MIXING CABLES

Disclaimer: I don't own Modern Family, obviously.

For Mature Readers, contains corporal punishment of an adult, some nudity and some strong language.

Summary: Phil tries to impress Jay by setting up his new HD TV, but ends up destroying Jay's TV in the process. Disappointed, Jay decides to punish Phil for what he's done. Contains spanking

Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Humor, Drama

A/N: I wanted a fun, humorous edge to this fic, which I don't think I really achieved, but that's for you to decide. It was just a spur of the moment thing that I could totally see happening on the show. I did make Jay a bit of a potty mouth in this, I think if he weren't bound by TV rules he'd throw f-bombs around all the time. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.

-M-O-D-E-R-N- -F-A-M-I-L-Y-

PLASMA

"I don't even know why I agreed to this…" Jay muttered to himself, watching Phil work with a mess of plugs and Luke running around in the background, no doubt about to break something valuable, even if Jay had the foresight to put all the valuables up high. And if Luke didn't break anything Phil was sure to. Jay knew one of them was bound to screw up.

"Almost… got it," Phil said, although he was completely distracted with the task before him. He hadn't realized just how complicated setting up the TV was going to be. To make matters worse it was a 100" inch TV that stood on a TV that was too small. That was Jay's fault, but only because he got the TV delivered a few days before the stand was delivered.

It was a classic internet order mix up.

"You said that an hour ago," Jay said.

"I mean it this time!" Phil said. "I can do this."

"Just let me call the professionals," Jay said for the hundredth time.

"No!" Phil cried, moving too quickly and banging his head on the TV stand. Jay's heart skipped a beat as the TV wobbled, and he jumped up to catch it. Phil looked up at Jay with wide eyes.

"Be careful," Jay snapped.

"Sorry," Phil grinned sheepishly. "But… hey, tell you what! If I don't finish this in… 15 minutes you can call the professionals."

"10 minutes? Deal," Jay muttered, going over to the couch. The number was already in his phone. He just had to push send and he would get Phil and Luke out of his hair and he could get the TV all hooked up and ready for the game tonight.

"I said 15," Phil said softly.

"You've got 10," Jay said. Actually, 9 minutes and 54 seconds, but who was counting? "Make it count."

Jay noticed Luke run by with his toy car and he wished Manny hadn't gone shopping with Gloria. He wanted someone to watch Luke, but when both Luke and Phil needed watching… the TV was the most important right now.

"Slow down," Jay called to Luke.

"I will," came Luke's distracted response. Then he continued making car noises.

Jay looked at the clock and it was only 1 minute since he threatened to call the professionals. Time was dragging by so slowly. Phil was still on his back underneath the TV stand, hmm-ing and ha-ing, trying to figure out how everything got connected.

"I think I got it!" Phil cried excitedly.

"Got what?" Luke asked, letting his toy car go flying. It smashed into a window making a loud noise. Jay jumped, looking at the window. There wasn't even a scratch – he got lucky. He looked down at Luke and sighed.

"Do you want an otter pop?" Jay asked. "Let's get one for you."

"Me too!" Phil cried, raising his hand – smacking into the TV stand – making the TV wobble – and topple – and fall over – and crash onto the floor – and crack into a dozen pieces.

There was a moment of absolute silence as all three people stared at the tv on the ground. Then Luke broke the silence.

"Whoa! That's so cool! I didn't know it could break like that! That's awesome! Can I try?"

Phil sat up, giving a bewildered look back and forth from Jay to the TV and back. He tried to say something but he couldn't seem to find the words. Jay closed his eyes, turned away from the scene, and took several deep breaths while counting to 10.

"Oh my gosh Jay I'm so sorry…" Phil cried.

"Ah," Jay held up a hand. "Don't… don't." That's all he could say, that's all he could focus on. He looked down at Luke.

"Hey, buddy, why don't you go up to Manny's room?" he said in a calm voice.

"But Manny says I'm not allowed…" Luke began.

"We'll make an exception this time," Jay said. "Manny won't mind. Go ahead, play some music, mess around with his stuff."

"I'll up my own iPod, his music sucks," Luke said, going towards the stairs. "Hey! Maybe I'll find his diary."

"You do that," Jay said, and Luke disappeared upstairs.

"Jay, I am so sorry…" Phil began again.

"Ump," Jay hissed, holding his hand up. He waited until the music started. Then he let out a long breath and looked down at Phil. "You insisted on coming here to set up my TV…"

"I know, I'm so sorry…"

"…even though you didn't know what you were doing…"

"It was an honest accident…"

"…if I had just called the professionals goddamn it this wouldn't have happened," Jay snapped.

"I'll pay for it," Phil cried.

Jay gritted his teeth. "That's beside the fucking point, Phil. It's not about the money, I wanted to watch my new TV now."

Phil paused a moment. "I'm so… sorry?"

