Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Please don't sue.

Beware of sappiness and sweetiness in later chapters.

Remorseful Pride
Chapter 1: Broken Love


In the face of every human on this earth, there is something each hold deeply in their hearts, in their souls. Whether it was something materialistic, such as a rare ornament or family heir loom, or a nonmaterialistic item, such as the love of a soul mate or the feeling of content in one's life, it was the most important thing to each. Like everyone else, I held something close to my heart that was considered among importance more than anything else. Only, it was shattered one day. Broken into pieces that could not be fixed.

One would think it was my brother, Takeru. He was of an importance and meant very much to me. I cared for him, loved him because he was my brother. We had the same blood, same physical features and even held emotions that were similar. However, he wasn't what I would call my soul item. He meant more to me than many things on the face of the earth, but didn't hold a dime to what I was talking about.

Another person one would think would be my boyfriend, Yagami Taichi. His love and fondness we had for each other was enough to make anyone think he was the most important thing in my life. We held hands in public, even kissed and made love in public (when it was dark out, of course). How could he not be the most important thing in my life?

A simple matter of my music came into play. My band, perhaps, is above all? Kenta, Ren, Shou, and Shun are the ones I hold dearly to my heart? Of course not. I care for them as deeply as I do for the Digidestined. Still, the music we made was involved in what I cherished. It was more of what made the music that had overtaken my love.

My bass guitar. It had the most beautiful sound. When I sat on the edge of my bed, strumming my beautiful gift from my father on my fourteenth birthday, it was better than any time I have made love to Taichi. I never told him this. He may still have the alter-ego he had as a child, but I wouldn't dare crush it. That would be like transforming my Taichi into a whole different person, a person I could even fall out of love with.

Everyday, I played my guitar, listening for the cadence, the rhythm that touched my heart. It was a rhythm that had more of a profound feeling than jogging, dancing and making love. It was a rhythm that beat with my heart and caused me to hum quietly in content once I finished whatever it was that I was playing. I felt on top of the world with my guitar.

The mere thought of it excited me. Of going home after a long day of studying in school and just sitting on either a chair or my bed while strumming my guitar could take my breath away. Or perhaps it was the fact that I sometimes ran home just to play it? No, I couldn't allow that thought to persuade itself true. It wasn't true. Now that I'm in university, I don't run home excited like some immature school boy. However, I still play my guitar everyday in the small apartment Taichi and I live in. Or used to.

We began our relationship when we were a mere fifteen years old with neither of sure what to say or do to make it work. Everything was so new, so different. It was hard to understand anything about each other that we should have already knew, but we were both so nervous. Over a length of time, those feelings subsided into a pure fondness for each other that included making out, groping each other, in which continued to losing our virginity's at the age of sixteen. At that point, I felt something I never had before (and no, it wasn't the wonder of having an orgasm with someone being the one to pleasure you). I felt as if my bass guitar would be coming into second, especially after everything I had felt the first night with Taichi.

The feeling did not last. Our love making turned into a routine, a good routine, but did not compare to my bass guitar. I made it seem like that, though. Sometimes I think Taichi did know I loved my bass guitar as much as life itself, which may have put the strain on our relationship further. Perhaps if I hadn't put such an emphasis on not disturbing me whilst playing it, Taichi would have not felt so left out?

I did enjoy his company at times, but there were times when I would snap at him to leave me and find his own things to do, and that I was not an entertainer. Now, six months after that occurred, the void of content eats away at my insides, leaving me empty, without a comfort in my life. Two of my favorite things had disappeared at the same time, the same day, even. Within a few hours of each other.

It started when I had been feeling particularly down, mainly because Takeru and I had gotten into an argument of what to do about our mother. Takeru had made the grand, foolish mistake of getting a young woman pregnant of whom he worked with. He's only nineteen, too young in the eyes of both my mother and I. He had told me he wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible, but I tried talking him into telling Mother so that he could get help. Naturally, the disagreement turned into an argument of hurtful words. This had proceeded me into hanging up on him and beginning to play my precious bass guitar.

Then, Taichi came home.

How come you haven't made supper?

The first words out of his mouth. No greeting of come sort. A kiss on the cheek would have even been satisfying. When our relationship had gotten out of the stage of awkwardness, he did everything possible to make me smile, which was satisfying enough to him. Now, it seemed, he didn't care anymore. It was a relationship of sex and love. I know I loved him, but I didn't just want love. I wanted the passion, the happiness that came with that. At the time, I didn't realize that. I thought I was content with our relationship and happy enough to just deal with him. I suppose deep down I wasn't.

I'm so sorry I haven't, your royal highness. My sarcastic remark must have gotten to him in some way or another because he sat in front of me and stared up. I pretended as if he wasn't there and continued to play, well aware he was sitting there, staring up at me. As I finished the song I had been strumming, he spoke.

What's wrong?

I said softly.

