A/N: This is to take place that night at the tavern in which Merlin cleans out his master's pockets by using magic. Apologies if the timings are slightly off. I would re-watch the episode but I am still to consumed with feels to do that at the present moment (which is why I'm re-watching seasons one and two to remind me of happier BBC times).

Disclaimer: If I owned Merlin or any of the knights of Camelot I wouldn't be wasting my time making up stories: I'd be living them.

"Next round's on me!" Merlin exclaimed while waving his newly won silver pieces to the bartender.

"The dice must be weighted unfairly," Arthur stooped eye level with the dice and carefully pushed them around. Gwaine and Percival guffawed at their king being beaten by sweet, bumbling, little Merlin of all people. Although Leon would never show such disrespect in front of Arthur, he wasn't exactly sober and had to try very hard to choke down his laughter. "I'm through with this, this stupid game" Arthur finally decided, "Let's get a table."

Merlin helped a barmaid carry the knights their tankards, nearly tripping over all the chairs from the bar to the back corner where they all sat. "Just a reminder, Merlin, 'What happens at the tavern stays at the tavern'," said Arthur.

Merlin took a sip of his drink, "Try telling that to all these lovely subjects of yours sitting 'round the room who saw me kick your arse." He dragged fifth stool over to their table so he could sit down. Nearly missing the seat all together, Gwaine helped steady a rather tipsy Merlin.

"A toast to all the poor souls Princess will surely have raise taxes to after a few more gambling rounds with Merlin," Gwaine lifted his tankard.

Arthur gave Gwaine a sharp look but still raised his glass. Merlin had quite a goofy smile on his face by now and tipped his tankard back, downing most of its contents (in what Percival perceived to be), one giant gulp.

"Goodness Merlin, how often do you get yourself drunk?" questioned Percival.

"Much-much to often, albeit I doubt it's more than Gwaine," Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I do not!" said Merlin, "Gaius just can't think of any better excuses for me."

It was indeed true that Arthur hadn't actually seen Merlin in the tavern often. Though he could be going to a different one, he highly doubted it. Nor had the knights ever seen Merlin quite so off his britches before, and it was painfully obvious he couldn't hold his liqueur very well as he was getting a sickly look about his face.

"And why, pray tell, do you need Gaius to give excuses for you slacking off your work, Merlin?" His curiosity was genuinely peaked; if he wasn't at the tavern, where was his servant constantly spending his time?

"Because of reasons," replied Merlin.

"That's always an acceptable reason," said Leon.

"Seriously, what do you do when you're skiving off chores?"

"Fulfilling my destiny," Merlin said in all sincerity; getting a chuckle out of the knights.

"And we all know that 'fulfilling my destiny' is code for snogging a woman senseless," Gwaine joked.

Arthur spat out the sip of mead he had just taken, "Merlin doesn't go around snogging women! Hell, I'll bet fifteen silver pieces he's never even been kissed!" There was just no way Merlin could woo a woman, he probably couldn't even court a cow. Arthur could believe that he perhaps had a girlfriend back in Ealdor, someone who had grown up with him and could stand all his quirks (Gods know Arthur was still trying to). But he would know if Merlin was seeing anyone here. He was so open with his emotions it got a bit annoying. So if there was a girl involved, he should be able to see the chipperness that love would radiate from his most loyal servant and friend.

"You better start coming up with that new tax plan then," said Merlin.

"See, I told ya so!" said Gwaine.

"Who exactly is this girl?" Leon asked the question everyone was thinking.

The smile on Merlin's face slowly slid away, "Her name was Freya," after speaking he took another huge gulp of his drink.

Each knight noticed the use of Merlin's past tense in mentioning this Freya and therefore knew their story most likely didn't have a happy ending.

"When did you meet Freya?" asked Gwaine with a much less boisterous tone.

"Many years ago," said Merlin.

Well that didn't explain his more recent jaunts to the 'tavern'. Arthur was torn between stopping the conversation and getting to where Merlin spent his time 'fulfilling his destiny' nowadays if it wasn't with a woman or hearing more about Freya.

"While you were in Ealdor?" Percival asked.

"No, I'd been in Camelot for a little while."

Okay, that did it. Arthur needed to hear more about how Merlin had had a girlfriend and was able to keep it from him. He was the king for goodness sake! He was supposed to know everything! How had he not noticed a happier Merlin or a depressed Merlin (assuming she was dead)?

"What happened to Freya?" He finally asked.

Merlin stared at the wall, his physical body seemed to be at the table but it was obvious his mind was somewhere else.

"She was killed," he spoke in a somber voice. He turned his head to look at Arthur, "You killed her," he said with his voice barely above a whisper.

Arthur was quite taken aback, as were the other knights. Before any of them could get their bearings straight to ask more questions, Merlin spoke again.

