My sleep was so frequently interrupted by nightmares that night I may as well have not slept at all. I had been used to long days with little sleep as queen, and even more so after the twins were born. But the fatigue I felt the next morning was unlike any I had ever experienced before. I watched the sun rise that morning as I lay awake. I had decided that exhaustion was a better option than the nightmares.

How did you let that happen?

I shook my head in an attempt to banish the voice in my head that had been whispering to me all night; how I must have encouraged Finch by agreeing to work alone with him, or maybe I had somehow given the impression that I wanted anything more. I had learned to walk the fine line between flattery and flirtation with relative ease as a queen, mostly in thanks to the guidance of Mrs. Beaver and Evelyn. But I knew how dangerously blurred that line could become, and maybe on this occasion I had failed to realise it in time.

It was six thirty in the morning when I grew bored of staring at the ceiling and rolled over on to my side, my gym bag catching my eye from the corner of my room. My mind was made up before my feet had even touched the floor.

Half an hour later I had arrived at the gymnastics studio, changed in to my training clothes and stepped on to the practice mats. The studio was deserted except for two teenage girls that I recognised from the competition team that sometimes trained at the same time as my class, their faces flushed and their usually bright blonde hair darkened with sweat. They looked no older than sixteen. The same age I had been when I was brought to Narnia. They both gave me a friendly smile and a wave when they saw me before going back to their own training.

I stared at the floor in front of me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had such a space to train in all to myself. It was likely before I had ever set foot in Narnia. After almost twenty years I had forgotten most of my routines and more complicated techniques. They had all been replaced with other things, like§ how to hold a sword, fight to keep yourself alive while also looking out for your family, how to dance without stepping on someone's toes, how to soothe a hysterical toddler, keep a straight face when dealing with pompous lords and kings and so many other things that now felt as if they were also from another lifetime ago. After we became kings and queens, and especially as the twins got older, I was often lucky to unsheathe my swords once a month to spar with Peter or Edmund. But I never forgot the basics or how to defend myself. That was mostly in thanks to Oreius' rigorous training he drilled in to us from the very beginning, and also how Peter, Edmund, Susan and I always worked together in a battle to make sure none of us were ever left vulnerable or alone.

"You fight side to side and back to back," Oreius had said. "Your own skills can only do so much to help keep you alive. It is those who fight alongside you that determine if your battle will end in victory or defeat."

I started with the warm up routine Caroline had drilled in to us on the first day of training, walking around the mats and rolling my joints, running as fast as I could from one side of the room to the other then stretching out every muscle in my body until they reached breaking point. I enjoyed how my mind went blank and every thought swirling in my head calm to a halt as I focused only on how my feet connected with the floor, the tension of my muscles beneath my skin, the way the world looked as I spun through it and everything was momentarily turned upside down before returning to normality. My mum had always joked that one of the reasons I had been so good at gymnastics was because it was the only time I bothered to stop and think. I thought now that she may have been right.

I moved to one of the walls to practice my handstands. They had been a little wobbly during the past few classes and I had almost fallen over in front of the entire advanced class last week. I focused on the sponginess of the mat beneath my fingertips as the world turned upside

"Be careful all of your blood doesn't fill your head and you pass out."

My arms wobbled as I startled at the voice that had suddenly appeared next to me, but I relaxed as soon as I realised it belonged to Laura. Carefully and slowly I let my legs fall forward and returned to standing. I turned to face Laura who was also dressed in her training clothes and her usual easy smile across her face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, rolling my shoulders as they adjusted to a normal position.

"Same thing as you. Practice," she replied simply. "What do you say we work on our back handsprings together? Your form is almost perfect, and Caroline's been giving mine disapproving looks."

A smile tugged at my lips. "I'll do my best."

It was just after eight in the morning when Laura and I finally collapsed on to the mats, every muscle in my body aching and my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen. It was the least numb I'd felt in a while.

"Well, I definitely need a shower after that."

I chuckled. "And I was going easy on you, too."

"Then thank god you're not a gymnastics coach. You're more of a tyrant than Caroline!"

I only laughed as I helped pull Laura up from the ground and we made our way to the changing rooms. I was still laughing as we eventually waved goodbye to each other outside the studio another half an hour later.

