Chapter 18

Elle's POV

Coming out of a coma is a lot like having a really shitty hangover. See, the best sleep I've ever had has been when I'm drunk, so waking up after a night of drinking takes a lot of effort. The bed feels sooo good and you just want to curl up but as your consciousness starts to come back, you remember your responsibilities. And then BAM the pain hits you.

Waking up int hat moment felt a lot like that. I became more aware of the feeling of the bedsheets and cold room as I woke up. And then I remembered what happened, who was in the car, JEre by my bedside and my eyes snapped open.

And then came the pain. My head pounded and when I sat up abruptly my ribs screamed in pain. And then I screamed in pain, the sound of my heart moniter going crazy and then the nurses were on me, trying to hold me down and get me to calm down but all I wanted in that moment was Jere. I wanted him to tell me everything was okay and that everyone was okay, that we'd be okay.

The nurses forced to into the bed again, rushing to change the bandage on my abdomen because I had reopened the wound when I awoke. They tried to tell me what day it was, and how long I'd been out but I didn't care.

"Elle I'm gonna ask you to do a couple tests for me, I want to see if you have a concussion."

"Where's Jere?" I insisted, seeing the chair was empty.

"Jeremiah and the other two left just an hour ago." the nurse said.

"Left? Where'd they go?"

The nurse looked sad to deliver the news. "To a funeral." She was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"A funeral? Whose funeral?" and then it hit me, just like waking up all over again.

Steven's. They were at Steven's funeral. I had killed him.

Con's POV

Steven had been cremated and his closest family and friends were all standing on the Beach behind the house, holding onto our last memories of him. Belly and Beck were standing closest to the ocean, their knuckles white as they held hands and stared into the abyss we knew as death. Nice words had been said, memories shared, but the hardest part was having to stand there, unable to comfort Belly, and watching her and Beck standing alone, forced to face this alone.

Jere was standing next to me, tapping his pant leg impatiently. I knew he couldn't help it, it had been a task just to pull him away from Elle's bedside. Now he was forced to sit through this ceremony while the girl he loved may or may not be still breathing.

Cam had not shown up, thankfully. After he had barged in at the hospital, we hadn't seen any of him and hopefully wouldn't. Jere had gotten really worked up after that, he probably spent the rest of the day with his fists balled up. I wouldn't be surprised.

I watched Belly and Beck from behind as Beck tried to undo the top of the urn but ended up breaking into sobs. Belly, putting on her best strong face with no tears to be seen, took the urn from her mother and began to wade out into the waves, the bottom of her long gray dress getting wet. The waves were up to her knees when she released the ashes into the water.

For a long moment she just stood there, watching the ashes in the water and then she took the rose from her hair and dropped the petals into the water, turning around and looking at the ground as she returned to her mother's side.

Everyone else followed her suit, sprinkling rose petals into the ocean. After all the flowers had been added, we watch for a while as the waves churned it up into one sandy, ashy, rose petal-y mosh pit.

I like to think that Steven was at peace wherever he was. That he was with my mom.

Jere's POV

I couldn't help but wonder if Elle was awake yet. It felt selfish to not be there int he moment at the funeral but I couldn't particularly help the way I was feeling. In fact, I wasn't really even sure how I was feeling. Part of me said Steven couldn't possibly be dead and it felt so unfair we had to go through the loss of another again. Seeing Belly putting up that act where she wasn't crying and just trying to be strong for her mother made me feel sorry for her. I couldn't imagine losing Con.

After the ceremony there was a reception at a restaurant where they had a slideshow playing and food was served. I kept a close eye on Belly from afar the whole time, watching ass person after person apologized for her loss and she just sat there with a blank expression. I watched as Taylor put her arms around Belly's shoulders and tried to cheer her up, but Belly excused herself to the bathroom.

She came back an hour later and by then the food they had brought to her was cold, not that it mattered because she didn't eat it.

By the end of the night neither Con nor I had approached her, unsure of what to say or how to act. We had only ever been on the other side of this situation. So when the guests began to leave, as did Con and I, without saying a word. Belly went home with her mom as far as I know, Con back to the beach house, and I back to the hospital.

Belly's POV

Everything felt utterly and completely numb. Except for my growling stomach of course, that wouldn't stop grumbling. I was lying in my bed, staring at my ceiling. Part of me wished Con was there to share that bed with me. That part of me remembered his hands tender and careful as they roamed my body, but the other part of me wanted to be completely alone. That part of me wished it was me in the coma and not Elle.

But these were the cards I was dealt and I had to deal with the pain, so I let it all out right then and there. I cried as much as I could, unconcerned about how puffy my eyes would be tomorrow. I needed the pain to be gone, at least for tomorrow. I needed to be strong again. For everyone. I was no longer a teenager who cried over broken hearts. I was a woman, and I knew that shit happened and we just had to deal with it.

So for final closure, I tiptoed out of my room, hearing my mother's muffled sobs from her room as I passed, and I slipped into Steven's room. I found beneath his bed a water bottle filled with vodka and took it back to my room.

And to deal with the pain I decided to have a drink with my brother. To have a drink for my brother and remember him only to forget him by three a.m. when the bottle was empty. Tears came easier and unknowingly from my eyes and when it was all over and gone, the sheets enveloped me and I no longer remembered the sorrows.

In that moment everything was numb. Even my empty stomach.