A/N: Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story and especially to those who let me know what you thought along the way. I appreciate your feedback always. I hope you continue to enjoy. Thank you for reading!

Kathryn couldn't remember the blur of the past forty-eight hours. Against her wishes, Tuvok and the crew had made contact with the Vidiians who had an antidote for her infection. The doctor had treated her with it as well as tended to her other medical issues from her time on the planet. The Doctor did assure her that there would be no lasting ill effects from the miscarriage but she had simply shaken her head and said it didn't matter if there were. She had no intention of ever putting herself in that position again. She had been touched when the Doctor had said that it would be a great tragedy if she were to completely dismiss motherhood as a possibility. He thought Kathryn Janeway would do quite well as a mother.

Kathryn had left sickbay and made quick work of resuming her duties on the bridge. Chakotay grew more and more frustrated with her as she returned to her cool, professional demeanor with him and pulled completely away.

One afternoon, Kathryn was in her ready room eating a small lunch and catching up on reports when she was startled by the man standing in front of her desk. "Chakotay."

"I rang a few times but you didn't answer."

"I'm sorry. I've been keeping busy with getting back to work."

Chakotay sat down. "I see that. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Kathryn rubbed her forehead. "Chakotay, I don't think I'm ready to have this conversation with you."

"Well, get ready because you're not avoiding it any longer."

She sighed. "Okay, what's on your mind, Commander?"

Chakotay studied her for a moment and said, "How are you feeling, Kathryn?"

She crossed her arms and said, "We are not now nor are we ever discussing what happened on that planet on this ship. It's over. It's done. I had the Doctor seal my medical records. We're back to where we belong and this conversation is over. Dismissed, Commander."

Chakotay's eyes narrowed. "Or what? You're going to remove me from this ship again?"

Kathryn picked up a padd. "You removed yourself. If you want to go back and stay on the planet, you can take a shuttle now and double back."

Chakotay rose from the chair and slapped the padd out of her hand. Leaning across the desk, he said, "It's that easy for you? To just ignore everything that happened including the loss of our child? You can just go on as if nothing ever happened?"

Kathryn rose to challenge him. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't you dare bring that up and throw it in my face!" Her voice trembled. "What happened down there was a blessing."

"I agree. One that we can have again."

She looked down. "No. I…I didn't mean it that way."

Chakotay's face belied his surprise and horror as he realized what she was saying. "I don't normally misjudge people this badly and I really don't think I have now. I am going to believe that you're in as much pain as I am right now. I know you're just better at shutting it down and pushing it all away. I don't envy you that skill, Kathryn, because you need people to help you. And, if you don't want me to be the one to do it, then let it be someone. Tuvok, the Doctor, pick someone. Anyone. Just don't go through it alone. There were two people on that planet and then there were three." He stepped closer. "And don't you dare dishonor the memory of our child by not acknowledging that they existed and they were loved. By both of us. That child was created out of the same love you and I shared and still share whether you admit to it or not."

Kathryn's eyes darted with his. "Are you finished, Commander?"

"No, I'm not. I still love you. You enjoyed yourself when you let all this go and you were happy. I know you can't be as free here as the captain but don't forget to be Kathryn here too. She deserves it and it's good for her and for you."

Kathryn's eyes grew steely. "Anything else?"

Chakotay's concerned expression changed to hurt as he shook and then bowed his head. He took a few steps to leave but stopped and said, "Have a good night, Captain."

She relaxed as she watched him head for the door but then called him back. "Wait." He turned and she said, "Our time together was very special to me, Chakotay." She held up a hand as his face lightened. "But, we're not there anymore. We're here and I need to get back to this ship and to my crew."

"Our crew."

She nodded. "I'm back to reality now and you need to get there too if you're going to remain on board."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you and I will never have that type of relationship again. You will be aboard this ship as my first officer only. I am asking you, no, I am requiring you, to hold to protocol and to not pursue any romantic feelings you have towards me. Nor do I ever want to discuss what happened between us on that planet again. If you can handle that request, I'd really like you to stay."

Chakotay glanced away. "I appreciate that you finally asked me to stay. It's a big step for you. And I also appreciate that you're not ready to talk about this yet. It's too fresh."

Kathryn shook her head. "Chakotay…"

"No, I understand. I do. But I'm not going to forget what happened between us. What we shared, how you looked when we…"

"Stop it!" She slammed her hand on the desk.

Heavy silence permeated the room as she paced back and forth.

Finally, she looked up and he could see the tears in her eyes. "I will say this one more time. What happened was a mistake. I said what I said because you were the only human being that I was ever going to see for the rest of my life." She wanted to look away to avoid seeing the pain in his eyes but didn't. "Do you really want me to hurt you like this, Chakotay? I don't feel the same way about you that you do for me. And I took advantage of that while we were together because it was the only thing to do when you and I got thrown together into that situation."

"Kathryn…"

"No, let me finish. If the roles had been reversed, if you had been sick and couldn't leave that planet, Chakotay, I…" She hesitated before saying, "I wouldn't have stayed for you."

Chakotay watched her struggle with her emotions as she spoke. He nodded and said, "I know. You couldn't. You have a ship to run. A crew to get home."

She shook her head. "No, that's not the only reason. Chakotay, I don't love you. Not the way you love me. You need to start believing that."

He took a deep breath and said, "I'll believe it when it's true."

"Please…"

"Like I said before, Kathryn, just because you don't acknowledge it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That your feelings aren't there." He walked towards her. "But you don't get that yet. You don't because it threatens you. It scares you to death. And that's okay. I understand it." He stopped and looked at her. "It's okay because I know you'll get there, some day."

"Chakotay, I…"

"It may not be with me. I understand that. I hear it. And I hear your message to back off loud and clear and I'll do it. But I'm not a fool, Kathryn and you won't make me one no matter how hard you demand it of me."

"I'm not trying to make a fool out of you, Chakotay."

He smiled and said, "I know. I know more about you than you think I do. You're very transparent for such a private person." He raised a hand and took her chin. He leaned down as if to kiss her but she pulled away. "Your secrets are safe with me, Kathryn. I'll see you on the bridge as you expect. Tomorrow at 0600 hours. Good night, Captain."

She felt his hand drop away and he walked out of her room. Disappointment hit her full force and she was suddenly very sorry that he had just granted her wish.