The sun had now fully risen and despite its lack of warmth the light that broke gently through the trees and peeked around street corners was enough to keep the shadows at bay that scurried along behind me. But as I reached the university campus again clouds in the sky began to drift past the sun and threatened to give command to the shadows to run riot in the streets again. I hurried inside the building and along the corridors to the dorms, hoping that the solid wooden doors that closed behind me would at least keep some of the darkness at bay.

"I've been looking for you."

My stomach dropped at the low voice that ghosted along the back of my neck as a large hand began to snake around my waist. I gasped and pulled myself out of Finch's arms, ready to run as hard and fast as I could, when that same voice stopped me.

"Anna, it's just me."

I turned then to find that it was Peter, not Finch, staring at me with a startled expression and his hands held up as if in surrender.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," he said quickly.

I prayed to Aslan that Peter didn't notice my heart almost beating its way out of my chest. "It's ok, it wasn't your fault."

Peter's eyes settled on my gym bag as it hung at my side. "Were you at training? I called over this morning, but Charlotte and Alice didn't know where you were."

"I went to the studio. I just needed to clear my head," I said as I adjusted my gym bag, not quite able to look Peter in the eyes for more than a few seconds.

Peter frowned as he took a step towards me again. "Are you alright? You look very pale."

"I didn't sleep very well," I said quietly, my eyes dropping to the floor again.

"Anna," Peter began in a low voice.

I looked back up at him then, knowing already what he would say and I couldn't bear to hear it now. "It wasn't a nightmare, I just couldn't sleep. That's why I went to training. It's probably just stress with all of the deadlines coming up." I tried to ignore the sharp twist in my stomach at how easily the lie came out.

My bones then seemed to liquefy themselves as Peter gently placed his fingers beneath my chin and lifted it upwards so that I had to meet the steady blue of his eyes.

"You know you can always talk to me about anything. Even if it is at three in the morning," he said quietly, his fingers now moving to brush back a stray strand of hair from my face.

Peter. Rock. Solid ground.

I didn't need to think about the words as I softly said, "I love you."

Not a lie, at least.

"I love you too," he responded as he placed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

I finally managed to summon the part of me that was still a queen who knew how to keep smiling, even when I least felt like it. "What time does your last class finish at and I'll meet you then," I said, drawing back slightly. "I believe you owe me a dance."

A smile tugged at the corners of Peter's mouth then. "I finish at 4."

I ignored the roll of nausea in my stomach as Peter placed a kiss against my cheek as he made to leave. "See you then."

Alice and Charlotte had already left for their classes when I finally returned to our apartment. I tossed my gym bag on to the chair next to my desk as I walked in to my room, but stopped when Peter's discarded shirt from last night caught my eye on the floor. I stared at it for a moment before picking it up and shoving it in to the back of my wardrobe.

I'd already had a shower after training, but now that I was back within the walls of Kingston I could feel that invisible hand begin to creep up my leg again. I ran a shower as hot as I could stand and scrubbed at my skin until it was raw and numb.

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror when I returned to my room and almost winced at the pale, listless girl who stared back at me. She was a far cry from the queen that was burned in to my mind as she stared back at me in the mirror; the queen who stood ready to serve her people and country on coronation day no matter the cost. It was then that a voice which wasn't entirely my own reverberated through my head.

You are a queen. Act like it.

Maybe I wasn't High Queen anymore, and maybe I had lost some of that part of myself. But by the lion I would not be forced in to feeling like anything less by fear of anyone. I had a poetry class with Finch in less than an hour, and I would walk in there like the queen I was. I dressed and sat down to pin my hair in to place, noticing in my reflection that some colour had at least returned to my face. I picked up my satchel and began the short walk to class while trying to ignore the fact that my stomach felt as if it had been lined with led.

I felt some of the weight in my stomach lift as I spotted Kathleen just ahead of me in the corridor. I quickened my pace, hoping to catch her before reaching the classroom.

"Kathleen!" I called when she was in earshot.

But she didn't turn around. Frowning, I dodged around other students in the corridor to reach her before she got to the classroom door. I called her name again, closer this time and definitely impossible for her not to hear me, but Kathleen still didn't stop. I finally managed to catch up with her, but Kathleen didn't even acknowledge my presence as I walked by her side.

