Chapter 13: Lycoris
"What is dead never dies."
-George R.R. Martin-
He wants to go back to his home.
He wants to feel the country wind around his face. He wants to taste Kanako-san's cooking. He misses her cooking, he misses her ways. He misses the manly presence of Fugaku-san. He calls their presence home. Because it is home. It's a part of his reality already.
Neko is solemn.
"What about Sai?" she whines.
"Sai will be there."
"Will she cook?"
"Yes."
"Will she bake for us?"
"Of course."
Neko is delighted to hear that Sai will bake. It feels like old times, when Sai was feistier and quite prickly-headed, when Shiro was still alive and up and Neko was fiercely loyal to him.
"Will we return?"
"Maybe. Maybe no."
Neko casts a sad look at the city.
"Neko, we have to leave now."
- / -
She no longer feels like she hates or once upon a time, had hated the blue city. She feels like it's inside there, crammed inside her belly.
The lights are no longer faceless, but shining. It is natural, no longer artificial.
This scene looks so familiar but it is not at all.
Maybe our eyes are tricking us.
Maybe this is all a lie.
But no.
It is reality.
Even if the glass windows are separating her from the familiar country sights, she knows better than that.
The song Am I Supposed to Be Sorry is on the radio again.
Instead of scowling like the old Saika would do, Saika smiles and thinks of everything that has happened to her. This is where Kuroh and she had kissed. This is where she had betrayed him. This was the start of the adventure she had had. She had left for Shizume City, and found a lot of things.
There had been Totsuka to aid her in her journey.
There was Mikoto to accommodate her.
There was Shiro who during his brief reign, had welcomed her presence and made her happy for a while. He was such a clever boy.
Izumo had consoled her for the past times.
According to what she had heard, the other councils of the Clan had broken up when they heard of the Red Clan member's murder.
And she had known it all along.
She didn't mind.
All of a sudden she feels sentimental. She feels tired. She is full. She's exchanged words with the people of the night. She has changed over the days. She feels older, more mature. She feels somehow stronger, but tired. The time has taken its toll on her but she doesn't doubt at all. She remembers everything. She tries to – it will be the justice to the dead who she remembers were so alive.
Smiling Shiro.
Maniacally strong Mikoto.
The smell of soba tries to wake her up.
The smell of rice.
The songs that Totsuka plays for her.
When she sees the last spots of the dark, she sighs.
She remembers what is it like to be in a game of thrones. She remembers the smell of dried blood, steel and the smell of honor. She remembers the snow, the cold. She remembers the grief and the fendi furs she has taken.
Her heart beats stronger and surely for the ones she loves. Kuroh, she loves dearly. She wants him to love her.
She has underestimated him in the game.
She smiles.
The snow makes her remember the fateful earthquake that intertwined them together.
"Will you protect me?"
"Yes."
"Kuroh, will you love me if I want you to?"
"Yes, my lady."
Back then, she was such a child. He had been a boy, innocent.
But things change.
Some just don't.
Maybe time just made it more complicated. It did not occur to her that their relationship was just moving forward unconsciously. It would transition to what would become a relationship between a man and woman.
When did she hint it? She remembers seeing it all.
- / -
"You will love me, right, Kuroh?" she asks impatiently, a girl of fourteen, in her school uniform.
"If you wish it, my lady."
She giggles, then gets all serious.
"Do you see me as a woman?" she demands.
"As a pal."
Her face falls.
"How do you see me then?"
"I see you as a pal."
Saika growls at him.
"Maybe one day, you'll like me as a woman."
- / -
"Kuroh, do you think of me as a friend or foe?"
"As a friend. I have evaluated everything I know about you."
"What is your thought?"
"I think you are a good person. You can be kind. You understand. You are worthy to be a vassal."
- / -
"Do you like me, Kuroh?"
Her last phone call after she meets with Reisi Munakata.
"As what?"
"A woman. Not as a friend."
Her teeth grounds.
"But do you like me? As a pal?"
She sighs.
"Is it not obvious? We are attracted to each other." She smiles.
"Well?"
"Kuroh Yatogami! I like you."
"As what?"
"I like you not as a pal, but as a man."
- / -
She finds herself not restless.
Maybe the memories have been too much.
Maybe.
The warm air is coming.
The winter has come, the hard times are here, but she knows she can handle it.
When does liking become a serious matter?
When does growing up mean complications?
Why is growing up so difficult?
Why is loyalty something to be compromised?
Why is the world so different?
Why is the world she lives in a small part to what is really happening?
The answers can be answered.
All those questions, all so long ago.
She remembers her anger at herself on Ichigen's death. She remembers grief when Shiro died.
But she remembers.
What is dead does not die.
It only grows stronger.
As Shiro will rise again, and she would be the knight her King asked for.
She has love on her side.
She has Shiro.
She has Neko.
She has Izumo with her.
Eating ice cream.
Eating ramen.
Eating cake.
Wearing yukatas.
Feeding Neko and Shiro.
Fighting Fushimi and Yata.
Memories.
Skinship.
Pain.
Grief.
Loss.
Alienation.
Isolation.
Anger.
Karma.
Maybe it is tiring.
It is like you carry the whole world and you have your own little world.
She yawns and puts her head on the table.
As her eyes close, her lips curve.
Kuroh, I am waiting for you.
