was prepared to admit, but even as he struggled to get his head around the awfulness of the story Potter was forced to think forward and contemplate the next step he would have to take in light of the news about Frank. Colonel Potter was still caught in his increasingly grim thoughts when a knock on his door startled him back to reality.

Before Potter could get his thoughts together the door creaked open and the Colonel simply stared at Hawkeye as he slipped into the room and locked the door behind himself. As he knew the man so well Potter could tell that Pierce was holding himself together with rigid if fragile self-control so he kept quiet, waiting to hear what he had to say. In a quiet voice, avoiding eye contact Hawkeye said, 'I'm sorry to interrupt Sir, I won't take up much of your time. I just wanted… No, I need to ask that I be allowed to stay in my temporary quarters for a little while so I can reacclimatize life around here.'

As Hawkeye fell silent Potter gave him a penetrating look before saying slowly, 'Alright Pierce that can be arranged. I assume you are asking for a continuing sentry presence to preserve your privacy so I'll speak with the men currently assigned to make sure they are willing to remain on that particular detail…'

Trailing off Potter momentarily lost himself in the logistics of providing a guard day and night in post op, but he came back to earth with a jolt when Hawkeye finally raised his gaze and looked him straight in the eye. Hawkeye's eyes were shadowed and guarded but his voice contained a strange intensity as he said, 'Sir, Sherman, I have another request. Please… I have to get back in the OR, back doing my job. I need you to put me back on duty so that I can work at getting back to normal… Well, at least as normal as I ever have been anyway.'

Colonel Potter's kneejerk reaction to the very thought of allowing Pierce back into the OR so soon was to reject the idea out of hand, but the small spark that showed of the old Hawkeye coupled with the familiar lopsided smile stopped the words before they could leave his mouth. After a long moment of deep thought Potter put aside his misgivings and reluctantly growled, 'Alright Pierce, God forgive me I must be going senile. Against my better judgement I'll start you back on half shifts until I'm satisfied you can handle it and then we can see about reinstating you back to full duty.'

The fleeting look of stark relief that crossed Hawkeye's face made Potter feel a little better, but the man's next words drove the breath from his lungs. Still holding the Colonel's gaze Hawkeye whispered painfully, 'One more thing Colonel. This isn't really a request… I need to tell Margaret about Frank. Sherman… I have to be the one to tell her.'

For a full minute Colonel Potter stared speechlessly at Hawkeye Pierce, totally at a loss for words. Eventually though, Potter regained his powers of speech and in a tone of finality that hardly wavered at all he said, 'I'll allow it Ben, if you agree to one thing. Starting tomorrow and twice a week when you can fit it with your shifts you will attend sessions with Dr Freedman to address any issues you might be dealing with after what you've been though.'

In the wake of the Colonel's words there was a deep and charged silence but then Hawkeye narrowed his eyes and jerked his head in a single curt nod. With the deal sealed Colonel Potter could only watch in mute concern as Captain Pierce stood awkwardly and pulled himself to attention, the blank shutters once more slamming into place behind his eyes. Loath to let things lie as they were with Hawkeye, but unable to think of any way to prolong the conversation Colonel Potter saluted slowly and closed his eyes as Captain Pierce turned and vanished out the door.

Hawkeye had managed to maintain a veneer of tenuous composure upon finishing his brief conversation with Colonel Potter, but as he staggered away from Margaret Houlihan's quarters and back towards post op it was all he could do to stay upright and not pass out in middle of the darkening camp. Veering unsteadily to his right to keep as far away from the Swamp as he could, Hawkeye suddenly realized that he was losing the battle he was fighting against the roiling nausea in his stomach and he only just made it into the latrines before he pitched to his knees and vomited up what seemed like everything he had ever eaten. Draped over the rough wooden seat Hawkeye was helpless to stop the tears that poured down his face or the retching that wracked his whole body.

Hawkeye had stopped outside of Major Houlihan's quarters just minutes after leaving Colonel Potter's office but it had taken him almost a quarter of an hour to work up the courage to knock. When the quick call came for him to come in Hawkeye's breath hitched in his chest, but with a fleeting scowl at his own cowardice he squared his shoulders and walked into the tent. The sight of Margaret sitting at her dresser and brushing her hair nearly unmanned Hawkeye completely and the only thing that kept him on his feet was the guilt burning a hole in his chest and the dogged determination to give the woman the only thing he could.

After a moment Margaret looked around from what she was doing and in an instant she was on her feet, dashing over to throw her arms around Hawkeye who returned her hug awkwardly. Pulling back to look up into Hawkeye's face Margaret cried, 'Pierce, when did you get back? No one told me that you and Frank had been found! Where is he? Is he on his way?'

A painful lump lodging in his throat, Hawkeye placed his hands on Margaret's shoulders and gently pushed her back into her seat. Kneeling by the woman's side and inwardly dying at the way her expression crumpled into one of wary suspicion Hawkeye cleared his throat and said wretchedly, 'I'm so sorry Margaret, there's no good way to say this … Frank isn't coming back. We never made it to the 8063rd. Guerrillas ambushed us on the road and took us for interrogation. Margaret… They killed Frank… I couldn't… Christ Margaret, I'm so damn sorry… I couldn't save him…'

As he forced out the devastating news Hawkeye watched the blood drain from Margaret's face and the vibrant light fade from her eyes. Tears began to spill down the stunned woman's face, but when Hawkeye reached out to touch her arm Margaret recoiled and whispered hoarsely, 'Get out. Get out Pierce, just get out. You… It should have been you not him…'

Hawkeye slumped over the latrine until his stomach was empty and he was bringing up nothing but bile. With Margaret's agonized words still ringing in his ears Hawkeye shoved himself painfully to his feet and lurched out into the growing dark. It was sheer luck that Hawkeye caught sight of Dr Freedman walking towards the mess tent and with the last of his self-control he shoved aside his own personal hell and made his way over to the camp psychiatrist.