He hadn't left like I assumed he might and instead, stood and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. Leaning down, he softly planted kisses along the back of my neck, whilst running his hands along the front of my chest. I suddenly felt unaware of anything he was doing and had allowed him to continue his ministrations. There was a song flowing through my head; a soft melody that whisked me away from my bedroom and flew me high into the sky. Music notes floated through the air, like you see on cartoons that show music is playing, and I laid back onto a pillow of clouds. I moaned softly, fully realizing it sounded like a song I had been playing myself one day.

Abruptly, the music seemed to hurt. It tugged at my clothing sharply and was trying to steal my guitar out of my hands. I grasped it tightly as whining sounds escaped my lips. The guitar was suddenly out of my hands, being taken away ever so slowly. I cried out and began pushing whatever was on top of me. My eyes suddenly opened; the fantasy of clouds, music notes and relaxation gone in that single moment. Taichi stared at me with what seemed to be confusion as he held the guitar up in the air.

What are you doing? I asked angrily.

I remember him snorting and putting my beauty to the side. He looked back at me with desire in his eyes and I was almost fooled into them as he began to kiss me, unbuttoning my clothing. Suddenly, I was aware of everything. The happiness fading, my beloved resting upon the floor... Everything was suddenly wrong. I felt naked. Looking down, I realized I was close to being so, just as my love was. It didn't feel right, though.

Anger swept through me quickly, and I had found myself beginning to push Taichi off of me. He had always been stronger, but with the small ball of rage I held, I pushed him away and leapt to my guitar.

You'd think that piece of wood is what you want to fuck, he snarled.

I ignored him, setting my guitar in a better position than Taichi had.

Please Yamato, tell me what is wrong.

I felt his naked body settle along my bare back. My knees were upon the ground, my body hovering towards my guitar. It was sitting there, begging me to play it. I could feel it. Picking it up, soft notes filled the air as I stroked it. Taichi had sighed and held my waist, kissing my shoulder softly. He began stroking my shoulder the same way I was to my guitar, and I began feeling smothered; I knew which one I didn't want there.

Get away from me, I said, not once stopping the melody.

Excuse me?

You keep distracting me. Stop it! I think you should leave, Taichi. My voice hardly wavered as I said those words. It should have because of my love for Taichi. So much guilt runs through me to this day of how selfish I had acted. Did I not have the decency to think of him?

But... You––I––huh?––why?

Stop your stuttering, I said. I stood and lifted my guitar, opening the screen as I walked onto our balcony.

He followed me outside of the door, leaning against the rail as I began to breathe in the music I was creating. I could feel him watching me, his eyes fixing on my bass guitar. I remember wondering why he was so keen on it, but it didn't last for long.

What the hell is your problem?

I ignored him once again, still engaging myself into the flow of my music. Now that I think about it, I had always been one to ignore my problems. They blew out of proportion and it was always my fault for not confronting them sooner.

Answer me, Ishida, Taichi said. A breeze washed upon the two of us, bringing us a disoriented silence for a matter of moments; my music had even hushed.

You want to know the truth? I asked, my eyes drifting upwards.

He paused for a moment, a small gasp escaping his lips. Of course.

I. Don't. Want. You. Around. The words came out slowly and I paused between each one, trying to get the point across by that. If only I were able to conceal my anger in another way. If only Taichi hadn't come home early. None of this would have occurred. I would have calmed down and ordered Chinese food, and the two of us would have made love in the late night. Things didn't occur in that fashion because it was early evening without any supper and I doubted any love making would ensue.

What do you mean? he asked, his voice a tiny whisper, like the breeze that had flown through our hair moments ago.

My eyes fell upon my guitar and I couldn't help but stroke a few strings.

Would you just put that piece of wood down? he snapped, reaching forward.

Piece of wood? A piece of wood? That's what you think of my bass, my music? A piece of wood! That rage that had been inside me earlier had come back, only much stronger than before.

Don't be such a drama queen, Yama! For crying outloud, we need to deal with whatever the hell is your problem and don't need your guitar in the way.

As if everything he had just said before didn't sink in, I said, Glad to know what you think of my music, Taichi.

He let out a frustrated cry and reached forward, taking a hold on my precious. He was pulling it out of my grasp, just like he had in the bedroom. How could he? He was my love; was it right for him to be taking away my prized possession?

Stop it! I remember shouting. I also recall pushing him away, which only furthered the rage he must have held into taking it away from me.

He said nothing as he took a stronger hold than I ever could and flung the delicate instrument out of my hand. Only, it didn't fall into his own possession. Instead, it soared into the air in what seemed to be slow motion. What goes up, must come down. It began to descend, still in slow motion. However, it wasn't fast enough for either me or Taichi to grab. He had gasped and finally flung forward, but with no avail.

My soul, my life, my first love – gone in that very instant. It lay on the road, broken along the middle, just like my heart. Strings curled torn in various placed, just as my intestines were.

A car ran over it. As did another, and another. I couldn't see it anymore because of the traffic.

My beloved bass guitar was dead. Dead.

End of Chapter 1.

Confused? Everything will fall into its rightful place in the next chapter.