- / -
She sees she is inside the same suite with the Skylark.
In front of her is the Faceless Man, reflected in the mirror. What surrounds her is red and black with lycoris petals that fall.
"Who are you? What are you to me?" she whispers.
"I am not you. I weep and watch when you don't have the strength to do it yourself. I know you as well as you know yourself."
She touches her Faceless Man in the mirror, hooded.
"When will you show yourself?"
"I think you are ready to see."
When the shadow lifts his hood, the mirror breaks.
It is a shadow of herself, younger and angry, wounded.
It shatters into a shadow on the wall.
"Where are you now?"
"We're a part of you. We may move on but we'll always be inside your heart. We are you."
"Really?"
"Yes."
The shadows fade away.
She suddenly sees the mountains.
"You are no longer in isolation. You have come to terms with yourself."
What remains is a single lycoris flower that is in her lap.
As she looks around, she sees a shadow of Kuroh following around.
- / -
She has fallen asleep.
- / -
"Yata, how are you?"
"I-I'm fine."
He's still horrible with girls. Damn it, Izumi thinks good-naturedly.
"I know it's too much, but I've made plans. I also want to take the time with you." Izumi beams.
"Y-Yeah."
Izumi giggles.
"I want to tell you that I like you. But I'm not forcing you to like me back. I want to take it slowly. You see, back in high school, I liked you a lot back even then…"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't think you'd understand. I miscalculated."
She clears her throat.
"I feel sorry. I've avoided you for years because of that. I couldn't tell you."
"I thought you liked Fushimi back."
"Not in a million years. That's why I'm telling you now. I quit SCEPTER4 because of you."
Yata locks eyes with her meticulously.
"Don't be obliged," Izumi warns him. "One step at a time."
"What do you mean one step at a time?"
"I want to start small. I really like you, kiddo. I avoided you for years. You didn't even know. That's why I want to join HOMRA."
"Because of me?"
"Yes. It's warm, isn't it? It's warm there."
"That's because our King has a big heart."
- / -
Kuroh feels almost giddy.
He can't wait to see her, to hold her.
For the first time, he looks to his future. He looks to seeing her smile and light up for him. He misses her cooking. He wants to taste her baking. He wants to see her happy with her family once again. In her father's arms, training. In her mother's smile, baking with the glee that became her so long ago.
"Why is she not with us?"
Neko is whining.
But he doesn't mind.
- / -
When he enters the restaurant where it all began, it feels so natural. She is seated even in the same seat.
They have changed greatly.
She is more mature. Her cheekbones are more prominent. Her hair is longer, and she is less indecent now. She is garbed in a long gray sweatshirt and black leggings with sneakers and an open trench coat. Her head rests on the table, comfortable next to what seems like a cup of Vitamin Water. On her head, cutely lies a bright red lycoris flower.
Lycoris.
What a perfect flower for her.
He had crowned her as his lady with this flower once, he recalls.
When Neko sees her, she is delighted.
As Kuroh slips in beside her, he takes the time to admire her features. She is tired, no doubt. She will want to rest for a while. After everything that has been said and done, not even she can handle it all awake. Every man needs sleep. Her neck is still a girl's neck but it is a perfect curve.
She is truly pretty.
He kisses her softly on the cheek, with the courtesy of a knight and pats her arm gently.
"Saika, it's morning," he whispers.
- / -
When she wakes up, she finds herself smiling.
She hugs Kuroh tight, like the children they had been even back then.
Smiles are welcomed, and the mood is light, nostalgic and warm. There is no more tension.
"K-Kuroh!"
He puts a finger to her lips.
"I like you as a woman, now, Saika."
"What are you going to do now?"
"We will wait," he assures her.
"I have plans to become stronger."
"So have I."
"And I think I should tell my father a match between us is perfectly possible…"
"Yes, my lady."
As they talk happily, Kuroh feels like Shiro is smiling on them with Ichigen-sama. It feels like he is putting on a new shirt after a bath.
The future is theirs now.
"Anyway, we –"
"Hush now. I know what to say. All men die but they must live first."
- / -
As the dawn breaks outside, the sun shines on the knight and his lady. The clouds brighten up for the first time in days. The lavish morning lights scoops everything up and makes it suddenly so bright.
As we watch, we see the doors of the restaurant open.
Kuroh and Sai hold hands as they walk out into the light.
What happens to them is like the quote Sai comments that all men must die but they truly must live first.
It is like the darkness. First you must see the darkness then you must see the light. Together, they are no longer alone. Together, their minds are buried with the answers and questions they have gotten from the people of the night. Some questions are answered. Some questions are left to the wind.
Out there, what waits is a light area. It lies beyond everything and within everything that they know.
The darkness recedes, but there will be another time to see it come again. Certainly not for now and not for a long time.
.end.
Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the journey in writing this. I had a nice time writing Trouble Maker. I want to thank everyone for supporting this fanfic all the way for three months, especially when I was running out of ideas and I was trying to work up a lot on character development. I hope that even if Trouble Maker is over, you will be able to remember it a lot. I wish the fic would be equally as memorable as the anime itself.
With Season 2 coming up on October, I certainly will be watching. Saika will get her own changes soon, but I won't be making a sequel, maybe a oneshot or two in my DA account. I hope you all loved Saika as a character. Depicting her as a sexy woman is difficult.
-Nikki