"Kat, what's going on?" I asked, frowning as she finally stopped and fixed me with a cold stare.

"Don't act innocent with me, Anna O'Brien," Kathleen snapped. I almost took a step back in surprise at her icy tone, blinking a few times as I stared back at her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked slowly.

My veins froze over as she spoke. "I saw you with Finch."

The sinking feeling in my stomach felt like a large rock plummeting to the depths of the Eastern Ocean as I realized that she must have been the one who had slammed the door after coming back to retrieve her notebook. My chest tightened as I could only imagine what she had witnessed must have looked like from her eyes.

"That wasn't what you think it was," I said, wincing at how pathetic that sounded as soon as the words left my mouth.

"I knew that would be exactly what you'd say," Kathleen scoffed. "You've been batting your eyes at Finch all year to get ahead, and now you're doing God knows what just to win the Literary Prize."

I stared at Kathleen. "You don't seriously believe that, do you?" I rasped, my mouth going dry and my throat as tight as my chest.

"I know what I saw," she said flatly, a spark of anger flashing behind her normally gentle brown eyes.

That spark was kindling to the inferno building in my chest that threatened to engulf me.

"What is this really about, Kathleen?" I asked sharply.

"I don't know what you mean," she replied haughtily. But the flash of panic across her face confirmed my suspicions.

"Are you acting like this because you're jealous?"

"I'm not the one who should be explaining myself," she snapped.

"After all this time, is that truly what you think of me, Kathleen?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice at a normal level. "I didn't ask for this! You think that I would try and win some stupid university prize by sleeping with one of the teachers, and that I would cheat on Peter just to-"

Peter.

I stopped dead as the thought crashed over me like the icy cascade of the thawing Great River.

"Have you said anything to Peter?"

Kathleen said nothing as she glowered at the floor.

"Kathleen, have you said anything to Peter?" I hissed, stepping closer to her. Kathleen responded by taking a step back and something in her eyes hardened as she narrowed them.

"No. I won't be responsible for hurting him. That's on you," she said coldly. "You'll slip up and get caught sooner rather than later, just don't come crying to me when this all comes back to bite you in the ass."

I stared at Kathleen's back as she stormed away from me. I couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't breathe past the lightning hot fire that snaked along my skin.

I turned and ran.

I stumbled through the large wooden doors that led out to the back of the campus building, my eyes stinging as the cool afternoon air slammed in to my face. The fire that had burned through my chest had been doused in something icy and heavy and now everything threatened to freeze over.

I sat heavily on the stone steps, hardly noticing the bite from the freezing concrete against my legs. I attempted to focus on the large oak tree that dominated the expanse of grass that stretched in front of the building, but it became distorted and blurred by the tears that threatened to spill over. I ignored the footsteps that followed me from the doors a few minutes later, expecting them to walk straight past me

The owner of the footsteps, a tall, lanky figure with sandy brown hair, appeared in front of me instead. I didn't realise who it was until I heard the slow drawl of the voice.

"Everything alright, Anna?"

"Hi, Bobby," I mumbled as I wiped at the tears on my face with my sleeve, barely glancing up at him as he frowned down at me.

"You're upset," Bobby said bluntly.

"I'm fine."

"You're an utterly unconvincing liar, Anna," he laughed. It wasn't unkind, but like the way I would have laughed at the twins when I caught them coming out of the kitchens with a plate of cookies and they tried convince me they were taking it to their aunts or uncle.

I looked up at Bobby then as he stared down at me with a raised eyebrow.

I sighed. "Look, Bobby, I know you mean well, but-"

"Do you like ice cream?" he interjected suddenly.

I blinked as I stared up at him. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you like ice cream?" he repeated patiently.

"I'm not sure why this is relevant."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Just answer the damn question, Anna."

"Yes."

"Good, then come with me," he instructed, offering his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment, glancing from Bobby's hand to his face and back. I wanted to trust him, and there was something about him that made that easy. But that mistake had already cost me so much too many times before.

"Come on, I'll even show you my favourite hiding place."

It wasn't Bobby standing in front of me anymore but instead a little boy with golden hair who offered his hand to me before our adventure through the haunted woods. That same little boy who promised to protect his mother from the evil beasts and trees, and who would have done anything to make her smile again on a bad day.

