It was strange, Dean thought, having Cas on a case with him. Strange, but it made him happy. For too long he'd only been able to see Cas when he called or the few spare moments they had together. But being able to spend whole days together was like a blessing to Dean. Although, he was really beginning to get irritated with the fact that Sam had to be there, too.

Even so, Dean felt there was more to the angel's hanging around than he was letting on. This was confirmed when Cas lost his head a little and told Dean he couldn't return to Heaven. Dean wanted to say more, but Sam, as always, intruded rudely and ruined the moment.

It was a little later though, when Dean and Cas finally found a moment alone in the motel while Sam was out investigating… or something. Cas was leaning against the counter in the kitchen and Dean sat at the table. Neither was looking at the other.

"Dean," Cas began after a long bout of silence, "I know you wish to talk about this, but I don't."

"I don't care," Dean replied instantly, his fist opening and closing on top of the table. He didn't quite understand what was frustrating him so much, but he knew that Cas needed to talk and he was determined to make the angel do just that. "You said you might kill yourself, Cas. That's not something I'm going to just sit around and let you think about."

Castiel remained silent, his eyes glancing between the floor and Dean's feet as the other man stood up and began to pace slowly in front of him. There was a hard set to the angel's jaw that mirrored Dean's own, though neither realized this.

"Cas, just talk to me, for your own good."

"I told you, Dean. After everything that has happened it would be too hard for me to ever return. To see how I caused it all—"

Cas was shocked into silence as Dean suddenly spun towards him and slammed his fists onto the counter on either side of Cas. The man's head was bowed and Cas could see the silent anger in the tenseness of Dean's shoulders.

"Listen to me," Dean commanded, his head rising so their eyes finally met. Cas saw cold determination whereas in himself he only felt apprehension and the beginnings of fear. "You are not responsible for everything that happened."

"But—" Cas tried to interject.

Dean growled, "Shut up." He continued after a deep breath. "Those things that you did, they weren't you. I know you, Cas, and from the moment you took all those souls and those godforsaken Leviathans, you were someone completely different. Even before that, you were different. And sure you may have killed a bunch of your feathery family before that, but it was a war. War causes pain and grief and death, and while I can understand your guilt from that, you need to let that go. It happened, it sucks, but you don't need to beat yourself up over it again and again.

"And what happened after you took in all of Purgatory? You had hundreds of thousands of monsters inside of you. Did you think that wouldn't affect you at all in your head? Obviously they would rub off on you, and eventually they managed to possess you, too. That wasn't you. None of it was you. You are here now, and this is the real you." As he had been speaking, Dean slowly drew himself up to his full height and with his last words he placed his hand over Castiel's heart.

"Dean, I remember it all, though," Cas argued quietly, still subdued by Dean's outbreak.

Dean replied with a shake of his head. "You have to let all of that go, Cas. It was a different time and a different person. Carrying around all of that guilt… the only thing it'll do is drive you mad until you really do kill yourself. And I can't let you do that," he added in a whisper. Dean's eyes were focused on his hand that was still pressed on his angel's chest, but there was a vulnerability in them that made Cas cover Dean's hand with his own.

"You have to forgive yourself, Cas." Blue eyes met green as Dean raised his head again. Then Dean watched as, for the first time, tears began forming in Castiel's eyes.

"How?" the angel asked as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"Time," Dean replied, enveloping the fallen angel in his arms.

Cas didn't know how long they stood like that, his hands clutching at Dean's cotton shirt and his mind reveling in the absolute comfort that the embrace gave him. All he knew was that he never wanted it to end, and Dean didn't seem like he was inclined to let go anytime soon either.

So there they stayed, for what felt like hours, but was probably only a short time. In the end, Dean lightly kissed Castiel's forehead and wiped his face clear of tear tracks, giving him a small smile of hopefulness. It was seeing that smile that let Cas choose his path and so he returned the favor, sending a silent prayer to his Father in gratitude for the man in front of him.

Dean, in turn, saw something surface in the angel's eyes. There was a heavy feeling weighing on his heart that began to slowly fade when he saw the gentle need in those blue eyes as it called to him. It was that need that Dean wanted to answer—had to answer. So he did, softly pressing his lips to the angel's.

His angel's.

A/N: So, this is all that I can offer so far, at least until the show resumes. I feel like its not very much, but Cas doesn't show up a lot throughout these seasons especially considering he's kind of God, then dead, then crazy for a really long time as you all are aware of! But I gave it my all and I will continue once the show returns again! I hope you've enjoyed thus far and thank you so much for reading!