"I don't understand why you had to do it. She never meant to hurt anyone. Why did you do it?" It was once again that feeling Merlin's mentality wasn't quite with his physical being.

Arthur racked his brain of people he had personally killed. He'd never killed many women. Only bandits or Druids—people that his father taught him were a menace to the kingdom. He could not for the life of him remember any mention of the name Freya before and could draw no image of what she could possibly look like to his mind.

He realized everyone was looking at him now, "I—er—how did this happen? I'm sorry, Merlin, but I don't remember anyone named Freya."

"You wouldn't," said Merlin, "She was—was cursed and so she would turn into a creature every night, the bastet. And the bounty hunter found her before she transformed and then you—you cut her with your sword. But even then, even then she was so beautiful. Y-you c-could still see her humanity in her eyes," Merlin choked out the last part. Gwaine put a hand on Merlin's shoulder to keep him from swaying, but to also comfort him. Arthur wanted to say something, anything to make Merlin feel better, but he couldn't find any words to say. Freya had been cursed and fallen prey to magic. Just like Morgana had given into magic. Just like Mordred had. Just how Gwen had almost—magic has destroyed so much he thought. But it was you who destroyed Merlin's Freya, his conscience responded, was magic really the monster here?

He heaved a large breath. Merlin continued to drunkedly ramble and Arthur listened to the story of his Freya.

"—when I saw her in that cage...I—I just couldn't leave her in there. She was a Druid but she hadn't done anything wrong—I just had to protect her!"

Arthur knew how that felt, he knew that the only moment he would stop protecting Gwen would be with his last breath.

"—she's the only person who's ever understood me. Gaius tries, but he just can't. Freya understood what it felt like to be a monster; what it felt like to be all alone—I just never felt that way about a girl before."

Arthur had never seen Merlin this upset before. Why did Merlin feel like he was a monster? He was one of the sweetest blokes he'd ever met. He'd gotten sad over him killing a unicorn!

"—she told me about where she used to live before her parents died. It sounded so beautiful, just like her; the only place worthy enough for someone like her to live. I h-had to protect her. B-but I would not ever leave her, so I got some food and blankets for us to leave together but she had already left when I got back to the tunnel."

Merlin had wanted to leave Camelot?

"But by the time I got to the courtyard it was too late and...yeah.

"So I-I took her to a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains, just like where she had grown up. A-and s-she passed away in my arms there," Merlin seemed to be finished with his story now. Everyone could see how broken up Merlin was about this; Gwaine both regretted pestering Merlin about girls but was also glad he got to hear about Freya.

"Merlin—" Arthur started, but he didn't know what to say after that. He felt so much remorse for killing this girl. He found the situation not unlike Mordred's. Only Merlin had decided to forgive Arthur and bury it deep into his soul when he should have had someone to talk to about it. This must've been why Merlin had pleaded on Mordred's behalf for Cara.

What if this Freya had felt the same way about Arthur that Cara had? What if given the chance, she would have tried to kill him as well? After all, she was a Druid. She never meant to hurt anyone, Merlin's voice reverberated around Arthur's skull. He now found himself feeling guilty for ever feeling like Merlin could betray Arthur in that way, he was just to loyal. But no wonder Merlin didn't feel like he could talk to him about this girl. The way he had talked about Merlin's friend Will after finding out he had been a sorcerer, he wouldn't trust himself with telling him he was in love with a cursed Druid either.

Merlin put the back of his wrist against his mouth and, if it was possible, his face pallor had gotten even whiter. Leon quickly stood up and picked up a wash bucket that was in the corner behind his chair. Gwaine took Merlin's mug while Leon replaced it with the bucket; just in time too. Merlin retched all the contents of his stomach up until there was nothing left but dry heaves.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, I'm so so sorry," Arthur comforted his friend the best he could given the situation.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin said.

"For what?" he replied, shocked.

"I'm not a monster, am I?" Merlin whispered between breaths.

"No, Merlin, you're not," Arthur said. If anyone was a monster, it was him.

"But everyone I love gets hurt," he pushed the bucket away and put his hands on his forehead, "I'm cursed too."

"No. You. Are. Not." said Arthur.

"I think I want to go to bed," Merlin said, still rather out of it.

"I'll take him," Gwaine said, slowly helping Merlin up.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin repeated.

"Merlin, you've done nothing wrong. Falling in love isn't a crime," he stood up and assured Merlin.

"I know. I'm sorry for everyone I've hurt, and I'm sorry for cheating in tonight's game," he replied.

"I'm sorry for hurting Freya," Arthur said, completely forgetting about the game. Merlin had been though much, and it was okay with him to allow his servant a little extra money. Although, once Merlin was feeling better, he would definitely be receiving a few extra dirty boots to polish.

"Thank you, sire" Merlin said before turning around and stumbling towards the door with Gwaine.