I reached out my hand and allowed him to pull me up from the cold stone steps. Bobby gently linked my arm with his, and to my surprise the roll of nausea I expected didn't materialise. We walked in silence towards the Thames and followed it downstream for a while before Bobby led us down one of the side streets closer to the river's edge. We stopped in front of a small brick building that had hanging baskets of brightly coloured flowers adorning the windows and trellis' that snaked up and along the rest of the shop front, and although the powder blue paint that had been applied to the wood of the doorway and window sashes was faded and peeling in places it still managed to retain some of the alluring charm it must have had before the war had taken its toll.

The cafe was empty except for the friendly waitress with bright red lipstick, who smiled particularly widely at Bobby as she seated us, and a woman not much older than us cooing at her toddler as she fed them bites from her sandwich on the other side of the café. There were only ten tables crowded with mismatching chairs inside, but small gas lanterns had been set on each one and more hung from the walls and ceiling to create a soft glow in the gloom of the shadowy dockland.

"I didn't know this was here," I said as I glanced at our surroundings.

Bobby smiled. "Found it on my first day. I have a good eye for finding hidden treasure."

Bobby went to the counter and ordered a scoop of ice cream each that arrived in a delicate glass bowl and despite my insistence not to he handed over two of his own ration coupons.

"You need to come visit me in New York when the war's over," Bobby said as he sat down again, pushing one of the glass bowls towards me. "We do gelato better than the Italians! There's only vanilla available at the minute, of course, but I'd bet you'd love the strawberry flavour."

"It is my favourite, actually," I said with a small smile.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," he replied with a wink. Then, in a softer voice, "So, tell me what's going on."

I sighed. "Kathleen's just got mixed up about something. It's nothing."

"We've already established that you're a terrible liar, Anna. And it's hardly nothing if it's making you so upset," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"So?"

Bobby said nothing as he watched and waited patiently in between spoonfuls of ice cream. I thought of the queen who had walked out of my room this morning and the pitiful girl who now sat in her place and though I knew what choice I wanted to make I wasn't sure how I could go back to being that woman in this world. And I started to fear that part of me was fading away to something that would soon be irretrievable.

"You can't tell anyone."

I recounted what had happened in Finch's lecture room to Bobby and Kathleen's frosty reception towards me after witnessing some of it. Bobby listened stony faced to the whole thing and after I was done he sat back slowly in his chair.

"You need to tell someone," he said.

I shook my head. "I can't."

Bobby's eyes widened when he realized that I was being serious. "Anna, you can't-"

"I said no, Bobby," I retorted sharply, cringing when the words came out much harsher than I had intended. I ignored the waitress as her head shot up to look at us.

"Why not?" he asked bluntly.

I blinked. "There's no proof. It would be my word against his. And Kathleen isn't likely to back me up."

"So what?"

"So I am not about to make things worse by making accusations that aren't going to be taken seriously. Finch will be gone by the end of the year and then I'll never have to see him again."

"But that's not right. Surely you must know that, Anna?" he asked as he leaned forward in his seat.

"Bobby, what do you think would happen if I were to tell anyone? There would be so many questions about what I might have done to provoke Finch, what I've said or done to put ideas in his head, how all I've been trying to do all along is bribe my way to winning this stupid Literary Prize. Why it's my fault and not his."

"How is this your fault?" he asked incredulously.

"And this will only hurt Peter," I continued, shaking my head as if it would banish Bobby's words as they floated around my head. "The last few months have been hard enough for him. I don't need to add anything else to his list of worries."

"Aren't you going to tell him?"

I shook my head as I wrapped my arms around myself. "No. I don't want to see what Peter might do."

There are already enough legends about King Peter's wrath.

"You cannot let this bastard get away with what he did."

"It's my only choice."

"I don't believe that," Bobby said as he stood up and put on his jacket.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I watched him warily.

"We're going to talk to your professor. Then you're going to talk to Peter and tell him what's happened."

My heart plummeted from my chest. "Bobby, I said-"

"I know what you said, which is why if you won't do it then I'll do it for you. Your choice, Anna," he said.

Bobby then extended his hand towards me. Decision time.

"To the free Peoples of Narnia, Queen Anna, the Noble."

I reached out my hand and placed it in his.