Raising a hand to halt whatever Sidney was going to say in greeting Hawkeye avoided the other man's gaze and stared at the ground as he growled, 'Sidney I need you to do something for me and I need you to not ask questions. Right now Major Houlihan needs someone with her because she's had some bad news and being alone is the last thing she needs… I can't... Can you stay with her? Please?'

Just like Colonel Potter, Sidney was taken aback by the serious intensity in Hawk's voice that was so at odds with his usual buoyant personality, but to his credit he didn't hesitate for a second. Nodding quickly with a worried look on his face Sidney said, 'I won't ask questions Hawk but I intend to find out what this is about one way or the other. I'll talk to you later, you can count on that.'

As Sidney went to turn and hurry to Margaret's tent Hawkeye's hand flashed out to grab his shoulder and stop him in his tracks. In a voice that was barely above a whisper Hawkeye muttered, 'I know Potter informed you that I was back when I came back but as far as I know he hasn't told you what I came back from. Sidney… It was bad and I need to get my head around it before it drives me nuts. Can I come find you tomorrow for a little head-meddling?'

Hawkeye watched Sidney's face intently and as he had seen with Potter the small flash of his old humour threw the other man just enough to keep him off balance. There was a beat of silence and then Sidney smiled wryly and replied, 'You don't even need to ask Hawkeye, just show up and we can chin-wag all you want. I might even count it as a minor miracle, you never know. Now, take care of yourself while I see to Margaret and you can tell me more tomorrow.'

Dr Freedman turned and hurried in the direction of Margaret's quarters but not before Hawkeye saw a flash of speculation in the man's eye that didn't bode well for their meeting the following day. At that moment however something small but vital snapped deep inside Hawkeye's chest and he simply no longer cared; he didn't care that Sidney would be dissecting his experiences come the morrow and he didn't care that somewhere BJ was undoubtedly stewing in anger and uncertainty. All Hawkeye Pierce cared about as he stumbled over to his bed was hiding in the safety of his curtained off corner before the flashback building in his mind overwhelmed the last of his endurance.

Once again Hawkeye was staring at Frank's mutilated but still living body and once again he could only watch as the leader of the enemy soldiers callously blew away Frank's face. Unlike in his story to the CIC however Hawkeye was dragged to his feet then cut free straight away and slapped across the face until his wide, staring eyes focused on the grinning murderer in front of him. With the cold barrel of a gun digging into the back of his neck Hawkeye instinctively closed his fingers around the machete handle that was shoved into his hand and he felt his knees buckle as he comprehended what was about to come.

The images bombarding Hawkeye's brain began to fracture into splintered shards and grisly details flared up only to be eclipsed in an instant by the next one. Blood splattered over fabric that had once been immaculate green. The sickening thud as the machete chopped through bone. The single blue eye that stared at him the whole while from the side of Frank's face that hadn't been obliterated. Hawkeye's memories began to blur as the scene changed to the site of Frank's hastily dug grave and the last image that stayed burned into his mind's eye was the sight of Frank's bloody and dislocated fingers disappearing under the dark earth.

Although Hawkeye had not said it in so many words, Colonel Potter knew the man well enough to be certain that he would be going straight to find Margaret Houlihan and break the awful news. Pushing aside the feeling of stunned desolation that was wearing away his resolve to do what he had to do next, Colonel Potter pulled a piece of paper over and began to pen a draft of what he would say to the camp about Captain Pierce's return and Major Burns' demise. After almost half an hour of scribbling and rewriting Potter eventually gave up and hurled the paper in the bin, taking a swig of gin before calling Radar into his office.

Radar burst into the room more quickly than was strictly respectable and Potter spared a moment to kick himself for forgetting that although Radar came across as absent-minded at times he noticed everything and he looked up to Captain Pierce with something that bordered on hero-worship. Clearing his throat Potter eyed the fidgeting Radar and said gently, 'Sit down son, there's something I need to tell you before I make the announcement to whole camp.'

Knowing that there was no way he could say it that would make the news any less horrible Colonel Potter simply looked the trembling Radar in the eye and said, 'You know the Captain Pierce is back with us, but like the rest of the camp you don't know where he's been or what's happened. Radar, when the Captain and Major Burns left for the 8063rd they were ambushed and held captive by the enemy. There is no easy way to say this Radar, but Major Burns was killed before Captain Pierce was able to escape his captors.'

There was a long pause in the wake of Potter's words and he watched worriedly as Radar's face crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. The Colonel had been sure that his announcement would result in a hysterical outburst from the young man and he had tried to ready himself for that, but instead he ended up staring in admiration as Radar bit his lip, swallowed painfully and murmured, 'Sir, I… Oh poor Hawkeye. And the Major… You have to tell everyone, don't you? That's why you're telling me now. Oh sir… Is there anything I can do?'

More than a little humbled by Radar's instinctive inclination to only think of others Colonel Potter coughed gruffly and replied, 'I need you call for an assembly in the mess tent for ten minutes time, let them know that every able bodied person needs to be there. Go around the camp and check the tents to make sure no one is missed. And Radar, the one person who isn't required to be there is Major Houlihan as she has already been informed of the news.'

The look of earnest determination on Radar's face as he nodded his understanding left a strange combination of pride and sorrow in the pit of Colonel Potter's stomach. As the solemn-faced young corporal hurried off to complete his task Potter closed his eyes and tried to pull himself together, doing his best to steady himself for the horrible duty of informing the camp of the death of one of their own. Radar's voice rang out over the loudspeaker and Colonel Potter took a deep breath, pushing himself to his feet and setting out for the mess tent with a grim face and a steady stride.