"Stand up," Jay said, and he reached for his belt. Phil had seen that motion in his own father enough to know what that meant, and it wasn't a good thing. Phil cried out, struggling in untangle himself from the wires and to crawl out from underneath the TV stand. Jay pulled his belt off and grabbed both ends with one hand.

"Stand up," Jay said again.

"Please, Jay, we can talk about this," Phil said.

Jay shook his head. "Don't make me say it again, Phil. I'm at my last nerve with you. Now get your ass off the ground!"

Phil stood up, his fists clenched. He slowly turned around.

"Can we at least talk about this J –,"

Jay lashed up, spanking Phil once across the ass with his belt, and Phil cried out and jumped. That stung him and his jeans didn't seem to protect him much from the blow. Another smack came just as fast, and another. Phil cried out, "Ow, ow," each time he was hit, and he'd move his hips out of the way.

"Damn it, Phil, hands against the wall," Jay growled, putting his hand on Phil's back and pushing him against the wall. Phil did so, with his back arched and his butt out. Jay put a hand on Phil's back to keep him steady and spanked him a few times more on the rear. Phil cried out and moved his hips out of the way, despite Jay pushing him against the wall. Jay's last swing missed completely because Phil moved.

"Stay still Dunphy," Jay hissed.

"Please, it really hurts," Phil said.

"That's the point!" Jay yelled. "Pants down! Now!"

"What?" Phil cried. "Wait, no, stop –,"

Jay reached over, unbuckling Phil's belt and jerking his pants down to his ankles. Jay paused a moment to stare at Phil's choice of underwear – it was briefs there were too small and they were a funky shade of pink. Jay sucked his teeth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

"They used to be white before they were mixed in with the colors," Phil cried. "And they got shrunk…"

"You still wear them?" Jay cried.

"They're still comfortable," Phil said.

"Isn't it too tight?"

"No, it holds the boys comfortably, actually," Phil said.

Jay rolled his eyes. He spanked Phil once and Phil cried out, thrusting his hips forward. He continued to move out of the way of Jay's belt, and Jay took a step closer, putting his foot on Phil's jeans to keep him in place. He spanked him two more times before Phil slipped out of his jeans and moved out of hitting range.

He backed up against the wall – hands up – and Jay realized Phil's underwear was worse in the front.

"Shit, Phil," Jay growled.

"Please, I'm sorry, Jay!" Phil cried.

Jay dropped the belt, went over, wrapping his arm around Phil's back. He bent Phil over, pulled his horrendous underwear down, revealing a butt that wasn't nearly red enough. Jay started spanking him with his bare hand, and Phil cried out. He couldn't move away, being pinned under Jay's arm, so he could only take the blows. Jay let his anger and frustration out on Phil's rear end, turning this white cheeks a deep shade of red. When his hand began to sting too much he stopped and let go of Phil.

"Put your pants on," Jay said, feeling extremely satisfied from that. Phil, face red, pulled his underwear up and got his pants back on. Jay noticed Phil wasn't crying, although red faced, and that was his only disappointment. Jay went to the stairs.

"Hey, Luke! Time to go!"

"Okay!" Luke called, and the music stopped a few seconds later.

"You're kicking us out?" Phil cried. Jay just scoffed. "Can I at least help you clean this mess?"

Jay said, "You've helped enough."

Luke came down the stairs. "Manny's diary was really boring, I'm glad you're done."

Shit, he does have a diary, Jay thought. He went over to the door and Luke and Phil followed him. He opened it and Luke left with a quick hug, but Phil lingered.

"What, Phil?" Jay sighed.

"I am really sorry, please forgive me!" Phil cried.

"I will once you leave," Jay said.

"I don't want to leave with you mad at me," Phil said, and the tears weld up in his eyes. He blinked and they fell down his cheeks.

"The hell?" Jay cried. "I just beat you and you took it well, but now you're crying when I kick you out?"

"I got spanked all the time when I was younger," Phil said, "But my dad never stayed mad at me."

It was Phil; of course he'd find a stupid reason to cry. But as stupid as it was, Jay found himself smiling. He really did love his son-in-law, no matter how stupid he might be. Jay laughed out loud.

"Okay, I forgive you. Now get out of here before I change my mind," he said.

"Thank you," Phil said, forcing a smile. He moved in for a hug and Jay growled at him. "Right,' said Phil, and he fished out his car keys and ran to the car. Jay watched them drive off and gave a sigh of relief when they disappeared. He pulled out his cell phone and clicked talk –

And he stepped on Luke's forgotten toy – and the car rolled out from under his feet – and he went up into the air – and hit the ground. The phone tumbled away from him. He wasn't too hurt to move, but he decided that it was probably best to lie on the ground until Gloria and Manny came home.

(END)

-M-O-D-E-R-N- -F-A-M-I-L-Y-

A/N: Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it! Until next time! I currently have this rated T but if you think it be should be higher just let me know.